Humans Are Space Orcs

A 190-post collection

Challenge #02347-F157: The Human Solution

Earth defense force/starship troopers based.

The galactic alliance, about the same time humans came in the alliance (but long enough for the alliance to realize humans' nature), is at war with a unintelligent but somehow space traveling insect race and are slowly losing. The alliance asks the humans for help to defeat them, asking for ships, attack vehicles, weapons, and soldiers. The humans misunderstand what they meant and take it as "Our equipment can only hold them, we need you humans to push them back". -- Anon Guest

For the longest time, the Galactic Alliance thought that the Human Motto was Make love and war. No efforts to correct them on this assumption proved efficacious. After all, Humans were both persistent and good at both of them, as evidenced by numerous close and even closer encounters before the Alliance finally welcomed Humans into their club.

The mistake they made was in underestimating just how much practice Humans had had at war. When the swarming Acridith threatened, and the Alliance fleet had to hold them back from their expanded and expanding territories, they asked the Humans to help. Specifically, "help push them back." They expected the status quo, where the new allies re-established the neutral zone and thinned the population to the point where the Acridith could live well for another century or so. Thing is... Humans don't think like that.

Humans have been at war since one tribe thought another tribe was looking at them funny. When ideologies weren't enough, they declared war on concepts. When concepts weren't enough, they declared war on actions. When actions weren't enough... well. They'd found other civilisations by then, and their trigger fingers always itched. They dived into war like ducks into water. It was, after all, their element.

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Challenge #02340-F150: Situation Under Control

During an enemy attack on their cargo ship.

Human: "Be lucky you still have legs, because I collect those ! :-) "

Alien Crewmate: "Can you please Stop quoting Isaak from Battleborn?"

Human: "It works though! Just look at those wannabe Pirates!!" -- Anon Guest

There is a saying, Human is as Human does, and it has a multitude of meanings. In this case, the Human is one thin moral line away from outright sociopathy and psychopathy at the same time.

"You're lucky you

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Challenge #02327-F137: That's a Lot of Samples

An Exploratory Team stumbles upon a Pirate Hideout and gets ambushed. The scientists make peace with their imminent demise and the pirates begin to prematurely celebrate....Until the ships human shows up, very very angry. -- Anon Guest

They had been excited to see smoke. Specifically, controlled columns of smoke. That meant controlled fires. This, in turn, meant that there was intelligent life present. Science Team Four proceeded cautiously. They didn't want to pollute a starter civilisation with sightings of alien life.

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Challenge #02324-F134: Quill Dip'd in Poison Vile

Humans write a Letter in the style of Titus to Joseph Stalin to an Alien-Aggressor.

Fun for the Humans. Nightmares for the other Race. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I have immense trouble getting that style, but I shall attempt the spirit of it]

From: Admiral Eddington, Commander in Chief, Vanerio Colonial Armed Forces. To: Lord Commander Warchief Xyrkyrkyz, Head of the Vorax Raiding Fleet.

Sir, we had left you alive in Panrinton, chiefly so you could warn your fellows in regards to

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Challenge #02312-F122: Made it Home Alive

Rules for Fighting Humans:

Rule Number 1: Don't fight Humans.

Rule Number 2: DON'T FIGHT HUMANS !!!!!

Rule Number 3: IF you fight Humans, aim for the Brain!

Rule Numb......: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage ....................... FUUUUUUUUUUUCK -- Anon Guest

Humans are Deathworlders. Some think they are unstoppable. Many think they are monsters. Rumours fly about their unkillable aspect. News like Phineas Gage gets around. They have all kinds of procedures surrounding what to do if one spots a Human.

Step one:

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Challenge #02308-F118: Alternative Uses

Aliens discover energy drinks. The substances are highly corrosive and toxic. They first use it for maintenance of equipment.

Then they learn from the ships' human, that it is supposed to be DRUNK.

Fun for the human. Terror for the Crew.

Update for the Human-Manual. -- Anon Guest

Some products made by Humans for Humans simply perplex the other species within the Alliance. There have been a multitude of alternate uses for the things Humans made. Most of all, for their products

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Challenge #02303-F113: From Twilight to Darkness

Someone from an Eyeball Planet experiencing a rotational planet. Or Vice versa...

