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Amalgam Universe

A 2336-post collection

Challenge #02876-G319: Horror of the Baby-Sat

Parent: Thank you so much for agreeing to watch the baby for me. Also, I'm sorry.

Babysitter: Sorry for what?

Parent: The baby has worked out how to do vocal distortion.

Baby: G̷͕̯̻̎̓̉͛̑̀̂̇̀̐͋͘͘͝a̶̢̰͇͇̱͂̉͋́̓͐̂̃͂́́ ̷̧̖̝̱̽̈́͠ǵ̸̢à̴̳̲͍́̀͛̓̃͘̚͝ͅͅ -- Anon Guest

Parrots and very small children seem to share two common interests. The first is an apparent desire to destroy the universe around them via unexpected means. The second is the Dissonance Joke.

The otherwise cute and adorable Human toddler in Companion Lua's arms came out with gibberish that sounded like the child was channeling an Elder God. They then apparently switched modes and said, in the sweetest possible voice, "Hayo Nehneh?"

"That's right," cooed Human Vi. "Companion Zeth is your Nanny today. You two are going to have fun together."

As if to demonstrate, the very small Human Dee uttered more eldritch gibberish and then said, sweet-voiced, "Cookie."

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Challenge #02874-G317: Best Danger Noodle

Humans have interesting pets. Sometimes small, even almost harmless even by havenworld standards, sometimes terrifying. This human had one that was at the terrifying end. As they came aboard a ship of saurians, across their shoulders was a snake that was as nearly long as their body and very heavy. It seemed, however, content to remain curled there while the person introduced them to "little slinky." A snake they'd raised from an egg. -- DaniAndShalii

[AN: Submission included a picture of an

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Challenge #02873-G316: A Puzzling Sample

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6ZjMWLqJvM -- Anon Guest

The Archivaas are primarily Human. One of the few sects of Human obsession that made hoarding work for them. They will, like most Humans, adopt anyone who shares their compulsion. Compulsions are not always healthy, but the Archivaas work hard to make theirs as healthy as possible.

Always be wary of an order capable of re-ordering entire solar systems so they can store their collections. They're very capable of being dangerous if

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Challenge #02872-G315: Small Thrills, Big Day

A human's friend has been begging them for months to take them to Earth to a local event. Something that all humans could enjoy in one form or another. Something that was fun for all humans but didn't involve large explosions or things being destroyed. The human thought for a long moment and smiled, they had the most perfect idea. And that is how this level one havenworlder ended up sitting and trying deep fried cheese curds and onion rings for the

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Challenge #02871-G314: Cause and Effect

Haiku can be strange

Five, seven, and five again

Refrigerator -- Anon guest

There were magnets with words on them. Yet another Human invention that could be used for long-term communication and yet was still used for random art. For instance, the poetic form on the communal chilled food store. A thing that described itself and was still a joke. Typically Human.

Companion Zue considered the words scattered around the magnetic surface, and thought about the message she might leave for the

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Challenge #02869-G312: Tolerance Levels

Human A: "Try this!"

Human B: "Is it hot?"

Human A: "No."

Human B: "Your not hot, or my not hot?"

Human A: "...it's not hot."

Human B: "..." takes a bite

Nonhuman Cremember: "Why is Human B crying while guzzling milk?"

Human A: "It's not hot!"

Human B: (takes a moment to stop guzzling milk)(snot and tears running down face) "I'm sensitive to capsaicin, and you eat raw ghost peppers for fun! Your 'not hot' is not my 'not hot'!" (goes

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Challenge #02867-G310: Unexpected Bargain

A human, intent on preparing a treat for havenworlder shipmates, orders a large amount of sugar. Due to a mix-up somewhere along the line, this human receives a large delivery of sugarcane instead and, well, "waste not, want not" -- Anon Guest

"Wait. Why is this shipment in bales? I said 'boxes'..." Human Thal checked their invoice archives. "That's a 'B' in the receipt, but it doesn't say what that stands for... Oh shit, that's a big number..."

Something had yet again

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Challenge #02865-G308: Actively Seeking Trouble

a continuation of this

“Yes a child would be perfect for unforeseen flaws.” Threp chuckled. Glorz glad seeing that their friend is chucking. Another person slides themselves in to the conversation “so, how many laws and regulations would this violate?” Threp replied “I remember humans have something called CPS by their standards, many.” -- Anon Guest

Threp and Glorz stared at Faera, who added, "Considering child labor laws, it may be more expensive to hire Human neophytes. Though they are a one-size-fits-most

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Challenge #02864-G307: Aaw But They Look So Cute

My name? Not important. I'm a Xenobiologist. But some people know about my family. Sure our name's changed over the years, thankfully, but you can see old movies about them sometimes. I was born with an unusual gift. I can talk to animals. No, I'm not crazy, yes this has been very thoroughly been tested even with telepaths. I can talk to animals and they can understand me, and I can understand them. How is this possible? Good question, we never did

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Challenge #02863-G306: Nothing That's Worth a Lot

A human had a poetry book that they took everywhere with them and enjoyed sitting and reading when they had time. Admittedly, time could be few and far between with their job. One poem she recited softly to herself from time to time had her liaison curious and he asked what it was she was muttering to herself. Her reply confused him because she stated it was a poem about nothing. But how could it be about nothing? All such works are

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Challenge #02862-G305: Song of Triumph

For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself then he has naught, To say the things he truly feels, And not the words of one who kneels, The record shows I took the blows, And did it my way. -- Anon Guest

It was a Human song of triumph, so of course it contained references to violence and, because of the culture of origin, going it all alone. Which is ridiculous. Society doesn't exist on an individual basis.

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Challenge #02861-G304: Well That Was Dumb

"Fuck!"

"Ow."

"...I'm bleeding." -- Anon Guest

Accidents happen quickly. Reactions to them differ. Humans have a shock response that insulates them from immediately feeling an injury. As a survival tactic, it's great for getting the people away from the threat, but in a more technologically advanced setting... it's disturbing to unprepared onlookers.

Human Dree had been working on something involving sharp tools and applied pressure. One of their multiple hobbies. The tool slipped, and the reaction was instant and automatic. "FLAKK!

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Challenge #02860-G303: ART!

They had some pre-shattering videos they wanted to show their friends, a mixed group of havenworlders and level one and level two deathworlders. Once everyone was seated, they turned down the lights and began the video on the large screen. People, human-looking, painted up all in blue, playing techno music on improvised instruments. A fun, amusing, experience for the humans, but maybe a little confusing, if still fun, for everyone else.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkfqwlBzZN1b_H5DYQX7F9Vfdcu8uMrTi -- Blue Rules

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Challenge #02858-G301: Enough Talk, Let's Fight

Humans fighting against claws and big animals were common things to watch in reports.

But the true, bloody fight is only when humans were fist-fighting against each other. Punching throats, kicking stomachs, smashing head against walls. -- Anon Guest

All around the Alliance, there is a genre of disturbing footage known as Humans Fighting Things. It is not generally recommended for Havenworlder viewing. Achivaas all over the Alliance and the Fellowship of Terran Planets alike scour it all to be sure that

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Challenge #02855-G298: You Don't Have to Learn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOXB7348RPk -- Escla

Humans love music. They love to make it, they love to have it. It punctuates their lives, helps them focus, lifts their mood, and even lulls them to sleep. It permeates their cultures and can even entertain multitudes.

It can also be highly invasive, annoying, and a form of psychological warfare, and Humans know this. Especially Human Jo, who has been captured by enemy forces and is now one among many bargaining chips

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