Humans Are Space Orcs

A 293-post collection

Challenge #03485-I197: A Terror in Tulle

Never, EVER, assume, just because the human's so much smaller than you, that you can just bully them. You will NOT like the results! -- Anon Guest

There is an ancient Human saying, Never trust a very small girl in a frilly pink glitter tutu with a sword. The reason why it's a Human saying is only known to those who work at Renfairs. It certainly wasn't known to the attacking pirates when they encountered the equivalent of a lost tourist bus.

A Carrier Cruiser is a little bit more than an array of seats with a toilet in the back, and a lot less than a "floating resort" cruise liner. It does contain a lot of the same kinds of people.

Including a little girl in frou-frou tulle and fairy wings, with one hand tight around her teddybear and the other seemingly grafted to her mouth via the thumb. If they knew what they were about to face, they'd have turned around then and there. Those who did know were far away and not in a position to debate getting popcorn.

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Challenge #03300-I012: One Being's Torment...

On their world, theobromine is toxic. Extracted from plants that have it in its pods, as the prisoners are dipped into that vat of brown syrup, screams are elicited as the prisoner slowly poisoned to death in a vat of pain. The toxins creating agony before the being dies.

This prisoner, the human, was sentenced to be dropped in the vat. Why? To show all other humans that they were not going to be joking around when it came to the lengths

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Challenge #03298-I010: Gezundheit

Warning to all pirates! Do NOT mess with a human child's teddy bear! -- Lessons

Midshipman Hayk had been sent to pacify the Human Larvae. It was a simple job, or so Captain Staaz had claimed. They couldn't possibly flakk it up, he said. They were helpless infants. What could they even do?

The universe has ways of answering questions like that.

The Human Larvae present seemed to be harmless. Most of them were asleep on mats. The ones that were active

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Challenge #03294-I006: The Statistical Outlier

The human who followed the princess home became quite well educated in more than gal-simple. And not long after, all humans were welcomed into the Alliance, albeit, though many were wary, afraid, and some still openly hostile toward the race. But this human, until their death due to old age, refused to stop protecting the princess who was their first, true, friend.

https://peakd.com/fiction/@internutter/challenge-02027-e203-waifs-and-strays -- Anon Guest

The Humans, once they were fully welcomed into the Alliance, would

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Challenge #03263-H354: A Debt of Life

A few years after the first encounter, the humans return to Lilli Station, they come in large, new, ships. They do not dock but, instead, make contact. They offer to reinforce the station to protect the inhabitants. To assign humans to guard the cogniscents there. The inhabitants of this station helped them, saved them, in their hour of desperate need, and, despite the gift given, never asked for anything in return. The humans were grateful to the ones that saved them. And

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Challenge #03230-H321: One Close Call in a Tourist Destination

The humans were laughing about something. That was, by itself, potential cause for alarm. The contents of their conversation, heard between bouts of laughter, was even more alarming.

"And then, he looked up into my eyes and froze."

"And then?"

"Then he turned, realized that he had to look UP into your eyes, and looked like he was about to mess his pants!"

"And he said something, right? I didn't catch it."

"He apologized for the inconvenience, said he didn't mean anything

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Challenge #03225-H316: A Different Cause For Tears

A human was crying, their friend asked what was wrong. They'd heard all their lives of all the wild cruelties humans had done to each other, then found an ancient, archived, video of humans in the past acting in kindness. The video really made them smile.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmcSh0GdPlc -- Anon Guest

Humans don't always have good angles. The stories of them having murderous rampages against species that wronged them abound. Other stories... not so much. The stories

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Challenge #03213-H304: Human Violence

"My dear colleagues and guests, this morning we are going to study human games and how, throughout their history, their games have both brought them together, and caused some of them to tear their own cities apart." -- DaniAndShali

It is often said that many Human games are war by more civilised means. After all, people follow the rules when they're playing a game. The fans of the game are the most dangerous. Their tribal identity lies in the team they support.

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Challenge #03208-H299: Breaker of Bad Habits

The Human is only four foot in height, even with the battle-hardened live-suit. The recruits for this new marine outfit are six to seven foot Deathworlders from level three, and a couple near level four Deathworlds. The Human teaches them why you don't laugh at someone just because they're smaller. -- Anon Guest

Gurhag's Grunts were supposed to be meeting the maddest, baddest Deathworlder to train them in new combat techniques. When a child-sized entity in a livesuit appeared and took up

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Challenge #03169-H260: They Only Look Harmless

A researcher decides, out of curiosity, to see if it's just human adults that are dangerous, and how far back that 'dangerous' could be listed. Then they read the study of a human toddler named Pib, and research other human toddlers aboard other ships that employ adult humans. Let's just say the kill counts for the toddlers, and the description of what these kids did, caused the researcher to end up in therapy, terrified of human children.

https://peakd.com/fiction/@internutter/

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Challenge #03115-H206: All Your Base Now Belong to Us

We are done being quiet. For all your claims you have proven nothing to back your words. Show us that this galaxy is yours, prove to us this universe is your birthright. And we will demonstrate to you that humanity will NEVER YIELD TO YOU. - Humanity declaration of war to the Vesmil -- Anon Guest

There are some things one should never turn one's back on. Tidal oceans, creche rooms full of sucrose-enriched larvae, and this new species of really weird

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Challenge #03062-H139: Piracy - Just Say Nononono AAAUUUGH!

A tiger bite force is 1050 psi, a crocodile have a bite force of 5000 psi. A human, 126 psi. Not much but it’s a sign. If a human bite you, understand that they disregarded any self respect or proper thinking just to survive. Unless it’s a baby. -- Anon Guest

There's a reason why Humans consider biting to be "fighting dirty" and it's not just because their mouths are cesspools of bacteria and partial digestive juices. Pound for pound,

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Challenge #03051-H128: The Little and Fierce

Actual quote from an actual three-year-old: "Children fight the bad guys! I sharp him with my little teeth!" -- Anon Guest

[AN: I did briefly play with the idea of this being a Pib line, thank you for wondering]

The universe is a big place. There's plenty of areas that haven't heard about the inherent dangers of Deathworlders in general and Humans in particular. Therefore, it's understandable that the same mistake can happen in several different places during several different time periods.

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Challenge #03048-H125: They Don't Need Weapons

Anything can be a weapon if you’re reckless enough -- Anon Guest

[AN: For the unlimited version of this, check the collected works of Jackie Chan]

Humans. The aggressive warrior race who will go to any extreme to protect and enrich their pack. Any single one of them is capable of creating a phenomenal amount of destructive chaos on their enemy. When no weapons are available, they will create their own. Often in an instant. A fact not lost on anyone

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Challenge #03024-H101: Mostly Harmless You Say

Pib's parents are on a station for a while as the ship they normally work on was in for repairs, and these repairs were going to take some time. The instructor at the primary school reads the transcripts of young Pib from aboard the ship and sees the injury / kill count of the child and their jaw drops. Some of the pirates wounded, or killed, by this larval human were not exactly amateurs, or small-fry. The parents just smile. -- Anon Guest

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