Dear Diary

Falling off the wagon

I love too many things with sugar in them.

Which is why my weight is up into the 77 kilo zone. Further from my ultimate goal of a scientifically-mandated 70 that I'm supposed to be at. I really need to stay away from the sweet things, but... They're firkin delicious, dangit.

I gotta stay solid on the wagon for at least two weeks. Or eat minimum as is my usual wont until such time as I reach something approaching a happy equilibrium.

Preferably an equilibrium where I have a reasonable spacing between treats and a solid strategy for getting back down to base weight.

For now, though, I shall focus on a story for you. Then maybe a story for me. But primarily? I'm just going to tool around with whatever I wanna today.

Ar En Ar

Having cleared 81K of B'Nar, I got in some good naps and some lovely steak at Hoggies. No surprise, I feel a lot better about my place in this world.

Sometimes, it helps to just... take a nap.

Of course, it's all because anxiety sucks. You get so stressed out that something snaps and the body's like, "F this S" and turns off all the adrenaline so all one is left with is the depression chemicals.

So now instead of being scared

Once more...

Onto my bullshit
Unto the breach
With my lack of focus
Kitten brain

Pick any three. I'm blaming the carb feast my Beloved brought home for Valentimes. We're belaying the actual good food for tonight because like literally everywhere was booked out before we even thought of it. So Beloved brought home cheesecake, chocolate, ice cream, and macarons and we binged MacGuyver and ate a lot of crap.

Perfect couple's night IMHO.

Tonight, we're headed off to Hoggies for a belated Valentimes

Valentimes!

Yes, I spelled that intentionally.

It's that time of year when the marketing push turns to love. Buy chocolates for the one you love. Buy flowers for the one you love. Buy this, buy that, show them you love them with...

Diamonds, flowers, gold, silver, wine, five-star dining, cars... they will attempt to equate money with love. That's because money can be reduced to numbers and that fits well with being able to quantify stuff.

Thing is...

I don't got the money

My usual bullshit returneth

There's a meme on tumblr of a photoshopped etching that originally warned of communism, but is now... somewhat improved. Instead of the original caption, the spectre of Death now carries a giant scroll that reads, Lord help me, I'm back on my bullshit.

[Image of the very meme of which I spoke]

My bullshit is succumbing to assorted temptations instead of paying attention to what I should be doing for my own gorram good. Like... learning Java, CSS, how to do this

So I fucked up. Again

I'm busy trying to be rational towards my anxiety, and it's not exactly working. I've made mistakes with my narrative choices before. It should be no big deal.

Except...

Except I've done this twice in the space of one month and I'm normally more careful about this kind of thing and, like the impending speeding ticket in the red tape stage of landing on me, I'm afraid this will somehow wreck my life plans.

Screwing up stories by saying things sideways or

Cheevs?

I think I've plateau'd with adding flavour text to Faxephoun. At least, I have little idea of what to do next for that particular daydream. I need to do some research about building D&D worlds and modules. Set some stuff on stone and all that yadda yadda.

Yes, I am aware that this is ambitious as hell. Aim high, at least you don't shoot yourself in the foot.

My next side-project will likely be diddling about with RPG Maker if

Fucking Anxiety at it Again

Whenever I try something big-for-me, there's always that spike of utter, abject terror that ends up with me hurting myself in strange and interesting ways.

For instance, yesterday I spilled hot soup on myself.

I wasn't hungry (warning sign) so I made myself a big ol' undertow mug of chicken stock broth. In the process of transferring the cup from the electric kettle stand to the bench where I planned to stir in the cream, I bumped the mug against the edge

I did it!

I sent Adapting off and now the waiting game begins. The last potential publisher gets to wait until July or the other lot gets back to me, whichever happens first. They are my last, best hope (help me Obi-Wan Kenobi...). One gets back in 30 days, so word by the 12th of March or they don't want me. Their loss.

But I did it. I was brave and sent off the files they demanded. Yay me. Now I have most of an

Progress?

I know where the problem is with Gears of Spud - the nebulous idle clicker I was concocting. I need to make a CSS style sheet so the layout is cemented.

Which means that my next goal-oriented HAM days are going to have "Learn CSS" on there. What it is, how to use it, how to make sure it doesn't muck up. That sort of deal.

I do know it's a way to include HTML into whatever doesn't use it, so I

Another Full Day

I got a lot to do, of course. Another unfuckening of the house. Another Instant. Another 500 words. Another TAZ flash fanfiction.

Maybe I really am writing like I'm running out of time. Given the way the world is increasingly funked up, headed for assorted disasters - do you blame me?

I only have this life and I'm past my family average halfway point. Barring accidents and whatnot, I have my own lifetime left. Less than that.

If nothing else, I should

New Habits to Forge

Obviously, I'm still getting used to the new focal range, especially when working on my computer. Having to turn my head more to pay special attention to things is... awkward. I'll get there in the end.

I have figured out that if I want to watch television whilst falling asleep, I have to swap over to my old formula. Things be blurry, but not too blurry to see and understand things up there. Good enough for now. Future-proofing that plan may be

Back on the Wagon

Beloved is continually tempting me with treats on weekends. I succumbed to temptation and got a caramel-sugar sundae the other day.

Yesterday? Didn't have too much at all. I've fallen more or less into the habit of having one meal a day, with the occasional allowance for snackadoos.

My usual meal is one steak with an option for camembert and figs¹ or my pickled strawberries and mascarpone if the steak in question is beef. For pork steak, I eat more of

One Day, a Difference

I'm currently involved in an email debate with someone over my hurting rich people's feelings with a few words versus their ability to literally ruin everything. I will continue to call out the wealthy for their bad choices until they make a whole fuckton of good ones to prove me wrong.

Like, on the Wealthy People Agenda of things they could be doing but choose not to:

Demonetize the medical industry
Pay all employees a thriving wage
Promote and employ alternative energy

Fun Was Had

The adventuring party is on the cusp of a TPK because we're being zerg rushed by a bunch of demons. It's not looking good.

My throat is sore, I'm currently existing on less than five hours' sleep, and I can not sleep.

Plus I just got a comment on a recent story via my Wordpress, which is a fairly odd angle to approach things, but I'm willing to extend the benefit of the doubt. It's difficult to derive a complete story out

Menu

A 3653-post collection

Falling off the wagon

Ar En Ar

Once more...

Valentimes!

My usual bullshit returneth

So I fucked up. Again

Cheevs?

Fucking Anxiety at it Again

I did it!

Progress?

Another Full Day

New Habits to Forge

Back on the Wagon

One Day, a Difference

Fun Was Had