Amalgam Universe

A 982-post collection

Challenge #02385-F195: How Lucky

A scientific analysis crew of aliens hire a human bodyguard. The human has a strange power over fauna, as in they become friendly/borderline domesticated like earth pets. The human is confused as it's happened in many planets/stations. Meanwhile the scientists are having trouble between making sure to get the data and making sure the human stays on as a permanent crew member. -- Anon Guest

It is a known rule of the universe that Humans will attempt to pet anything. Humans may also attempt to tame anything that crosses their path. They're a friendly species, and spread their pack-bonding to any creature that responds to them. Many are willing to fail at the attempt.

One is more successful than most Humans. They have a knack for interacting with non-cogniscent creatures beyond that which should be logically plausible. They went by Human Stu (because they were 'cookin', they said) and spent a contracted twelve years with the crew of the Non-invasive Probe. Twelve years spent capturing, examining, and releasing every single creature the crew could find on a planet in orbit around TGD-WE4-876.

Human Stu was there to keep the scientific analysts safe from the creatures on the planet they were surveying. They chose to do so by being unbelievably friendly with every single one. Humankind were immune to any venoms and poisons on that planet, but no such venomous creatures attempted to harm them. They were friendly right back in return. It was uncanny.

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Challenge #02384-F194: Attitude Adjustor

There always a foul-mouthed human within every group, but when there a kid nearby, they put on a mask and they're the politest creature you ever met. -- Anon Guest

They say that people who curse a lot are more likely to be honest. If that is true, then Human Nor was the most honest being in the known universe. If they came with a censor beep, others might be mistaken for believing they were speaking in morse code. Unfortunately for those

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Challenge #02383-F193: No More Pencils...

Can we hear more about the changes in intergalactic schools? (And can two of them be the removal of perfect attendance "awards" and school lunches that even the most well behaved child can't choke down?) -- Anon Guest

The Cogniscent Rights Committee had a lot to say about Terran Standard Schooling, especially that of the pre-shattering era, relics of which can still be found in Terran colonies. Nothing it had to say about the school system was polite. They tried, but there

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Challenge #02382-F192: It's Just a Hobby

Captain: "You have nothing to worry about. Our only human crewmember is one of the nicest, sweetest humans you will ever meet."

Human: "I found my knives! Now, WHO THE HEY HID THEM FROM ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!?" -- Anon Guest

Rule Eleven: Never go anywhere without a knife. -- Leeroy Jethro Gibbs, historical Terran hero.

Civilisation in general holds certain truths to be self-evident. Such as the ability to make and safely use sharp things as one of the stages

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Challenge #02380-F190: Tasty Trade

Alien witnesses true fear in the eyes of a band of country roughneck mercs in the form of a single raised eyebrow of the group's diminutive elderly "grandmother" figure. Grown warriors, men and women, who have charged into the maw of insanity cowed by a 98lbs octogenarian.

Pretty pretty please. -- Yup

In all the known universe, there is little that is as unlikely to be terrifying as the words, "What the diddly gosh-darn heck're you kids got goin' on in here?

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Challenge #02378-F188: Anything You Can Do...

An idea for the humans/earth is space Australia. These aliens fight with their voice. But our songs are stronger. Opera singers? They can't even fathom, they just faint. Thought you'd have fun with it! Thank you -- Anon Guest

The Karolai had thought they were masters of tactics and the ultimate weapon. None had dared oppose them for a thousand years of glory. Their empire spanned most of a galactic arm, and they kept tight control of it with sonic weaponry.

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Challenge #02377-F187: Almost a Nightmare

Imagine you meet your doppelganger of a different species. They look nothing like you, but your personalities are as close to identical as possible! -- Anon Guest

The universe is a fractal, as above, so below. Galaxies spiral into a supergalaxy. Stars spiral into galaxies, clouds of debris spiral into both stars and planets. Atmosphere spirals into weather... liquid drains into a spiral form. Around and around it goes... Is it no wonder, then, that there are patterns of personas?

They do

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Challenge #02374-F184: Interesting Impressions

Imagine meeting a species that displayed all their emotions via dermal colour displays. And how humans would react to them -- Adam in Darwin

As first contact situations go, the meeting between Humans and Acrodontids could have plausibly gone better. When it comes to meeting Humans, it's a minor miracle that they don't shoot on sight. Those who don't shoot on sight are the ones who tend to enthusiastically pack bond. It's still a matter of debate as to which is worse.

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Challenge #02373-F183: The Human Paradox

An alien publishes his work on "The human paradox", the fact that the universe is a more safer place since the most deadliest species are everywhere. -- Hyorky

Humans are a paradox, Grax wrote in hir treatise. They are simultaneously the bravest and the most cowardly, the most generous and the most miserly, the most sensible and the most insane. As Deathworlders, they should also be the most hazardous species in the Galactic Alliance, but, as we all know, Alliance space has

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Challenge #02371-F181: Colour-coded For Inconvenience

"Don't touch that, it's hot."

"It doesn't look hot."

"Hot things are red on Terra." -- Anon Guest

"Uh. Not exactly," said a nearby Human. "Not all red things are hot, and not all hot things are red. For your safety, check for radiant heat," they demonstrated, holding their hand above the surface and gradually approaching touching it until they pulled away. "This one is actually hot. See?"

The tourists huddled together a little. "That is how you test for heat on

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Challenge #02370-F180: Stone Tools and Bear Skins

An alien crew hires a discount group of human bodyguards to protect them on an expedition to a heavily forested/jungled planet to research the planet life. Murphy's law happens and the alien crew find out they hired the human group that is , as a group, a hybrid of MacGyver, John Wick, and the the A-Team. -- Anon Guest

One of the launch seats, heavily charred, fell out of the tree with a solid thud. The Human who dislodged it had got

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Challenge #02368-F178: Culinary Explorers

An inter-species cooking class is very interesting to observe, and better to participate in. -- Anon Guest

Some people just never learn to cook. Why would they? Obtaining foodstuffs from vendors is easy and they then have more time to spend on other enjoyable pursuits. There are those who insist that cooking is a vital survival skill, and they are repeatedly ignored by those who plan on never having to survive like that. It is far cheaper, faster, and overall safer to

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Challenge #02367-F177: Impossible Dreamers

If you think that "something" is impossible to do... Give it to humans and they will make it "possible" -- Anon Guest

Never tell a Human what's impossible. -- Galactic Alliance saying.

They had once said that travelling faster than light was impossible, just like time travel. Humans managed to find one-way wormholes, which utilised both, and then proceeded to use them to seed their colonies all over surprising corners of space. Humans, it seemed, accomplished six impossible things before teatime.

It

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Challenge #02366-F176: Fight, Flight, or...

Fight or flight, the natural reactions to fear. Though, people don't mention one, freeze. People like to ignore that possibility because it tends to put them in danger. Unfortunately for them, it is real, it is dangerous, and it is terrifying if you happen to be the one experiencing it. -- Anon Guest

Most Humans can be relied upon to act quickly in an emergency. Most of them. Their presence in any place of inherent hazard is reassuring to anyone in field

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Challenge #02365-F175: Motivational Inspiration

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iYYRH4apXDo -- Anon Guest

It was vaguely conical, and smaller than the most popular cars of the late Terran Twentieth Century. This was a vessel designed to get three Humans back to their planet after a long and perilous journey to truly hostile territory. There was just enough room for three Humans and all the samples they had gathered while they were up there.

What was more worrying was the landing craft for their missions to

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