Humans Are Space Orcs

A 278-post collection

Challenge #03011-H088: The Soft Spot

Defiant Human: "You can't make me talk! You know damn well how tough we are, so do your damndest I won't break!"

Interrogator: "Are you sure about that?"

Defiant Human: "Try me."

Interrogator: "You asked for it." Calls to their associates who brings out a box of the cutest, most adorable, little fuzzballs on the planet. Several young kids giggle and begin to play with, and cuddle the fuzzballs that coo and burble sweetly.

Human: "What's that supposed to do??"

Human - a few hours later: "Ok, ok enough, I'll talk! I'll talk.. please! Please... just let me pet the furballs already!" -- Fighting Fit

Violence does not work as a means to extract information. Even if the interrogator does know what levels of violence are appropriate for the subject, the odds are that the subject will say anything at all to make the torment stop. This includes what the subject thinks the interrogator wants to hear.

There are less destructive ways to gain information out of an uncooperative subject. Ones that don't leave trauma in their wake. Ones that are effective even against the toughest of the tough. It did require very specific knowledge of what the species in question found tempting.

Humans... are relatively easy. They will pet anything, but they are particularly vulnerable to soft, fluffy, baby animals. Humans have a knack for being able to identify the young of any species and it is astonishing the range of creatures that they find adorable. To that end, Interrogator Zeph employed three larvae from the corporate daycare, and an entire nest of Floffles.

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Challenge #03009-H086: You Think You're Tough

Be a hell of a blade for a space warrior to carry. I can see them now, them drawing it from their belt when another deathworlder, an enemy, tries to push their luck thinking the "squishy human" is weak and helpless. They clean their nails with the tip and go "You really want to do this?" -- DaniAndShali

Humans only seem to have no natural defenses. Many learn this lesson the hard way. Such as the Gendraaugi, Yauch, who had come to

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Challenge #03002-H079: Friendship Offering

They were used to having humans aboard ships over the years. One group or another would work with them to protect them whenever they were heading out to map the Edge. As usual, they had four humans with them. Two scientists, two guards. But one of the guards was different. Unlike all the humans the havenworlders had worked with in the past, this individual politely declined all of the sweet desserts that were offered in friendship and preferred fresh fruits and sliced

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Challenge #03001-H078: How to Befriend a Monster

An alien meets human's pet cat and has an existential crisis dealing with the fact that their seemingly sane friend keeps a tiny ferocious predator around and thinks it is cute. -- Anon Guest

"[GENDER PRONOUN] is just an old softie," should definitely be classified as words of impending horror. Brex had just been told not to mind Meep, and then spotted a low, fast shape zip through his peripheral vision. Human Pod had assured him, "He's just an old softie, really.

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Challenge #02999-H076: Full on Pinkies Up

There were cupcakes, which immediately drew attention to the activity. There were also the ship's humans, both of them, sitting quietly and sipping from fancifully patterned drinking vessels, despite usually becoming a shrieking maelstrom of highly active competition when interacting with one another. There was a small container with a spoon in it that, upon inspection, contained sugar. ...there were more cupcakes than two humans could reasonably eat on their own. There were extra cups. There was, it turned out, an open

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Challenge #02979-H056: What a Waking View

Muscle memory, we do things so often our body remembers how - even though we don't think about it. Most common is dance moves, and the slap that turns off the morning alarm. Then there are the reach in the dark for tablets or weapons. Go with it and see where the Idea takes yo. -- Knitnan

Human Sar could arrive at a trouble site in their full livesuit before ze completely woke up. His successive companions would learn that Sar's livesuit

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Challenge #02930-H007: A Gift in Kind

They were supposed to be a massive, mindless, killing machines, huge and terrifying to behold, they were thin, nearly hairless, and soft-bodied under their suits. I'd heard so much of these beings, we all have, that the idea of one of their ships docking at this newly built station scared many of us to nearly soiling ourselves. Galactic Law required us to let them dock, they were in need of aid, their ship damaged almost beyond recognition.

They were supposed to be

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Challenge #02903-G346: Don't Do It

Five Times Human Pib got Stuck and Needed to be Rescued, and One Time Human Pib did the Rescuing. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Mandatory callback link Which is but one tale among many.]

Fact: The Humans aboard the Jaunty Merchant had reproduced. This was not a great impact on the functioning of the ship as a whole until their spawn, a Human named Pib, learned to move around independently. Human Pib, in short succession, learned problem-solving skills and fast became a problem

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Challenge #02894-G337: Humane Accommodations

They were a killer. From the time they were young, they got into fights. It was almost daily. The first kill came when they were only 12, they couldn't stand bullies and the first one they killed was one of their parents. Why? The parent was cruel and often struck them and their younger siblings. From there, as they grew older, it was always the same. Someone would be a bully, someone would become cruel. They'd be warned, only once. Then out

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Challenge #02892-G335: An Encounter to Remember

Hey, InterNutter? Do you think we could get the enemy's view of this? I mean, seeing a human tripping big time on stims rushing their camp like that? I mean, some of the enemy survived to report the counter, right? That might be fun to see. Please? -- Anon Guest

They'd missed one. They'd missed more than one, and they knew it. But it was one that was dangerous. They were barely glimpsed, but all footage

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Challenge #02869-G312: Tolerance Levels

Human A: "Try this!"

Human B: "Is it hot?"

Human A: "No."

Human B: "Your not hot, or my not hot?"

Human A: "'s not hot."

Human B: "..." takes a bite

Nonhuman Cremember: "Why is Human B crying while guzzling milk?"

Human A: "It's not hot!"

Human B: (takes a moment to stop guzzling milk)(snot and tears running down face) "I'm sensitive to capsaicin, and you eat raw ghost peppers for fun! Your 'not hot' is not my 'not hot'!" (goes

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Challenge #02861-G304: Well That Was Dumb



"...I'm bleeding." -- Anon Guest

Accidents happen quickly. Reactions to them differ. Humans have a shock response that insulates them from immediately feeling an injury. As a survival tactic, it's great for getting the people away from the threat, but in a more technologically advanced setting... it's disturbing to unprepared onlookers.

Human Dree had been working on something involving sharp tools and applied pressure. One of their multiple hobbies. The tool slipped, and the reaction was instant and automatic. "FLAKK!

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Challenge #02858-G301: Enough Talk, Let's Fight

Humans fighting against claws and big animals were common things to watch in reports.

But the true, bloody fight is only when humans were fist-fighting against each other. Punching throats, kicking stomachs, smashing head against walls. -- Anon Guest

All around the Alliance, there is a genre of disturbing footage known as Humans Fighting Things. It is not generally recommended for Havenworlder viewing. Achivaas all over the Alliance and the Fellowship of Terran Planets alike scour it all to be sure that

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Challenge #02838-G281: Balance, Skill, and Broken Bones

A group of deathworlder raiders makes the terrible, horrible, no good mistake of attacking a ballet dance troupe. -- Anon Guest

[AN: If you ever want a solid education on how metal Ballet is as an art, then read up on how the dancers break in their en pointe shoes and what it does to their feet. Ouch]

Half of the Humans on board this vessel were tiny. Child-sized, yet also adult. The other half were weirdly muscular. All of them were

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Challenge #02834-G277: Never Ask That

There was a loud explosion coming from the engine room, the ship was dead in the water, so to speak. The pirate looked at the humans in the hold, most of them still completely asleep from the gas attack, only a few coming around, and only one was wide awake. They were awash with mirth, laughing to themselves. The pirate demanded what was so funny. They grinned darkly at the pirate, then, and said in a tone that was both amused and

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