InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12163 posts

Shitstirring for humanity

Vegans struck me as a little peculiar. Okay. You don't want to eat anything related to animal exploitation? Good for you. Just... please don't try to make me change my ways and we're aces.

Alas, there's a certain section of people (coughcoughivorytowergranolasetcoughcough) that claim that honey is bee slavery.

This just gets a big fat WAT from me because they continue eating fruits and vegetables that use bee labour regardless.

Like... I've tried to do some research on this and... unless you're guaranteed hand-pollinating your crops... This is what you're left with on a freedom-for-bees vegan diet:

  • Navel Oranges
  • Leafy greens
  • Brassicas
  • Root vegetables
  • Legumes
  • Corn and other wind-pollinated vegetables1
  • Herbs
  • Celery
  • Onions and Leeks
  • Mushrooms

And that's it. There's not an ounce of fat anywhere, but loads and loads of carbohydrates. And we all know what a low-fat, high-carb diet does to people - yep. Diabetes and obesity.

And you can't cook it, as far as I'm aware, because all the plant oils available come from plants that need bees.

I guess there might be a fat-burning component in eating all foods raw, but is it enough? Vegans claim so. Long term data has yet to appear because veganism is a new thing.

And aaaaalllll of this came up because Beloved and I started gassing about doing a Ketogenic restaurant. I even have a name for it: Ketogenesis. Serving up everything organic, natural (or as natural as you can get after ahem-mumble-something over 20 000 years of tinkering...) Ketogenic foods with a vegetarian option and one pure vegan salad made out of a little of the low-carb stuff in the list above.

And if the vegans complain, then I have some education for them. If you believe that honey is bee slavery, then you can't eat any fruits and vegetables that bees pollinate. Which means, should you go ketogenic vegan - your options are hellishly limited.

You're welcome to try the ample vegetarian options if you admit that bees are vital symbiotes with humans, and honey is a tasty byproduct that you can choose to use as a sweetener on feast days.

Correction: I just looked some more stuff up and, since peanuts are root legumes, vegans can use peanut oil for cooking. But if you're a ketogenic vegan, you need LOADS of peanut oils in your food.

But you can't have the peanuts because they're loaded with carbs.

It's complicated, I know.

  1. My source did not list them, alas.

Challenge #01431-C336: Last Bus to LA

Where the scientific process and superstition collide. This analysis of plague doctor's wear.

"The scientific process made a bitchin’ proto-hazmat suit. And containment protocols!" -- RecklessPrudence

After the zombie apocalypse, there were a few things bound to go backwards. With a lessened population, electricity was bound to stop. And disease was rife.

What the members of the last bus to LA never expected was a revival of some very much older traditions.

As the horses drew them closer to the little town

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Easing up

Beloved informed me on our morning walk that we had been hitting the Ketogenic diet hard. It's why I've been having difficulties the way I have been.

So we're easing up. We're no longer fasting for 16 hours. We're going back to 12 hours and allowing some fruity sugars in as well as the carbs that come in the veggies.

Both Beloved and I have been waking up earlier and I forwarded the idea that it would be an ideal time to

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Challenge #01429-C334: Two Bad Days For Interspecies Communication

A story of language, of cuttlefish and swans, and of oblivious humans. (Well, two stories. Your choice whether they count as one prompt or two) -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Welp, we have successfully eliminated the gap count before Cashmas. Huzzah]

1)

It was quite a turn of fate for the captive cuttlefish. They had long since given up on trying to communicate with the air-breathers.

Then one of them noticed them chatting and tried to communicate with their ineffectual tentacles.

"Hey. You. I.

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The down side

Every diet has a down side. Slowly rationing fruit to small amounts so I get just the right kind of carbs in the correct amount is just one of them.

And I've discovered what fellow dieters are calling the "Keto flu". As the body gets used to not having carbs around, it goes into carb panic and starts trying to conserve energy. The result is a listlessness and a lack of energy that gets some people swarming back to carbs.

But what

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Challenge #01428-C333: Educational Amusement

A bird prompt for the Numidids: The story of Kevin-the-deathworlder and the deathworlder bird. (Even their birds are brutal!) -- RecklessPrudence

"...and even... photographers."

The scene cut to a camera-wielding human cautiously pursuing a Killdeer plover doing its broken-wing act. He was making soothing cooing noises, but they were clearly not working.

The person behind the camera was giggling.

