Humans Are Weird

A 135-post collection

Challenge #02882-G325: Forging ahead

The human was highly recommended by everyone the crew asked when it came to being a security officer. They were diligent, highly intelligent, made friends easily, in fact many of the crew still talked to them from time to time. The only caveat tended to be, they didn't want normal crew quarters to sleep in, they always asked for a storage bay. Why? Well, they collected blades. But not all blades, only unique ones. But that wasn't the only reason.

I decided to go see for myself why they always asked for a bay and walked inside. There was the human dressed in skins and protective layers of what looked like leather. They were pumping a large handle heating steel before bringing it, glowing hot, to another large hunk of metal and began to hit it with a hammer. -- Anon Guest

Heat management detected an anomaly in Human Stef's quarters, which was Storage Bay Three. Using wild Humans from the Edge was always full of certain levels of weirdness. Up to and including the fact that wild Humans and standard personal habitats didn't always mix. Given that Human Stef was twice the size of a standard bunk on the Wandering Inquisitive, they could understand why the Human would prefer to retrofit a storage bay.

Now that there was a heat anomaly in there, there was the concern that a wild Human was possibly cooking their food on a fire that they had built inside a closed vessel. Fire was always a terror in space and Humans loved fire beyond all logic and reason. SO it was that Companion Gorx hurried to Storage Bay Three to check on Human Stef and whatever they had going on in their habitat.

Human Stef had blades on every wall. Including the wall to the sanitation facility and, in all likelihood, inside it as well. This was a Human after all. In the largest space of Human Stef's habitat was reserved for a large chunk of metal and an electric heat element inside heavy shielding. Human Stef was wearing something that scanned as animal hides and repeatedly hitting white-hot metal with a hammer.

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Challenge #02876-G319: Horror of the Baby-Sat

Parent: Thank you so much for agreeing to watch the baby for me. Also, I'm sorry.

Babysitter: Sorry for what?

Parent: The baby has worked out how to do vocal distortion.

Baby: G̷͕̯̻̎̓̉͛̑̀̂̇̀̐͋͘͘͝a̶̢̰͇͇̱͂̉͋́̓͐̂̃͂́́ ̷̧̖̝̱̽̈́͠ǵ̸̢à̴̳̲͍́̀͛̓̃͘̚͝ͅͅ -- Anon Guest

Parrots and very small children seem to share two common interests. The first is an apparent desire to destroy the universe around them via unexpected means. The second is the Dissonance Joke.

The otherwise cute and adorable Human toddler in Companion Lua's

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Challenge #02874-G317: Best Danger Noodle

Humans have interesting pets. Sometimes small, even almost harmless even by havenworld standards, sometimes terrifying. This human had one that was at the terrifying end. As they came aboard a ship of saurians, across their shoulders was a snake that was as nearly long as their body and very heavy. It seemed, however, content to remain curled there while the person introduced them to "little slinky." A snake they'd raised from an egg. -- DaniAndShalii

[AN: Submission included a picture of an

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Challenge #02863-G306: Nothing That's Worth a Lot

A human had a poetry book that they took everywhere with them and enjoyed sitting and reading when they had time. Admittedly, time could be few and far between with their job. One poem she recited softly to herself from time to time had her liaison curious and he asked what it was she was muttering to herself. Her reply confused him because she stated it was a poem about nothing. But how could it be about nothing? All such works are

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Challenge #02862-G305: Song of Triumph

For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself then he has naught, To say the things he truly feels, And not the words of one who kneels, The record shows I took the blows, And did it my way. -- Anon Guest

It was a Human song of triumph, so of course it contained references to violence and, because of the culture of origin, going it all alone. Which is ridiculous. Society doesn't exist on an individual basis.

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Challenge #02860-G303: ART!

