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Humans Are Weird

A 15-post collection

Challenge #02151-E322: Easily Entertained

Human: ha, dogs are so easily amused. I just watched this one Chase his tail for 15 minutes straight

Alien: You spent 15 minutes watching a dog chase its tail

Human: yeah, that's what I just said

Alien: and the dog is the one whose easily amused

Human: ...yes?

Alien: (sarcastically) okay, sure that makes sense -- OohLookShiny

The list of dangerous things in the known universe had once, paradoxically, contained entries on both "quiet humans" and "laughing humans". It has since been amended to simply "humans" with a link to all the various circumstances in which Humans can be dangerous.

A quiet Human, for example, can be harmless if they are also asleep. A laughing Human, on the other hand, could be up to anything. This one was leaning against a railing as they laughed, apparently fascinated by something below, whilst also moving one hand around randomly.

Drysoq, who had hired this Human as Security Beef[1], investigated. The vessel's litter of Skittens were tumbling around in a well, below, chasing after a single point of light. One controlled by the giggling Human Daz. "Need I be concerned about this?"

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Challenge #02015-E191: Party Time on No-Longer-Tranquil VII

On the wall was posted the human regiment’s code of conduct/safety instructions:

  1. Do not subtract from the population.

  2. Do not add to the population (looking at you Jared).

  3. Do not end up in the hospital, the news, or in jail.

  4. If you do end up in jail, establish dominance quickly. -- Anon Guest

It was a set of rules above the airlock door. Entitled, When Visiting. And could be summarised as, "No killin', no thrillin', just chillin'." Which every squad

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Challenge #01932-E108: Cute, Fluffy, Dangerous

It looks adorable, acts so very cute, and even smells attractive. Don't go near it with barge pole. There's got to be some huge catch. -- Anon Guest

Humans are bizarre. At any given moment, they will attempt to tame and then ride any beast bigger than one of their domestic canids[1]. They will coo over and attempt to pet any given venomous or aggressive creature. But it was on the planetary system WEP969HU84I, nicknamed Planet Cutiekiller, that another aspect of

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Challenge #01778-D317: Just Like the Force

Duct tape. Undoubtedly one of humanity’s most useful and versatile inventions. -- TheDragonsFlame

Humanities' inventions preceded humanity throughout the Galactic Alliance. All the useful things go ahead of a species. Especially when that species is the most flakk-off-dangerous band of Deathworlders that the Alliance has ever seen. The humans. And for all that they are dangerous and deadly, the things that come from their disparate societies are amazing.

Bubblegum. Cats. Dogs. Paperclips. Swiss Army Knives. And most useful of all... Ductape.

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Challenge #01767-D306: The Double Feature Picture Show

Humans watch an alien horror movie featuring the humans as the monster -- TheDragonsFlame

The idea of genre is nothing new. The idea of Horror is something uniquely human that took off in various forms around Galactic Society. An entertainment designed to scare, but not scare badly. Or to be really bad at scaring, depending on your point of view. It was a means by which Havenworlders could toughen up their genes and join larger and larger areas of Galactic Society.


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Challenge #01554-D093: A Rovin' Heart

"Scrounger" Noun, a person or being who collects discarded objects and turns them into (a) ready cash. (b) something useful - often re-purposed. -- Knitnan

Tolerance is a wonderful thing, and more of it happens on the relatively lawless edges of society than it does in the lawful middles. Law likes to build a bubble around itself and eliminate everything that exists outside of it. But edges... edges are where interesting things happen. Sometimes, it's a plummet into destruction, but other times.

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Challenge #01476-D015: Historical Hysterical First

the madness has begun -- MaxMundan

The Tri'li'ol had heard the news. Having a human aboard a vessel, especially a vessel in uncharted regions of space, was good luck. Even though they were Deathworlders, they were a statistical anomaly. They would pack-bond with the crew, adjust their interactions for the benefit of others, and generally behave themselves. And if one human aboard a vessel was good luck, then more had to be better.

