Humans Are Space Orcs

A 296-post collection

Challenge #03051-H128: The Little and Fierce

Actual quote from an actual three-year-old: "Children fight the bad guys! I sharp him with my little teeth!" -- Anon Guest

[AN: I did briefly play with the idea of this being a Pib line, thank you for wondering]

The universe is a big place. There's plenty of areas that haven't heard about the inherent dangers of Deathworlders in general and Humans in particular. Therefore, it's understandable that the same mistake can happen in several different places during several different time periods. It's things like this, including deep time colonies, that only serve to magnify the legends going around about them.

Well. The legends amongst the survivors, anyway. Those who escape to tell their tale make sure that the terror transmits just as effectively as the warning. Deathworlders are dangerous. Humans are even more dangerous than that. Some still insist on learning this for themselves.

Conqueror Harak had the perfect plan. "It's only a small colony of hairless mammals," they said, demonstrating a near fatal lack of talent for accurate threat assessment. "Once we hold their supremely vulnerable young hostage, the rest of them will fall into line and give us whatever we want." This has gone on record as possibly the universe's worst known idiotic plan and to this day, anything of the ilk is referred to as Pulling a Harak.

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Challenge #03048-H125: They Don't Need Weapons

Anything can be a weapon if you’re reckless enough -- Anon Guest

[AN: For the unlimited version of this, check the collected works of Jackie Chan]

Humans. The aggressive warrior race who will go to any extreme to protect and enrich their pack. Any single one of them is capable of creating a phenomenal amount of destructive chaos on their enemy. When no weapons are available, they will create their own. Often in an instant. A fact not lost on anyone

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Challenge #03024-H101: Mostly Harmless You Say

Pib's parents are on a station for a while as the ship they normally work on was in for repairs, and these repairs were going to take some time. The instructor at the primary school reads the transcripts of young Pib from aboard the ship and sees the injury / kill count of the child and their jaw drops. Some of the pirates wounded, or killed, by this larval human were not exactly amateurs, or small-fry. The parents just smile. -- Anon Guest

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Challenge #03011-H088: The Soft Spot

Defiant Human: "You can't make me talk! You know damn well how tough we are, so do your damndest I won't break!"

Interrogator: "Are you sure about that?"

Defiant Human: "Try me."

Interrogator: "You asked for it." Calls to their associates who brings out a box of the cutest, most adorable, little fuzzballs on the planet. Several young kids giggle and begin to play with, and cuddle the fuzzballs that coo and burble sweetly.

Human: "What's that supposed to do??"

Human -

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Challenge #03009-H086: You Think You're Tough

Be a hell of a blade for a space warrior to carry. I can see them now, them drawing it from their belt when another deathworlder, an enemy, tries to push their luck thinking the "squishy human" is weak and helpless. They clean their nails with the tip and go "You really want to do this?" -- DaniAndShali

Humans only seem to have no natural defenses. Many learn this lesson the hard way. Such as the Gendraaugi, Yauch, who had come to

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Challenge #03002-H079: Friendship Offering

They were used to having humans aboard ships over the years. One group or another would work with them to protect them whenever they were heading out to map the Edge. As usual, they had four humans with them. Two scientists, two guards. But one of the guards was different. Unlike all the humans the havenworlders had worked with in the past, this individual politely declined all of the sweet desserts that were offered in friendship and preferred fresh fruits and sliced

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Challenge #03001-H078: How to Befriend a Monster

An alien meets human's pet cat and has an existential crisis dealing with the fact that their seemingly sane friend keeps a tiny ferocious predator around and thinks it is cute. -- Anon Guest

"[GENDER PRONOUN] is just an old softie," should definitely be classified as words of impending horror. Brex had just been told not to mind Meep, and then spotted a low, fast shape zip through his peripheral vision. Human Pod had assured him, "He's just an old softie, really.

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Challenge #02999-H076: Full on Pinkies Up

There were cupcakes, which immediately drew attention to the activity. There were also the ship's humans, both of them, sitting quietly and sipping from fancifully patterned drinking vessels, despite usually becoming a shrieking maelstrom of highly active competition when interacting with one another. There was a small container with a spoon in it that, upon inspection, contained sugar. ...there were more cupcakes than two humans could reasonably eat on their own. There were extra cups. There was, it turned out, an open

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Challenge #02979-H056: What a Waking View

Muscle memory, we do things so often our body remembers how - even though we don't think about it. Most common is dance moves, and the slap that turns off the morning alarm. Then there are the reach in the dark for tablets or weapons. Go with it and see where the Idea takes yo. -- Knitnan

Human Sar could arrive at a trouble site in their full livesuit before ze completely woke up. His successive companions would learn that Sar's livesuit

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Challenge #02930-H007: A Gift in Kind

They were supposed to be a massive, mindless, killing machines, huge and terrifying to behold, they were thin, nearly hairless, and soft-bodied under their suits. I'd heard so much of these beings, we all have, that the idea of one of their ships docking at this newly built station scared many of us to nearly soiling ourselves. Galactic Law required us to let them dock, they were in need of aid, their ship damaged almost beyond recognition.

They were supposed to be

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Challenge #02903-G346: Don't Do It

Five Times Human Pib got Stuck and Needed to be Rescued, and One Time Human Pib did the Rescuing. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Mandatory callback link Which is but one tale among many.]

Fact: The Humans aboard the Jaunty Merchant had reproduced. This was not a great impact on the functioning of the ship as a whole until their spawn, a Human named Pib, learned to move around independently. Human Pib, in short succession, learned problem-solving skills and fast became a problem

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Challenge #02894-G337: Humane Accommodations

They were a killer. From the time they were young, they got into fights. It was almost daily. The first kill came when they were only 12, they couldn't stand bullies and the first one they killed was one of their parents. Why? The parent was cruel and often struck them and their younger siblings. From there, as they grew older, it was always the same. Someone would be a bully, someone would become cruel. They'd be warned, only once. Then out

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Challenge #02892-G335: An Encounter to Remember

Hey, InterNutter? Do you think we could get the enemy's view of this? I mean, seeing a human tripping big time on stims rushing their camp like that? I mean, some of the enemy survived to report the counter, right? That might be fun to see. Please?

https://peakd.com/fiction/@internutter/challenge-02745-g188-use-only-as-directed -- Anon Guest

They'd missed one. They'd missed more than one, and they knew it. But it was one that was dangerous. They were barely glimpsed, but all footage

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Challenge #02869-G312: Tolerance Levels

Human A: "Try this!"

Human B: "Is it hot?"

Human A: "No."

Human B: "Your not hot, or my not hot?"

Human A: "...it's not hot."

Human B: "..." takes a bite

Nonhuman Cremember: "Why is Human B crying while guzzling milk?"

Human A: "It's not hot!"

Human B: (takes a moment to stop guzzling milk)(snot and tears running down face) "I'm sensitive to capsaicin, and you eat raw ghost peppers for fun! Your 'not hot' is not my 'not hot'!" (goes

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Challenge #02861-G304: Well That Was Dumb

"Fuck!"

"Ow."

"...I'm bleeding." -- Anon Guest

Accidents happen quickly. Reactions to them differ. Humans have a shock response that insulates them from immediately feeling an injury. As a survival tactic, it's great for getting the people away from the threat, but in a more technologically advanced setting... it's disturbing to unprepared onlookers.

Human Dree had been working on something involving sharp tools and applied pressure. One of their multiple hobbies. The tool slipped, and the reaction was instant and automatic. "FLAKK!

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