Humans Are Space Orcs

A 232-post collection

Challenge #02592-G035: Critical Flaw Located

A: explain to me why again you were fighting?

B: I was getting rusty, I needed someone to spar with.

A: was it necessary to create a hole in the floor?

B: you said it was reinforced! -- Anon Guest

Human Sym was embedded in the flooring. Her legs were technically within the floor below, but also tangled up in sensitive, very important, and also more than a little delicate - wiring and equipment. Human Per, her sparring partner, was crouching and blushing nearby.

"We were cleared for recreational simulated combat exercises in this space," she said. "We didn't know a flying leap would have this effect."

"It's the weighted anklets and bracelets, I'm sure," said Human Per. "The floors are cleared for us jumping about and wearing livesuits for that, but not powerful actions with extra weight load. Combo of errors on both sides."

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Challenge #02589-G032: Deception

Anyone who's had humans aboard their ships will know one thing for certain, even when asleep, humans can be very loud. They call the harsh, almost predatory growling-like noise, snoring. There was a reason if you want to allow humans to have quarters aboard your ship, you sound proof it. However, it's also often an indication of the human having an obstructed airway when they sleep, which could be, from a medical standpoint, worrisome. However, once you heard that sound, you knew

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Challenge #02587-G030: Gung Ho

You say "martyr" and I say "I love my family." Sometimes you have to accept that humans make peace with the concept of sacrificing a life for their loved ones (no matter what species). Get on that bike and RIDE, b@tch. -- Ride or Die

This is why Humans are considered insane. Their sense of self-preservation is subservient to the greater good. They can look at an overloaded sled, figure out the importance of the supplies needed at the destination, and

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Challenge #02585-G028: The Hand on the Tool

A: This blade, with its razor sharp edge, can cleave through flesh and bone easily. Due to the various materials to make this, no blood or grime will stick to this blade.

B: you know out of context that is scary until you realise it’s a Butcher knife. But the way you hold it and the precision you use it is terrifying. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I derped and did a prompt out of order. Apologies for the inconvenience.]

Cookie continued

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Challenge #02580-G023: Just One

Human Bear was sitting on the ramp of his Bodge Job repairing a few new holes on one of the arms of his Live Suit courtesy of a particularly aggressive Predator on the planet they just left. When one of the Crew the creature thought looked like a tasty meal walked into the hanger to express this thanks, Stopped in his tracks at a human not sealed in his Protective Suit. He also noticed a very large very ugly looking scar that

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Challenge #02576-G019: The Test

The researcher's eyes widened suddenly, as the battered body on the table began to slowly smile, fingers flexing and eyes turning towards the now-trembling man as the realization struck him like a punch to the gut...

"Oh... Oh no... Oh God no... You... you've been letting us do this to you. The experiments, the punishments, all of it. You wanted us to... to test you. Because if we know the extent of what you can do... ...so do you." -- Anon Guest

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Challenge #02564-G007: Determination and Caffeine

A planet with a mix of deathworlders and havenworlders, one of the few planets to have such a mixed colony, is struck by an unusual virus. For the havenworlders, it's painful, it makes them very, very sick, but it is survivable, mostly. Though there have been casualties and other side-effects. For the deathworlders, it's just as painful, but worse, the virus is mostly fatal if contracted. And the survivors are usually in very bad shape. The disease is also, unfortunately, extremely contagious

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Challenge #02563-G006: Little, Quiet, Troublesome

There were three humans aboard this ship. As big as it was, and with the size of the crew, even with three they had their hands full! Still, it wasn't a bad job, pay was good and they saw some of the most beautifully unexplored worlds. Two of the humans were burly individuals, boisterous and active. During down time they always headed to one of the storage areas that had been converted to a game room to burn off steam playing racket-ball,

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Challenge #02553-F363: Here There Be Sock Puppets

An enemy deathworlder, a xenophobe, constantly making life hell for the havenworlders around them. A general, proud, fierce, having suffered many tortures and never once broke, always escaped. But now, they were being held by humans. Pain meant nothing to them. When asked about the movements of new weaponry, the answer was always a snark and the spitting or words "Do your worst, I'll never say a word, you'll have to kill me."

The humans bring in what they call the 3rd

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Challenge #02548-F358: Expect Them

Disasters happen and they turn up, usually in a camper-van/workshop. Mechanics, Electricians, Plumbers, the good ones keep their rates reasonable and do the insurance stuff for bread and butter and a bit of jam. The money is good, they leave behind grateful people, and good work. Their bonus is they have contacts everywhere for the next disaster. -- Anon Guest

No good deed goes unpunished, -- Ancient and confusing Human saying.

Disaster is inevitable. They divide a little patch of the

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Challenge #02524-F334: An Appeal

"On this show we talk about humans, and for the most part it's scary stuff. But not today. Because there is one thing you can't say to a human, "you can't"

Today we will tell the story of a human who was told, "You can't save everyone. You will just die trying" " -- Hyorky

Go hard or go home, -- Terran saying.

The two most fate-inducing words to say to a Human are, you can't. Humans will defy logic, reason, and the

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Challenge #02519-F329: For the Greater Good

Several Enforcers of Pax Humanis teamed up and took down a pirate's ship. They were tearing the ship apart from the inside-out when one hears crying in one of the cargo holds. Tearing the hold's doors off, they find dozens of children, human and haven-worlder, locked in cages with price tags already printed on the tops of them. Now they have children to care for, and the potential buyers? Were about to get a lesson in what it meant to mess with

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Challenge #02518-F328: Specific Listing Please

Traveling with Humans was, or rather is, a dangerous prospect. Freelance Freighter captains quickly learn that it is usually best to keep your human away from anything that can, could be made to, or might explode.

Hauling volatile chemicals? Heck no!

Mining equipment? That's just ASKING for trouble!

Precious metals? Why not just let the pirates know you're coming and save some time?

Logging equipment? Like, to record data? Seems harmless enough. Even fledgling colonies need some way to keep track of

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Challenge #02517-F327: Kintsugi Badass

The person was a bodyguard, and damn good at their job. However, others did not realize this when they saw the person. Sure the legs could have been replaced long ago with what they made from their work, but it was rather amusing when an enemy saw the bracings and the skin suit covered stumps, and assumed the lack of legs meant being helpless. -- Anon Guest

Sometimes, when the Human was in a good mood, they called themselves Brad the Broken.

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Challenge #02516-F326: Once a Sword

Better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.

Humans, while striving for peace, prepared for war. -- Anon Guest

Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting... -- Terran children's song.

This is a gardening planet. Call it Agraria. It has been specifically engineered for farming food crops for Terrans by Terrans. The people who choose to live there are called Vegans and they are, by and large, peaceful. They do not eat animal sourced

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