Humans are Insane

A 148-post collection

Challenge #02469-F279: Close to the Skins

Tighty whities, saggy and baggy, or not much there at all... your wash tells a lot about you. -- Anon Guest

Of all the mysteries of Human existence, the concept of 'clothing' and 'decency' are the pinnacle of Human attempts at civilisation. Primary amongst the examples trotted out for debate are 'underwear'. Human underwear has gone from articles of clothing to protect the outer clothing from assorted bodily excretions, to hardly anything at all designed to cover intimate portions of skin from accidental viewing, to skin-tight copies of outerwear and back again.

Rael, for instance, was sometimes reminded about Humans 'never having enough trousers'. A quote from one of their own writers about their people's ideas of what was proper clothing. In this case, Ambassador Shayde couldn't have enough pants.

She had the long, grey slacks that were part of her everyday uniform as something of a public servant. Underneath that, because she had been taught it was proper, and because it was a form of armour, were the Ships' Skins. Or, as she referred to them, witches britches an' a belly tee. What witchcraft had to do with Ships' Skins evaded Rael, and he was almost too afraid to ask.

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Challenge #02468-F278: Tougher Than Tough

"What's wrong I heard screaming!?"

"Oh, hey can you help me get my hand out of here?"

"I was practicing with Australian Bull-oak and made a hole."

"What were yo- by the stars you're bleeding!"

"I know that so help me!"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allocasuarina_luehmannii -- Anon Guest

[AN: Changed the spelling of Buloke so people could read the prompt a smidge easier]

Humans with a fascination for martial arts -especially fictional martial arts- are more insane than

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Challenge #02463-F273: Night of the Living PJ's

“I fucked up my internal clock and having insomnia always triggering midnight hunger.”

“Midnight hunger?”

“A zombie like state that make me crave food.”

“What's a zombie?”

“You’ll see tonight.” -- Anon Guest

Humans have weird terms for everything. Spacers, even more so. It's as if being locked inside a limited space with only audio channels available for communication triggers its own unique permutations on language. Either that, Grux speculated, or they were just Like That from the beginning.

"Just a

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Challenge #02462-F272: A Not-So-Little List

Rael's introduction to cream pie, please. -- Anon Guest

[AN: You can find something similar in my very first anthology under the title of Time Out From That Good Fight (It should be in the late one hundreds, but if not, here's the link to the version on Steemit.]

Was there any bigger portent of impending doom than Shayde singing a certain song from The Mikado? Rael had unfortunately found out that the answer was 'yes'. It was Shayde singing a certain

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Challenge #02441-F251: The Mikado's Song

Puns: a beautiful amalgamation of the language it derives from, and that situation that comes forth. -- Anon Guest

Of all the atrocities committed by the English, I give you one that has passed into the levels of international crime, yet has also passed almost unnoticed by the law. I give you - the pun.

Words are plastic. Meaning is malleable. One word can sound enough like another to make the actual joke hit like a missile. It is a form of

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Challenge #02432-F242: Unfortunate History

"No way. A society advanced enough to even think of getting into space must live in harmony with itself. Everybody has following the rules encoded in their genes. The consequences of disrupting the system of government are equivalent to those of an asteroid impact. Of course you'd say that I'm a Havenworlder, things work differently on Terra, yada-yada-yada, but that's an universal rule... right?" -- Anon Guest

"Er. Not really. Humanity's first steps into space travel were the direct result of an

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Challenge #02429-F239: Fresh as the Day...

Due to a new find on Earth the whole Galaxy's is in a State of utter bafflement and confusion.

Even Scientists are clueless about the How.

One Human has Survived. Locked away deep underground in a sort of Cryogenic sleeping Cell, years before even the First Prototypes where built.

The Signs on the Pod says "Activated 2019. All Vitals normal. Beginning Waking-Procedure. T-24 Hours"

A Human still alive from before the Shattering. -- Anon Guest

The vault under the mountain was brilliantly

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Challenge #02428-F238: Resistance Training

being a telepath isn't easy. Being an apprentice one even less. That's why all apprentice telepath first learn and practice on their teachers, then on volunteer from mind reading friendly species, practising the basics, be it reading someone's mind, communicating basically and making the whole thing as less uncomfortable as possible.

The first true "test" is to go and listen as long as possible to a small group of humans passing by the main hall. Officially it's to make sure the basic

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Challenge #02403-F213: Come From the Woodwork Out

“My heart feel like it gonna implode, and my body feels like shit”

“Well this is the Edge, you have been awake for 72 Terran hours, two days ago”

Fun fact if awake for more than 3 days, humans will hallucinate or so symptom of insanity. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Feeling a lot like Hudson Hawk at the end of his movie RN. Check my Hub site tomorrow for details.]

"Does... that explain why you're so... shiny?"

"You could probably explain it

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Challenge #02402-F212: Macgyvering it

You know, after seeing how humans break video games, aliens shouldn't ve so surprised by the dumb things humans think of to solve problems. Also, they should practically expect said dumb things to work. -- Anon Guest

There is a saying, If it's dumb and it works, it wasn't that dumb. It should be no surprise at all that the Humans were responsible for coining it. Humans have a song celebrating how they do, or did, 'all the dumb things'. Reports of

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Challenge #02401-F211: Nothing Up Their Sleeve

After humans meet aliens, they witness an alien do what we now call magic. After a explanation it turns out human can use magic, but the earth has a natural 'magic jammer' in the atmosphere that blocks magic. Humans then push the know magic research to the max and open new doors for the galaxy in magic. -- Anon Guest

[AN: This is obviously not happening in Amalgam Universe]

"What was that?" demanded the Human.

Theroq put their wand back into its

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Challenge #02399-F209: They Can't Have Nice Things Anymore

Aliens learn about the furry/scalie communities, which lead to both awkward and helpful situations. -- Anon Guest

"Huh. How about that?"

This surprised remark was not unexpected over morning nourishment hours, since many were prone with checking their news updates. Someone, somewhere, was bound to find out something interesting that was worthy of a similar comment. Therefore, Grux, who preferred to huddle over their morning nutrition and stimulants, said, "How about what?"

"Humans..." this delivered with a seemingly mandatory eye-roll. "There's

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Challenge #02389-F199: Be Prepared

There is always an outsider. One that, although they accepted the risks of space travel, are extremely hesitant to accept any OTHER risks. -- Anon Guest

The Humans have a very apt saying: There's always one. In this case, there's always one traveller who takes certain aspects of travel way too casually... and others way too seriously.

The livesuit was one of the best ones on the market. In-suit cleansing, bio-attachments, and necessary padding in silky comfort. The manufacturers bragged that a

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Challenge #02388-F198: Nibbled to Death...

There is a myth about the Shattering. It states that the Shattering was put into motion by one human, one that had seen the future. -- Anon Guest

Five hundred years makes all the difference. For Earth, it viewed all its sundry colonies as a form of backup. Not just for the Human race, but also for the data and knowledge the colonials took with them. Surely, they reasoned, the colonists would keep such vital information about their beginning days.

Of such

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Challenge #02386-F196: Please Ask

When you have an interest, you have something to enjoy in the humdrum of daily life. -- Anon Guest

Welcome to Podunk Station. Mind the legos. This is a natural result of leaving three to five Humans largely alone for long periods of time. Though their daily duties are many, Humans are naturally lazy and figured out how to streamline the humdrum necessities of daily existence... and then sought out new ways to keep busy during their non-active hours.

Fortunately, some of

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