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Magical Mayhem

A 31-post collection

Challenge #01873-E049: Infestation Reformation

Picture a Fallout style after-the-bombs postapocalyptic world, but we humans are extinct. Nothing but ruined buildings, leftover wreckage, wandering mutants of assorted types, and abandoned hoards of supplies like armor, food, tools, and weapons...

Meanwhile, on the other side of reality, the stereotype sword-n-sorcery fantasy realm gets so sick and tired of goblins - stupid, obnoxious, violent, vulgar little wretches that breed like rats on speed and can bounce back from just about anything short of incineration or wholesale dismemberment - that they create a spell to banish the entire species to some other plane, which turns out to be this post-apoc Earth. While in their old world, they were (and still are) a pack of greedy and self-serving cowards who tended to flee in disorganized panic if even slightly outnumbered or outmuscled, Goblins, it turns out, love this new world, since it's full of free food, stuff that explodes when you poke it, and no humies or elfses or such to harass them... sure, the land is packed with ravenous monsters, but there's exploring and adventures EVERYwhere! -- Anon Guest

Some argued that it was the ultimate expression of speciesism. Others held that it was pest control. But since they argued after it was a done deal, there was no skin in the game and the entire debate was philosophical. No matter what, they all agreed that the Goblins were the Goblins problem now.

Goblins are small. They are fast. They are greedy. They breed like flies. They stink because they think hygiene is a greeting for anyone named Eugene. And when they entered the world of blasted cities, their first instinct had been to run for cover. It only took them a few hours to realise that there were no other species to come after them. That all the places still standing were full of wealth.

Shiny things. Tools. Technology. Clothing. Food. They didn't even have to hunt, the food was so plentiful. Just lying around in packets. In boxes. In cans. They had access to so much that it grew... boring.

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Challenge #01857-E033: A Best-laid Plan

The evil has been slain, the entire nation celebrates in the streets and now, the beautiful Princess who was saved very publicly confesses her love and the King offers her hand in marriage to the noble Hero… Except the Hero was already married - to the woman who sells potions and medicines; she had been aiding the Hero since the quest to save the princess first began, and their love grew more with each visit. Also, the Hero isn’t a Hero,

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Challenge #01849-E025: Good For What Ails You

[Person 1] "I'm sick !"

[Person 2] "Here, take some herbs."

[Person 1] "I cut myself with a knife !"

[Person 2] "Here, take some herbs."

[Person 1] "I got my arm ripped off !"

[Person 2] "Here, take some herbs." -- Anon Guest

There are people who believe in herbs, and there are people who Believe in herbs. Talia's dotty neighbour Mackqualieghiegh (pronounced, 'mack-ay-lee-ay' and shortened to 'Mac' before the ink dried on the birth certificate) was one of the ones who BELIEVED in

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Challenge #01843-E019: Reminded of the Babe?

Don't do something permanently stupid just because you're temporarily upset. -- Anon Guest

My mother said/ I never should/ play with the faeries in the wood... - nursery rhyme.

The fae folk had her baby. Toddler. Even though her child could walk and talk after a fashion and perform simple tasks, Esa was still her baby and would be so until the day Risso died. Which might be soon, considering that she was marching into Fae territory with naught but her apron

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Challenge #01832-E008: Rightwise Born... er... Monarch?

"Whomsoever shall pull this sword from the stone is rightwise born King of England."

"Oh! Lookie! I've pulled it out," she said. -- Anon Guest

She was short. She had the sort of chubbiness born of years of feast and famine, with the body deciding to set up ample stores in case of famine. And she was clearly a scullery maid in the entourage of one amongst the many knights, ne'er-do-wells, and nonesuch that had gathered to try their luck.

The maester

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Challenge #01765-D304: A Lesson in There

Her awareness, for what was but a span of seconds at most to the outside world, now went beyond the borders of space and time. In those moments, gazing at once upon all the possible outcomes of the human race, she came to the realization of mankind's lethal flaw:

Not violence or hate as one might expect, but the deeper instigators behind those - Envy, Pride, and, surprisingly, Impatience.

