Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #01378-C283: Heavenly Host

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/151095300715/deliverusfromsburb-gods-falling-in-love-with The god that adopts a ton of kids

1) In the beginning. Stupid mistakes, awkward moments, working out what to do and what to tell the kid

2) Later. There's a horde of them, some of them have grown up and left but there's always more that need help. -- Anon Guest

[AN: this puts the gap count down to TWO]

1)

Hestatus, God of home and hearth, used to be a minor god. And like all minor gods, was really invested in answering prayers.

"Please let there be enough food for tonight?"

Hestatus manifested a feast on their household table, and thought that it was good.

But the same voice prayed the next night, "Please don't let Mama hurt me again?"

Hestatus put a little more effort into it, and made the supplicant child's skin like iron for the evening.

And again, the same voice. "Please don't make Mama lock me outside in the cold?"

Hestatus did a rare thing for a god. He actually sat still and thought. As tempting as it was to smite this child's mother, there had to be a better way. The quick and easy solutions were not working.

He manifested as a humble mendicant and conversed with his little worshipper. "Hestatus has been favouring you, I see. There is the glow of his blessing about you, child. What has happened?"

The child was fearful and small and softly-spoken. "...i asked for food and there was a whole table full, but mama said i stoled it and she beat me... asked not to get hurt and mama couldn't, so she shut me out." Tears fell down the waif's cheeks. "...i prayed not to be shut out in the cold... what'll mama do now?"

"Your mama won't hurt you again," assured Hestatus. He allowed his true nature to shine. "You are under my protection."

Songs are sung to this day of how Hestatus protected his first saint from a mother who should never have been a mother. How he touched the woman's brow so lightly, and struck her down. And when she rose again, she never had a harmful thought.

They do not sing about the rift that caused. Without her savagery, a great deal of herself was lost. Though she was kind, she would stand still and stare during the times when anger should have emerged. And they never mention how she died, relatively young, from standing out in the snow and staring. Simply staring, until the snow stopped her blood from flowing.

Hestatus was and is a god, and knew very little of mortal ways. He knew humans needed food, but wasn't certain what kind was good. 'Healthy' was not a word he was familiar with.

Hestatus was aware that his child needed safety, but wasn't quite aware of how much was too much.

It took other mortals, better mothers and fathers, to teach him the better ways of caring.

And possibly the most dangerous thing was when Hestatus learned that there were other children. Children who didn't have a home. Who never warmed themselves by a hearth. And he was a god who could be anywhere...

2)

The temples of Hestatus look like hostels, and that is for a very good reason. Hestatus is the god of home and hearth, and the protector of children who have neither.

Therefore its efficient just to add rooms to the temple. With bunk-beds.

The temples of Hestatus don't take burned offerings. They prefer living sacrifices of extra roosters or male lambs. They love you if you bring a nanny goat, because there are always unwanted babies. The living that can be meat for the temple fleshpots are cooked to perfection, and given freely to those who hunger.

The nanny goats are always milked until they have no more milk. These are temples almost overflowing with hungry mouths.

And Hestatus himself is a god that can understand what a supplicant means. Hungry worshippers are fed within their means, and the miracles are small. Those who seek guidance are shown ways in which their existing talents can help many others. Those who are lost are shown, co-incidentally, the way to the nearest temple of Hestatus, where another pair of hands is always welcome.

The temples have libraries, and mortal tutors who teach all who come any useful thing that can be used. Some who grow in that rich soil become great thinkers, or great builders, or great doctors. But most, the true followers of Hestatus, become great helpers.

Sometimes, you might even find Hestatus in one of his own temples. He is always busy, and has flour on his apron and a towel over one shoulder. And if he has sleeves, they are short or rolled up. He could look like any other mortal, but there's always something... more.

He is never tired. Gods don't need to sleep. He is never hungry. Gods don't need to eat. And he is always warm and welcoming, because what a god needs most... is to be loved.

(Muse food remaining: 17. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Ridding the house of time vampires

Anyone who does housework knows what time vampires are. You want to work on the hobby, but you have to do this bit or that bit of housework that just sucks your time away.

Well, Mt Laundry now has its last load in the machine and I am waving farewell to that set of time vampires. Now I should have more time to deal with mental health and Halloween costumes and assorted whatnot that has been biding its time until I finally

Read more »

Challenge #01377-C282: Soul Mate Counselling

http://jupiterjames.tumblr.com/post/148863222746/

I love reading fics about OTPs having mental bonds and things like that, but they’re always so profound. It’d be so much more entertaining if they still thought like normal people. Imagine this stuff:

“You’ve had that song stuck in your head for days. It’s driving me nuts, too.”

“Why are you making a grocery list in your head while we’re having sex?”

“Is that really what you think about my

Read more »

Living in the procrasti-nation

The scary thing about my levels of procrastination is that Beloved is worse. I've procrastinated doing my daily duties by writing the starting paragraphs of a book that I'm not due to start until 2018. I love the concept and it's so shiny. I had the perfect starter sentence and I could not resist setting a scene.

Of course, since the Mou editor is slower than frozen molasses, I started editing in my old friend, TextWrangler.

Everything old is new again.