The bird floundered aimlessly around as the photographer attempted to capture it without hurting it.

After a total of five failed attempts to

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Proof in the absence of pudding

This is my fourth day of doing the Ketogenic Diet and I have some fantastic news: I now weigh 87.4 kilos. My previous lowest record, recorded in 2012, was 87.7 kilos.

In four days, I have gone to my lowest recorded weight.

I feel energetic and happy and Beloved and I have gone on our 15-minute walk and not felt drained or strained as a direct result.

Hell, I even put on a load of washing before I was desperate

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Challenge #01427-C332: Illegal Saviors

Someone going through human archives, and they find this story and the key phrase of it:

"It may be ‘illegal’, but those who risk their liberty to ~save the world~ should never be reprimanded, no matter what those in power say." -- RecklessPrudence

When the people of Pre-Space Planetary System #J4N3T-111811260516 finally get into Galactic Society, they'll find some funny things in the archives. If they go looking.

My name is Leon. And technically? I'm a criminal.

GalStands&Legs - that's

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I feel fantastic!

Okay, to start off, I have to note that what I've been calling the "Ketonic" Diet is actually the KETOGENIC Diet and works similar to Fatkins but doesn't induce Ketoacidosis like Fatkins does.

How? By replacing carbs with natural animal fats and the simple sugars found in fruit. That keeps the ketones behaving themselves and reduces the need for processed, carb-o-riffic nastiness that makes everyone fat.

That skim milk the doctors recommend based on the Lipid Theory? Carbs.

That lo-fat, Atkins-approved diet

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Challenge #01426-C331: But Why Not?

This shopping list.

You can have four. -- RecklessPrudence

"Aw come on..."

"None of that 'come on', love. This is beyond a bad idea."

"But how can I do my YouTube special Mythbuster Busters?"

Claire glared at Kevin. "You. Don't."

"Aaaaawwwww.... come ooooonnnnnn... I could be internet famous..."

"You could be hospitalised."

"That's the best way to get internet famous."

Claire glared him down. "Find another way. You have other talents that can get you there without hurting yourself. Come up with

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Things I Wish I Knew About

I'm starting in on the Ketonic Diet and there's loads of info about it if you become a member1. Starting with how this diet could have plausibly saved my father if I had just known about it.

Current treatment of diabetes goes like this: lower or eliminate the sugar, eliminate the fats, give insulin, and load up on the carbs.

Which is mental, because carbohydrates metabolise directly into sugar.

This leads directly to a fatty liver, a fatty pancreas, fatty eyes,

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Challenge #01425-C330: Corrupted Signals

Truly showing someone you love them. -- RecklessPrudence

Mating displays in the common human are more than perplexing. Subtle signs of affection are usually missed and overt signals of hostility are misinterpreted. The dominating culture of an individual can lead to confusion when meeting an individual from another...

"Hey babe."

"I'm working." Kiri didn't even look up from her work. Didn't acknowledge him.

"All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl," said Don. He thought he was being flirtatious. She

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New meds... hooray?

Since the Serotonin was making me constantly semi-drowsy, my doctor switched me out to Zoloft. Or, in this case, the generic, no-brand equivalent of Zoloft because the Australian medical system is not the price-gouging hell-hole that the US has got.

I'm on half a pill, taken in the evening, to scale up to a whole pill later on. And right now, because I dropped the Serotonin and took up the Zoloft, I feel pretty damn awful.

There's the post-swimming heaviness, the difficulty

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Challenge #01424-C329: Loyalty to Immortals

Going along with humans being fae to city animals (#01413-C318), humans being the long-lived elves to dogs.

(Hi, I'm back! Sorry for the hiatus in prompts) -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: No worries]

Mother had brought them to see Grandmother, who sniffed them all in greeting before she lay in the sunshine. Her muzzle was grey and her joints were stiff.

"Soon," said Grandmother, "you will be chosen. One may be chosen to remain... here..." She dozed a little, panting at her own happy

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Firkin Anxiety

Yesterday was quite a bit more adventure than I was prepared to deal with. I was following the busses to Brisbane to visit the Kelvin Grove campus of QUT so I could keep an eye out on Miss Chaos whilst she had a fun day of learning.

Which would have been fine except I misplaced the busses at the very last turn and got the first parking space I could achieve.

As I predicted, I got frelling lost. I got absolutely, hopelessly,

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