And it worked. For a short time.

Nobody else

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Challenge #01453-C358: The Urban Human

An alien naturalist, performing a David Attenborough-style documentary on Earth.

Potential sequel: As above, but replace "David Attenborough" with "Steve Irwin". -- Shkspr1048

[AN: Sorry I'm so late, dear readers. Yulemas shopping spree]

"And this... is the average human population density of the planet Terra." The image showed the interior of a shopping mall on a slow hour. Humans populous enough to get in each others' way if they were determined to do so, but not enough to be in each others'

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Challenge #01448-C353: Long-term Effects of Stupid Decisions

"In a fit of rage, he got extremely scientific."

Tour guide at the Oregon Vortex, possibly describing Stanford Pines. -- RecklessPrudence

"He employed every sensing device available, in the place where horses refused to go," said the guide. "And more than a few that he invented himself. Results were confounding, to say the least. Keep in mind that this occurred in the early twenty-first century, well before post-Shattering complete scanners. He had to collate and calculate his data on his own."


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Challenge #01443-C348: Mrs Widgery's Guests

Morris Dancers! To the tune of "Mrs Widgery's Lodger". -- Anon Guest

[AN: For anyone wondering what the flying heck - here you go. I apologise in advance for the mental trauma.]

There were white-clad humans wearing bells on their shins. Each one carried a large, white kerchief in each hand. Except for the one of them that was wrestling an accordion into submission.

The ones with the kerchiefs were skipping about, legs ringing, to the slow and grinding tune.

"What are

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Challenge #01437-C342: Bringing Home Strays

It is common knowledge that humans crave companionship from cats and dogs. But one day the human rescues a pest animal, insisting the creature is their new companion. -- Anon Guest

The human pack-bonding instinct is a strong one. Always be certain that your human isn't bringing unwanted creatures back to your vessel with it. - From Every Cogniscent's Guide to Human Care and Maintenance.

Something in the human's vacation clothes was moving.

"Dee?" warned Kla'kish. "Have you found a pet?" Pet,

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Challenge #01436-C341: Bizarre Reactions

Dinosaurs in zero g -- OohLookShiny

Of all the things evolution in space has wrought, of all the new species discovered in long-abandoned space stations... This one definitely took the cake.

They started as small pterosaurs, and their prey were some kind of bipedal herbivore. Like all saurians, they also had feathers. There was also an ample supply of cockroaches, as well as the plants that had once been in the agri section and had since gone wild.

Everything had gone wild.

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Challenge #01434-C339: Pack Bonding is Strange

Someone who doesn't understand all the hoopla over puppies and kittens gets a more unconventional pet and loves it to pieces -- OohLookShiny

I'm not everyone. They say everyone feeds the Skitties on the sly. I don't. They say everyone will say 'hello' to a dog or coo over a kitten or a puppy. I don't.

I mean, sure, they're cute and all, but... I'm just not into them. I've heard all the arguments, by the way.

"Humans are pack animals..." Yeah

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Challenge #01351-C256: You Try to Teach Them...

Corvids. Just... Corvids. (link)

(btw did you know all modern corvids are descended from Aussie ancestors? Well, technically Australasian ones, but close enough) -- RecklessPrudence

Ravens are widely recognised as one of the more intelligent birds on the planet Earth. Substantial evidence for this includes the fact that they have learned how to tame humans.

Humans tend to object to that minor fact. They will go on endlessly about how they were the ones to teach corvids how to communicate in their

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Challenge #01170-C075: A Steep Learning Curve

and -- Gallifreya


It was a comfortable domestic scene, despite the fact that it was happening inside a mansion. Sans lounged and dozed on the softest couch by the tepid fire as Toriel carefully brushed and combed Frisk's hair.

Frisk was loving it, Sans could tell. The way they leaned into every single caring touch was a dead give-away.

And then Toriel said it. "I think it

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