They had some pre-shattering videos they wanted to show their friends, a mixed group of havenworlders and level one and level two deathworlders. Once everyone was seated, they turned down the lights and began the video on the large screen. People, human-looking, painted up all in blue, playing techno music on improvised instruments. A fun, amusing, experience for the humans, but maybe a little confusing, if still fun, for everyone else. -- Blue Rules

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Challenge #02852-G295: Her Name is Sweetums -- Anon Guest

It had to be a service animal, because it was wearing Medik red and Therapy black. Typical to Human delineation of 'pet', it had a small hat attached to its head via a loop of elastic. That, in combination for the vest/leash arrangement was a clear sign that the Human on the other end of the leash would rather sever a limb than part with the animal.

It was also

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Challenge #02837-G280: A Listening Problem

The human was dragged into medical by their friends. Well, "dragged" is a bit of a strong word, considering that if the human really didn't want to go, they wouldn't have, but they weren't willing to risk injuring their friends by struggling too hard.

The problem? Hives. Bumpy, red, itchy hives, all over the human's body.

When questioned, they said "I'm allergic to stress." -- Anon Guest

"Look, I'm going to be fine," protested Human Hen, who was obviously not fine. "I

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Challenge #02835-G278: No Added Chemistry

And what, exactly, do you know of addiction? -- Anon Guest

"Just because I don't indulge in the standard recreational chemicals for my species doesn't mean I don't know what addiction is," argued Human Kae. "I seek my serotonin in other things. You might think they're safe, but they're harmful if I'm not on guard. You just haven't caught me in a spiral, yet."

Companion Riik puzzled at this. Sure, ze had recreational chemical issues and therapy for that was always a

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Challenge #02831-G274: Observer Effect

An extraterrestrial puts together a video showcase of human do-it-yourself and educational videos, open to the general public who wants to learn more about humans. They have even been smart enough to include offensensitivity warnings so havenworlders can avoid the appropriate films. Included in the film line up is:


Nailed it

Naked and Afraid

The Darwin Awards -- Anon Guest

[AN: Of the four listed here, only one is in any way instructional other than "learn from my mistakes lol". Real

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Challenge #02828-G271: War Makes...

They had been sent in to rescue a high ranking official's daughter and had, erroneously, assumed she would be some weak, helpless, demanding, little flower that not only would be difficult to rescue, but would be a major headache, and pain in their rears, all the way through the escape and on the way back to the woman's home world. What they found, instead, was a strong, fierce, self-reliant individual who was as ready with a weapon as any of their team.

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Challenge #02823-G266: Please Don't -- Anon Guest

[An: Watch this. This is two people playing a piece written for an ENTIRE ORCHESTRA on glasses of water. There is an actual instrument called a glass harp and it looks really as weird as you might expect. It works on the same principal as the glasses but I think it's only a recent invention]

Humans will make music out of anything do not tell them they can't. They will remix

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Challenge #02803-G246: TFW Memed in Combat

here, have a rick roll -- Anon Guest

[AN: Link does not lead to a Rickroll but rather a six-second anime clip featuring someone's mondo BFG power attack]

Human Memetic attacks are something to watch. Preferably from a safe distance. Everyone knows the one about the attacking fleet that was brought to a standstill by the power of a Rickroll virus[1]. Thusly, they have learned to feat the threat of bringing Humans into any war.

Those gung-ho balding apes will try

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Challenge #02795-G238: The Ultimate Plasmotron 6000

While I’m playing some team based game

Some dumba22:

Ooo what’s over here~

Death chat:

[the entire enemy team] absolutely destroyed [dumba22] -- Anon Guest

The Humans were very still. There were twenty of them, each concentrating on a screen. It was utterly silent. One of them might mumble now and again, but otherwise, they were transfixed. The only noise was the movement of mice and the click of W A S D keys.

Companion Vresk was only sure of

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Challenge #02792-G235: Welcome to the League of Superlative Artifice

I liked the story about the Asian chef, who quickly made dinner from the would-be invaders.

I wonder what other adventures she and her crew would have?

Maybe their own version of a "beach episode"? Or perhaps the crew learn about a hobby she has, that she kept secret because she was embarrassed? Or maybe a new crew member arrives (he's a human too) and a love story arises?


I really enjoy every story you wrote :D -- Tom


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