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A 2037-post collection

Challenge #02113-E290: Simple Communication

"I said no!"

"You said yeah!"

"Are you insane? I said yeah, nah! That means NO!!" -- Anon Guest

"Are you insane?" asked Gork. "That is not a clear means of communicating a positive or a negative."

Human Baz glared down at the little alien in her care. "It's perfectly understandable to everybody," she said.

Gork flinched at yet another explosion. "Not to this somebody," he said. "We look for affirmation or negation first. We do not wait for further elucidation."

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Challenge #02112-E289: Spiritual Progress Goes Huff-Huff-Huff

Baths were once optional, water had to be carried in jugs to fill a bath, and people (a) stank and (b) got diseases. Then came the 'chip heater', hot water for all. guess what it sounds like. -- Anon Guest

Ne'er cast a clout[1] 'till May be out -- pre-industrial era saying.

It was the paradox of the northern realms: bathe regularly, and you would catch your death from the icy winds that crept in through the chinks in the mortar,

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Challenge #02111-E288: Rusty Heroism

You used to be the leader of a legendary squad of heroes who banished a great darkness from the world, your reward the blessing of agelessness should you be needed to vanquish future foes that may arise... and now the time has come where you’re needed again, as the once-banished darkness has risen from his arcane slumber a dozen centuries later.

The catch is that now all of you work in normal, 9 to 5 jobs at retail and such, well

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Challenge #02110-E287: Dealing in All Directions

"Ooh, look! Shiny!" -- OohLookShiny

Priff reached out to restrain the Human before ze even turned to look, saying, "Human Will. No." The main problem with Human Will was that they so very often lived up to their name. Whatever a Human should not do, that Human will.

"But it's so shiny," protested Human Will.

"Yes, it is shiny," agreed Priff, urging Human Will further away from the glittering display. "It is also expensive and very likely to be fragile. Do you

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Challenge #02109-E286: Meat-ing Place

The Galactic community knows that the human race is omnivorous and that they sometimes prefer meat when stranded or when supplies are low, willingly giving up one dietary options to any remaining crew in order to save them. It was a smart evolutionary path that many alien scholars believed was essential for surviving such a deadly world like Terra.

But no one could have foreseen how much the human race could love meat. Covet it. And fight for it so strongly that

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Challenge #02108-E285: Failed Medicine Check

"What happened?"

"The kobold was thirsty and drank some brandy by accident." -- Anon Guest

On the plus side, the enemy was getting a routing it never suspected from a foe they couldn't even focus on. On the minus side, this had to be doing something awful for Chrysanthemum's bodily systems. Dragonkin had different biology to mammalian lifeforms. A drop of alcohol might dull a human's senses, but to one of reptillian descent... It was like a plus three Potion of Haste.

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Challenge #02107-E284: Picking Sides

“You’re fired from the War. In fact, you’re entire adrenaline-crazy species is fired from the War!”

“Umm... I don’t think that’s how that works.” -- Anon Guest

"Breach of contract," howled Admiral Nagisok. "I've been criminally mislead. You were supposed to excel at war."

"Yeah, we do," said Human Sam.

"LIES!" Nagisok pointed out to the battle map, where thousands of points of light were blinking on and off. "You've made this war far worse than it ever

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Challenge #02106-E283: Tech Support for the Undead

There is some things that I needed to adapt to when I first worked with Madam.

  1. She's a 500-years old vampire

  2. She is totally clueless about recent technologies (it's a miracle that she know how to use a floppy disk)

  3. She mixes nearly all slang from the last 5 centuries. -- Anon Guest

Lifelong employment, the advertisement read. Administrative assistant to long-lived nobility. Room and board included. Living wages, transport provided. I didn't believe it, of course. Something this good had to

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Challenge #02105-E282: Iconography

Scholars of the Galactic Alliance study ancient human gods; the likes of Apollo, Coyote, Mr. Rogers, Bob Ross, and Ronald McDonald. -- shkspr1048

"The changing roles of icons in culture is a fascinating process. Take this fellow," a picture of Apollo. "A figure from ancient Terran culture. He has been, at various times, the God of music, truth, prophecy, the sun, light, plague, and poetry. The Greeks and the Romans alike got things confused for a while, of course. After he faded

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Challenge #02104-E281: Miscommunication Malfunction

Human: "Now you're thinking like a human!"

Alien: Internally screaming -- Anon Guest

"No. I didn't-- I'm not-- I don't-- That was sarcasm, Human Jae..."

Human Jae looked briefly alarmed, "And that was a joke, Joyse. I was kidding."

Joyse breathed again. "Good. The last thing I want is to discover that Human Insanity is contagious. Please keep your joking to a minimum in this endeavour, thank you."

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Challenge #02104-E280: Personal Augmentation Options

Humans introduce aliens to cosmetics, not all would go in their original place. -- Knitnan

Humans are well known to be attracted to shiny things. This eventually resulted in Humans making themselves shiny in order to attract mates. Jewellery is an almost universal concept, though not always universal in execution. Makeup, on the other hand, is not as universal as one might expect.

"So... you apply paint to your exterior to look more attractive?"

"Getting closer," said Human Jaz. "We call it

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Challenge #02103-E279: Miracle Madman

"I believe I can flyyyy!"

"How did you get up there?!" -- OohLookShiny

"It's very simple," said Jarrin The Mad. "You just forget about gravity for a while. Remembering it again is the tricky part. You have to remember in little bits."

Nurse Rhyko squinted at him as he drifted towards a chair. "How the heck can anyone remember gravity in little bits?"

"Have we met? said Jarrin The Mad. "They call me Jarrin The Mad. I can remember five impossible things

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Challenge #02102-E278: Faint Praise

"Now look, you 'orrible little bastard, this is the last time I'm going to tell you: no more low gravity rugby in the cargo holds!" -- Anon Guest

"It's not like there's a lot of room to play it anywhere else," protested Human Dave.

"That," said Freighter Captain Jokk, "is not the problem, here. The problem here is you destabilizing my cargo hold with your horseplay."

"How can it be unstable? It's nul-grav. There's no balance to be had in zero gee.

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Challenge #02101-E277: Not Dead Yet

humans are hypersensitive to the smell of fresh water, hence why we can smell storms coming. It's so sensitive that we can smell water better than most dogs -- Anon Guest

The Human origin world, Earth to some, Terra to most, has a surface that is over seventy percent water. Thus, it is surprising to most that Humans can detect it. With land in such relative scarcity, most Galactic Citizens assume that finding good soil would be a better priority.

It's a

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Challenge #02100-E276: Just One Problem

There was a trail of pink sequins, and glitter. Someone or something had left a trail of what turned out to be the CEO's private stash of double chocolate delight cookie crumbs. And the newest release toy "Magic Unicorn Purple Princess" was missing. -- Anon Guest

Allie, chief of R&D turned to the alleged genius who was working on the project. "Thorpe... was it supposed to do that?"

Thorpe was still staring at the trail and running math on how

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