Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Challenge #02755-G198: Five Under Five

There were four of them. They were definitely human, and the biggest was still less than 1.5 sidu tall. Probably. The biggest one was also at the bottom of what could only be described as a pile of babies. The second biggest and the smallest were using the biggest as pillows. Those three were asleep. The second smallest was reclining on the second biggest, and giggling at a repetitive song accompanying dancing cartoon fruits and vegetables playing on a tablet.

This scene would be less of an issue if it wasn't in the middle of a walkway, and accompanied by a distinct lack of guardian.

On questioning by security, the second smallest said "shhhh, sibling sweeping" and "mama feel sick" before pointing to the nearby restroom. As if on cue, the sound of violent retching emanated from the toilets.

After a small amount of panic and a large amount of ruckus, not helped by the sleeping children waking up (and being corralled by the largest one, who turned out to be younger than estimated by size), the medical team that was summoned determined that the human in the restroom was pregnant, and suffering from rather severe "morning sickness", a clear human misnomer given that it was the middle of the "night", and hadn't been able to keep anything other than cold tea down for almost two days. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Corrected to Sidu (from SDU - Standard Distance Units) because Siwu is for weights. It's a cultural peculiarity that things are measured in Sidu and -somehow- people are measured in ancient Terran Imperial units (feet, inches, pounds, stone etc). It's weird and Humans are very likely to blame. For those wondering, the largest sibling in the prompt above is 4'11"]

This is the Edge. There are all sorts here. If that isn't enough warning, then there probably never will be enough of a warning. Such was nearly the case for Plem, who was 'browsing' through some of the extended pan-polity markets in this particular ramshackle trading station. They had been doing rather well, absorbing some of the local customs by osmosis, and remaining out of trouble... and then they took a turn to an alleged shortcut and encountered what appeared to be a living roadblock.

Plem would later learn that this was referred to as a 'baby pile'. Four bodies in various stages of undress, one in hygenic pants only, were tangled together and blocking the pathway. Not one of them was taller than Plem. The tallest of them had fallen asleep, arms wrapped around two other sleepers, one of them rousing at Plem's approach. The smallest shared possession of a datareader with the tallest, and the screen seemed to be displaying anthropomorphised foodstuffs singing repetitively and bouncing about in time to their song.

The second-smallest rubbed an eye and stared at Plem, who was busy trying to figure out this particular puzzle. Plem consulted their datareader and found salient information that these beings were Humans, and worse - Human young. Very young, as it happened. Every single one of them was likely preliterate and at least one of them was preverbal. Worse and worse, they had at minimum one parental, who was nowhere in sight. They had to be cared for and their carer was nowhere to be seen. Humans were Deathworlders and Deathworlders were even more dangerous when they believed their young was threatened. Plem risked, "Where being parental?" in GalSimple.

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Challenge #02753-G196: To Win By Technicality

In arguments it’s okay to swear. Usually many times your words must be quick witted and sharp like a rapier, other times, you just need bash your enemies skulls in with the metaphorical folding chair to get you point across. -- Anon Guest

Arguments are peculiar things. Some people believe that the winner is the one who remains calm and logical and debates all relevant points with scientific sources, and the loser is the first one to drop a sample of

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Challenge #02752-G195: For the Thrills

The human is sitting with aliens who study the weather and they show some old videos, first giving offensensitivity warnings, of human storm chasers. They explain the jobs of the storm chasers, the dangers, and what was learned from those brave men and women who sometimes lost their lives in the pursuit of scientific discovery. They also explained of storm-tourists. Those insane adrenaline junkies who would go with storm chasers to catch a glimpse of storms like tornadoes, to be able to

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Challenge #02751-G194: You and Your Hobbies

The human got a job at a rather busy space station as an IT person and as a structural engineer. They did a lot of work with computers and with keeping up maintenance on this place. But when they signed the contract, they had an unusual clause, one that, it was discovered, they always asked for no matter what place they worked. Their quarters must be at least twice to three times the size of normal crew quarters. This was not too

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Challenge #02750-G193: What Evil Sows...

