Humans are Insane

A 117-post collection

Challenge #02277-F087: Survivors

Humans have an oath, a promise they make to the world when they are born:

I will Survive.

Survive out of spite. Survive as a witness. survive as a warning to the future. survive so these stories do not disappear.

I will survive or else. -- Anon Guest

Every living creature greets their first taste of life with a complaint. Brief or lengthy, living is worth making a fuss over. Humans, especially, enter their lives and rage at it. Fighting from the first moments of their existence. They are weak, helpless, covered in blood, and raging against the universe for daring to challenge them like that.

Humans are great survivors. They start by battling their Deathworld from day one. They fight the weather, they fight to eat, they fight disease, disaster, and deprivation. They fight their worst and eternal enemy - other Humans.

Some grow up and continue on their Deathworld. Others go out and fight the Universe. They fight the enemies of civilisation. They fight civilisations that are their enemies. They just... fight. Some, judged the most battle-ready of Humans, fight only their own circumstances.

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Challenge #02275-F085: To Share Caring

An Alien crew of Havenworlders tries to help their security-officer (a Human) to cope with PTSD-Flashbacks, Anxiety and Panic-Attacks. -- Anon Guest

The ship's Human had been sedated after the Upset. They lay now in the darkened recovery room with gently glowing screens displaying the words, You are safe, in the Human's home tongue. They would wake, eventually, but the trepidation amongst the Leseu crew was - what had happened to their Human?

Pack-bonding can happen in both directions.

Doctor Slysse faced

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Challenge #02273-F083: Smouldering Leaf Habit

This is a page from the Safety Manual for Humans.

"...... even if dangerous and self-destructive, some Humans will continue to light small fires for the inhalation of toxic substances ( To-ba-co) and will do so anywhere, if not provided a smoking-area.

PLEASE ALLOW THEM THIS !!!!!" -- Anon Guest

[AN: Speaking as a lifelong asthmatic whose life has been put in peril by smokers - irresponsible tobacco addicts can go to hell. The prizewinner is still the bloke who lit up upwind of me

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Challenge #02257-F067: Terrans of the Deep

Human talk about their oceans flora and fauna and deep water creatures.

Needless to say, it only adds more reasons, why Humans and their Deathworld should have been classified way higher. -- Anon Guest

Humans love to explore. To them, nothing is more alluring than the path not taken, the nook unchecked, or the depths undelved. There is no length a Human will not go to in order to see what's there just because they can. It should therefore surprise few that,

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Challenge #02227-F037: Think of the Children

An alien equivalent of a lawyer is studying up on various human court cases and stumbles upon a series of cases from family courts dated up to the mid 2030s citing "deviant sexual attitudes" or "deviant sexuality" as reasons for being an unsuitable parent. Upon consultation with its human liaison as to the nature of these cases, the alien discovers the murky and dark legal situations around kinks. -- Anon Guest

For those seeking further proof of Human Insanity, look no further

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Challenge #02217-F027: Complexities of Simple Experiments

Humans tend to shine ridiculously bright spotlights into the sky. Imagine an alien vessel going past and being blinded by these lights. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Most of our lights don't work like that. They're dissipated by the atmosphere and disperse as they go further from the source. By the time you're at cruising altitude for airplanes, they're invisible to even the most perceptive of observers. That said, we're busy inventing some pretty gnarly lights...]

Humans like to prove things are possible.

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Challenge #02210-F020: Keep on Rolling

A Cheese rolling in Gloucestershire. A bunch of humans running down a really steep hill in order to out race each other or possibly catch a wheel of cheese in order to win said cheese. People get injured. Try explaining that to Aliens -- Anon Guest

"This is a sport?" said Glaux, who was honestly attempting to understand their Ships' Human. "In a place called..." they looked up the spelling. "Glaw-sess-ter-shire?"

