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Fucking Depression

A 32-post collection

Tuesday, NBN Day I Certainly Hope

Today's the day the people are coming to do the thing. I was not able to get a sparky in to clear a path and now I'm packing bricks about that.

The rest of the QPP are incommunicado about that.

So today, I am in a holding pattern while I wait for the NBN people to turn up and tell me I need a guy to do the thing.

I can hope that they do all the things, but... my pessimism is rotting my brain today.

I only have a little bit of shopping to do, which means I can get that sweet cash in hand for Mayhem and Chaos' Crimbo desires. But that will have to happen tomorrow, at best.

I need to look up the instructions for the solve involving GameMaker. I think I did something wrong somewhere, because I'm getting the same error I started with.

Sigh.

I have five more days before a re-pitch of Adapting and after that, one more personage to pitch it at.

...I'm going to chuck the elevator pitch at BlueSky and the Fediverse. See if I get any nibbles.

Fingers crossed.

Sunday, Delay, Delay, Delay...

I cancelled VTTRPG so I could be cogniscent enough to drive. I woke up at 3AM anyway 9_9 BUT also got some extra sleeps in between then and about 5.

Messaged my lovelies about the anticipated meet-up so I can cuddle Beloved for the remains of the weekend. Which is getting to fewer and fewer hours as time ticks by.

Update - just got the news that Beloved is still feeling the downside of her new meds. If pay is incoming

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Thursday, Dreading...

Valentine's Day is looming and I am still trying to save for tyres [at $450 per decent tyre, I need a minimum of $700 to be safer on the roads. I almost have $130 saved and the panic is starting to sink in] and I really want to get something nice for Beloved and Adorable, but...

Staying alive is a huge fiscal drain right now. Staying on top of everything is a juggling act and... eeps.

I feel guilty about needing tyres.

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Tuesday, Patreon and the Morbs

The Morbs(n): A feeling of ennui, depression, and generalised gloominess in which the possessor wonders whether there's a point to continuing. In brief, listless, lackluster depression.

I.

Have.

The Morbs.

I just feel like I'm doing so much for so little in the way of rewards. I posted about that on Tumblr this morning. It's so rough getting out of bed on days like this.

I will have better days. Knowing that is the only reason why I fought to get

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Sunday, Streaming and Enshittification

My GP in their ultimate wisdom and lack of government funding have had to charge $75 Dollarydoos per visit. Which I cannot afford on the Monday I have scheduled because payday the next day. Whee.

So when I visit, I'll clear the later payment with them and FOR SURE come visit before I go to the nearest petbarn, Food Emporium, and whatever bits-and-piecery we need for the fortnight in order to stock up on necessities.

Not necessarily in that order. I will

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Sunday, Smouldering Holiday

I got that odd pre-burnout depression mixed with Asthma Brand no-air panic attack going on, so I'm going to line up the treat food and spend the rest of the day in bed and watching garbage.

I have all the post-medication signs that I should have done a nebuliser dose sooner. Including:

  • Pins and needles in the extremities
  • Tinnitus
  • Dizzy spells that are more like the entire grimoire
  • General wibbly wobblyness that means I should probably steady myself on stable objects for
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Sunday, Feeling Hollow

Went to a Queer Social and didn't know how to contribute to the conversations. The person we were meeting after said social cancelled. Went looking for something fun to do and ended up nope-ing back home. Woke up to catch Tale Foundry and it's been moved to tomorrow.

Feeling a little unloved in my particular pocket of the world.

Still, I have plenty of time to write my blog, work on a chamber or two of the dungeon, plot or write something

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Tuesday, Patreon, and a Problem

It's Patreon Tuesday, so I have a bunch of stuff to post. I don't have anything for Tale Foundry - YET. Thinking about this is one of my tasks today.

I aim to get a month's worth of fictions tagged because I keep forgetting to do a week a day. Bleh.

So much to do. So little organisation. On my gottado's today:

  • All the self cares
  • Patreon posts
  • Tale Foundry story
  • Dungeon building
  • World building
  • Fic tagging for the app

If I

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Sunday and Shenanigans

Tale Foundry is doing its stream as I type. I spent most of my morning alternately watching Toasty doing amazing things with lines and blobs, and writing even more Koshdelia for funzies.

Descents into madness are delicious.

I have watched three more episodes of Legend of Vox Machina but I haven't spotted where they hid Matt Mercer this time. I shall have to find him. That little task will help me maintain consciousness until 4PM, when I must sleep before D&

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Saturday, Day 0, Surrender?

The government is not making people check in any more. They don't use the app, they don't use the app data, and so many people just sail on by without checking in, it's criminal.

I keep feeling like everyone in charge is just sticking their heads in the sand about this damn plague and hoping it goes away. Nevermind the thousands who die of it. Nevermind the thousands who are incapacitated by it. As long as the money flows, all is well.

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Sunday, Day 0, PLNs and Plots

I'm still not looking at the statistics or the news. I just can't stand it any more. There's a reason why I stayed away from the news before the firkin plague hit.

Too many people making truly daft decisions for the lure of money rather than the greater good. Or because it's what they think their holy book tells them to. Or because cruelty's just in their DNA.

Too many people choosing to be nasty instead of figuring out where two kind

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Wednesday - Day Zero - Mor Shenanigans

THREE new cases from overseas and the odds of One Arsehole are increasing. It also means that there are more and more people with the plague attempting to reach areas without. That is, as I have previously stated, how you spread the plague.

One arsehole can shit on everything for everyone.

Election is happening in the USA and no matter who wins, the right wing will be firing upon the left wing. The only real difference is whether the ones with guns

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Sunday - Day Zero

All three cases found yesterday are foreign imports and already in quarantine, but it still resets my counter to zero and it still makes me stay largely at home doing buggerall with myself. Sigh.

Living with a chronic lung condition is firkin hell during times of an air-transmissable plague.

And it's sad that I just wrote that as if these were multiple occurrences. The truth is, we are just over the first wave. The second will happen when we believe we're safe

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Day One Once More

No new cases today and some rumblings that yesterday's new case may be a false positive. I refuse to take chances and count the false positives as positives anywhere.

Today's agenda includes household unfuckening and no bread. We still have an entire loaf that the family is disinterested in. I shall leave the baking of bread alone for another week. The family tends to tire of a homemade loaf now and again.

Shit happens.

Speaking of immense piles of shit:

  • Calls arise
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The Wheezing Continueth

My experimentation yesterday has revealed results. In that I can keep this compy functioning if I stick to the BARE MINIMUM of programs going at once. Mail, Markdown editor, and browser with only the necessary pages loaded. Nothing else.

Even then, it's slow as balls to get anything done, so... Yeah. I need to save up AU$1.5K so I can afford to get a new one and do all the things I dearly want to do. I already have the

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