Humans are Insane

A 113-post collection

Challenge #02227-F037: Think of the Children

An alien equivalent of a lawyer is studying up on various human court cases and stumbles upon a series of cases from family courts dated up to the mid 2030s citing "deviant sexual attitudes" or "deviant sexuality" as reasons for being an unsuitable parent. Upon consultation with its human liaison as to the nature of these cases, the alien discovers the murky and dark legal situations around kinks. -- Anon Guest

For those seeking further proof of Human Insanity, look no further than their legal records. -- Common saying amongst the Legistrar Major.

Darael was studying up for Xenolegal history, and had wound up on a wiki walk into the deepest of deep labyrinths. Humanity was like a train wreck. Fascinating from a distance, but horrifying at close range. Everyone knew the one about the hot coffee, but some of these...

Humanity - a species not naturally inclined to mate for life, invented marriage as a means of cementing relationships between polities via familial alliances. Then they traditionalised it. Then they invented divorce as a means of sundering those alliances. Often messily, loudly, and with numerous parties dragging others through the mud in the process, because property ownership was often tied solely to one gender. Which was clearly a messed up way of arranging things.

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Challenge #02217-F027: Complexities of Simple Experiments

Humans tend to shine ridiculously bright spotlights into the sky. Imagine an alien vessel going past and being blinded by these lights. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Most of our lights don't work like that. They're dissipated by the atmosphere and disperse as they go further from the source. By the time you're at cruising altitude for airplanes, they're invisible to even the most perceptive of observers. That said, we're busy inventing some pretty gnarly lights...]

Humans like to prove things are possible.

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Challenge #02210-F020: Keep on Rolling

A Cheese rolling in Gloucestershire. A bunch of humans running down a really steep hill in order to out race each other or possibly catch a wheel of cheese in order to win said cheese. People get injured. Try explaining that to Aliens -- Anon Guest

"This is a sport?" said Glaux, who was honestly attempting to understand their Ships' Human. "In a place called..." they looked up the spelling. "Glaw-sess-ter-shire?"

"Gloss-ter-sheer," corrected Human Tess. "It's a common mistake, but yes. That's

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Challenge #02206-F0165: Microscopic Passengers

The Aliens in Board learn that one of the Human-Crewmembers has Herpes.

Fact: More than 3.7 Billion People have it. XD -- Anon Guest

"It's my duty to inform my captain and crew that I have a class two plague known as Herpes. I'm on a permanent course of antivirals to prevent its propagation."

Captain Gorthax, mildly alarmed, consulted the free infonets and read, GalStand Medical Primer for Newcomers: Subheading - Plague Disease Classes and resulting mis-assumptions.

Like most numeric classifications,

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Challenge #02205-F015: Correcting Memetic Foibles

European Humans have Something around 2 % of DNA from the Neandertaler in them.

Humans share 50 to 80% of their DNA with the Common Banana.

All that separates US from Apes are roughly 1- 5 % genetic differences.

The Aliens learn about these Facts for the first Time.... -- Anon Guest

"A common mistake in early DNA studies is mistaking content for relationships. Some are indicators, like the two percent of DNA that some Humans share with Neanderthals. Or the ninety-eight percent that

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Challenge #02203-F013: Pride Goeth...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IhnUgAaea4M -- Anon Guest

[AN: Offensensitivity warning for anglo-saxon four-letter words in the lyrics]

If there is any sign of a sickening nation, it is national egotism. Every time a nation gets a metaphorical big head, it is destined for collapse. Britannia did, once, rule the waves. Then it's empire collapsed in a rash of independence after the nation nearly collapsed due to two multinational wars in rapid succession.

America, once, was a great nation. Then

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Challenge #02202-F012: Examining Uncertain Truths

Humans have had alot of time and reasons to think up Gods and Dieties.

How would they(aliens) react If they learn about the flying Spaghetti-Monster-Religion or the disturbing Cult(ure) of Cthulu.