Eyeball Planet; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NOW3AormJc -- AmberFox

It had taken a long time for the Stremath to reach the stars. They thought that the winds blew all through the Universe, before repeated proof showed that the winds would only ever blow them so high. On the plus side, they had what one might call a 'boost' into reaching the upper atmosphere before rocketry had to be

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Challenge #02293-F103: Not Easily Broken

“Everyone has a point where they snap. Question is, human, where’s yours?” -- Anon Guest

"Depends on what you mean by 'snap'," said Human Liss. They were already three-quarters broken. A thousand small injuries adding up to more than a few big ones. They had been caught without their livesuit during this particular raid and over half of those minor injuries were accidentally self-inflicted. The rest were acquired in a way that had "the other guy" in a whimpering ball of

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Challenge #02292-F102: Dem Deathworlder Bones

'What do you mean, "Earth was more dangerous before humans arrived"?'

'One word of you bro; "Dinosaurs".' -- AmberFox

Here's the thing about Deathworlds - numerous extinction events make the surviving branches of the evolutionary scrublands stronger and more terrifying than the ones that got wiped out. Sometimes, that isn't always that obvious.

So when Havenworlders see the reconstructed skeletons of saurian life from the increasingly aptly-named Terra, it's understandable that they freak out more than a little. There's nothing

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Challenge #02290-F100: Celtic Legacy

There are some scientists that wants to make human look unbridled and untrustworthy. They make a bullet with weird mixture that makes humans aggressive and bloodthirsty.

Human [name] was spending some time with her co-workers when she feels a little pain in her neck, she blackout. When she wake up she was bonded by her friends and not her blood was on the floor, her and her co-worker. -- Anon Guest

Like all problems in the known universe, this one started with

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Challenge #02279-F089: Simple Bonding Activities

Havenworlders loves play with Humans Hide and seek. They can use amazing skills to hide. But even this game starts to be boring. So next game was tag.

But they forget that Humans can chase down anyone. Humans are predators and Havenworlders starts to feel like a delicious prey. -- Anon Guest

Humans can pack-bond through games, amongst many other activities. If your ship has an active Human, physical activity games are recommended. Similarly, more phlegmatic Humans can bond through tabletop games.

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Challenge #02266-F076: Toughest in the Room

"This thing all things devours:

Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;

Gnaws iron, bites steel;

Grinds hard stones to meal;

Slays kings, ruins town,

And beats high mountain down." - Gollum

Humans are the oldest, wisest but also the most curious and reckless species in the galaxy. -- Anon Guest

Humanity, thanks to various deep dives down one-way wormholes, is officially the oldest species in the known Universe. That said, they are still a dangerously deadly egotistical child race who also happen to be

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Challenge #02262-F072: Cold Revenge by Proxy (Number 238)

Simply a story over a bloodthirsty psychopath, who listens to classical music, while ripping the faces of his enemies off and bathing in their blood.

Simply put, a normal Monday morning for him at work. -- Anon Guest

There is something to be said about Chamber Music. It inspires the mind. It lifts the spirits. It's an excellent counterpoint to the screams of your enemies. As an aficionado, I know it was originally created to provide a pleasant background to high society

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Challenge #02259-F069: Got an Axe to Grind

The most destructive and deadly weapon of all is not an antimatter bomb. That place goes to a Human with ductape, a Multitool, a Target and no reason to not do it.

Or to care for his safety. -- Anon Guest

Humans have a lot of sayings concerning revenge. This should be enough warning for most species, but there are always an unfortunate few who are slow learners. Suffice to say that if your commanding officer decides to blast an isolated Human

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Challenge #02258-F068: MacGuyvering the Excrement...

A human uses a fire extinguisher, some glue, self-made rocket fuel, some ductape, bolts and other stuff to render an enemy vessel useless.

Be creative :-) -- Anon Guest

[AN: I always am, Nonny. You don't have to tell me]

"Okay," panted Human Ange. "Good news, bad news. Good news... we're alive so far. Yay." It was statements of alleged optimism like that that helped earn Humanity's reputation in the Alliance.

"Bad news," stated Gaurx, "We are sheltering in a supplies hold.

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