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Plague Diary

A 375-post collection

Friday, Day 0, Fish Day

TEN firkin new cases, but only one of those is local so whack-a-doo, let's go to the coast YAAAAAAAYYYY... Eighty-two active cases, sixty-seven in hospital, one in the ICU; which leaves FOURTEEN of them to go out and create havoc if they come over with a massive case of the Knomira's.

Yeah nah I'm not going firkin anywhere these holidays and I shall be watching all of this inevitable mayhem unfold from my mountain fastness. Thank you for asking. Door price is half a billion unless you're a relative or close friend1.

Today is the day when most people who follow the more modern take on YHWH eat fish and hot cross buns and plan to look for hidden eggs with the littlies. Spring festivals are always a little bit weird in the Southern Hemisphere, where Autumn is gearing up to kick everyone's behind.

Imagine for five seconds if everyone south of the equator suddenly switched the festivals to match the seasons. That would mess EVERYONE up.

But enough of that nonsense. It's time for some global nonsense:

  • More news about the most recent shooting massacre in the USA
  • Celebrity kicked off Twitter for humiliating a powerful man
  • 43 kids have been killed in the continuing Myanmar clusterfluff
  • Murderer gets back in contact with his mistress after killing his family to be with her. Girl. RUN AWAY!
  • 13 kids orphaned after parents perish of the plague
  • Muppet's daughter-in-law attempts to curry the orange canker's favour by trying to go against Facebook and its policies
  • Easter weather is going to SUCK
  • Australia allegedly defenceless against China. Say that to our shy and retiring wildlife
  • The truth is finally revealed! The Plague came from bats. It was bats the whole time
  • Hawaiian Pizza Shapes bikkie is NOT an April Fool's prank

If you follow me on Tumblr, I will be reblogging some of my favourite japes until they wind down. Spirit of the season and all.

And now - fiction.

  1. Note for the gullible or the slow of mind - this is of course a fabrication. If you actually give me half a billion and expect a mountain fastness, then more fool you. ↩

Thursday, Day 0, Maundy Moneys

Not only is it Maundy Thursday - the traditional day when the highfalutin hand out "Maundy Money" - it's also April Fools' Day. At least in Aus. Tomorrow's when the pranks really emerge from the intertubes. Be warned.

I'll probably stick to puns when I get to thinking them up.

Today, the PLN is to do my usual work nonsense with unfucking the house on the side because tomorrow is a public holiday. Yay.

I may or may not get on that

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Wednesday, Day 0, Wordpress

TEN new cases, eight of those local transmissions. Seventy-eight total, sixty-four in hospital, two in ICU, which leaves twelve with the relative freedom of a hotel room until they are clear. Masks are mandatory for when you go anywhere and we are hunkering and bunkering and just being blobs for the interim.

Judging by the acceleration, we're going to be locked down for a lot longer than the three days. We've done this before and we can do it again. Of course,

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Tuesday, Day 0, Locked Down

Brisbane, and perhaps the greater portion of Southeast Queensland, has been locked down for three days. I got this news in the afternoon of yesterday. Ten new cases this morning, four of them local. Seventy-three total active cases, sixty-three in hospital, and two in the ICU. That means eight people are stuck in a well-furnished box and bingeing Netflix or whatever.

I... am trying my hardest not to spiral into my previous lockdown mood, which was huddling in the bedroom and seeking

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Monday, Day 0, here comes Scheherezade

Three new cases, Seventy-one total, sixty-six in hospital and two in the ICU. So that's three left spinning their wheels in a hotel somewhere. According to our PM, only one of those new cases is a local transmission.

Adding to the panic is the fact that the bloke initially diagnosed said he held a party whilst still infectious. Miscommunication, actually, since the party consisted of him and his four housemates, who are already isolated.

Grrr.

TAFKASPG has continued being an annoyance, so

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Sunday, Day 0, It's Loose

There's another case of local transmission this morning. Six new cases. Seventy-one total. Sixty-two in hospital. Two in the ICU. That's seven with the potential to cause even more trouble.

I'm not looking at the news this morning because Toasty's streaming already and there are untold PLNs of Beloved happening later on after sunrise. So now I'm trying to get as much done before I find out what else is going on.

