Fucking Depression

A 19-post collection

Day One Once More

No new cases today and some rumblings that yesterday's new case may be a false positive. I refuse to take chances and count the false positives as positives anywhere.

Today's agenda includes household unfuckening and no bread. We still have an entire loaf that the family is disinterested in. I shall leave the baking of bread alone for another week. The family tends to tire of a homemade loaf now and again.

Shit happens.

Speaking of immense piles of shit:

  • Calls arise to make masks mandatory in NSW before it turns into another Victoria
  • Victorians are attempting to flee the Victorian lockdowns and will inevitably end up spreading the plague wherever they wind up
  • Outbreak linked to social activities between young people makes NSW leaders attempt to tell young people to not be sociable so they don't spread the plague
  • Covid-19 survivor now has lingering mental issues and a whole new personality as a result
  • People are drinking hand sanitiser in a move that may or may not be linked to the Muppet telling people to drink bleach? This is only happening in the USA so far
  • Yet another comorb of the plague is hair loss. Huzzah
  • K-Mart is now turning ex-Targets into one-stop-shop depots with options for online order pickups
  • Mantra of the era seems to be "just keep shopping"
  • Unsurprisingly, workers in shops are getting tons of abuse from the hordes of Karens and Koreys kicking up their assorted stinks
  • Muppet doubles down on the misinformation that kids can't catch or carry the plague and twitter temporarily suspends his right to tweet until such message was deleted
  • People more invested in getting their dogs to wear masks than themselves 9_9

Is it any wonder I keep the hell away from the news on weekends?

Story soon.

The Wheezing Continueth

My experimentation yesterday has revealed results. In that I can keep this compy functioning if I stick to the BARE MINIMUM of programs going at once. Mail, Markdown editor, and browser with only the necessary pages loaded. Nothing else.

Even then, it's slow as balls to get anything done, so... Yeah. I need to save up AU$1.5K so I can afford to get a new one and do all the things I dearly want to do. I already have the

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Some Good News PLS?

My favourite band in the whole wide world fired two members for bad behaviour. I'll drop the phrase "sexual misconduct" and leave the entire issue there. Ironically, the former member most vilified for such is also the most apologetic. The other one continues with the denial.

Sigh.

The band will continue, hopefully with better people in charge of certain areas.

Queensland is accepting somewhere in the region of 4K people (with permits) and anyone with Victoria number-plates is going to get some

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Counting up to fourteen. Again.

No new cases in Queensland again. Day one of fourteen.

I think I'm going to stay away from a majority of the Plague News because its effect is debilitating on my psyche. On the other hand, I am getting loads of sleep. It's just not good sleep because depression naps are not refreshing.

Going through the day exhausted is not good for mind, body, or soul.

Things that have reached past my filters so far:

  • Bloke in Victoria attempted to get into
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I gotta but I don't wanna

I remember going through this during the 2012 floods. Frozen with fear and watching the news circle around. Just sitting and watching the devastation while I was holed up and listening to the ceaseless sound of rain. I couldn't move and I couldn't do anything else but stay informed.

I'm reaching a point where I don't want to leave the bed. I went to bed in the afternoon when I was done with my Instant and I spent the rest of the

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Tuesday. I can't.

I didn't want to get out of bed, today. The world is falling apart. According to the vilest lies, Statistics, 87% of the USA are in favour of sensible quarantine procedures, including masks, social distancing, and staying home as much as humanly possible. Alas, the remaining 11% are the ones fucking things up for everyone else.

Speaking of the 11%... there's a bunch of them in dense public housing who are locked in for quarantine. They don't want tests for reasons that

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PLNs coming to close

I have two more meals to complete and pack, and one GIGANTIC stew to make with the rest of the veggies and to pack that... then I'm firkin DONE with meal prep.

Next step - documenting all this noise.

That promises to be some degree of "fun". How much all depends on how much I can be arsed by the end of it all. Details in my foodie blog when and if I can get motivated to do that. Recipe by recipe.

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Wednesday, Depression looms

I have left: One more sugarloaf than I have Wombok to match, and my version of coodles involves an even numbering of both for a fair flavour profile. I also have some untouched Bok/Pak Choy [I am too white to tell the difference, forgive me], a brace of spring onions, a plethora of broccoli, and a whole honkton of teeny zucchini and UNBELIEVABLY HUGE carrots.

I am seriously pondering making Coodles2: Electric Boogaloo - aka Carrot Noodles and seeing if that

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I Need a Day

I'm taking a break from my flash fanfiction today. I've been getting real dark of late and that's a sign of... something. I need a ray of hope. I need to stop looking at the news. I need...

I need a day of rest.

So, today, I'm focussing on the Instant, this blog, and that's it.

I'm calling it mental health. It might be a depression slump. I can't tell from here.

The news is dismal, my friends. My country's leaders are

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Sideways!

Disorganised today, dat-organised tomorrow.

And today was super-duper disorganised.

Because:

  • I didn't wanna get out of bed
  • Beloved needed me to track my food again
  • Which involved faffing about with a new app
  • Which made us late getting Mayhem to school
  • Chaos decided that she was "too tired" to be ready on time

And everything else has been a royal kerfluffle ever since.

I am tracking my macros, now, so that's a thing. And we'll likely find out that I'm nowhere near

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Deeeeeeep breaths...

I have an old slanguage term from my childhood days of shaking off disease. It's 'dishraggy'. As in, feeling like a limp, slightly greasy, overdue for a wash, dishrag.

It's a very floppy feeling. The effort to raise an arm is barely worth it. The greasiness resides in the soul, and can't be washed out with all the hot bubblebaths in the world.

So, in short, I am feeling 'better'. For limited definitions of 'better. I'm more mentally prepared to be functional,

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I hate this firkin spiral

Depression sucks. Spoonlessness sucks. I have no energy because I have the sads. I have the sads because I feel like I let everyone down. I let everyone down because I lack the energy to do things for everyone. I lack the energy to do things for myself.

Down and down I go
Round and round I go
In a spin...

Well it ain't that old black magic called love, that's for sure. I know where I'm headed and it isn't a

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Lo Batt Light

I have just enough energy. Which is a sad place to be, when you think of it.

I have just enough to do everything that needs must be done. But not quite enough to do the things I want to do or the things that are good for me. This is the third day that I've skipped my morning walk because I've lacked the time and the energy combined to do the thing.

Mayhem is still sick. I have just enough energy

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Work, work, work...

I swept four rooms out of twelve. And there is enough debris from that to fill a dumpster. Unsorted, of course. In the midst of that mountain of scrattle, there is laundry, dishwashing, and the occasional useful thing. The rest of it is going out of the house because it was left on the floor. The family obviously doesn't care what happens to it.

My back hurts. Mayhem is sick at home, today. Some lurgi has him fast in its grip. He

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It's the little things

Today started as a 5% battery day. You know the ones. Your entire body feels too heavy to move. It's a task and a half just to breathe in. Building a pillow fort to hide in is just too much effort.

A very much dunwanna day.

I dunwanna get up. I dunwanna get clean. I dunwanna get dressed. I dunwanna bark the kids into getting ready. I dunwanna get dinner started. I dunwanna do anything.

What I want is some major-league me

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