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A 4-post collection

::static noise::

Beloved is home and sleeping it off. I wish I could be that lucky or that able to follow suit.

The best option I have is caffeine. Which sort of works okay, I guess. But ceases working long about 5PM. But I should be done with the important stuff by then and honestly - who cares that my sleep cycle is broken and needs new tyres?


Sleep aids have to be herbal, dear readers. My biology is such that if I actually took a real sleep drug, I would die in the night from not breathing in. Fun shit.

True story. Last time I was in hospital, the nurses kept waking me up every half hour to ten minutes to ask if I wanted a sleeping pill. After THREE FUCKING DAYS of this, I got tired of their shit.

Them: [long about 2AM, waking me up for the billionth time that night] Are you sure you don't want a sleeping pill.
Me: [tired, and fucking tired of this shit] Tell you what. I'll take the damn pill, as long as you promise to check on me every ten minutes to make sure I'm still breathing. We cool?
Them: [gets this fucking Look on their face that was an open book with large print and its contents were "OH SHIT".] Oh. Okay. We won't bother you again.

And they didn't. There may or may not have a note in my permanent record, now, that's like Do not give this bizarre freakazoid any sedatives, they might fucking DIE. But I sure hope so.

Because explaining my hereditary and sincerely weird body chemistry to ANOTHER set of doctors used to be a regular pain in my butt. Someday, they may test my genes. It's gonna be interesting.

But I digress. I'm here to write stories and fight somnalism.


There's a cartoon that's shared often on Tumblr, and I relate to it greatly today.

Original Post

In my case, I've got anxiety, depression, and malaise all queueing up behind the aches and pains. Along with the usual self-doubt and defeatism that makes my life such a fun, rollercoaster-esque, dizzying, mad whirl 9_9

And in the back of my head, there's this firkin annoying little optimist who insists that I can do the thing because it will be "such fun". Yeah

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5:04 AM

I did manage a half-hour nap.

Since then, I have been living vicariously through other peeps’ SPG concert footage.

I love that band so much, it hurts.

Everything I love is out of my reach.

Yeah. Beloved still isn’t home. Life sucks. And now my back hurts. I know it’s because I’ve been lying still too long… But moving lets the cold in.

I’m hungry but I don’t want to

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Farging roadblocks!

No, this is not about traffic.

I seem to be cursed to stay at or above 91.9 kilos.

I bounced back up into solid 92kilo turf, today. Grrr.

I’m so mad at myself and frustrated and tired and, to add insult to injury, my right knee has decided to join my wrists in the Painful Rheumatism Club.

Which means I more or less have to rely on diet alone on the days when it’s painful to move.

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