I may be required to drive after minimal sleep -_

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Saturday, Day 0, Scramble

According to the government, there's seven new cases and the news is a new local transmission. I heard ten cases yesterday afternoon, but I have to trust the official sources.

Sixty-nine total cases [not nice], sixty-two in hospital, two in the ICU... and five remaining in captivity. It's hard to not panic.

Case 0 is in Stafford and has been communicable for a week. The alert is out for the Brisbane and Moreton City areas, so not in my or MeMum's neck

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Friday, Day 0, Shenanigans Commence

There's three new cases, sixty-five active, sixty-two in hospital and one in ICU. Two apparently free to chill in a hotel somewhere. At least according to my math. I have all sorts of assorted shenanigan going on and one big difference between now and every other Friday before.

Today is Payday!

::curlytoot noise::

That's right, folks. I'm giving myself money I've already earned at a rate sufficient to fly under Mr Taxman's radar. Don't worry, I also already earned it at a

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Thursday, Day 0, Keep rolling rolling rolling...

I made a phone call! I got the data! I've got things shifting about! WHEEEE!

There's four more cases, sixty-seven total, sixty-two of those are in hospital... and one in the ICU. Four people are relatively free.

Thanks to an unexpected hike in Bitcoin at a local level, I now have a LOT more than I need. I'm plotting to help some people out wherever and whenever I can. But I'm still siphoning off value from my Peakd account because the fuckup

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Wednesday, Day 0, the Germans have a word for this...

Three new cases this morning, sixty total, fifty-seven in hospital and one in ICU. Which means that two of them are apparently waiting for the inevitable. Argh. At least they're all from other places and we don't need to worry until one of them escapes the security measures.

What the Germans probably have a word for is "the sensation that your life has become needlessly complicated". And to be honest, there's a definite sense of "the house that Jack built" to the

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Tuesday, Day 0, Shrinky Shenanigans

Four new cases, today. Fifty-eight active cases. Fifty-four in hospital, two in ICU. That leaves only two who are spinning their wheels in quarantine. The artist formerly known as Spanish Prison Guard[TAFKASPG] has decided to knuckle down and actually do the work they promised me. I hope.

They've turned suddenly polite now that I don't have a lot of ready cash to siphon from my Peakd account. I remain suspicious.

Today, I am writing everything on the go. Today, I am

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Monday, Day 0, PLNs in motion

There's two new cases, today. The total active count's at fifty-four, with fifty-two of those in hospital and two in the ICU. Nobody's chilling in a Queensland hotel today.

I'm draining my Peakd account, which is a test of endurance, and watching the markets as they haver and haw. With good fortune and good timing, I shall be able to have the money I need to finally fix the bathroom by June. It's just that slow, folks.

I mean, look at this:

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Sunday, Day 0, Stream Day

Four new cases, giving us a total of fifty eight active cases. Three patients in ICU, fifty-four in hospital. So I'm guessing that only the four newest ones are the ones who aren't in hospital yet. This is scary beans. No local transmission, but... also more chances of it kicking off.

I'm powering down my Peakd account for reasons that are related to the continuing need to fix our bathroom before the sink finally breaks someone's leg. There's other reasons, but I'm

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Saturday, Day 0, Shenanigans

There's nine new cases. NINE. Fifty-eight active cases. Only nine of them are chilling outside a hospital. Yikes on bikes going on hikes.

Despite my inclinations to buy a bunker at this point, we have a scavenger hunt today. Digging up or obtaining the things necessary for Chaos' planned two-day jaunt in the wilds of the Aussie bush. There's a lot of stuff. Fortunately we have some of it from Mayhem's days in the Scouts [all five of them lol] but there's

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Friday, Day 0, Digging a bunker...

There's EIGHT firkin new cases, all from overseas, and the total depends on who you're asking. Forty-eight in Premier Palaszczuk's twitter, Thirty-nine if you're looking at the government website. Either way, I'm e-shopping for bunker options in case it turns into the zombie apocalypse.

Kidding. The closest I get to leaving my house is going out to eliminate weeds in the yard. I personally pulled up enough goatweed and cobblers' pegs1 to clear access to the shed for the landbarge. Yay.

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