Magical Mayhem

A 76-post collection

Challenge #02158-E329: Shattering Performance

The noise was indescribable, and practically cleaning the windows. -- Anon Guest

If there is any sound in the entire planar system to be feared, it is that of a Kobold Bard about to commence a Traditional Kobold Folk Song.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." the Bard took another deep breath, "Eeeeenouncing salutations, my merry pack this day... We celebrate the ending of a knight who came to slay..."

Kobolds, being creatures of darkness and tunnels, had bats to teach them what music was. They do not share the views of sunsiders who had birds to sing and inspire the first songs. Thus it was that the Kobolds and other underdwellers were the only ones clapping along. That included Lady Anthe, who had spent time in both realms. The sunsiders, attempting to be polite in a rare festival atmosphere of friendship, had smiles approaching grimaces and the thoughtful look of people attempting to work out how to politely stick their fingers in their ears.

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Challenge #02150-E321: Deal With the Deity

"I know that you are a higher being, like a god or something. But, for the love of everything that's sacred, can you please stop playing with the basic laws of physics for five minutes ?" -- Anon Guest

"Aw, but it's fun," said the Roaming Deity. A gesture made the Kobold Rogue now known as Lady Anthe float up to the ceiling again.

She bobbed around with a very put-upon expression on her tiny, draconic features. She had only shrieked once, when

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Challenge #02147-E318: Disturbing My Rest? Again?

"Why am I always either the meat shield or the distraction ?"

"Because you are the only one here that's immortal. And you got your regeneration thing."

"I may be immortal, but it doesn't change the fact that those pikes friggin hurt.... And it ruin my vest." -- Anon Guest

Never let anyone tell you that immortality is a blessing. Anyone with a lick of sense knows that it is a curse. It's even worse if you're immortal and an adventurer. Never mind

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Challenge #02144-E315: Terrifying Obstacles

(Person 1) (Quietly): So now we have to somehow get across this long metal hallway without making any noise. How are we gonna do this?

(Person 2): Pulls out (very long) rolled-up carpet from their backpack -- TheDragonsFlame

Marvin looked down at Lady Anthe and the carpet that was still unfurling down the metal hallway. "Really?" he whispered. "Are you prepared for everything?"

"I like to be," she whispered, grinning as the final tassels landed with a soft 'thwup'. It didn't set

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Challenge #02141-E312: Dread Deity

Praise be to the Tiny Snake God! -- TheDragonsFlame

Praise to Hyerish, the Dread Serpent. Fear that they judge you unworthy. Brave you must be to approach them. Sure of your heart, you need be, to lay your hand upon them.

The words ring the temple, where Hyerish resides. There is a definite snake motif in the decorations on it, in the tableaus and certainly on the clothing and body decorations of the local populace. The local populace who just happened to

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Challenge #02138-E309: Plot Thwart

"In my defense I'm not used to people listening when I speak." -- OohLookShiny

"In our defense," said Wraithvine, "you were the first of us to come up with a workable plan."

"Wasn't that workable," sighed Marvin. "We failed."

Lady Anthe, also chained to the wall of the dungeon, was smiling. Always be wary when a Kobold is smiling. "I wouldn't say that. We got into the castle. Objective one went without a hitch."

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Challenge #02112-E289: Spiritual Progress Goes Huff-Huff-Huff

Baths were once optional, water had to be carried in jugs to fill a bath, and people (a) stank and (b) got diseases. Then came the 'chip heater', hot water for all. guess what it sounds like. -- Anon Guest

Ne'er cast a clout[1] 'till May be out -- pre-industrial era saying.

It was the paradox of the northern realms: bathe regularly, and you would catch your death from the icy winds that crept in through the chinks in the mortar,

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Challenge #02111-E288: Rusty Heroism

You used to be the leader of a legendary squad of heroes who banished a great darkness from the world, your reward the blessing of agelessness should you be needed to vanquish future foes that may arise... and now the time has come where you’re needed again, as the once-banished darkness has risen from his arcane slumber a dozen centuries later.

The catch is that now all of you work in normal, 9 to 5 jobs at retail and such, well

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Challenge #02108-E285: Failed Medicine Check

"What happened?"

"The kobold was thirsty and drank some brandy by accident." -- Anon Guest

On the plus side, the enemy was getting a routing it never suspected from a foe they couldn't even focus on. On the minus side, this had to be doing something awful for Chrysanthemum's bodily systems. Dragonkin had different biology to mammalian lifeforms. A drop of alcohol might dull a human's senses, but to one of reptillian descent... It was like a plus three Potion of Haste.

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Challenge #02097-E273: Surprise Attackers

"Where are we running to?" asked the panting officer.

"Let's just worry about the away part right now," shouted the private, making a determined effort to run faster than her Captain. -- Anon Guest

There is an old saying, The Brass will kill you. Sooner or later, some lord with a horse and shiny armour will make the world's stupidest decision because that was how it was supposed to go according to some epic poem or some book he read somewhere. Sooner

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Challenge #02095-E271: A Morning of Intense Regret

"Must have been a great night; I'm imaging thudding noises."

"It was a stupendous night, and it's not your imagination." -- Anon Guest

Marvin winced at the light making its way through his eyelids. It was too sharp for him to open his eyes, just yet. The booming thud shook him and stabbed his brain, and the whimper in his throat sounded like a roar and felt like knives on fire were coming out of him.

"Have we learned something?" Wraithvine murmured.

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Challenge #02085-E261: One Heartbreaking Revelation Far From Home

"Dragons are such majestic, Noble creatures!"

Drunk dragon forces its way through the doorway then collapses and starts snoring -- TheDragonsFlame

Marvin was grinning at everything around him like a child at their first Winterfeast Festival. He would giggle at odd moments and was almost vibrating with glee. Lady Anthe had her hood down for the first time since they had begun as an adventuring party because this was where the dragon-folk lived. Kobolds, Dragonborn, assorted Lizardkin, and actual real live Dragons

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Challenge #02076-E252: Omniphobia

"You said it wouldn't be scary this time!"

"Technically I said it wouldn't be a monster. "

"It's a dragon!"

"I stand by my statement!" -- OohLookShiny

[AN: This is before they meet and rescue Marvin in Dirt's Worth]

Wraithvine mentally ticked 'dragon' off the list of beasts that ze could make hir phantom steed appear to be like. The problem was that Kobolds like the freshly-renamed Chrysanthemum were renowned for their craven cowardice and apparently terrified of every possible mount they could

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Challenge #02075-E251: Safe Hide

When I first met you, I feared you, for I had heard the rumours and they weren’t pretty.

Then I got to know you. Your compassion saved me, your sympathy broke me, and your songs put me back together again, strange and misshapen but whole once again.

And now, after all that we’ve been through? Well, there’s no one I’d rather have by my side, friend. -- Anon Guest

First impressions are a son of a bitch, sometimes.

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Challenge #02059-E235: Betrayal is a Two-Way Street

“You really ought to learn not to be so trusting,” ze sneered. “The world’s a dangerous place.”

“Clearly you’ve never met a pissed-off human before.” She smiled. “Please, allow me to... enlighten you.” -- Anon Guest

The Human interlaced her fingers and twisted them about to make a sound like several walnuts being crushed at once. While the guards were wincing at that intolerable sound, she casually purloined one of their polearms and used it to stun the other one.

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