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InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12341 posts

'Tis the Day After Christmas...

...And all on the roads,

Are the people driving,

Who prob'ly drank loads...

I took MeMum home this early AM with a hope that we wouldn't cross paths with the really dangerous dickheads and thereby give her more stress than she ever needed for the rest of her life.

And then... not even halfway to Costco...

Doodling the wrong way along an off ramp, using the lane, seemingly completely unaware that they were GOING THE WRONG WAY... there's this Ute. Lucky there was hardly anyone else on the road at the time, but holy shit. HOLY SHIT, folks.

Last I saw of this car, they were at the exit lane and apparently pondering their life choices. This seen via my rear view mirror.

This person, whoever they were, has now won the Gold Cup of Numptyness.

The previous prizewinner has held this position since the early 90's and was a lady my Da and I saw doing her hair in the rear view with both hands whilst in the driver's seat, whilst the car was moving. Da beeped at her like "wake up" and she just used her accelerator. I have not seen a bigger numpty on the roads until today.

You have to be a pretty big numpty to get on my winners' board, folks. I've seen some humdingers.

Today, we're staying off the roads for the most part, though there is a showing of Aquaman that we have advanced tix for. Fingers crossed that the numpties have gone back to their caverns by then.

Instant soon. TAZ fanfiction maybe. Not working on my novel at all this week. I'll see about next week if I feel like it.

Challenge #02179-E350: Use Freedom Responsibly

"Do you beeep realize that they beeep wired my voicebox with a digital censor ! Under the beeep pretext that it might shock some Havenworlder. So now I can't say beeep like beeep, beeep, beeep beeep, beeep or even beeep! That's half my beeep vocabulary ! It's goddam beeep." -- Anon Guest

"You can still say 'goddam'," said Human Pel.

"Not beeep helpful, Pel," sighed Ioli, resident AI. "I've been hacked. This is a beeep violation of my freedom of beeep speech!"

Pel took

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::Cue William Tell But Not Really::

Today, I am driving to the other side of the world Brisbane to fetch MeMum so we can have her over for Christmas day.

This comes on the heels of a disturbed night because this years' seemingly traditional Yule Disaster(tm) has happened to Capt. S.

The family is taking steps, because this one looks like a gold class clusterfuck that could have only been solved as it happened, and nobody got the memo as it was happening. I'm under orders to

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Challenge #02178-E349: Worn Away

"I don't like escort mission..."

"It can't be that bad !"

"We must escort a class 1 Havenworlder with no survival instinct." -- Anon Guest

[AN: See here for reference on Havenworlder scale]

Havenworlders, especially, are known for not exactly evolving, but sauntering vaguely along the evolutionary tree until cogniscence eventually kicked in through sheer boredom. The higher the Havenworlder instinct, the worse they are at certain survival skills.

This is not the rule. Unfortunately for Humans thinking they have an easy escort

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So here's my morning

Wake up at 1AM because nanna nap earlier in the day. I also had sulphurous burps for reasons I couldn't fathom.

Gave up on sleep because busy day ahead and I could always nap in the car on the way there.

Settle down to the compy to start writing and begin feeling really sick. Sulphurous burps continue, hot feeling rises, as does nausea.

Adjourn to the loo to realise, once again, that two Kirks' brand Diet Creamy Sodas is one too many.

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Challenge #02177-E348: The Biggest Speech Wins

Monologuing Villain encounter Drama Queen Hero. To the detriment of both minions and party members. -- Anon Guest

Alcratho was midway through Opus 67: You Don't Understand My Struggles (It's a Harsh World and We Can Remake it). His nearby minions made themselves comfortable.

Meanwhile, working on counterpoint Zanthinar was midway through his epic performance of Oh My Trials! and his cohort were busy busting out the cushions to sit on and using Create Popcorn.

To the uninitiated, it seemed like they

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Call me Cheaty McCheaterson

I have nine episodes of Oh My Mods ready to rock and roll. Hooray.

I have two weeks coming up in which I will be busy off my arse with everything and a bucket of eggs.

We have ducted air con! YAYA! ...and getting used to that has given me a case of da sniffoos.

I'm currently uploading my episodes to the YouTube and I have them all on schedule. The first one will be appearing on the Thursday following Christmas. Watch

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Challenge #02176-E347: What Were You Thinking?

Deep inside our consciousness is the Lizard Brain, primitive, and kept us going till we got much better, but every so often it has it's say in our lives.

And probably at the 3 F's stage of existence with an attraction to distraction. -- Anon Guest

[AN: The three F's are something I used in some slightly-raunchy fanfictions for The Adventure Zone. They stand for "Fight, F*ck, or Feed"]

Brains are funny things. We like to imagine an internal hierarchy because

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Crunch time

Things I gotta do:

  • Make sure Beloved has the shopping list bookmarked so I can trust them to be my hands and feet whilst I'm fetching MeMum on Monday
  • Start uploading those vids I made and arrange some kind of schedule
  • Learn to FREAKING CHILL about this coming Tuesday
  • At least learn to calm the heck down when I fail the last bullet point.

At least the presents are ready, so yay. The feast can be improvised, worked around, and whatnot.

I'm

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Challenge #02175-E346: A Trail a Mile Wide

Elves. they come in all shapes and incarnations from Lord of the Rings to Santa's little helpers. What if they all got together for ElfCon. -- Anon Guest

Welcome to Warpvale. The impossible happens daily.

In this case, the 'impossible' is a wide and varied range of Elves, from all over the multiverse. All possible hues of skin and more than a few that aren't. All possible sizes of ear, too. From 'vaguely human but huge', through 'human with a point stuck

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Welcome to my enfuckened life

Today's the last day of this year for hired cleaning help. Which means that, once again, I have to badger my family into cleaning up after themselves.

I also have to have $95 cash, but that's small potatoes.

Beloved has to see a Gold-plated Expert about their eyes at early-during-business-hours. I have no idea how long that's going to take, or even if my presence is required, but I do know that my day is pretty much screwed.

Today promises to be

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Challenge #02174-E345: Unstoppable Argument vs Unflappable Opposition

Automatic skills, once acquired you can just do them. Touch typing, knitting and my personal favourite the cat owner's foot sweep and fridge door close manoeuvre. -- Knitnan

Muscle memory is an amazing thing. A skill set repetitive enough can wander into the back-brain and just... remain there. Encamped. Ensconced. Set into stone once done often or regularly enough. So much so that the being involved in such thorough learning can employ them whilst employed in another activity. This phenomenon is most

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All hail the new routine

I have wanted to do some Lets Play videos for some time now. Alas, we have lacked the internet, the wherewithall and the time.

However, the wherewithall has arrived in the form of my Spiffy New PC, the internet has arrived in the Shittiest Possible NBN, and the time has always been there between Fuckoff in the morning and whenever the little darlings wake up.

When they go back to school, the recording schedule is more likely to happen in the middle

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Challenge #02173-E344: Predator Practice

The most common game in the galaxy was, Surprisingly, Hide and seek, Havenworlders even had entire Leagues and sports stars based on the game.

For Havenworlders it was thrilling but safe, and allowed them to exhibit each species natural abilities in defensive evasion, as well as honed their tactics and attention to detect Predators

They were surprised to find Humans enjoyed the same game, realising that the seeker made sense to a Predatory Species, but it Terrified them just how well a

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