Amalgam Universe

A 1016-post collection

Challenge #02471-F281: Double the Experience

They were twins, identical to the last freckle. It brought them no end of joy with playing pranks on friends, or on unsuspecting galactics, when they wore the exact same clothes and hair styles. Very few have ever seen humans that looked, sounded, and acted so similar that they could practically be ONE person in two bodies. But they were in space for a reason. To learn new foods, new cuisines, new inspirations. They wanted to open a restaurant that could one day be famous through-out the universe. Problem is, just what were the tastiest treats around? -- DaniAndShali

[AN: So very tempted to do Taako and Lup IN SPACE! but they've already been there, sooo....]

There was a big lump under the bigger warming blanket that had one Human head poking out, looking around anxiously. Like all Spacers, this one had their hair cut short and the barest minimum of protections against random infection on. In this case, the only visible safeguard was a breath mask. In a handful of moments, the head would duck down, the lump would shift around, and the head would apparently pop back up again.

Finally, at last, their contractor arrived at the meeting place. Only then was it revealed that there were two Humans under the warming blanket, which they folded in a co-ordinated dance. Apart from the fact that there were visibly two of them, they were apparently completely identical. Only their nameplates distinguished them apart. One was called Tash and the other Kel.

Captain Krasq startled at this. Ze had heard legends, for sure, but this? This could easily be chalked up to an emerging phenomenon known as The Humans Were Right. Which was a list of reports and footage from assorted beings who independently confirmed things that the Humans had been stating as truth for years, even decades. The N'Ozzies really did a number on Human-Galactic relationships.

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Challenge #02470-F280: Fluidity

A genderfluid human whose sexuality changes along with their gender, attempts to explain how they experience life to someone with very little context, save for that this particular human is sometimes interested in them and sometimes... just wants to play video games together. -- Anon Guest

Humans have so many labels for things. It could be amusing, were it not for the multitude of those who struggle with those labels and what they mean to them. Prefixes and suffixes and interfixes, oh

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Challenge #02469-F279: Close to the Skins

Tighty whities, saggy and baggy, or not much there at all... your wash tells a lot about you. -- Anon Guest

Of all the mysteries of Human existence, the concept of 'clothing' and 'decency' are the pinnacle of Human attempts at civilisation. Primary amongst the examples trotted out for debate are 'underwear'. Human underwear has gone from articles of clothing to protect the outer clothing from assorted bodily excretions, to hardly anything at all designed to cover intimate portions of skin from

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Challenge #02468-F278: Tougher Than Tough

"What's wrong I heard screaming!?"

"Oh, hey can you help me get my hand out of here?"

"I was practicing with Australian Bull-oak and made a hole."

"What were yo- by the stars you're bleeding!"

"I know that so help me!"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allocasuarina_luehmannii -- Anon Guest

[AN: Changed the spelling of Buloke so people could read the prompt a smidge easier]

Humans with a fascination for martial arts -especially fictional martial arts- are more insane than

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Challenge #02467-F277: Human Jae's Video Log

Up next, the top 10 questions you'll get from your intergalactic crewmates. -- Anon Guest

Hey, out there, infonets! It's your friendly wandering Human Jae! Living large on the Edge of the Galactic Alliance, yeeeaaaahhhh... Have no fear, I am mostly harmless, I swear. That thing with the Vorax scout troop was a fluke I have yet to explain. Promise.

So I've been doing the round robin thing, escorting the. Absolute. Cutest. Havenworlders on their scientific excursions, and oh my God I

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Challenge #02464-F274: No Ordinary Fool

Master Chef in SPAAACCEE!!! -- Anon Guest

Chefs tend to treat certain groups of people differently. Professionals who mess up are far more likely to get the chewing out of a lifetime than a small child or a student who is just beginning to learn. The most famous of them who held this philosophy has managed to spread it memetically through most of Human space. Now, every Human chef follows the same philosophy.

Now, because of the Train Wreck Phenomenon, cogniscents all

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Challenge #02463-F273: Night of the Living PJ's

“I fucked up my internal clock and having insomnia always triggering midnight hunger.”

“Midnight hunger?”

