InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12322 posts

Monday - Day Zero

Another singular case from overseas and detected in quarantine. Another reset of my paranoia because of the One Arsehole Theory. Today's agenda calls for House Unfuckening plus Driving Mr Mayhem with a dash of writing on the side.

Yes, folks, Mayhem is actually doing something to... Get a JOB. The skies may bleed. Be warned.

We've cleaned the Maker Debris from the shed and now there is space for two cars only. So if hail cometh whilst the Tesla is away, I shall warn Beloved to stay put until all is clear. My Zippy Little Car is the sacrificial lamb to the forces of nature. Boo.

I may politely (unpolitely) request a space in the carport for my ZLC just because more than slight unfairness inherent. Or, if that's too hard, building a pergola to shelter the ZLC.

I just don't want hail dents in my car when we theoretically have the space for FIVE FUCKING CARS but actually not enough space for THREE.

I suspect renting a skip is in the calendar again. So long, New Bathroom Money.

Let's look at the headlines:

  • Op Ed says no matter who wins in the US, Australia has to stick up for itself. So... nothing new
  • NYT says Australia has become a "hermit nation". Go throw stones in your own glass house, then
  • Polls still plump for Biden win
  • Right Wing News Pundit has a Conspiracy Theory about the Victoria Hotel Bungle. Shocker
  • Plague is going to change how we go through customs and some travellers couldn't be happier
  • Australia records first ever day of zero locally-acquired plague cases since the Ninth of June. Being a hermit nation pays off, you NYT wankers
  • US election results may prompt a civil war
  • Proof positive - MAGA yahoos attacked a Biden campaign convoy
  • Also proof positive - Walmart has elected to cease stocking guns and ammo
  • If it's a tie, then may the Powers help us all
  • Russia keeps cheating at sports and one Aussie may be able to stop them somehow
  • UK re-enters lockdown and Brits are pissed
  • Yet another US teacher acting inappropriately with her students
  • The big culprit for acne is apparently dairy products and not chocolate. Wahey
  • School asks parentals to only email during school hours, this is universally seen as ridiculous for obvious reasons
  • The defining term for a slice of potato wrapped in batter and deep fried apparently divides Australia and confuses tourists
  • Queen to step down in 2021 says expert
  • Woman looks for restaurant named "Lolita", gets banned from Facebook
  • NSW bush mum imitates Cookie Clicker, founds own bikkie business
  • Aussies abandon city life in fear of another plague wave

...and I have a Cyclone Headache, which means that there's a low pressure system somewhere off the coast. The radius is between Caboolture and Rockhampton so it's fun times for your local 'Nutter.

...ow.

Challenge #02853-G296: Sticky Plus Parts Equals Trouble

I would very much like to know what happened with the screwdriver and the lollipop in greater detail, please. -- Escla

[AN: The problem with Noodle Incidents is that the telling of the tale never matches the imagination resulting from the implications]

Pib was bored. Mama had fallen asleep, which meant that Pib could get into the no-no's. Pib knew it was naughty, but the no-no's were way more interesting than any of the allowed stuff. Most of the time the worst

Read more »

Sunday - Day Zero

No notice on where this newest case came from. It could be an error. I don't know. We did do our patriotic bit to help oust ScoMo and I am heartened by the fact that White One Nation's popularity has plummeted phenomenally in my fair state.

I can only hope that Scotty From Marketing notices that he and his shenanigans are on the way out. Same with the people behind One Nation.

I have seen a chart where One Nation's approval went

Read more »

Challenge #02852-G295: Her Name is Sweetums

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TDYDNTK_oo -- Anon Guest

It had to be a service animal, because it was wearing Medik red and Therapy black. Typical to Human delineation of 'pet', it had a small hat attached to its head via a loop of elastic. That, in combination for the vest/leash arrangement was a clear sign that the Human on the other end of the leash would rather sever a limb than part with the animal.

It was also

Read more »

Saturday - Day Zero

Another case from overseas, and discovered in quarantine. So I'll be voting later today with FULL mask and gloves nonsense. Beloved will also be wearing a mask and gloves, because of the One Arsehole Theory:

"It only takes one arsehole to shit all over everything," -- Me

Also the gloves make it so I can use any hand sanitiser present without burning my skin off. Alcohol allergy makes for fun times in the year of the plague.

In the News:

  • Sweden realises
Read more »

Challenge #02851-G294: Three Whacks With a Wet Noodle

Deathworlder parents mete out appropriate punishments to misbehaving deathworlder children. Chastisement to non-deathworlders is often much lighter, even if handed out by the same caregivers, and for good reason.