Or even worse.... Boy-bands and their fanatic Fans !

Have fun :-) -- Anon Guest

Welcome to Xenotheology, the most complicated course in the field of omnistudies. We begin by acknowledging that all faiths are true, for interesting values of 'true'. You will come across materials in this field of

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Challenge #02201-F011: Quantity Control

Havenworlders learn about Meat consumption, Animal-Stocking and The USA-Attitude of "more equals better". -- Anon Guest

Havenworlders are aware of carnivores on an intellectual level. Many understand that one species' nutrition doesn't work for all species. Some Havenworlders are insectivorous and adorably claim to be mighty hunters before they meet Deathworlders.

What surprised them is what some Deathworlders did in order to obtain meat.

"So. Since your kind invented agriculture, you attempted to farm meat like you farmed plant products," said Kiki,

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Challenge #02192-E363: Operating Soundtrack

The ship's human brought a ukulele on board, now they've infected the gravity drive. -- Anon Guest

Many Galactics assume that Humans are naturally musical. The fact is that it rather depends on the Human, and the truth of the matter is that a Human involved in jobs that require waiting for something to happen will take up a hobby for something to do. Some take up fibre crafts. Some take up art forms. Others... take up instruments.

Many wish that the

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Challenge #02171-E342: The Depths to Crawl

It will be called the Battle of the Somme. It will begin on a date that will be called July 1, 1916. In this charge, on the first day twenty-thousand men will die. Twenty-five thousand more will be wounded. But most will survive, and charge again another day.

Belisarius shook his head. "How-?"

We do not know. We do not fully understand humans, even the Great Ones. But you will do it. You will do it again and again and again. And

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Challenge #02159-E330: Understandable Precautions

A Havenworlder exploration vessel is exchanging stuff and ideas with a Terran exploration vessel. All is relaxed and going very well until one of the Terrans puts down their drinking vessel and declares the most terrifying words in all the multiverses -- "I've just had a thought!!" -- Anon Guest

Humans are Deathworlders. They have become gradually aware of this. Deathworlders and Havenworlders should not mix, but space is an unfriendly environment and sometimes you really need a big friend who is

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Challenge #02157-E328: The Melody Lingers On

few things annoy or irritate a human more than an unfinished tune or ditty...

ESPECIALLY the simplest ones, notably "a shave and a Haircut" and "Pop goes the Weasel" -- Adam in Darwin

Humans have an alarming attachment to rhythm and melody for a species so centred on sight. Many prefer to have "their tunes" in the background during work, and many more are victim to the Ice/Pressure phenomenon[1]. Humans say that music is a universal language, but even they

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Challenge #02153-E324: Canned Exodus

The Mom Mobile, either a titchy little car that is slightly larger than a phone booth or the massive Soccer Mom, haul anything including the whole team. -- Anon Guest

Men carry money. Women carry the world. -- Ancient Human Proverb.

Galactics can easily tell which gender secured the Human escape vessel. The tiny ones that barely fit the number of survivors and a minimal amount of survival supplies are generally procured by the males. The large and bulky ones with room

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Challenge #02145-E316: Pass the Ductape and Praise the Powers

"Well yeah, it works, but could it be better?" at this point groaning wasn't stopping the human from trying -- Anon Guest

There are two kinds of Humans, though debates abound as to which kinds those two are. In this case, though, the division is between those who say, "What the flakk, it runs," and those who say, "Yes, I know it's working perfectly fine, but what if it worked better than that?" Human Andi was one among the latter.

Like most

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Another week

Another Monday. Another tide of depressing news. We have ten years left, as a race, to save our own lives and the people with the power to actually change things won't do it because it's not profitable.

The Muppet has a minimum of two years in office. My own political representatives are more interested in stabbing each other in the back than they are in getting anything done.

I am watching the human race shoot itself in the foot because a greedy

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