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Humans are Insane

A 83-post collection

Challenge #02047-E223: Place Your Bets

I have a lot of questions about this and I want none of them answered. -- TheDragonsFlame

There was a segment of vine in the isolation chamber. Recognisable as a section of The Glunk only by its unique hue. Spotted along it were black dots. Arranged underneath it were sections of Known Station Building Material.

There was also a betting pool board instead of algorithms on the whiteboards that were left there for those who liked to think in physical space.[1] Even the usual comic doodle had been erased from the betting pool. Instead, there were bets on teams; Asshole, Bastard, Cack, Dummins and Excreta.

"There's a ten percent increase in Team Asshole," said one of the scientists working in this particular laboratory. "Team Dummins is behind by two percent. Team Cack is bringing up the rear."

"Bets are still on the board until they spill on the no-no," another reminded them. "Come on Exxy..."

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Challenge #02029-E205: Humans Are Breakable

How do aliens deal with humans on board missions/crews with serious mental illnesses? As even those who have “recovered” can relapse and have issues now and again, especially after certain triggers. I know this isn’t as interesting or fun as some of your other prompts but I’d really like to see what you would come up with. Thanks! -- Anon Guest

Human Polli was a Team Mom type Human and the gentlest soul anyone could care to meet. But

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Challenge #02012-E188: Human Inhumanity

Spies are sent to earth, disguised as historians, to find earth’s weaknesses and strengths. Know thy enemy and all that, but they who know the past control the future.

To see what these people have done to each other... They are horrified at what they find. -- Anon Guest

So far, Terran colonies were the only civilisations interested in any kind of negotiations with Earth. And even then, those negotiations were lawsuits. Some of the bolder civilisations were starting to wonder

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Challenge #02003-E179: Sibling Ribaldry

How would aliens react to human-human relationships? Particularly close ones (best friends, romantic partners) where affection is mainly shown through quips and teasing? -- Anon Guest

Humans are pack animals. When enlisting Humans on to your vessel, one may consider the benefits of recruiting Humans who are already deeply bonded with each other. -- Galactic Advice Manual, The Care and Maintenance of Humans.

Humans accustomed to space tended to have monosyllabic names. Many were pronounceable by most Galactics. Such was the case

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Challenge #01996-E172: Can't Get Worse/It Got Worse

Spiders covered every inch of every surface all the way to the airlock. The terror and the events that followed have only now been released. -- Anon Guest

The humans did not flinch from battle. Entire civilisations in their history had trained their minds for combat and strategy. They did not quail at injured Galactics. They trained for this all their lives. Providing emergency care at the site to get them stable and movable, and then stuffing them into care pods to

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Challenge #01989-E165: Pax Paradoxical

There is one place where nearly all species cohabit. It's not some planet capital or forsaken space station. It's a spa resort. This artificial planet is ideally place to naturally accommodate all type of species, with a wide range of temperature, humidity and luminosity. And when nearly 30% of your customers are part of the most "dangerous" Deathworlders, and high figure of all species came regularly here, let's say that it's also the safest place in existence. -- Anon Guest

There's only

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Challenge #01966-E142: One Way of Doing it...

Human sneezes, gurgles, wipes face. "I'bve gotta a cold, S'mime O.K." -- Anon Guest

[AN: Nonny, I have no idea what you mean by S'mime there. I can't correct it.]

Of all the terrifying things humanity had invented, the universal winner had to be the Immunoflu. Humanity never could conquer the common cold, nor influenza in its multitudinous strains. But they did tame it. They bio-engineered strains of rhinovirii to improve the immunity of their fellow humans against other, more deadly

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Challenge #01933-E109: Once Upon an Adventure

We 'narrative apes', don't just tell stories, we play games to pass the time. -- Knitnan

Humans are an inventive lot. They invented inspired desperation as a survival instinct. They invented fiction to make their lives more interesting. They're one of the few cogniscent species and the only known Deathworlders to have boredom. They can multitask, and some of them can multitask, apparently, faster than light. Some are capable of multitasking with mind-boggling precision. Others can't remember what they were doing two

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Challenge #01930-E106: Deathworlder Rituals

You can’t not look at explosions. -- TheDragonsFlame

There were warning signs up surrounding Unsuitable Food Eat. Humans celebrating inside. Small, harmless explosions expected. Fireworks warning. And a pictogram of sparks and explosions with an alert sign. Even the newest of Havenworlders to the Galactic Alliance learned that Humans liked to celebrate with sparking fireworks, loud noises, and shocking expulsions of streamers, as well as other loud noises.

And inside, was a typical Human party. Loud people. Loud accessories. Loud clothing.

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Challenge #01903-E079: Forced Adaptation

If you don’t want someone to push a button, do NOT label it *‘Do Not Push’ * and whatever you do, do NOT make it big or red. -- TheDragonsFlame

It is rare, indeed, that the introduction of a species causes a revolution in the way that the Galactic Alliance runs its standards and practices. Humans were one of the few who did that in large strides. For centuries or longer, many other species adapted to the standards, rather than forcing change

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Challenge #01898-E074: But We Made It Home Alive

“I hate the word ‘should’.” -- TheDragonsFlame

"And after we make it through the wormhole, we should be aces," said the Ship's Human, Lyn.

Their Captain bristled, literally. Defensive spikes raised along her carapace. "Should is a word that should not exist," she said.

"Uh... you just used it."

"Yes, the corruption spreads far," said Captain G'orp. "A future tense qualifier adverb is an uncertainty we do not need in the middle of space. We need rock-hard certainty. Not your human 'luck'.

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Challenge #01878-E054: The Mating Game

[Title, "The Harkness Test"] Because if Humanity discovers Alien life without needing a xenocide (from either side), there will be at least 1 person who will try to mate with them. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Again, please do not make your prompt title part of your prompt. You could literally make your prompt title a serial number. I care about the prompt content, and doing the title stuff is a pain in my butt]

Some elementary truths about humans in general, and

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Challenge #01875-E051: Earth's Deadliest...

“Humans? We are the most dangerous animal on earth. Not shark, not bear, not anything else. Us. Other animals, they kill when they need to, and only then. Kill for food, or for protection. We kill when we think we need to, kill when we want to... It is not the same.” -- Anon Guest

Humans are dangerous. The Galactic Alliance knows this. Having seen human transmissions, both of fantasy and fact, they know that humans are indomitable, hazardous, and insane. But

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Challenge #01872-E048: Aftermath

[Person 1 wakes up] “Ugh... what happened?”

[Person 2] “Do you want me to start before or after you started a civil war?” -- TheDragonsFlame

There was a wild party going on. But there had been a wild party going on when he passed out. The headache said it had been more than a while, but the noise level said it hadn't been that long. Hwell reached for the electrolyte solution that Ax'and'l had thoughtfully set out, and left the covered bacon

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Challenge #01865-E041: Made to Order

does genetic engineering and other physical and mental enhancements exist in the amalgam universe? and what would humans use them for? -- Anon Guest

[AN: The short answer is: Anything they find acceptable. The long answer is... this]

The concept of the perfect being exists in every culture. On every world, there has been at least one brilliant mind who honestly believed that they could better their own kind through assorted means. Ethnic cleansing, or genocide as it is more commonly known.

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