Humans Are Weird

A 123-post collection

Challenge #02803-G246: TFW Memed in Combat

here, have a rick roll -- Anon Guest

[AN: Link does not lead to a Rickroll but rather a six-second anime clip featuring someone's mondo BFG power attack]

Human Memetic attacks are something to watch. Preferably from a safe distance. Everyone knows the one about the attacking fleet that was brought to a standstill by the power of a Rickroll virus[1]. Thusly, they have learned to feat the threat of bringing Humans into any war.

Those gung-ho balding apes will try anything to win and then laugh. Memetic attacks are -at least to the Humans- only used when a no-kill situation arises. There's so many Memetic attacks, at varying levels of annoyance. Only Humans could invent the Rickroll. Only Humans could then create the anti-Rickroll. The memetic attack that promises one and then delivers another.

It's bad enough to be exposed to pre-shattering pop from the decade even the Humans labelled as the one without taste. It's worse to brace for the pop and then get whatever else the Humans responsible thought was funny at the time.

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Challenge #02795-G238: The Ultimate Plasmotron 6000

While I’m playing some team based game

Some dumba22:

Ooo what’s over here~

Death chat:

[the entire enemy team] absolutely destroyed [dumba22] -- Anon Guest

The Humans were very still. There were twenty of them, each concentrating on a screen. It was utterly silent. One of them might mumble now and again, but otherwise, they were transfixed. The only noise was the movement of mice and the click of W A S D keys.

Companion Vresk was only sure of

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Challenge #02792-G235: Welcome to the League of Superlative Artifice

I liked the story about the Asian chef, who quickly made dinner from the would-be invaders.

I wonder what other adventures she and her crew would have?

Maybe their own version of a "beach episode"? Or perhaps the crew learn about a hobby she has, that she kept secret because she was embarrassed? Or maybe a new crew member arrives (he's a human too) and a love story arises?

P.S.

I really enjoy every story you wrote :D -- Tom

[AN:

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Challenge #02783-G226: Untranslatable

I wanted to sing, but it didn’t work translated to gal-simple. So I tried a mental translators, but then I learn that it most only scan the left side of the brain for the sentence structures. Singing comes from the right side. -- Anon Guest

[AN: There's growing evidence that the left-brain/right-brain stuff isn't as real as we once thought. However, there are other things that say it's real in very specific directions.]

Sometimes, you just got to sing. Sometimes,

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Challenge #02773-G216: Vent Words

(Unabashedly based on my grandmother and her go to "curse word")

H - "Crab apples, pineapples, and sauerkraut!"

A - "... I think my translator is broken. I got an offensensitivity warning on what you just said, but I think you just listed foods?"

H - "You shouldn't curse... It is rude." -- SilverRey

Humans are bizarre. This is acknowledged. Some Humans just happen to be more bizarre than others. For example: Most cogniscent species acknowledge the need for stresser/expressive words to

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Challenge #02757-G200: Say it With... ????

A xenobiologist decided to study the mating behaviors of many other races from the the weakest havenworlders to the strongest deathworlders. However, when it came to ... ah... HUMAN mating behaviors, well, things just got weird! -- DaniAndShali

It was the study of centuries, greatly aided by just hanging out in various public zones of crossroads stations and people-watching. Of course, the more invasive aspects of the study were a matter for each species individual fictions and documentaries. This study was about the

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Challenge #02753-G196: To Win By Technicality

In arguments it’s okay to swear. Usually many times your words must be quick witted and sharp like a rapier, other times, you just need bash your enemies skulls in with the metaphorical folding chair to get you point across. -- Anon Guest

Arguments are peculiar things. Some people believe that the winner is the one who remains calm and logical and debates all relevant points with scientific sources, and the loser is the first one to drop a sample of

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Challenge #02751-G194: You and Your Hobbies

The human got a job at a rather busy space station as an IT person and as a structural engineer. They did a lot of work with computers and with keeping up maintenance on this place. But when they signed the contract, they had an unusual clause, one that, it was discovered, they always asked for no matter what place they worked. Their quarters must be at least twice to three times the size of normal crew quarters. This was not too

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Challenge #02741-G184: A Helping Hand

"What are you watching?"

"Children's programming about the importance of doing chores to help out around the house."

"Do you enjoy this? You're an adult."

"Yeah, but I have the emotional maturity of a child, because my emotional development was stunted by repeated trauma while I was growing up. So, if I watch stuff like this, it helps me feel like doing stuff around the house, because I'm really, really impressionable. Also, I have to clean my living space, it's disgusting."

"So

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Challenge #02740-G183: Got Your Back

Bold of you to assume I reached peak dumbass -- Anon Guest

There are plans that are works of art. There are other plans, much like this one, that seem to have been produced by wiping one's bodily waste expulsions all over the blueprint page. There's half-assed plans and... whatever this was.

It was equal parts improvisation, desperation, innovation, and flat-out perspiration. After the lingering echoes of all the explosions died down and they were safe in the middle of a host

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Challenge #02736-G179: Falling? Flying!

My god these two are too f*cking precious. Welp (cocks gun) let’s make sure it stays that way. -- Anon Guest

He'd never been a fan of damsels in distress. He much preferred the kind of girl who could go down snarling. So when they were sent to rescue some muckety-muck who had been abducted by some other nonsense group, Kudge had never expected to meet her halfway. She was filthy, dishevelled, and bore a weapon she had clearly stolen

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Challenge #02734-G177: Sub-telepathy in Action

Ever worked in an call centre? or in retail? How about gone shopping in the middle of the day? Sat down after a busy day just wanting to relax?

what do all these things have in common. How you seemingly know you won't be able to relax, even if there is a Lull, It Spontaneously gets Busy, as if everyone gets the same Idea to do the SAME thing right at the same time. be at the same place as you at

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Challenge #02726-G169: Only Two? Since When?

A: are you a guy or a girl?

B: yes

A: no, what’s in your pants

B: 1.50 and some lint

A: ok, what’s in between your legs?

B: DETERMINATION

A: alright then guess my race

B: human

A: why yes but actually no -- Anon Guest

[AN: I don't think any decent person would actually utter the words "what's between your legs" because that's way too intimate a question for casual conversation. Person A in the above interchange

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Challenge #02729-G172: Tis the Season

Human 1: so what about you?

Human 2: I learned how to make paper cranes so I'm going to make them in different colors and put them in everyone's bedroom with notes like "this little bird told me xyz"

Human 1: ...

Human 1: epic. -- Anon Guest

Aprilfools: A Human holiday/tradition involving trickery, deceit, pranks, and practical jokes. Owing to many Terran Colony calendars becoming out of sync with the planet of origin, the entire Terran month of April has become

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Challenge #02725-G168: A Matter of Technicality

Human1: Damn if Australia pushed our level 4 deathworld to a 4.5 I’m worried about you guys exploring the unexplored 70% of our ocean.

Human2: it’s not 70% it’s 95%

Crewmate: wait what? -- Anon Guest

"Ah... that's a mis-assumption," said Thorq. "The Deathworlder classification is based on how many environmental factors are hostile to the development of intelligent life. In the case of most of the Earth, it's the fauna, the weather, the flora, and the ocean.

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