Human's blood is a well-known weapon. Full of leucocytes ready to protect human body from disease and foreign invaders. While used on other forms of life it can act like acid; burning and destroying skin. Blood isn't a cheap thing, because selling it is forbidden everywhere. But black market found a way to produce enough blood to gain on it — blood farms. Cages where humans are drugged so they won't fight back. Everything begins to fall apart when one of farm workers

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Challenge #02749-G192: Disentangling Groupthink

Gamer‘s mob mentality https://youtu.be/1DALU-AHb-U -- Anon Guest

[AN: offensensitivity warning for toxic masculinity content, simulated violence within the linked video]

No matter what the team sport, Humans will become so invested in their team that hostility becomes part of the identification procedure. -- Excerpt from The Galactic's Guide to Human.

The real trick, the Alliance decided, was to discourage the truly horrible behaviour when it started. Allowing it to persist only resulted in worse examples of more of

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One Week at Last!

Now the serious counting begins. So far, the record is at ten days before some other infected idiot invades my fair state and brings a sample of plague with them. We shall see.

Down south, they are finally making mask-wearing mandatory in a too-little-too-late move that should have been initialised when the first suburbs broke out in the damn thing. Of course, there's the same outrage from people despite idiots doing things like leaving quarantine so they can have a fucking smoke

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Challenge #02748-G191: Howdy Neighbour

If you truly think that your world is needed to be saved; you’re a bigger fool than I thought... -- Anon Guest

It had been quite the journey to the distant station. More effort in one lifetime than Rilissith's people had been through in recent history. They had been ambling vaguely towards space travel for previous centuries, but that was before they discovered that something was going chronically wrong with their solar system.

They could, with their current technology, launch one

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Challenge #02747-G190: Just Get the Bleeper App

A: cak-likna!

B: did you just swear?

A: I don’t know I say something random when I’m in pain

B: try not to say that again

A: wait it was a swear word?! -- Anon Guest

Offensensitivity is a peculiar thing. What offends one group might be perfectly normal. It is wise for travellers to check to see what's taboo in areas they are planning to visit for extended lengths of time. It's always wise to find out what's rude

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Challenge #02746-G189: Fearsome Destructive Capabilities

Carbon fibre plates, reinforced with a titanium alloy. Hi spec thermal regulator, and military grade ballistic glass. Now I just need the human to stress test this livesuit. -- Anon Guest

"What kind of Human?" said Glorz.

"I'm not sure I understand the question."

"Well, there are the Humans you pay to try and destroy it, there's the Humans you pay to life-test it, and the Humans you pay to try and keep it in top condition. Then there's the fourth if

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Challenge #02745-G188: Use Only as Directed

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aimo_Koivunen

Sometimes, Humans do stupid Things. Most of the time, they work out well. However, only seldomly someone takes 30 Tabs of Pervitin (Meth) has an "Adventure" like this and lives to tell the Tale. -- Mike666

[AN: Link contains references to drug use and some side effects that should have honestly killed the dude. Also the GIF version of this story going around Tumblr is hilarious]

Humans hold some very interesting records. They also

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Challenge #02744-G187: Did the Countenance Divine...?

WWII arrived and the British Women's Institute did the usual jam and knitted sock, but guest Speakers came in and they saw a different path to take . Many Women who went on to careers in Degrees said. "I heard about it at the women's Institute. Jerusalem was there theme hym "And did those feet..." -- Nonny Mouse

[AN: I went through this site trying to find what the heck you were talking about and found no such references. I can't spend all

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Challenge #02743-G186: Gifts For the Pack

What happens when humans are so pack-bonded that even other species start acting like them? The same willingness and madness you'd see from a human instilled into a havenworlder,

Would they really be a havenworlder anymore? -- Anon Guest

Humans will pack-bond with anything. This is known. They will back bond with other intelligent life forms so hard that the pack-bonding works both ways. This has been fatal to some. This has been life-saving to many. For most, though, it just is

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Challenge #02742-G185: The Motivation Factor

For quite some time it's been well known that human life spans are so much shorter than havenworlder's, save for those factions that have found other means, electronic or body-swapping, to extend it. But one scientist has been working with a family for a very long time on changing that at the genetic level. Now, with his research in hand, he does a presentation to a scientific panel about his research with the family, how it could benefit humans and extend their

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Challenge #02741-G184: A Helping Hand

"What are you watching?"

"Children's programming about the importance of doing chores to help out around the house."

"Do you enjoy this? You're an adult."

"Yeah, but I have the emotional maturity of a child, because my emotional development was stunted by repeated trauma while I was growing up. So, if I watch stuff like this, it helps me feel like doing stuff around the house, because I'm really, really impressionable. Also, I have to clean my living space, it's disgusting."

"So

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