"Gloss-ter-sheer," corrected Human Tess. "It's a common mistake, but yes. That's

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Challenge #02206-F0165: Microscopic Passengers

The Aliens in Board learn that one of the Human-Crewmembers has Herpes.

Fact: More than 3.7 Billion People have it. XD -- Anon Guest

"It's my duty to inform my captain and crew that I have a class two plague known as Herpes. I'm on a permanent course of antivirals to prevent its propagation."

Captain Gorthax, mildly alarmed, consulted the free infonets and read, GalStand Medical Primer for Newcomers: Subheading - Plague Disease Classes and resulting mis-assumptions.

Like most numeric classifications,

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Challenge #02205-F015: Correcting Memetic Foibles

European Humans have Something around 2 % of DNA from the Neandertaler in them.

Humans share 50 to 80% of their DNA with the Common Banana.

All that separates US from Apes are roughly 1- 5 % genetic differences.

The Aliens learn about these Facts for the first Time.... -- Anon Guest

"A common mistake in early DNA studies is mistaking content for relationships. Some are indicators, like the two percent of DNA that some Humans share with Neanderthals. Or the ninety-eight percent that

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Challenge #02203-F013: Pride Goeth...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IhnUgAaea4M -- Anon Guest

[AN: Offensensitivity warning for anglo-saxon four-letter words in the lyrics]

If there is any sign of a sickening nation, it is national egotism. Every time a nation gets a metaphorical big head, it is destined for collapse. Britannia did, once, rule the waves. Then it's empire collapsed in a rash of independence after the nation nearly collapsed due to two multinational wars in rapid succession.

America, once, was a great nation. Then

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Challenge #02202-F012: Examining Uncertain Truths

Humans have had alot of time and reasons to think up Gods and Dieties.

How would they(aliens) react If they learn about the flying Spaghetti-Monster-Religion or the disturbing Cult(ure) of Cthulu.

Or even worse.... Boy-bands and their fanatic Fans !

Have fun :-) -- Anon Guest

Welcome to Xenotheology, the most complicated course in the field of omnistudies. We begin by acknowledging that all faiths are true, for interesting values of 'true'. You will come across materials in this field of

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Challenge #02201-F011: Quantity Control

Havenworlders learn about Meat consumption, Animal-Stocking and The USA-Attitude of "more equals better". -- Anon Guest

Havenworlders are aware of carnivores on an intellectual level. Many understand that one species' nutrition doesn't work for all species. Some Havenworlders are insectivorous and adorably claim to be mighty hunters before they meet Deathworlders.

What surprised them is what some Deathworlders did in order to obtain meat.

"So. Since your kind invented agriculture, you attempted to farm meat like you farmed plant products," said Kiki,

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Challenge #02192-E363: Operating Soundtrack

The ship's human brought a ukulele on board, now they've infected the gravity drive. -- Anon Guest

Many Galactics assume that Humans are naturally musical. The fact is that it rather depends on the Human, and the truth of the matter is that a Human involved in jobs that require waiting for something to happen will take up a hobby for something to do. Some take up fibre crafts. Some take up art forms. Others... take up instruments.

Many wish that the

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Challenge #02171-E342: The Depths to Crawl

It will be called the Battle of the Somme. It will begin on a date that will be called July 1, 1916. In this charge, on the first day twenty-thousand men will die. Twenty-five thousand more will be wounded. But most will survive, and charge again another day.

Belisarius shook his head. "How-?"

We do not know. We do not fully understand humans, even the Great Ones. But you will do it. You will do it again and again and again. And

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Challenge #02159-E330: Understandable Precautions

A Havenworlder exploration vessel is exchanging stuff and ideas with a Terran exploration vessel. All is relaxed and going very well until one of the Terrans puts down their drinking vessel and declares the most terrifying words in all the multiverses -- "I've just had a thought!!" -- Anon Guest

Humans are Deathworlders. They have become gradually aware of this. Deathworlders and Havenworlders should not mix, but space is an unfriendly environment and sometimes you really need a big friend who is

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