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Humans Are Space Orcs

A 153-post collection

Challenge #02160-E331: Not That Simple

I have love in me the likes of which can scarcely be imagined and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I can not satisfy one, I will indulge the other. -- Anon Guest

If there is one rule of the Universe beyond, never ask questions to which there may be a painful answer, it is this: Never Anger a Primary Parental.

Q'essoj was busy learning this. They thought that taking a Human infant from an apparently unguarded area would be a great way to have a Deathworlder bonded with them. What they hadn't known was that Human perception was greater then they thought it was. They had presumed that the Humans on this planetoid had lacked communication skills and the ability to find their camouflaged ship.

Wrong on all counts.

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Challenge #02156-E327: They'll Be Back

It wasn't that Humans were suicidal, nor are they intrinsically self absorbed.

They just understand better than even most Herd like species, that sometimes the only way to save the masses is to sacrifice the few, preferably themselves.

That doesn't mean they went quietly, or easily. -- Adam in Darwin

It only takes a moment. A split-second decision along the lines of, Here is where I stand and fight. The lucky few see it in the Human's eyes just moments before the

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Challenge #02154-E325: She's Still a Pup

[NAME] winced slightly. "It's a dog, Major. A companion animal."

"Looks like a class 3 bio engineered weapon to me!" -- Anon Guest

The creature was huge. Even sitting down, it was almost as tall as a human. It was almost as wide as a human. Only the wagging tail distinguished it from a Terran bear. That, and the lolling tongue, dripping saliva as the animal panted. The human by its side agitated some fur by a nub that could have been

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Challenge #02153-E324: Legendary Salvation

"The group was brought back to Hamburg to stand trial, where they were sentenced to death by beheading. Resigned to his death, Stortebeker struck up a bizarre deal with the mayor. His pirates would be lined up in a row when he was decapitated. The mayor promised to free as many men as Stortebeker’s headless body could walk past.

This must have seemed like a raw deal for the pirates, who had doubtlessly witnessed the effects of multiple beheadings in their

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Challenge #02142-E313: Been There, Done That


Human: "I mean we are on Earth, my home, somewhere in Central Africa...I think."

Alien: "We are doomed"

Human: "No we're not. Don't worry, I'll teach you everything there is to know about surviving on a Deathworld, we'll be fine." -- Anon Guest

Human Yoss clambered up the wreckage of their vessel. The bad news was that they were in the middle of flakk-off nowhere with busted comms. The

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Challenge #02135-E306: It's a Bit Like Bognor

Humans have 3 states of existence. Yes, No, and hold my drink. -- Anon Guest

Thax had never met a Human before, but it was highly advisable that she get one for her expedition into the Edge Territories. The information available was... incredibly scant. Well. The information that wasn't also attached to an offensensitivity warning.

Humans have three states of existence, it said, Yes, No, and "Hold My Drink". They were Deathworlders, but they were also classed as "Mostly Harmless" until provoked.

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Challenge #02133-E304: Forewarned is...

Humans love things that explode. "Ooh look! fireworks." -- Anon Guest

Things that Humans love that go bang in various ways: a list compiled by non-Humans.

  1. Popping candy. Effervescent crystals encapsulated in chocolate and sugar. When dissolving in saliva, produce a crackling sensation in the mouth and sinuses. Harmful to those with theobromine sensitivity, but otherwise mostly harmless. Offensensitivity rating: low.

  2. Popcorn. Grains originating from the American continents, heated until the water inside the grains bursts through their own hard casing. Consumed

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Challenge #02123-E294: I Can't See My House From Here

A combined research team of a number of species of the galaxy invents a device that is capable of accelerating any object to significant portions of C, the human member of the team proceeds to be a human. -- Anon Guest

The breakthrough came, as breakthroughs often do, by accident. One person noticed that the interference on their experimental quantum computer was too regular to be just interference. The paired electrons weren't merely paired. They were grouped. They were grouped with other

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Challenge #02116-E293: Lest Ye Be Judged...

we poisoned our air and water to weed out the weak.

we set off fission weapons in our own biosphere.

we nailed our GOD to a stick.

humans are the monsters that monsters fear.

the demons lurking in the void. -- Anon Guest

Offensensitivity warning: Deathworlder studies, Human content.

Planet Terra, aka Earth. Origin point of the species who call themselves Human. Though a class 4.5 Death World, the intelligent life from there rates a 5. Here, we will examine the

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Challenge #02101-E277: Not Dead Yet

humans are hypersensitive to the smell of fresh water, hence why we can smell storms coming. It's so sensitive that we can smell water better than most dogs -- Anon Guest

The Human origin world, Earth to some, Terra to most, has a surface that is over seventy percent water. Thus, it is surprising to most that Humans can detect it. With land in such relative scarcity, most Galactic Citizens assume that finding good soil would be a better priority.

It's a

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Challenge #02090-E266: A Bond Cemented With Carbonic Acid

"I'm just joking!… Unless you're down for it." -- TheDragonsFlame

Evidently, Thrass had been contemplating too long. "I am still positing the logistics," she said. "I need time, please."

Human Josh quelled in her place. "Sorry."

Thrass and Human Josh had been through a great deal together. War, survival, relying on each other's strengths and supporting each other's weaknesses. They had really bonded on the long, exhausting, trying trip from the wreck of their ship to the relative safety of the Edge

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Challenge #02089-E265: Living Corbomite

"I don't know what is happening, but I don't like it"

"Why ?"

"The human is smiling" -- Anon Guest

One of their own writers said it the best: Never trust a creature that smiles all the time, they're up to something. And they were very, very correct. The most frequent portent of doom, next to phrases like, "Hold my beer," or "I think I know what I did wrong," is most definitely a Human smiling in a certain way for a period

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Challenge #02073-E249: Audio Only

It went plonk, it went kablooey, it went shhhh, and it went blink.

But most importantly, it went whushhhak. -- Anon Guest

Sound was all that was left. The darkness was absolute, and Phel's ability to feel was impaired by the chemicals that the enemy had forced into hir system. Ze learned quickly how the Zebnaki pirates sounded when they moved, and also learned to avoid them. They had patterns of movement, too, and it helped.

Phel made it all the way

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Challenge #02064-E240: Evac Under Fire

I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. -- TheDragonsFlame

Gorx halted in mid-step. "Surely the Human phrase is, I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Is it not so?"

Human Warin stopped for hir. "Not today. Keep moving. I'll explain on the way." He waited for Gorx to get moving again. "What I just said is a malapropism. A mixing of metaphorical sayings for humour or -in this case- appropriate action." He broke off to race ahead

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Challenge #02060-E236: The Way to Make Change

Humans gonna Human -- TheDragonsFlame

A mother in a war zone hands her baby up to a complete stranger, knowing that they may never meet again, but her child has a chance at something better than this. Bullets sing through the air. Fire turns the surrounding landscape into tones of amber. And the last evacuation vehicle leaves the few remaining to their fate. The mother smiles anyway, and waves 'bye-bye' to her child. Pretending, perhaps for a last handful of minutes, that

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