Humans Are Space Orcs

A 263-post collection

Challenge #02816-G259: I'll Try to be Nice

"Nobody has to die today." -- Anon Guest

You can say a lot with small words. Wisdom comes in those with multiple uses. Five words can be a promise, a threat, a reassurance, or an absolute and utter lie. Humans use all of them at once, and pretend they knew what was the winner after the fact.

Unless the Ships' Human makes it very, very clear which one they're using, it's just better to play along. In the Case of the Valiant Whatsit and their Ships' Human Ey, it is almost always a threat.

Such as now, when Ey is facing off a novice band of Vorax raiders. It's easy to tell they're novices because one of them said, "There's twelve of us and one of them, how could we not win?" If they're lucky, they'll survive finding out.

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Challenge #02798-G241: Spit and Determination

This is a second installment for this prompt becuase this was a GREAT one but was a cliffhanger!

They'd been on the deathworld for nearly 3 months, their human had lost so much weight his health had begun to deteriorate. The simple sugars extracted from the toxic flora were just barely enough to keep the havenworlders alive, and the human was not getting what he needs. The rescue ship arrived to see the human and havenworlders

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Challenge #02784-G227: An Edge Case

A: hey man are you ok?

B: .... yeah sorry, feeling a little burned out

A: ah, I see. Hey do you want some coffee after this? -- Anon Guest

Humans are resilient. Humans are robust. Humans are strong. Humans are also living beings with limits. There is only so much stress, devastation, and chaos that even a Human can handle.

Learning this was something of a hurdle after Humanity was accepted into the Alliance.

Witness Human Doe, who has apparently reached a

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Challenge #02777-G220: Signal to Noise

Chuckled “I sense death behind us”

The moment the human said that some ordinance were detonated behind us, and a Vicious growl to our south -- Anon Guest

Human methods of memetic communication leave much to be desired. One has to know a certain volume of Terran art forms, especially popular Terran art forms, in order to understand what a memetic Human is attempting to communicate.

In this example, a stylised Human is sitting in a means of public transit and giggling

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Challenge #02772-G215: To Aid in Aggression

It was a huge battle, they ended up having to ACTUALLY call for help in the form of human space marines. Why? Because these unknown creatures that had attacked the colonial world had been so powerful that the Vorax ships it'd passed had turned tail and fled as fast as it could, after seeing how easily it had overcome two of their biggest warships.

The humans actually were having a challenge with this battle, not just in space but on the ground.

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Challenge #02768-G211: Disturbing Deathworlder Deeds

Ki'it thought ze was ready. Ze had survived Human Kev's "oops"es, learned to anticipate Human Lin's "I know what I did wrong!"s, and even managed to halve zer dosage of calming medication after a half dozen of Human Ren's "uh-oh..."s.

This, however, was zer introduction to the dreaded, "Wheeeee!!!! Again!" -- Anon Guest

[AN: You are of course free to use any gender-neutral pronouns you love in prompts... it's just that I cannot conjugate anything else than ze/hir.

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Challenge #02760-G203: Biological Hazard

"Attention, intruders. Your attention, please. This is the ship's human. I am sincerely sorry to inform you that my Aunt Flow has come to visit me for Shark Week. You have ten minutes to get out of here before I come over there, rip you open with my bare hands, and feast on your internal organs to replenish the vital materials that my body has decided to purge via my reproductive system. I haven't been able to find any pain relief that

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Challenge #02759-G202: Empirically Tested

I would love to see Mythbusters in Space! You know, where some humans have seen the original old videos of it and decides to do a new mythbuster series based for their era? It'd be cool! -- DaniAndShali

[AN: In light of recent losses, I have debated having a Human Grant in this one and... honestly... I didn't want to risk disrespect to his memory]

"We all know how Human drama has historically portrayed asteroid fields," said Human Steve at a planning

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Challenge #02745-G188: Use Only as Directed

Sometimes, Humans do stupid Things. Most of the time, they work out well. However, only seldomly someone takes 30 Tabs of Pervitin (Meth) has an "Adventure" like this and lives to tell the Tale. -- Mike666

[AN: Link contains references to drug use and some side effects that should have honestly killed the dude. Also the GIF version of this story going around Tumblr is hilarious]

Humans hold some very interesting records. They also

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Challenge #02738-G181: Stick Together or Fall...

The strength of the team is each member, the strength of each member is the team -- Anon Guest

Humans have so many sayings about their pack action. There is no I in Team. Teamwork makes the dream work. We stand together or we fall apart. If you needed any further proof that Humans are pack animals, there you go. It's coded into their daily axioms.

It comes to the fore when they work together as teams. They come to know each

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Challenge #02733-G176: The Old One Two

Hey if I fight back it would be considered self-defence right? -- Anon Guest

"Pro tip, kid. Don't ask that kind of question when you're surrounded by ten armed adults," said Pirate Vlex. They were facing down a small, scrawny Human who the crew had been feeding and coaxing out into company like a Human might do for a stray cat. They were a wild one, wearing whatever fit their body and not caring for any conventions about what should be worn,

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Challenge #02731-G174: A Cautionary Tale

“If you want to hurt a man, do not target him. Target what he loves. Take that which he holds dear to his heart and twist it, corrupt it, or destroy it altogether. Then and only then will you hurt him in a way that he will feel in his soul. But take heed. When you hurt a man in this way, you twist him, corrupt him, drive him to heights of rage never before thought possible. You will have turned that

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Challenge #02727-G170: Doing What You Can

The human was not the ship's human. They were a passenger. They were also paralyzed from the waist down. When she ship crashed, when the human's movement assistive device was rendered inoperable, when the human found themself trapped in the wreckage with half a dozen fellow passengers, all either injured or too distressed to move... Well. A sufficiently determined human with two working limbs, several cases of dental floss, a non-operative movement assistive device, and six people to still going

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Challenge #02720-G163: A Short Sharp Lesson

Have you even seen humans stomping their feet while chanting the same thing all at once? It’s sometimes hard to believe they’re not a hive mind -- Anon Guest

[AN: Video linked contains swearwords and is a war scene]

They said the Human colonists were sessile. They were weak and vulnerable. Look at them, not a single weapon in their entire set of settlements. They were fat and lazy. Allegedly. I learned, just as many of

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Challenge #02713-G156: Pax Origins

A shockingly smart and devastatingly cruel crew track, hunt, raid, and kill the biggest threats to peaceful ships. -- LatinoThor

They called themselves Dragons, for the ancient tradition marking hazardous seas with, Here There Be Dragons. Their territory was astonishingly vast for what encounter logs suggested was one ship. The last records in the surviving black boxes stated that one ship was seen, but that didn't mean that just one ship was there.

Authorities were slower to act about the attacks, since

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