Myths Illogical

A 154-post collection

Challenge #02376-F186: So Walks a Spider

Imagine if the Old Pagan gods still walked among us. But the stories from their point of view were slightly different.. and they were only made into gods because of storytellers...

I.E.

Odin: "I started my existence as an ordinary man, and lived a fairly uneventful first life. Then my wife passed and I became lonely so I started to look after all the local lost and orphaned children. The bards started to sing of my generosity far and wide until more and more children started to arrive. That is how I first got the moniker of All-father..." -- Adam In Darwin

I Am. I was. What used to be and what is have become a blur, but on good days, I remember. I was... a story. A cunning rabbit. A smart spider. The spider becomes the rabbit and the rabbit becomes the spider and the trickster once had a name. Once had a mother. Once had a home and a family and a life and...

Call me Peter, for now. That is both the name of a spider and a rabbit, as I recall. It is hard to recall. There have been centuries. Years beyond counting. Years beyond recorded history. Years before the time I was a collection of stories. Years... before they believed in me. Years before they called me Brother Rabbit. Years before they called me the spider man...

I was... I was a clever boy who made... cord. String. Rope, sometimes, out of the long grasses. Coils and coils of it. Strong rope, strong cord, too. I was not strong, but the cords I made were. They could hold great beasts many times my size, I remember... the python. It was sleeping by a log and I made a clever series of knots that tied a lot of its length to the wood. When I ran out of wood, but there was still more python, I found more logs. Three of them, not the number the stories say. No python is that long. I did not bargain it into the trap, of course not. Animals do not talk.

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Challenge #02264-F074: Health Spa and Karma Services

"Death is a door,

Time is a window,

I will come back" - Vigor (Ghostbusters II)

One human has this as his motto for life. -- Anon Guest

They say that the lands of Death are the undiscovered country. They say that mortality is the absolute final frontier, because nobody comes back. Imagine thinking that that is your limit. Imagine being that ignorant. In brief, imagine life before necromancy.

Yes, yes, yes. Subverting the natural flow of the cycle of life and

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Challenge #01988-E164: Here Comes Trouble

A demon who really loves their job of messing with people accidentally does something really really good or nice and is horrified to find a single angel feather growing on their wings as a result. -- Anon Guest

Hathreon followed the Crowley School of low-grade evil. From little annoyances, big cruelties grow. The demon could count overpriced, slow coffee, constant urban renovations, and the kind of people who insist on going into the backs of crowded elevators when they're only riding one

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Challenge #01954-E130: Surrogacy of the Beast

Are you mad?! You realize you basically just made a deal with the devil, right? Literally!” “Ah, you weren’t paying close enough attention. I did not just make a deal with the devil... No, in fact, the Devil just made a deal with me.” -- Anon Guest

"Now. Mister... Scratch," said the lawyer. "I understand that you wish this particular event to proceed, but my client wishes to have some... guarantees."

Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies, Angel of Lies, the Fallen,

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Challenge #01948-E124: Who's a Good Dog?

In the land of magic, Death frequently has problems with pets that absolutely refuse to stay dead. -- Anon Guest

In all of creation, there is nothing more loyal than a good dog. Though it was widely agreed that Kerby was one of the truly daft ones. He was a rescue dog, and had some kind of skin infection that made him look dead. Dan, who had picked him up with a shovel as part of his job, got the fright of

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Challenge #01880-E056: Truly Heavenly?

Turns out that Satan is a really nice guy who hate violence and God is an old sadistic pervert. Because their roles is just a job, and the Administration messed up with their applications. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I'm guessing 90% of this prompt is based on the Old Testament, Revelations, and possibly the Satanic Rules of Earth as concocted by a bunch of stir-the-pot atheists who routinely cause trouble when the Christians try to shove their religion into public spaces]

Everyone

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Challenge #01858-E034: Dialup Inferno

the number of the beast -- MaxMundan

"Good day, I represent the technical support department of Microsoft Enterprises. We've detected an anomaly on your computer."

"How did you get this number?" said the gruff, gravelly voice on the other end.

"Could you please tell me which version of Windows you are running on your computer, sir?"

"How did you get this number?" said the person on the other side. "You should not have this number."

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Challenge #01855-E031: Hello, Goodbye

Family photos, Wedding groups, school photographs. -- KnitNan

They say that Elves don't age. That's not true. They do age, just incredibly slowly. You can see it, if you journey down a particular hallway in a particular house where the city grew up around it.

They say that Elves steal children. This is a lie. They only take those who have clearly been abandoned. This Elf, once upon a sleeting autumn day, picked up an abandoned infant that had been left to

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Challenge #01844-E020: Considering Coconuts

http://otherwindow.tumblr.com/post/168918610430/ -- Anon Guest

Merfolk didn't want to have much to do with the surface. There was plenty more to eat under the water and they knew it. But the two-legs-like-us[1] were getting deeper and deeper nets, and something had to be done. Let's just say mistakes were made on both sides. Most notable of these is coconuts.

For eons of Merfolk civilisation, they understood coconuts as ill omens. Something that is made to float, sinking

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Challenge #01843-E019: Reminded of the Babe?

Don't do something permanently stupid just because you're temporarily upset. -- Anon Guest

My mother said/ I never should/ play with the faeries in the wood... - nursery rhyme.

The fae folk had her baby. Toddler. Even though her child could walk and talk after a fashion and perform simple tasks, Esa was still her baby and would be so until the day Risso died. Which might be soon, considering that she was marching into Fae territory with naught but her apron

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Challenge #01829-E005: Working Holiday

Terpsichore, Muse of Dancing - conga line, Nuf Said! -- Knitnan

Even divinities need a holiday. After inspiring dancers to do new and interesting things with their bodies, with their costumes, even with lighting and how they made the music they danced to - while they were dancing - even a divine force needed a breather.

But a goddess of dance must go where she is worshipped.

You could spot her if you tried. There's just something more about the embodiment of

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Challenge #01828-E004: A Little Inspired

Erato, Muse of erotic poetry is reading the scrawl on a university toilet door (Probably misspelt.). -- Knitnan

Gods cling to that which feeds them. What they are responsible for, especially the performative stuff, is also their meat and milk. Thus, you might expect Erato to gain the sickly pallor of the people one expects to find in seedy adult stores, as well as the general doughy body of the assumed clientele. Such is not the case. Erato is healthy, well-traveled, and

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Challenge #01827-E001: Speech of the Gods

Calliope, Muse of Music crosses the path of the musical instrument named in her honour, the Steam Calliope. -- Knitnan

In the lack of belief, gods and demigods go to wherever their name is still spoken, written, or known. She was once such a demigod. The muse of music. She had had believers. She had had worship. Now... all she had left was her name. Calliope. And it was here that her name was given to a machine.

They counted the year

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Challenge #01824-D363: A Slice of Salvation

Decorating a cake while Trying to sing along with the radio and accidentally summoning a demon. -- Bard2dBone

There are some songs you just can't sing. Or bits of them that only the singer can manage. And in those moments, the rest of the world just utters a string of gibberish that sort of almost fits what's really there. The most popular examples of this are Felize Navidad and the middle bit of One Week. There are always others. You know the

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Challenge #01814-D353: A Deal's a Deal

A lonely person sells their soul to Satan to be their friend —phantomrose96, tumblr(?) -- TheDragonsFlame

"Anything your heart desires," said the lord of all evil. The standard contract was not only long but in incredibly myopic print. The only legible words were, sign here. "All for one little thing that you're not even certain could exist."

"I only want one thing," Marvin said, signing his name in blood. "A good friend."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "Oh... kay? Eternity of torment after

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