Humans Are Space Orcs

A 268-post collection

Challenge #02869-G312: Tolerance Levels

Human A: "Try this!"

Human B: "Is it hot?"

Human A: "No."

Human B: "Your not hot, or my not hot?"

Human A: "'s not hot."

Human B: "..." takes a bite

Nonhuman Cremember: "Why is Human B crying while guzzling milk?"

Human A: "It's not hot!"

Human B: (takes a moment to stop guzzling milk)(snot and tears running down face) "I'm sensitive to capsaicin, and you eat raw ghost peppers for fun! Your 'not hot' is not my 'not hot'!" (goes back to drinking milk) -- Escla

Thaq summoned Companion Phrel with a relatively simple, "The Humans are at it again." It was ships' shorthand. The Humans needed an intervention from a rational cogniscent. Again. All the manuals said that Humans pack-bonded and needed at least one Human around to fulfil their societal needs, but this pair were continually battling.

Maybe they'd be better off getting a family set, next time. If they all survived to have a next time. These balding apes were nothing but trouble. If not to the crew, then certainly to each other.

Phrel arrived with hir go bag and took in the resultant scene. After a handful of seconds to assess the chaos, ze opened the bag and dug out a selection of small yellow cubes. One of these was administered to Human Bob with, "Here, suck on this."

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Challenge #02861-G304: Well That Was Dumb



"...I'm bleeding." -- Anon Guest

Accidents happen quickly. Reactions to them differ. Humans have a shock response that insulates them from immediately feeling an injury. As a survival tactic, it's great for getting the people away from the threat, but in a more technologically advanced setting... it's disturbing to unprepared onlookers.

Human Dree had been working on something involving sharp tools and applied pressure. One of their multiple hobbies. The tool slipped, and the reaction was instant and automatic. "FLAKK!

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Challenge #02858-G301: Enough Talk, Let's Fight

Humans fighting against claws and big animals were common things to watch in reports.

But the true, bloody fight is only when humans were fist-fighting against each other. Punching throats, kicking stomachs, smashing head against walls. -- Anon Guest

All around the Alliance, there is a genre of disturbing footage known as Humans Fighting Things. It is not generally recommended for Havenworlder viewing. Achivaas all over the Alliance and the Fellowship of Terran Planets alike scour it all to be sure that

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Challenge #02838-G281: Balance, Skill, and Broken Bones

A group of deathworlder raiders makes the terrible, horrible, no good mistake of attacking a ballet dance troupe. -- Anon Guest

[AN: If you ever want a solid education on how metal Ballet is as an art, then read up on how the dancers break in their en pointe shoes and what it does to their feet. Ouch]

Half of the Humans on board this vessel were tiny. Child-sized, yet also adult. The other half were weirdly muscular. All of them were

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Challenge #02834-G277: Never Ask That

There was a loud explosion coming from the engine room, the ship was dead in the water, so to speak. The pirate looked at the humans in the hold, most of them still completely asleep from the gas attack, only a few coming around, and only one was wide awake. They were awash with mirth, laughing to themselves. The pirate demanded what was so funny. They grinned darkly at the pirate, then, and said in a tone that was both amused and

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Challenge #02816-G259: I'll Try to be Nice

"Nobody has to die today." -- Anon Guest

You can say a lot with small words. Wisdom comes in those with multiple uses. Five words can be a promise, a threat, a reassurance, or an absolute and utter lie. Humans use all of them at once, and pretend they knew what was the winner after the fact.

Unless the Ships' Human makes it very, very clear which one they're using, it's just better to play along. In the Case of the Valiant

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Challenge #02798-G241: Spit and Determination

This is a second installment for this prompt becuase this was a GREAT one but was a cliffhanger!

They'd been on the deathworld for nearly 3 months, their human had lost so much weight his health had begun to deteriorate. The simple sugars extracted from the toxic flora were just barely enough to keep the havenworlders alive, and the human was not getting what he needs. The rescue ship arrived to see the human and havenworlders

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Challenge #02784-G227: An Edge Case

A: hey man are you ok?

B: .... yeah sorry, feeling a little burned out

A: ah, I see. Hey do you want some coffee after this? -- Anon Guest

Humans are resilient. Humans are robust. Humans are strong. Humans are also living beings with limits. There is only so much stress, devastation, and chaos that even a Human can handle.

Learning this was something of a hurdle after Humanity was accepted into the Alliance.

Witness Human Doe, who has apparently reached a

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Challenge #02777-G220: Signal to Noise

Chuckled “I sense death behind us”

The moment the human said that some ordinance were detonated behind us, and a Vicious growl to our south -- Anon Guest

Human methods of memetic communication leave much to be desired. One has to know a certain volume of Terran art forms, especially popular Terran art forms, in order to understand what a memetic Human is attempting to communicate.

In this example, a stylised Human is sitting in a means of public transit and giggling

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Challenge #02772-G215: To Aid in Aggression

It was a huge battle, they ended up having to ACTUALLY call for help in the form of human space marines. Why? Because these unknown creatures that had attacked the colonial world had been so powerful that the Vorax ships it'd passed had turned tail and fled as fast as it could, after seeing how easily it had overcome two of their biggest warships.

The humans actually were having a challenge with this battle, not just in space but on the ground.

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Challenge #02768-G211: Disturbing Deathworlder Deeds

Ki'it thought ze was ready. Ze had survived Human Kev's "oops"es, learned to anticipate Human Lin's "I know what I did wrong!"s, and even managed to halve zer dosage of calming medication after a half dozen of Human Ren's "uh-oh..."s.

This, however, was zer introduction to the dreaded, "Wheeeee!!!! Again!" -- Anon Guest

[AN: You are of course free to use any gender-neutral pronouns you love in prompts... it's just that I cannot conjugate anything else than ze/hir.

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Challenge #02760-G203: Biological Hazard

"Attention, intruders. Your attention, please. This is the ship's human. I am sincerely sorry to inform you that my Aunt Flow has come to visit me for Shark Week. You have ten minutes to get out of here before I come over there, rip you open with my bare hands, and feast on your internal organs to replenish the vital materials that my body has decided to purge via my reproductive system. I haven't been able to find any pain relief that

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Challenge #02759-G202: Empirically Tested

I would love to see Mythbusters in Space! You know, where some humans have seen the original old videos of it and decides to do a new mythbuster series based for their era? It'd be cool! -- DaniAndShali

[AN: In light of recent losses, I have debated having a Human Grant in this one and... honestly... I didn't want to risk disrespect to his memory]

"We all know how Human drama has historically portrayed asteroid fields," said Human Steve at a planning

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Challenge #02745-G188: Use Only as Directed

Sometimes, Humans do stupid Things. Most of the time, they work out well. However, only seldomly someone takes 30 Tabs of Pervitin (Meth) has an "Adventure" like this and lives to tell the Tale. -- Mike666

[AN: Link contains references to drug use and some side effects that should have honestly killed the dude. Also the GIF version of this story going around Tumblr is hilarious]

Humans hold some very interesting records. They also

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Challenge #02738-G181: Stick Together or Fall...

The strength of the team is each member, the strength of each member is the team -- Anon Guest

Humans have so many sayings about their pack action. There is no I in Team. Teamwork makes the dream work. We stand together or we fall apart. If you needed any further proof that Humans are pack animals, there you go. It's coded into their daily axioms.

It comes to the fore when they work together as teams. They come to know each

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