Human parent to human children: "Present butts!" (brandishes foam bat)

Human parent to non-human children: "I'm very disappointed in you" (pins children with The Look)

All children: "Wow, I got off easy compared to the other group" -- Anon Guest

[AN(&PSA): DO NOT BEAT YOUR CHILDREN FOR FLAKK'S SAKE! That is

Read more »

Friday - Day One

My flour did not arrive in the post, so I've fed my Starters and prepared The Bikkie as if we definitely had enough bread [two loaves only in the freezer makes me a smidge nervous] and hoping it arrives before next Friday, because the only flour I have left are skerricks. I may have to make an expedition to get some organic flour elsewhere.

Time will tell.

Today, Mayhem is out to the place made to help him so he can gain

Read more »

Challenge #02850-G293: Roll Up, Roll Up...

You enter the circus tent, doesn't look all that different from any other. Bright and colorful. You notice something in the corner as you approach something that feels weird. You checked the corner, and you found nothing. You check again, nothing. You check again, nothing. Again, nothing. Again, nothing. Again, again, again, again, again- "for sure, without fail, certainly, something wonderful wil̸̜̟͕̘̙̯͕̥̩̓̓̇͆̔̐́͝l̸̲̱̬̞͈̜͚̻̳̘̖̻̓̊͊̏̕ happens. Believe me, this i͔̠̖̠̱̟̦͍̿̐ͩͦ́ś̜͙̗̖̜̘͝ ̱̲͓̹̾̄̄̀ẉ̳ͧ͛́ͨ͟ó̡͙͓̦̫̖͙̻ṟ̷̯̊͒ͬt̞̖̰͚̯͐̃̍̐̀h̓̆͏̗͖͚͍̫̺̣̝ a lot more than you paid f̙͈̲̆̚͜o̾

Read more »

Thursday - Day Zero

Two new cases from overseas and detected in quarantine. Augh. Including the five active cases, that's me practicing paranoia for a further fortnight because of the One Arsehole Theory.

According to some email, I might be getting my replacement flour today, so part of my day will be watching my phone for the all-important AusPost text telling me that something is in my parcel locker.

IF that parcel arrives today, I shall also use the opportunity to grab some extra cream from

Read more »

Challenge #02849-G292: Deserving of Love and Mercy

They called him Sap, but he had another name once. Like almost all of the rest of his kind, the world looked down upon him due to what he was born as. Due to what he is. A Tiefling. All he'd wanted since his childhood was a little bit of kindness, some understanding, maybe to find love one day. A dream he refused to give up on. Then there was Cleric Lachasse. She saw the struggles he went through even as she

Read more »

Wednesday - Day Four

The Senate has confirmed a blatantly pro-life judge and "cruelty is the point" advocate for the supreme court, which is now 6-3 in favour of absolute evil. Two weeks before the election. They have all stated that they're going to let the Muppet do whatever he wants, throw out the postal votes, and ignore any tally that comes not-instantly after the polls close on the actual election day.

Fascism is real in America.

Today, rights formerly fought and won will erode.

I

Read more »

Challenge #02848-G291: The Punk Choice

They are preppers, but not the type people think of. They did have places of safety, yes. They did have a way to defend themselves, hunt, fish, and all the usual equipment, though instead of firearms they had crossbows and regular bows. And instead of tons of expensive fishing equipment, it was basic rods and reels, fishing lines, hooks, bobbers and sinkers, no expensive lures, nothing like that.

They did have some dried and canned foodstuffs, things that could be eaten and

Read more »

Tuesday - Day Three

I have posted my Patreon nonsense - lots of Tiefling Tales today. I have a PLN to go out shopping for some things, but not all the things, and I have words to yet pour into my novel-in-progress as well as an Instant to write.

Yay.

There's an election upcoming and I don't know if we're early voting to avoid the crowds or going in person and me in mask. Because I won't go anywhere without my mask when all it takes

Read more »

Challenge #02847-G290: Worthy of Story and Song

Hey, have you heard? Ymir, the crimson adventurer? Dead! I know! Now his brother is on a rampage across Brakvob looking for the killer, swearing that once he finds him he’ll- oh shit that was you guys... - Anon Guest

Ymir saved so many. Ymir did so much. Ymir, like most Adventurers, laid a path of wreckage around him in the process. The grand quest looked spectacularly optimistic when viewed from the winning side, but... There are always victims, even to

Read more »

Monday - Day Two

It is the day of the Great Unfuckening, which promises to be expensive because I spent an ENTIRE WEEK noping out of smaller unfuckening tasks. I get what I deserve and the consequences of my inaction.

I still have to get the following:

  • Coffee
  • TP
  • Cream
  • Heat lamp bulbs [not red coloured because OMG]
  • new shoes for Miss Chaos
  • new shorts from the uniform shop for same

And SOMEHOW save enough cashola to pay for the bathroom rennos because the bathroom sink

Read more »