Humans Are Weird

A 66-post collection

Challenge #02473-F283: Yo Ho, Foe No Mo'

A band of pirates attack a ship they'd learned would be mostly hauling civilians, students, and their possessions. What they don't realize is the ship they attacked, though owned by havenworlders, is filled with deathworlders, mostly humans. To pass the time while waiting for the fight to end, the humans pick up their instruments to practice the music they were going to play at the interspecies music competition. But there are other music lovers out there, too. Can a pirate learn to play a flute? -- DaniAndShali

Never ask rhetorical questions that have obvious and painful answers. It should be a rule of life. The universe has a way of answering to your detriment. Many, many people have found this out at the price of their own pain. Today's example is the crew of the Embedded Blade, a gang of pirates in the Edge territories who took one look at a distance cruise vessel and said the near-fatal words, "It's a Havenworlder ship. What opposition could they possibly pose?"

It was a ship registered and owned by Havenworlders. However, it was crewed and filled almost entirely by Deathworlders. The worst possible Deathworlders in known space. Humans. They had already attacked, boarding the vessel and demanding every possible valuable from the people therein and their relatives elsewhere. They were surprised to find bands of resistance in the form of physical, chemical, and mental opposition.

That was four hours ago. Pockets of fighting persisted, and most of the customers and crew were relaxing on the Lido Deck whilst everyone sorted everything else out amongst themselves. Even Humans recognise when there are too many dancers on the metaphorical floor and democratically decide to leave those who had it handled to handle it. Interestingly, some were tag-teaming with others. As for the rest... Humans get bored easily. This is also a hazard.

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Challenge #02471-F281: Double the Experience

They were twins, identical to the last freckle. It brought them no end of joy with playing pranks on friends, or on unsuspecting galactics, when they wore the exact same clothes and hair styles. Very few have ever seen humans that looked, sounded, and acted so similar that they could practically be ONE person in two bodies. But they were in space for a reason. To learn new foods, new cuisines, new inspirations. They wanted to open a restaurant that could one

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Challenge #02470-F280: Fluidity

A genderfluid human whose sexuality changes along with their gender, attempts to explain how they experience life to someone with very little context, save for that this particular human is sometimes interested in them and sometimes... just wants to play video games together. -- Anon Guest

Humans have so many labels for things. It could be amusing, were it not for the multitude of those who struggle with those labels and what they mean to them. Prefixes and suffixes and interfixes, oh

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Challenge #02467-F277: Human Jae's Video Log

Up next, the top 10 questions you'll get from your intergalactic crewmates. -- Anon Guest

Hey, out there, infonets! It's your friendly wandering Human Jae! Living large on the Edge of the Galactic Alliance, yeeeaaaahhhh... Have no fear, I am mostly harmless, I swear. That thing with the Vorax scout troop was a fluke I have yet to explain. Promise.

So I've been doing the round robin thing, escorting the. Absolute. Cutest. Havenworlders on their scientific excursions, and oh my God I

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Challenge #02464-F274: No Ordinary Fool

Master Chef in SPAAACCEE!!! -- Anon Guest

Chefs tend to treat certain groups of people differently. Professionals who mess up are far more likely to get the chewing out of a lifetime than a small child or a student who is just beginning to learn. The most famous of them who held this philosophy has managed to spread it memetically through most of Human space. Now, every Human chef follows the same philosophy.

Now, because of the Train Wreck Phenomenon, cogniscents all

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Challenge #02453-F263: A General Warning

"Do you wanna go with me, [fellow Havenworlder]? Human Frank invited me to a showing of one of his favourite - what's the word? Ah, "movies"! No, stop screaming! This one is just some made-up story about wooden mush or something. Sounds pretty safe, probably not much violence there."

[ten minutes into Pulp Fiction]

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" -- Anon Guest

Never trust Human entertainments. They are made by Deathworlders, for Deathworlders and, for many years after they met and learned about Havenworlders, about Deathworlders.

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Challenge #02452-F262: Tolerance Overload

Genders are like the twin towers; there was two of them, now it's a sensitive topic. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Oh boy, am I glad you're an Anon or I'd track you down and logically explain how this is so wrong on multiple levels]

There were rainbow flags everywhere. People wore their identities on their chests, on their faces, around their wrists and draped over their shoulders like a caped hero. Dave only knew what half of those colour combos meant, and

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Challenge #02446-F256: Do No Harm

In her late teens, early 20's, she went into space to learn to be a medic. From the time she was a small child, she had wanted to be someone who saved lives. She was a Lucker with a twist. For though she never won at cards, dice, or at any game she played, when it came to the struggle between life and death, death would always lose. And she had vowed, no matter her patient be a friend or an enemy,

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Challenge #02427-F237: The Tune Called Yakety Sax

[AN: So is having some shenanigans which prevent me from posting there. Rest assured that this tale will be up as soon as it can be managed, at which point this post will change to the default template. Thank you for your patience and understanding]

Explaining 'The Benny Hill Show' to future Culture classes. -- Anon Guest

Every entertainment is a product of its time and a product of its medium and a product of its culture. Nothing shows this

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Challenge #02422-F232: Crit Happens

Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out 'til too late that he's been playing with two queens all along. ~Terry Pratchett

Also known as being a DM. (Dungeon Master) -- Anon Guest

Imagine a game so complicated that even the experts have to look up the rules. It is not just played with dice, but also cards, charts, tables, books, miniatures, and a hell of a lot of imagination. There is only one person at the

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Challenge #02421-F231: Organically Sourced Isotopes

Imagine the surprise across the Galactic Alliance when they discover that humans have more than a mild tolerance to small doses of radiation, and that some of our plants are (in large enough quantities) active enough to set off sensors designed to detect much more harmful materials... -- Adam in Darwin

The stasis box arrived in successive layers of protective wrapping, depending on which port it had shipped through, and which species did

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Challenge #02415-F225: Getting the Message

Depending what you listen to it can affect your mind and body drastically. example being that rush of adrenaline while listening to Ghost Ship of Cannibal Rats by Billy Talent and calm mind while Nocturne from String Quartet No. 2 plays in the background. -- Anon Guest

Shayde had either been picking up outdated slanguage or she was trying to say something without the correct words. She said, "Music is mood," out of nowhere. They had been enjoying a companionable silence on

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Challenge #02394-F204: Achievement Accomplished

"Why do you always have a magnifying glass?"

"I like having dumb and/or ridiculous things with me, and a magnifying glass checks both boxes. Also, it's not ALWAYS a magnifying glass." -- Anon Guest

"What? So... it's a multitool?"

"Well, there is a set of incrementally smaller screwdrivers in the handles, but that's not the point. A magnifying glass is specifically useful in weird directions and I love it. It's a solar-powered firestarter, an analysis tool, a joke prop and a

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Challenge #02387-F197: Very Strange Creatures

I always believed that humans were these unstoppable beasts, until I met one of their infants. -- Anon Guest

Elsewhere Station. Here there be Humans. Seryk watched hir step. Ze only wanted to hire one human for the exploratory mission and this was one of the Edge Territory stations where they were reputed to swarm. So far, Seryk had seen numerous Edge species, but few Humans.

Those who were present were busy at other occupations. Seryk searched for hours, but found few

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Challenge #02385-F195: How Lucky

A scientific analysis crew of aliens hire a human bodyguard. The human has a strange power over fauna, as in they become friendly/borderline domesticated like earth pets. The human is confused as it's happened in many planets/stations. Meanwhile the scientists are having trouble between making sure to get the data and making sure the human stays on as a permanent crew member. -- Anon Guest

It is a known rule of the universe that Humans will attempt to pet anything

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