Fucking Depression

A 35-post collection

Sunday - Day Zero

All three cases found yesterday are foreign imports and already in quarantine, but it still resets my counter to zero and it still makes me stay largely at home doing buggerall with myself. Sigh.

Living with a chronic lung condition is firkin hell during times of an air-transmissable plague.

And it's sad that I just wrote that as if these were multiple occurrences. The truth is, we are just over the first wave. The second will happen when we believe we're safe and someone with the plague flits through the extinguished safeguards and starts another flare-up. Such as what's happened now with the relaxed border controls biting us in the butt. Victoria is still trying to get less than ten new cases per diem. All it takes is one member of the Karen Squad to lie their way past all the checkpoints and I'm back to hiding in my metaphorical bunker.

It's exhausting.

Mayhem wants to go shopping today, he has a funeral to attend on Monday. Someone he knew. He still won't talk to me about who that is/was. I have to let him deal with this how he sees fit.

In the news:

Someone leaked a half-baked report that justifies the Muppet's claims of mail-in voting being a source of voter fraud
Said report was not in full grip of the facts
Critical Role launches a non-profit to help the world and the fans blast through the first goal in less than 24 hours. Go Critters
Some claims have arisen that the entire lockdown plan was economic sabotage on the capitalist system. My dudes. Capitalism shot itself in the foot first. China just shoved it to make it fall over
Meanwhile, Australia seems to be sailing through everything reasonably well. Keep in mind that the USA seems to be the low bar in all directions
Epidemiologist accurately predicted the 200K US death toll in July. Also vast call-outs of Muppet's deliberate obfuscation playing a key part in said death toll
100km winds, unseasonal snow, and cataclysmic weather hits NSW and Victoria. Yet some politicians [coughcough ScoMo coughcough] want to continue denying climate change because it makes their mates in the coal industry so much money
There is increasing hype for nuclear power despite (a) it's exchanging one limited mineral fuel resource for another, (b) Three Mile Island, (c) Chernobyl, and, (d) Fukushima. Never mind that it's the most expensive and limited way to prevent further carbon catastrophes happening (eyeroll)

Let's make a happy warm fluffy story and stay away from the news for the rest of today.

Day One Once More

No new cases today and some rumblings that yesterday's new case may be a false positive. I refuse to take chances and count the false positives as positives anywhere.

Today's agenda includes household unfuckening and no bread. We still have an entire loaf that the family is disinterested in. I shall leave the baking of bread alone for another week. The family tends to tire of a homemade loaf now and again.

Shit happens.

Speaking of immense piles of shit:

Calls arise

The Wheezing Continueth

My experimentation yesterday has revealed results. In that I can keep this compy functioning if I stick to the BARE MINIMUM of programs going at once. Mail, Markdown editor, and browser with only the necessary pages loaded. Nothing else.

Even then, it's slow as balls to get anything done, so... Yeah. I need to save up AU$1.5K so I can afford to get a new one and do all the things I dearly want to do. I already have the

Some Good News PLS?

My favourite band in the whole wide world fired two members for bad behaviour. I'll drop the phrase "sexual misconduct" and leave the entire issue there. Ironically, the former member most vilified for such is also the most apologetic. The other one continues with the denial.

Sigh.

The band will continue, hopefully with better people in charge of certain areas.

Queensland is accepting somewhere in the region of 4K people (with permits) and anyone with Victoria number-plates is going to get some

Counting up to fourteen. Again.

No new cases in Queensland again. Day one of fourteen.

I think I'm going to stay away from a majority of the Plague News because its effect is debilitating on my psyche. On the other hand, I am getting loads of sleep. It's just not good sleep because depression naps are not refreshing.

Going through the day exhausted is not good for mind, body, or soul.

Things that have reached past my filters so far:

Bloke in Victoria attempted to get into

I gotta but I don't wanna

I remember going through this during the 2012 floods. Frozen with fear and watching the news circle around. Just sitting and watching the devastation while I was holed up and listening to the ceaseless sound of rain. I couldn't move and I couldn't do anything else but stay informed.

