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Amalgam Universe

A 699-post collection

Challenge #01984-E160: All of Them?

A place is marked as “ No weapons allowed”.

One (or more) of the crew proceeds to spend a ridiculous amount of time removing all of the weapons from their being.

Cue terror and hilarity. -- Anon Guest

[AN: My favourite trope!]

"No, no, Human Jan. You do not check that your weapons are operational. You check them in. For safety and safekeeping."

"Right," said Human Jan. "Nobody has weapons, nobody can harm anyone. That's the theory, right?"

"That is the practice," sighed Hothron. Humans may come in handy, but they tended to have difficulty with the more civilised areas of the Edge Territories. Fortunately, Human Jan had skipped over the illogical argument of, If nobody is allowed armaments, how am I meant to protect you from criminals?

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Challenge #01983-E159: The Secret

A human led crew of ragtag aliens get captured and are being held separately for interrogation.

The issue isn’t getting them to talk.

The issue isn’t even getting them to shut up. In fact, they’ve been perfectly cooperative.

The only issue?

They’re all telling equally terrible, completely contradictory lies. -- Anon Guest

You know the scene. You know the cuts. You've seen it so many times. Multiple people are asked the same question, and the audience is treated

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Challenge #01982-E158: Sufficient Motivation

“You can still save the world.”

“I could,” grinned the human, “if I wanted to.” Behind them, the Capital burned.

“But you won’t.” My voice was more hoarse than I’d ever heard it, and I could taste the bitterness of my own blood running down my cheek.

The human’s “shrug” was silhouetted by the flames.

“Convince me.” -- Anon Guest

What motivated a human? Greed? No. This human was already profiting from the current course of events. Events that

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Challenge #01981-E157: One Educational Day on a Strange New World

Due to the dangerous and rather... peculiar circumstances of the mission, all crew members were assigned a personal “guardian human”.

Your human seems to hate you. At least if their glare and “sarcasm” is anything to go off of. You’ve already tried all the suggested bonding methods but you’re certain that she wouldn’t hesitate to leave you (to die! On that gods-forsaken planet!) if given the chance.

But then the storm came. -- Anon Guest

Edge Territory Planetary Survey,

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Challenge #01980-E156: Friends From the Fringe

Having grown up together in the intergalactic community equivalent of an extremely isolated orphanage, you are very confused as to why everyone seems to be terrified of your best-friend-turned-basically-sibling-because-years-of-social-isolation-will-do-that-to-you. I mean, sure. She certainly has some weird habits and ways of showing affection, and can be rather unaware of her strength at times, but she’s also the nicest, quietest, most loving and peaceful sentient you’ve ever met. So why do all the scary, known-to-be-killers species hiding from her in fear?

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Challenge #01977-E153: Toughen Up

humans have a passionate love affair between guns and explosions.

so much so that they decided to combine the two in fun and interesting ways -- Anon Guest

Offensensitivity Warning: Loud noises, sudden flashes of light, and human mirth at same.

Parent File: Mythbusters.

Contents: Humans test human myths by taking their mythos to the extreme. Frequent use of loud, fast projectile weapons, rockets, and bombs. The humans on record and viewing these files find the content highly amusing.

Support me on

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Challenge #01970-E146: Crash Site Review

"How does it feel?" "Can you describe...?" "What do you think?" And other inane questions often asked of the accused, the shell shocked survivors of a tragedy or just some poor sod who happened to be there when something happened. -- Anon Guest

In retrospect, it is a mistake to make an emergency landing on Nolliwud. It was almost a resort planet, with a majority of the planet's industry dedicated to creating dreams. Live action, animation of varying kinds, even audio. If

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Challenge #01969-E145: Fit to Print?

News, or Scandal. Newspapers either publish accounts of what is actually happening or gossip. World situation, local concerns or who has dumped who. Which current 'star' was caught cheating on their partner. With drugs, or just legless drunk. -- Anon Guest

"What's that?" asked the newest Ambassador, G'jok.

"That is the news station. People subscribe there for the news they are interested in."

"News," Ambassador G'jok repeated the new word. "Is...?"

"Information disseminated as a public service. Updates on alliances, wars, commerce,

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Challenge #01967-E143: Irresponsible Beauty

Buy something to cheer yourself up. -- Anon Guest

Good news: Rael could plausibly purchase himself from Wave of the Future and therefore become a free individual. Bad news: even as low-bid goods and an admittedly buggy model, he was still heinously overpriced. Wave of the Future insisted that he was a bargain.

And they had him on open bidding.

An urgent ping from the Cogniscent Rights Committee overrode his mail system. Informing him and everyone looking at the auctions that this

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Challenge #01966-E142: One Way of Doing it...

Human sneezes, gurgles, wipes face. "I'bve gotta a cold, S'mime O.K." -- Anon Guest

[AN: Nonny, I have no idea what you mean by S'mime there. I can't correct it.]

Of all the terrifying things humanity had invented, the universal winner had to be the Immunoflu. Humanity never could conquer the common cold, nor influenza in its multitudinous strains. But they did tame it. They bio-engineered strains of rhinovirii to improve the immunity of their fellow humans against other, more deadly

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Challenge #01964-E140: Pitch Imperfect

"Let's run it up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes." Mad Men speak from the age of Greed is Good. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Nonny - Mad Men is set in the 50's/60's. The Greed is Good era was the 80's. If anything, the Mad Men Era was the last time that companies were permitted to be openly evil]

Talthaxis was beginning to suspect that ze had entered another dimension when talking to these businesspeople from Greater Deregulation West-Northwest. They

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Challenge #01957-E133: If it Works...

person one: human do you have a plan?

person 2 : yes

p1: a good one?

p2: a TERRIBLE PLAN! -- Anon Guest

G'roz stared at the human. "How can you have a plan that is terrible? Do you not say that a plan that works cannot be terrible."

Human Steve sighed and said, "It's terrible in that you'll find it upsetting, stressful, and with a high danger potential."

And it was telling how long G'roz had been around humans, because ze said,

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Challenge #01956-E132: Impressive, But...

"Hmm... I'm impressed."

"I/We thought you'd like it."

"I said I was impressed, not that I like it." -- TheDragonsFlame

There are certain things that were just... impressive. A cellar full of drunk middle-schoolers chanting Fuck da police whilst a policeman is present. Singing, This is me giving a shit, in front of a man who has the power of life and death over you after he has just attempted to insult you. Staging a resistance against a superior force, alone,

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Challenge #01955-E131: Good Morning! Good Morning!

From the "Coffee Zombie" Human to the "Warmth Seeker" Reptilian, the earlier hours of the morning can be amusing. -- Anon Guest

Of all the phenomenon in known civilisation, slow starters versus morning people is one of the most universal. The people who spring from their slumber, fresh-faced and cheerful and raring to go are both treasured and hated in equal measure. Treasured, because they are the kind of people who can be relied upon to make the coffee or hot beverages

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Challenge #01952-E128: Transformative Love

Fan fiction, some of it heartbreakingly brilliant, some of it so badly written you wonder if they ever even saw the original series. But glued to their devices they tap out their allegiance to people or beings who are imaginary. -- Anon Guest

The Archive of Transformative Works is a subset of the Archivaas Conglomerate. Those who strive to preserve everything humanity or intelligent life has created. Even the worst that a barely creative mind has to offer. It is oppressively huge.

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