Myths Illogical

A 161-post collection

Challenge #02808-G251: The Revenge Paradox

“Do you want revenge?” I offer this many times, call me cruel or whatnot. The offer still stand. I offer you new life, let’s not be bound by the chains of hatred and live a glorious life! There’s a thing called karma and it pays twofold. Watch as you victim wallow in despair, and become jealous of your new spirit held high. Watch as they beg you to come back to their lives. That’s where you truly know, you won. -- Anon Guest

They come to me with broken souls. They come to me with shattered hearts. I call to those who bear wounds that none others can see. I bring them a chance. I know how they are hurt.

I was once betrayed to the point where both my heart and soul were broken at once. I was made immortal by the last before me who vowed eternal revenge. What they never tell you about eternity is that it grinds you down. You want eternity to end. It doesn't, and that's the pain of it.

I need someone who wants eternal revenge but not caring about the consequences even when warned, like I was. They can take my immortality, and my gifts, and let me finally age and die with a peaceful heart. They can discover, over the passing eons, exactly how wearing it is to have eternal vengeance. This one, currently in my palace between the seconds, is not the one who will inherit.

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Challenge #02807-G250: The True Story

I ask you not as emperor, but as a father. I do not demand you become her protector, I humbly request that you become her friend. -- Anon Guest

You know the story of the Lindwyrm. Or rather, you think you know it. You know the most of it. Stories change with each teller. Some add. Some subtract. Names are lost, times and places blur until all that's left is the phrase, Once upon a time...

By then, almost all of the

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Challenge #02797-G240: A Delicate Touch

We need to stop Yoseph, his plan is to use fused legion to create Noah's Core and fuse with it creating a link between our dimension and the astral-plain thus fusing humanity with the core and become one mind and take over this dimension. Do you understand this? -- Anon Guest.

"You used the word 'fuse' three times. Isn't the inherent risk in three different fusions a complete corruption of data and consequential rain of fire?"

"I see you understand the risks.

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Challenge #02774-G217: Finding a Smile

"No, thank you."

...

"Get that out of my face."

...

"STOP" -- Anon Guest

They said, Give a sweet thing to a sour face. Which was the very essence of the Sunshine Festival. Enough smiles, and the sun would rise, bringing an end to the cold of winter. Which was why the marketplace was overloaded with cloth flowers that had been soaked in cloying perfume. Honey-cakes abounded. Beautiful music filled every corner and turned every road into a cacophony.

Compliments that usually didn't

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Challenge #02581-G024: Forgotten Good

A pervert once told me that pride was like a knife, with it you can cut down your enemies, and your allies. There are time when you do not throw it away but leave it on the ground right beside you so you can pick it up once again. -- Anon Guest

Pride is a knife, the teacher said. Use it to cut others and it will cut you. It shines, it gleams, it hurts, and it makes it all the easier

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Challenge #02483-F293: Sudden Onset Deification

A young human in her early teens, a mere military cadet, is forced to fight in a war against an invading tyrant's forces and ended up facing off with the tyrant himself. Either due to her own small ability which was to cause someone to freeze for a few seconds which she usually used to escape bullies, or he made an error in the heat of battle, she got in a fatal blow, and his head fell from his shoulders. He had

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Challenge #02443-F253: The Mystery Deepens

I read one of your short story of how how the rarity of humans and elves are swapped, and thought this:

A: “Based off these texts this Human is of the European breed.”

B: “But that’s impossible the closest Human gate is in a-siá I think.”

A: “Blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin like elves. Shorten the ears and lifespan you get a European Human.”

B: “Still how would it even get here, it takes days to get here from

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Challenge #02376-F186: So Walks a Spider

Imagine if the Old Pagan gods still walked among us. But the stories from their point of view were slightly different.. and they were only made into gods because of storytellers...

I.E.

Odin: "I started my existence as an ordinary man, and lived a fairly uneventful first life. Then my wife passed and I became lonely so I started to look after all the local lost and orphaned children. The bards started to sing of my generosity far and wide until

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Challenge #02264-F074: Health Spa and Karma Services

"Death is a door,

Time is a window,

I will come back" - Vigor (Ghostbusters II)

One human has this as his motto for life. -- Anon Guest

They say that the lands of Death are the undiscovered country. They say that mortality is the absolute final frontier, because nobody comes back. Imagine thinking that that is your limit. Imagine being that ignorant. In brief, imagine life before necromancy.

Yes, yes, yes. Subverting the natural flow of the cycle of life and

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Challenge #01988-E164: Here Comes Trouble

A demon who really loves their job of messing with people accidentally does something really really good or nice and is horrified to find a single angel feather growing on their wings as a result. -- Anon Guest

Hathreon followed the Crowley School of low-grade evil. From little annoyances, big cruelties grow. The demon could count overpriced, slow coffee, constant urban renovations, and the kind of people who insist on going into the backs of crowded elevators when they're only riding one

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Challenge #01954-E130: Surrogacy of the Beast

Are you mad?! You realize you basically just made a deal with the devil, right? Literally!” “Ah, you weren’t paying close enough attention. I did not just make a deal with the devil... No, in fact, the Devil just made a deal with me.” -- Anon Guest

"Now. Mister... Scratch," said the lawyer. "I understand that you wish this particular event to proceed, but my client wishes to have some... guarantees."

Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies, Angel of Lies, the Fallen,

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Challenge #01948-E124: Who's a Good Dog?

In the land of magic, Death frequently has problems with pets that absolutely refuse to stay dead. -- Anon Guest

In all of creation, there is nothing more loyal than a good dog. Though it was widely agreed that Kerby was one of the truly daft ones. He was a rescue dog, and had some kind of skin infection that made him look dead. Dan, who had picked him up with a shovel as part of his job, got the fright of

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Challenge #01880-E056: Truly Heavenly?

Turns out that Satan is a really nice guy who hate violence and God is an old sadistic pervert. Because their roles is just a job, and the Administration messed up with their applications. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I'm guessing 90% of this prompt is based on the Old Testament, Revelations, and possibly the Satanic Rules of Earth as concocted by a bunch of stir-the-pot atheists who routinely cause trouble when the Christians try to shove their religion into public spaces]

Everyone

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Challenge #01858-E034: Dialup Inferno

the number of the beast -- MaxMundan

"Good day, I represent the technical support department of Microsoft Enterprises. We've detected an anomaly on your computer."

"How did you get this number?" said the gruff, gravelly voice on the other end.

"Could you please tell me which version of Windows you are running on your computer, sir?"

"How did you get this number?" said the person on the other side. "You should not have this number."

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Challenge #01855-E031: Hello, Goodbye

Family photos, Wedding groups, school photographs. -- KnitNan

They say that Elves don't age. That's not true. They do age, just incredibly slowly. You can see it, if you journey down a particular hallway in a particular house where the city grew up around it.

They say that Elves steal children. This is a lie. They only take those who have clearly been abandoned. This Elf, once upon a sleeting autumn day, picked up an abandoned infant that had been left to

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