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A 171-post collection

Challenge #02465-F275: The Folly of (Rich) Man

with a wave of his finger and flick of his wrist, he cracked his neck and grinned like a bitch -- Anon Guest

[AN: Ugh, the prompts that make me think about my new D&D character who didn't exist when this was submitted... Not doing that noise. Keep it professional...]

There's two ways to go when the forces of fate conspire to brand you for the sins of your father. One, of course, is to sink even deeper into sin, since people expect you to be like that anyway. The other was to be more pure than the driven snow. Some try both, because neither work. Some, like Fastophel, deliver cold justice with devastating accuracy.

The god's brand on his left cheek reads wrath in the Divine Script, but Fastophel is not wrathful in the slightest. He takes care to weigh everything in the balance like a logician at zero kelvin. He is a Justicer. Those who pay for his services get Justice whether they aimed for it or not.

So when the High Lord Blystur brought forth fifty starving peasants on a claim of conspiracy to commit Grand Theft, Fastophel sent the Lord out of his court to hear each and every one of the peasants in turn. He heard about taxes, he heard about Prima Nocte, he heard, too, about how slow their Lord was in paying his debts to the people. He heard each and every one of them complain that they couldn't even glean the fields for stray grains to make their daily bread, since their Lord insisted their toil last from dawn to dusk. Even the smallest of children were forced to work.

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Challenge #02458-F268: Simple Pleasures

"Okay, I'm going to ask again, and this time you better give me an answer that makes some fragging sense... HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL SANITY DO YOU 'MISPLACE' AN EIGHT-FOOT-TALL PIG-MAN?!" -- Anon Guest

"Okay, firstly, the correct term is Peccaroid..."

"Actually, firstly, the matter at hand is how the hell they managed to go missing. If the cops see them, they're going to wind up in some super-luau."

"Or on the force?" Lucas attempted a grin, but the joke

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Challenge #02456-F266: Please Explain

I like my women how I like my TV... thin, highly defined, turned on and flat against my bedroom wall

I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old, and mixed up with coke.

I like my women how the age of consent in Japan is 13, LEGAL -- Some Gross Asshole Anon

The three men at the table laughed at the joke. They were the only ones laughing. Their server was less than perfect at putting their plates

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Challenge #02455-F265: Murder Most Satisfying

What if someone was addicted to murder? They had to kill someone one out of necessity, but enjoyed it too much. Now, they want to stop, but it's hard. -- Anon Guest

You know all those hokey old serial killer dramas? The ones where the murderer always says that killing's a rush? They were right. There's no thrill like it, you know.

I know that watching the light die from that bastard's eyes was the closest I could get to heaven without

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Challenge #02452-F262: Tolerance Overload

Genders are like the twin towers; there was two of them, now it's a sensitive topic. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Oh boy, am I glad you're an Anon or I'd track you down and logically explain how this is so wrong on multiple levels]

There were rainbow flags everywhere. People wore their identities on their chests, on their faces, around their wrists and draped over their shoulders like a caped hero. Dave only knew what half of those colour combos meant, and

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Challenge #02442-F252: Free Will

When humans went to war in the past, they created weapons that can kill their enemies quickly and painlessly. As such they banned weapons and ammunition like hollow point bullets, flamethrowers, and any weapons that don’t kill humans as quickly as possible. -- Anon Guest

They say war never changes. They lie. What actually never changes is the depths to which combatants will sink to in order to gain a victory -any kind of victory- over the other side. Germ warfare

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Challenge #02438-F248: A Perfectly Normal Chip-shop Keeper

Too many of the one name so, Evans the milk, Evans the bread and Evans the dragon, nice man, doesn't play Rugby though. -- Anon Guest

There's always an Evans family in any given village in Wales. Often, there's more than one Evans family in any given location in Wales. It's a very popular surname. In order to distinguish Evanses apart, there are associated eke names. Additional surnames, sur-surnames if you will. You get names like Evans the Milk - the Evans

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Challenge #02434-F244: For Dreams Behind Bars

Dimethyltryptamine, a "Class A" drug that is illegal across the world, but not in some country and states. An potent Psychedelic that can make you believe that you can warp reality. The funny thing is, it is created when we dream. -- Anon Guest

Dimethyltryptamine. Quite the mouthful when you're chasing that high. Some call it DMT, some call it God Complex. Some call it Dream, because it is literally the stuff that dreams are made of. The brain makes it naturally

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Challenge #02433-F243: One More Thing

Do it yourselfers have a problem, "I needa", and after multiple trips to the local hardware store you acquire stuff. Which leads to 'innovative storage'. -- Anon Guest

It starts with a project that should be simple, but you need more than what is present in the allegedly simple kit. The people who put that kit together assumed that you were starting from a certain level of familiarity. So you go out to acquire the missing items of necessity.

Once there, you

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Challenge #02431-F241: Elements of Bad Design

The tailbone is virtually useless, a big target near our ass, not to mention the design of our spine is structurally fucked, AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE FOUR WISDOM TEETHS THAT I NEED TO BE SHATTERED AND EXTRACTED. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Don't get me started on my wisdom teeth. That was a horrorshow.]

If there was ever an argument against intelligent design, it is simply found in vestigial portions of anatomy and the troubles they cause. Just for example:

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Challenge #02430-F240: In a Name

I'm one of the fortunate or unfortunate (depending on your perspective) to have two first name, them being S* Kirby. -- Anon Guest

There's just something about having a first name as a last name that gets to people. It's memorable, yes, but also... it can make nametags problematic. You would not believe the number of people who tell me it should be my surname in there or, in non-surname occasions, my given one. Then you get the accusations of being an

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Challenge #02424-F234: Revolution Temporarily Postponed

"Ok look, I haven't eaten anything since this morning, and the meeting was THREE HOURS long, I'm sooooo stressed I just want to play punch something" -- Anon Guest

Is there anything more frustrating than a day that goes nowhere due to circumstances beyond your control? The boss buttonholes you for two hours about inefficiency. The staff meeting drags on as someone in the higher echelons demands a full explanation in small words of the exact, precise, fine details of the problem

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Challenge #02420-F230: Should Have Ordered a Bear Claw

Don't we all love some self-important type throwing a Grade One 'Tanty' - strongly reminiscent of a spoiled 2-year-old on camera. -- Anon Guest

Like all spectacles, this was one best viewed from afar. It was loud, it was violent, it was utterly ridiculous, and the people at ground zero had seen all varieties of nonsense and were therefore relatively unflappable, or just too tired to be bothered with reacting, it was difficult to tell. In person... it was just strange.

To

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Challenge #02419-F229: iStalkU

Of the three main causes for murder "Lust" is the most ignoble and most distressing. What could not be given in Love was stolen, then in fear of reprisal or 'the damn bitch struggled" a Life was taken. -- Anon Guest

Let me tell you about the one I love. They are perfect. Perfect body. Perfect looks. Never a hair out of place. They always smile for me when I go to order my morning fix. I always tip generously. I want

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Challenge #02418-F228: Smile For Me

There three main causes of most murders. "Anger" is one. -- Anon Guest

You know what really pisses me off? The phrase, "You're cute when you're mad." Like all that ever matters about me is the appeal I have to everyone around me. I'm cute. I'm adorable. I'm so pretty, haha, I shouldn't have negative feelings.

Bull. Hockey. I'm a human being, just like them. I have feelings, both positive and negative. I have wants and needs. I make choices... but the

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