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Fucking Anxiety

A 59-post collection

Saturday, I Can't Catch a Break

SO. For those of you who missed my Tumblr meltdown about it, here's what's happening:

  • Beloved has purchased an account for me at Thorpe-Bowker. The ONLY place that actually sells legal ISBN's to anyone who needs them
  • She also purchased one hundred ISBN's for me
  • I freaked out about this
  • BUT I also tentatively tried one
  • A brownout caused my compy to shut down so I took my meltdown to bed
  • Shocking nobody, I woke up at fuckoff in the morning
  • Finished a chapter of ADT
  • Another reason to freak out. Yay.
  • So I give up and head to my main compy
  • Check email
  • Those ISBN's had insufficient funds
  • And I just tried one out

So yeah. This is fine. Everything's fine. The world is on fire, but it was on fire yesterday. I'm fine. This is going to be fine.

DON'T PANIC

There will be a way, it's just not evident right now.

I have some chapters to record for my lovelies, and some books to at least start the migration process on. There's a stream for me to moderate later in the day and I need to actually look after my own health and welfare.

Story happening real soon now.

Friday, Breathing Space?

A couple more days until the money comes into my accounts and I can pay the bills and arrange for more supplies.

I shall be clinging to every spare penny in the hopes of saving up for some little extras that will make life more pleasant in the long run.

In betwixt hoping that things improve overall, of course.

Still no word from the agent who is supposedly looking at Beauties and the Beastly. I sent off a polite email and am

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Thursday, Lent Initiated

People are giving up things for lent. People are trying to begin new habits. I'm one of the latter.

I have been neglecting my emotional and physical needs in favour of getting Output.

So this lent, I'm trying to look after myself. As gingerly as possible to start with because of the aforementioned financial embuggerance.

So that means taking time to chill in the evenings. A little gaming. A little television. Just... time to enjoy something for myself.

Today used to be

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Sunday, Anxiety Spike Issues

Dealing with issues does very suck. I got myself some mondo anxiety, I got the persistence of the nasty ankle, I got a firkin Bad Air Day going on...

I'm exhausted without even having started.

And I'm more inclined to call it a day early. It's been a terrible night and I'm looking down the barrel of a terrible day.

Fingers crossed things get better as time progresses.

Onwards to the offerings.

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Thursday, Ringing Around

I got the call from the Sullage People, and they couldn't do Monday. Rearranged my calendar for Tuesday, which is a day off from driving anyway and then called the Council Guy about the day of that deed.

I got the call from the Friendly Support Person who's sending me a list of people who can help Miss Chaos gain employ and take a first step on independence. Yay.

I have the Bikkie in the oven while I'm on the phone with

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Friday, Temporal Issues

I have been a busy busy bean, lately. So much of my time has been eaten with other needs. Yesterday and today, I had a late delivery of Mayhem to Maroochydore. Yesterday, I also had a series of fetch quests. Today... I decided to take it easy.

It was nice, but I still had to reheat my breakfast.

Tomorrow is parkrun. Sunday morning is game morning. Monday's when I'm supposed to post my Patreon stuff.

This coming Tuesday is going to be

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Monday, Backup Reads and Big Move PLNs

I skipped my stretchies this morning, I haven't tortured my feet. The most I've done for self care is taking my coffee and pills.

I've been having A Day since yesterday afternoon. There's a long Tumblr post about it, but long story short...

I need hand-holding for certain tech things, but Beloved left off giving me instructions so now all progress is halted until she gets back to me.

...which is just now happening. After I've had a breakdown about it.

Her

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Thursday, Today's the Day!

I got the operation date wrong. Beloved is now under anesthesia. I have now finished the 400th chapter of A Devil's Tale [and I think I've written a happy ending but that's up to Beloved].

And I am NOW going to write a nice letter for the first potential agent on my list.

That's just been done.

My heart is hammering.

I have four to six weeks to wait before pitching again, and I'm using the same spreadsheet to track pitching.

As

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Wednesday, Blog Entry and Anxiety

Beloved is likely under anaesthesia as I write these very words. Experienced surgeons are doing a job they have done thousands of times, belike. Today, I fill out the last thing on my pre-pitch checklist.

Which means that tomorrow, I start writing emails. And pitching.

...tomorrow, I'm likely to have finished chapter four HUNDRED of that brief little thing I started in 2022.

I think today's Weird Writer Wednesday is going to be all about my ideal progress towards fame and fortune.

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Thursday, Dreading...

Valentine's Day is looming and I am still trying to save for tyres [at $450 per decent tyre, I need a minimum of $700 to be safer on the roads. I almost have $130 saved and the panic is starting to sink in] and I really want to get something nice for Beloved and Adorable, but...

Staying alive is a huge fiscal drain right now. Staying on top of everything is a juggling act and... eeps.

I feel guilty about needing tyres.

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Saturday, Parkrun, Anxiety, and One More Week

I got the wibbly wobblies because looming undefined terror that will likely reveal itself in the fullness of time after it's passed.

Fun times.

I got dental looming. We have financial nonsense looming. I need to make a start on the 2K summary of Beauties... so I can edit it down and then work on the blurbs and THEN... start summarising another firkin book.

And I have a long day looming tomorrow. Starting at 3AM.

...and sore GD wrists already.

My current

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Friday, ANXIETY... and usual business

I am making a Phone Call today [Dramatic sting]. To book myself and the spawn in for the Rona Vax. Gotta make sure they all have water to drink before the jabs, too. On the day, of course.

I also have the usual Bikkie, Catio, Offerings, Recordings situation to deal with. And maybe even Rainbow Socials tonight.

I am currently procrastinating on the phone call.

Deep breaths.

I got this.

Just... make the appointment, mention that Mayhem can't have the Pfizer because

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Friday, Foods and Funtimes

I am temporarily done with recording chapters of A Devil's Tale. So I began recording chapters of Adapting just for the heck of it.

First lesson: Shorter chapters are WAY easier to read. Yay.

Second lesson: If I want to do a professional version, I'm going to need a LOT of editing alongside the more professional setup.

I also need to price and source some things in order to have a professional setup. I have an idea for a foldable sound-baffling screen

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Sunday, Smouldering Holiday

I got that odd pre-burnout depression mixed with Asthma Brand no-air panic attack going on, so I'm going to line up the treat food and spend the rest of the day in bed and watching garbage.

I have all the post-medication signs that I should have done a nebuliser dose sooner. Including:

  • Pins and needles in the extremities
  • Tinnitus
  • Dizzy spells that are more like the entire grimoire
  • General wibbly wobblyness that means I should probably steady myself on stable objects for
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Tuesday, Great Upset

Beloved took a tumble off her scooter, last night. After much waiting and worrying, the semi-diagnosis is in:

One broken arm and three fractures in her jaw. We're still waiting for Experts(tm) to tell us whether or not she needs surgery for that.

It's going to be a long time in recuperation for my poor lovely, but she will survive this.

Now she, too, will feel the weather in her face. Not an experience I would recommend to be honest.

At

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