I'm reaching a point where I don't want to leave the bed. I went to bed in the afternoon when I was done with my Instant and I spent the rest of the

Tuesday. I can't.

I didn't want to get out of bed, today. The world is falling apart. According to the vilest lies, Statistics, 87% of the USA are in favour of sensible quarantine procedures, including masks, social distancing, and staying home as much as humanly possible. Alas, the remaining 11% are the ones fucking things up for everyone else.

Speaking of the 11%... there's a bunch of them in dense public housing who are locked in for quarantine. They don't want tests for reasons that

PLNs coming to close

I have two more meals to complete and pack, and one GIGANTIC stew to make with the rest of the veggies and to pack that... then I'm firkin DONE with meal prep.

Next step - documenting all this noise.

That promises to be some degree of "fun". How much all depends on how much I can be arsed by the end of it all. Details in my foodie blog when and if I can get motivated to do that. Recipe by recipe.

Wednesday, Depression looms

I have left: One more sugarloaf than I have Wombok to match, and my version of coodles involves an even numbering of both for a fair flavour profile. I also have some untouched Bok/Pak Choy [I am too white to tell the difference, forgive me], a brace of spring onions, a plethora of broccoli, and a whole honkton of teeny zucchini and UNBELIEVABLY HUGE carrots.

I am seriously pondering making Coodles2: Electric Boogaloo - aka Carrot Noodles and seeing if that

I Need a Day

I'm taking a break from my flash fanfiction today. I've been getting real dark of late and that's a sign of... something. I need a ray of hope. I need to stop looking at the news. I need...

I need a day of rest.

So, today, I'm focussing on the Instant, this blog, and that's it.

I'm calling it mental health. It might be a depression slump. I can't tell from here.

The news is dismal, my friends. My country's leaders are

Sideways!

Disorganised today, dat-organised tomorrow.

And today was super-duper disorganised.

Because:

I didn't wanna get out of bed
Beloved needed me to track my food again
Which involved faffing about with a new app
Which made us late getting Mayhem to school
Chaos decided that she was "too tired" to be ready on time

And everything else has been a royal kerfluffle ever since.

I am tracking my macros, now, so that's a thing. And we'll likely find out that I'm nowhere near

Deeeeeeep breaths...

I have an old slanguage term from my childhood days of shaking off disease. It's 'dishraggy'. As in, feeling like a limp, slightly greasy, overdue for a wash, dishrag.

It's a very floppy feeling. The effort to raise an arm is barely worth it. The greasiness resides in the soul, and can't be washed out with all the hot bubblebaths in the world.

So, in short, I am feeling 'better'. For limited definitions of 'better. I'm more mentally prepared to be functional,

I hate this firkin spiral

Depression sucks. Spoonlessness sucks. I have no energy because I have the sads. I have the sads because I feel like I let everyone down. I let everyone down because I lack the energy to do things for everyone. I lack the energy to do things for myself.

Down and down I go
Round and round I go
In a spin...

Well it ain't that old black magic called love, that's for sure. I know where I'm headed and it isn't a

Lo Batt Light

I have just enough energy. Which is a sad place to be, when you think of it.

I have just enough to do everything that needs must be done. But not quite enough to do the things I want to do or the things that are good for me. This is the third day that I've skipped my morning walk because I've lacked the time and the energy combined to do the thing.

Mayhem is still sick. I have just enough energy

Work, work, work...

I swept four rooms out of twelve. And there is enough debris from that to fill a dumpster. Unsorted, of course. In the midst of that mountain of scrattle, there is laundry, dishwashing, and the occasional useful thing. The rest of it is going out of the house because it was left on the floor. The family obviously doesn't care what happens to it.

My back hurts. Mayhem is sick at home, today. Some lurgi has him fast in its grip. He