Fucking Depression

A 26-post collection

Sunday, Feeling Hollow

Went to a Queer Social and didn't know how to contribute to the conversations. The person we were meeting after said social cancelled. Went looking for something fun to do and ended up nope-ing back home. Woke up to catch Tale Foundry and it's been moved to tomorrow.

Feeling a little unloved in my particular pocket of the world.

Still, I have plenty of time to write my blog, work on a chamber or two of the dungeon, plot or write something in one of my WIPs or merely watch cartoons on the interwebs.

I searched for Sci-fi and fantasy clubs in my area and... they're not extant any more. There's D&D clubs but I suspect they want to play D&D when they're there. Playing one game and DM'ing another is kind of my limit? I haven't listened to The Adventure Zone for absolute ages. I want to catch up, but... eeeehhh... I don't even know.

I miss being Kosh, I guess. Writing a book about him isn't the same? Like, Bitzer Kludge became Miss Bits in Clockwork Souls but I wasn't playing her at all. She was an idea that passed. The Kosh in the WIP isn't my Kosh - not entirely - because his story wasn't played out. He's an echo. The story I wanted to see happen in the fullness of a game.

A game which might never ever be picked up again because of a stupid firkin plague.

One day. One day, I may be able to say that I have played a complete game of D&D from Session 0 to Level 20.

I want to hang out with like-minded nerds and rave about Steampunk and cinematography and D&D and scifi. I want to watch and laugh at weird old movies just for the sake of laughing together with people.

Beloved knows how to social.

I don't know how to start.

...feeling unloved in my little pocket of reality...

Tuesday, Patreon, and a Problem

It's Patreon Tuesday, so I have a bunch of stuff to post. I don't have anything for Tale Foundry - YET. Thinking about this is one of my tasks today.

I aim to get a month's worth of fictions tagged because I keep forgetting to do a week a day. Bleh.

So much to do. So little organisation. On my gottado's today:

  • All the self cares
  • Patreon posts
  • Tale Foundry story
  • Dungeon building
  • World building
  • Fic tagging for the app

If I

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Sunday and Shenanigans

Tale Foundry is doing its stream as I type. I spent most of my morning alternately watching Toasty doing amazing things with lines and blobs, and writing even more Koshdelia for funzies.

Descents into madness are delicious.

I have watched three more episodes of Legend of Vox Machina but I haven't spotted where they hid Matt Mercer this time. I shall have to find him. That little task will help me maintain consciousness until 4PM, when I must sleep before D&

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Saturday, Day 0, Surrender?

The government is not making people check in any more. They don't use the app, they don't use the app data, and so many people just sail on by without checking in, it's criminal.

I keep feeling like everyone in charge is just sticking their heads in the sand about this damn plague and hoping it goes away. Nevermind the thousands who die of it. Nevermind the thousands who are incapacitated by it. As long as the money flows, all is well.

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Sunday, Day 0, PLNs and Plots

I'm still not looking at the statistics or the news. I just can't stand it any more. There's a reason why I stayed away from the news before the firkin plague hit.

Too many people making truly daft decisions for the lure of money rather than the greater good. Or because it's what they think their holy book tells them to. Or because cruelty's just in their DNA.

Too many people choosing to be nasty instead of figuring out where two kind

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Wednesday - Day Zero - Mor Shenanigans

THREE new cases from overseas and the odds of One Arsehole are increasing. It also means that there are more and more people with the plague attempting to reach areas without. That is, as I have previously stated, how you spread the plague.

One arsehole can shit on everything for everyone.

Election is happening in the USA and no matter who wins, the right wing will be firing upon the left wing. The only real difference is whether the ones with guns

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Sunday - Day Zero

All three cases found yesterday are foreign imports and already in quarantine, but it still resets my counter to zero and it still makes me stay largely at home doing buggerall with myself. Sigh.

Living with a chronic lung condition is firkin hell during times of an air-transmissable plague.

And it's sad that I just wrote that as if these were multiple occurrences. The truth is, we are just over the first wave. The second will happen when we believe we're safe

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Day One Once More

No new cases today and some rumblings that yesterday's new case may be a false positive. I refuse to take chances and count the false positives as positives anywhere.

Today's agenda includes household unfuckening and no bread. We still have an entire loaf that the family is disinterested in. I shall leave the baking of bread alone for another week. The family tends to tire of a homemade loaf now and again.

Shit happens.

Speaking of immense piles of shit:

  • Calls arise
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The Wheezing Continueth

My experimentation yesterday has revealed results. In that I can keep this compy functioning if I stick to the BARE MINIMUM of programs going at once. Mail, Markdown editor, and browser with only the necessary pages loaded. Nothing else.

Even then, it's slow as balls to get anything done, so... Yeah. I need to save up AU$1.5K so I can afford to get a new one and do all the things I dearly want to do. I already have the

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Some Good News PLS?

My favourite band in the whole wide world fired two members for bad behaviour. I'll drop the phrase "sexual misconduct" and leave the entire issue there. Ironically, the former member most vilified for such is also the most apologetic. The other one continues with the denial.

Sigh.

The band will continue, hopefully with better people in charge of certain areas.

Queensland is accepting somewhere in the region of 4K people (with permits) and anyone with Victoria number-plates is going to get some

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Counting up to fourteen. Again.

No new cases in Queensland again. Day one of fourteen.

I think I'm going to stay away from a majority of the Plague News because its effect is debilitating on my psyche. On the other hand, I am getting loads of sleep. It's just not good sleep because depression naps are not refreshing.

Going through the day exhausted is not good for mind, body, or soul.

Things that have reached past my filters so far:

  • Bloke in Victoria attempted to get into
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I gotta but I don't wanna

I remember going through this during the 2012 floods. Frozen with fear and watching the news circle around. Just sitting and watching the devastation while I was holed up and listening to the ceaseless sound of rain. I couldn't move and I couldn't do anything else but stay informed.

I'm reaching a point where I don't want to leave the bed. I went to bed in the afternoon when I was done with my Instant and I spent the rest of the

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Tuesday. I can't.

I didn't want to get out of bed, today. The world is falling apart. According to the vilest lies, Statistics, 87% of the USA are in favour of sensible quarantine procedures, including masks, social distancing, and staying home as much as humanly possible. Alas, the remaining 11% are the ones fucking things up for everyone else.

Speaking of the 11%... there's a bunch of them in dense public housing who are locked in for quarantine. They don't want tests for reasons that

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PLNs coming to close

I have two more meals to complete and pack, and one GIGANTIC stew to make with the rest of the veggies and to pack that... then I'm firkin DONE with meal prep.

Next step - documenting all this noise.

That promises to be some degree of "fun". How much all depends on how much I can be arsed by the end of it all. Details in my foodie blog when and if I can get motivated to do that. Recipe by recipe.

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Wednesday, Depression looms

I have left: One more sugarloaf than I have Wombok to match, and my version of coodles involves an even numbering of both for a fair flavour profile. I also have some untouched Bok/Pak Choy [I am too white to tell the difference, forgive me], a brace of spring onions, a plethora of broccoli, and a whole honkton of teeny zucchini and UNBELIEVABLY HUGE carrots.

I am seriously pondering making Coodles2: Electric Boogaloo - aka Carrot Noodles and seeing if that

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