“A zombie like state that make me crave food.”

“What's a zombie?”

“You’ll see tonight.” -- Anon Guest

Humans have weird terms for everything. Spacers, even more so. It's as if being locked inside a limited space with only audio channels available for communication triggers its own unique permutations on language. Either that, Grux speculated, or they were just Like That from the beginning.

"Just a

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Challenge #02462-F272: A Not-So-Little List

Rael's introduction to cream pie, please. -- Anon Guest

[AN: You can find something similar in my very first anthology under the title of Time Out From That Good Fight (It should be in the late one hundreds, but if not, here's the link to the version on Steemit.]

Was there any bigger portent of impending doom than Shayde singing a certain song from The Mikado? Rael had unfortunately found out that the answer was 'yes'. It was Shayde singing a certain

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Challenge #02461-F271: Works Every Time

So, based on your story about visiting aliens having to hover their hands over something to check if it was hot, imagine if one alien (or maybe even human) uses it as a pick-up line. Like, they hover a hand over someone's wrist or hand and they just say "hot." I think it would be cute! -- Anon Guest

Love is many things, but it was never logical, reasoned, or well thought. In literary terms, love is that idiot who dives into

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Challenge #02460-F270: Like Humans Do

"Don't worry I based this defence system off a deathworlder immune system"

As I ask in a shaken voice, "What kind?"

It bares its teeth, that I later I learned it was a sign of affection. "Humans"

(A quick lesson to the immune system https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQGOcOUBi6s) -- Anon Guest

The thing about Deathworlder immune systems, is that they evolved to deal with Deathworlder problems. As such, they could be viewed as needlessly complicated. They could also be

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Challenge #02459-F269: Endless Fascination

While assisting the Archivaas, Shayde discovers Dr. Pimple Popper. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Trigger warning for gore and surgery for that entire channel. Go in prepared for disfiguring nastiness on all counts]

It was fairly common to find Shayde entranced in the viewing lounges of the Archivaas video archives. It was not that common to find her there without food or beverages within spill-safe containers. This viewing had her sitting almost immobile and staring intently at the screen.

Rael knew better than

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Challenge #02456-F266: The Tough Nut

"I would like to acquaint your facial features, with the fundamentals of a brick wall, at high velocity, REPEATEDLY." -- Anon Guest

"Thrown or wielded?" challenged the Human.

This was not the expected reaction to a threat. K'rux startled for a second or two. "You are meant to be intimidated by my bulk and violence," they protested. "That will make you go away."

The Human raised one of their furry eyebrows. "You're new, aren't you? Haven't had the entire introduction to the

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Challenge #02454-F264: You're in Trouble Now

Newscast Breaking news!

Successful but peaceful Human colony world "Nirvana" a category 2.5 Deathworld, gifted to the humans for their contributions during the Acridith Incursion, has been attacked via Orbital Bombardment. Casualties are expected to be to be in the in the 10's of thousands, with the Injured numbering in the Millions.

The Vorax Empire has immediately distanced themselves from the atrocity and ,in a once unfathomable move, has offered aid, condemning the unknown aggressors for attempting to destabilise the most

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Challenge #02453-F263: A General Warning

"Do you wanna go with me, [fellow Havenworlder]? Human Frank invited me to a showing of one of his favourite - what's the word? Ah, "movies"! No, stop screaming! This one is just some made-up story about wooden mush or something. Sounds pretty safe, probably not much violence there."

[ten minutes into Pulp Fiction]

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" -- Anon Guest

Never trust Human entertainments. They are made by Deathworlders, for Deathworlders and, for many years after they met and learned about Havenworlders, about Deathworlders.

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Challenge #02451-F261: Which War Game

"So you're telling me... that you have an actual WAR GAME!!" -- Anon Guest

The Humans had been playing Symbolically Kill Your Friends with something called Water Guns. Traxx, watching the mayhem, was rather puzzled, and asked the obvious question: "This is a game of hunting, or a game of war?"

Human Deb answered, "Oh we have loads of games of war." Then they casually shot their ally across the hall.

Which lead to the next question: "How much number is 'loads'?

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