I've

Read more »

Challenge #01376-C281: Everything? Everything!

"I'm gonna eat everything!"

"Please don't, we'll be kicked out."

"Everything." -- OohLookShiny

There is just one reaction that newcomers have when entering an Unsuitable Food restaurant. Many newcomers have come from planets founded by people with ideals. Or from planets where entire species failed to flourish. And one human settlement survived with stone-age technology, an extremely limited diet, and ritualistic cannibalism, before the Alliance found them.

Faced with the abundance of all the foods of all the Alliance in every possible,

Read more »

Ow ow ow ow ow...

Beloved has a day off Mondays, because working on Saturdays is a thing during the Melbourne Cup wind-up. This, I thought, would be a prime opportunity to get them to adhere to the rest of the house's rules.

No.

Such.

Luck.

Beloved had a great case of persistent inertia and gave me the Irrits. Which culminated in a crescendo of me yelling about all the things that Beloved does to piss me the fuck off.

Good news - cleaning the gritty bits

Read more »

Challenge #01375-C280: Needing Hands

Breathing bodies is a term for people, not necessarily qualified who can be used for tasks that free up more qualified people(@) - third hands? Well humans have only two, but some people are quite good at being a third hand when needed.(*)

(@) example "here, put your hand on this and yell if it gets hot."

(*) "Hold this steady while I tighten the coupling up." And there are times when they are invaluable. -- Knitnan

[AN: Footnotes in prompts are NOT a

Read more »

How I eat cake and lose weight too

It's not easy and it's not fun, but oh, how the cake is worth it.

I'm currently using a diet app called Easy Diet Diary to keep track of how much I eat, and how many kilojoules I consume. My goal for safe dieting, according to the app, is eight thousand kilojoules.

On an average day, I make it up to around eighty percent of that noise. One slice of cake is roughly a third of my allotted kilojoules.

Therefore, the rest

Read more »

Challenge #01374-C279: Three Things They Did Wrong and One Thing They Did Right

http://khaleesijade.tumblr.com/post/150856878533/agentquinn-sepulchritude-my-fav-trope-is -- Anon Guest

Understanding humans is a difficult business. Gallusians, one of the earliest Galactic species to hire their services, know this better than most.

Kru'ku, designated companion/guide of the exploration vessel Tikavi, wrote what many consider to be the first guide centred around the proper care and handling of humans. Their work encapsulates years of research, anecdotal evidence, assumptions, and quite a large amount of wild guesses.

For a seminal work, it is

Read more »

So close...

You would be surprised how few avenues there are for making one's own costume, out there. Generic, cheaply-made dress-ups are all you can find.

I purchased an allegedly 'adult' costume for Mayhem that barely fits him. And it has massive static cling issues. Which just re-enforces the idea that I need to learn how to sew. Costuming from pret-a-porter is not what it used to be.

I have to solve Chaos' Gem issue, fix my hat, repair my heart, and find some

Read more »

Challenge #01372-C277: It's a Human Thing

1) Aliens being extremely confused when humans that spend any length of time in the area with the nice fashionable wallpaper become nauseous and when questioned try to explain that the patterns are moving

2) True Facts(TM) about Ghosts -- Anon Guest

[AN: This puts the gap count down to three!]

1)

The Klypt'l had done their best to be accommodating. They had refurbished any and all human artefacts into useful furniture -even comfortable furniture- for the use of their Deathworlder

Read more »

Sideways!

It doesn't matter which order things are done in, only that they are done. Therefore, it's no surprise that my little darlings have adapted to the 'get up and do it' routine whilst my Beloved still drags their heels.

Mayhem has taken to sorting the laundry as part of his morning routine. Chaos still needs a lot of reminding, but she is getting used to the way things are meant to go.

Beloved... is working late because Melbourne Cup. Their work gets

Read more »

Challenge #01371-C276: One Small Difference

Dragon: Tries to kidnap a princess

Dragon: Accidentally saves a Prince from a tower

Dragon: Isn't sure what happened -- OohLookShiny

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a young Dragon in possession of a good lair, must be in want of a Princess. So it was for Ginrauth, who had not only terrorised the local Dwarfs into submitting 'donations' to his hoard, but had also found an abundance of shiny gemstones within the cavern he dug. He knew all there was

Read more »

S-L-O-W-L-Y

If there's anything more irritating to live with than a case of the Slo-Mo's, I can't think of it right now.

I couldn't get to sleep until Beloved came home. Well, not properly. I managed to cat-nap until that time. And then I woke at four in the morning. Too tired to sleep.

Which is a bitch if there ever was one.

Since Beloved was home late, I gave up on the morning walk and dived straight into getting the kids organised.

Read more »

Challenge #01370-C275: Homicidally Annoying

"Are you eating cereal? It's 8pm."

"Specific mealtimes are social constructs that have no real impact on our lives."

"Is that my cereal?"

"O-ownership is a social construct that..." -- OohLookShiny

There are drawbacks to rooming with a pseudo-intellectual. First was having to know the thesaurus just to have a conversation with them. The second was not murdering them for their constant over-corrections.

And the third...

Madrass(not his real name. He claimed it was 'more spiritual') had taken over the couch.

Read more »