As advanced and progressive as the human mind was on an individual or

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Challenge #01741-D280: When Next You Stop

High Magics: Fuck you and fuck the piece of reality you were standing on -- RecklessPrudence

Ever after, even in the depths of his self-exile, he would remember the first time that the elf used his name. He'd been travelling with the show for months, and knew everyone. And everyone knew him. Except the elf. It was difficult to tell whether they were male or female and they deliberately exploited that to unnerve people.

They were between towns, camping temporarily along the

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Challenge #01735-D274: Necessary Advancements

Magic is the science you don't know yet. The science you already know is engineering. -- RecklessPrudence

The nature of magic is one of constant debate. Any sufficiently advanced technology can be indistinguishable from magic. Any sufficiently analysed magic can be treated like science. But, overall, anything that can not fit into the rules of science can be called magic.

Conjuring is always a good one. Making things, even temporarily, from thin air defies the laws of thermodynamics. Levitation defies the laws

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Challenge #01721-D260: Been Bingeing Adventure Zone

[When someone is being encouraged to compromise their morals]

They've already put a lot of effort into the "not killing people" plan, they'd like to see it through to the end. -- RecklessPrudence

It certainly looked like the end for our heroes. Surrounded on every side by hostile forces. Outmanned. Outnumbered. If there were guns, they'd have been outgunned. But in this case, they were all out of spell slots and clever tricks. All they had left was their weapons and their

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Challenge #01707-D246: And Hardships Unnumbered

(On doing something (in the original a work of magic) usually considered extremely difficult, if not impossible, that the speaker mastered to the point it was near-trivial under [Name], but hasn't done for years)

(said fondly)

[Name] will reform from the ash of her own pyre and skin me if I fuck this up. -- RecklessPrudence

After the disaster that flattened the Forests of Ee, death covered the land like a blanket. The waters soured, and any living thing that entered the

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Challenge #01706-D245: Pass on the Wild Ride

Pookas. Referencing "Harvey" the original and the best. Shadye and a Pooka -- Anon Guest

The foothills of the headlands. Headed into Enchanted Grounds. Civilisation tried to stay away from places like this. The walls between the worlds grew thin, and all kinds of eldritch beings emerged, with their eyes set on the hearts and minds of man.

They don't mind snacking on eyeballs, lungs, and intestines, either.

The captured demon, who could see things that mere mortals could not, squinted at

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Challenge #01701-D240: Chosen by Disorder

"When chaos bears fruit, you eat first and think about the stomach ache later." -- RecklessPrudence

It was the only tree that grew sideways. Its leaves were purple. Its fruit was a shade of pink never seen in nature. But this... was not natural. This was a tree that grew in the Realm of Disorder. It stood still in the wind and waved when it was calm. And whenever it rained[1], it danced.

The Lord of Disorder held a Fruit Party

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Challenge #01687-D226: The City of Ghosts

"The priests and holy-men, they claim those things out there are the restless ghosts of dead gods."

"And what do you think?"

"I'm not so sure they're ghosts." -- Anon Guest

They called this land the Dead Plains. The grasses grew high, but trees would not. Neither deer nor cow would voluntarily graze on the grasses, here. Even horses, an animal universally recognised as rather dim, would not walk into the preternatural flatness of the Dead Plains. And worse, it was fresh

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Challenge #01681-D220: Worth of a Rat

[Asked to apprentice under a powerful, but poor, magic-user - their response]

[Mage]: Hm... Okay, but I can only pay you in unimaginable power.

[Prospective Apprentice]: That works. -- RecklessPrudence

The child was outside her tower again. Humming. Not any particular tune, no, just an aimless grind of voice that was like a slow-turning belt sander against the soul. It was persistently annoying enough for her to disrupt her experiments and take the journey down to ground level.

"Didn't I tell you

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Challenge #01662-D201: The Motivation Game

“Please do not destroy the irreplaceable magical artefacts, no matter how annoying they are,” -- RecklessPrudence

The Orb of Vexation chortled at Verski. With a sigh of regret, Verski put it back onto its cushion and re-sealed the Gate of Infinity. Finally, he turned to his tutor and said, "But why?"

"Aw, da diddle baba gonna cry," said the Orb of Vexation. "Waaaah, waaah."

Maester Kalrix conjured Cone of Silence over the Orb. "No matter how trying they are, these are important

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