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Depression

A 23-post collection

Challenge #03824-J172: Bros Helping Bros

A: I wish someone would take me out

B: on a date or with a gun? -- Anon Guest

[AN: Offensensitivity warning for self-harm talk]

The silence between them was far too long as Milo thought about it. So long that Damian looked over to his friend in growing concern.

"Dude, that was meant to be a joke."

"I mean... possibly?" said Milo, still frowning in thought. "But also taking it seriously is making me realise I'm in a fuckin' terrible place. Mentally, y'know?" He was staring into nothing with great concern. "That's... something."

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Getting a Groove

This morning, I over-estimated my harvest and cut up twice as many olives and mushrooms as usual. Nothing was wasted, though. I added them to a quick two-egg scramble, added cheese, and called it an omelette.

Of course, miss Chaos got half of everything, but she didn't want the omelette. Meh. I thought it was tasty enough. Whatever.

I think, this Friday, I will only be making savoury pancakes. The bread flour starter is still getting healthy and I think another week

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Struggling a Little

Let's make this clear. I am not struggling economically. I finally have enough in the bank that I don't fret about how long it will last. Add to that the fact that Centrelink has granted me $750 to help deal with the crisis economically. Where I'm struggling is mentally.

I can't fight a virus. I can't run away from it. With 'fight' and 'flight' blocked, the brain has reverted to "feign death" - aka wanting to sleep entirely through the crisis. It's

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Attempting to Grind

Grinding is no fun. Putting my usual output into the wild has become a grind more than once. I don't have a lot to put on Patreon, so I'm going to look at freezing payments until I have a lot to share. It's possible. Toasty does it on the regular.

I did some poking around, and it's in (surprise) the Settings area. Therefore May will be free and possibly June if I feel that inadequate by then. Very possibly also June because

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Challenge #02550-F360: A Hero is You

Grandma I got the big sad, can you read me a story? -- Anon Guest

Oh my child, my darling dear. Sadness must be hunted. A story can quell it, but you must trace it to be happy in the long term. It is a hunt only you can embark upon. You must armour yourself with happier times, you must strengthen your soul with the knowledge that your true family is always there to support you, and arm yourself with clever thoughts

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Challenge #02543-F353: Good Kitty

A nonhuman deathworlder learning about major depressive disorder and suicidal ideation from a human so used to suffering from those that they treat the loss of their medication as an inconvenience, and apologize to the poor sap they got stranded with while they ask them to keep an eye out for self destructive behaviors.

"So, I've only got a few days worth of my meds, and it'll be at least a couple of weeks before we get rescued. Mind keeping an eye

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Mondays...

Another five days of grind are looming ahead. Another five days of slog and hoping for a decent time window to put my dreams even one baby step ahead.

I tried to have time off on the weekend and failed at that. I'm always putting aside my plns for other nonse. Other people's plans are way more important than my need to faff off.

Except...

Except I feel really worn out in the soul because it feels like I'm not getting enough

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I Just Wanna Goof Off

What I gotta do:

  • This blog
  • Instant story
  • 1000 words so I can get up to 15K in B'Nar
  • Figure out and obtain a birthmas gift for Mayhem

What I want to do:

  • Space out
  • Play games
  • Watch/listen to Critical Role
  • Sleep more

Not only did I stay up later than normal, last night, but I'm also battling the "nobody wants me" worm-eatin' blues. All because the publishing house I sent Adapting to has not yet got back to me about

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Fuck...

I'm tired and I can't sleep, so I'm blogging.

I have stuff to do and I'm playing that old game: Am I really tired, or is this depression/asthma/some virus?

Do I want coffee, or do I need coffee? Does this make me an addict? Am I overthinking things again?

Can I summon the mental fortitude to summarise my novel and fix the markdown formatting while I'm at it?

If I try to nap now, will I even be able to?

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But I don' _wanna_...

We need...

We need a decent dinner. We need cream because we're running out. We need snackables for the kids' lunchboxes. We need to find a local source of good eggs that won't break the bank because trundling to North Lakes every third day to get them is going to drain my budget faster than anything else.

Economically, I long for the days when we could just pop on over to the Golden Circle factory outlet and just get boxes of whatever

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Slow start

Since nobody gets out of bed before 5:30 anyway, I'm re-setting my alarm to that time and not waking up early for half an hour of heartbreaking inertia. And that's all I have this morning. Inertia has me in its wicked claws today.

I woke up at around 3 and tried and failed to get back to sleep. A combo of Beloved's snoring and the various little annoying lights in the room kept me awake. The phone makes the body lotion

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...dagnabbit

Good news: I have found a way to do an efficient read-through of Beauties before I send it off to my dear, dedicated Beta-readers.

Bad news: It sucks balls and takes an age to do.

The method? I get my computer to read my book to me and follow along. Chapter by chapter. I have to take the time to devote myself to this so that my Betas have more to enjoy and less to do. Y'all should be backup to make

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Deep sigh...

I'm having a hump day. Very much aware of all the things I really should get done but also depend on the actions of others.

I need to get Adapting out to my beta readers. Or that writing group who could allegedly help if they didn't hate science fiction. BUT - I need Beloved to get it reader-ready because nobody but your own, strange and humble martian actually uses Pages for the Mac. [And even then, not for much longer. I'm now

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Ugh

Dentist appointment, today. Gonna get that plaque scraped off my teeth et cetera. And told that I might lose my front teeth if I'm not careful.

I'm being careful as much as I can, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to get artificial incisors. Sooner or later, it's going to happen. It's pretty much inevitable.

Fortunately, my dentist is just as invested in me keeping my teeth as I am.

What I am going to do is drag my little

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