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Amalgam Universe

A 2309-post collection

Challenge #02881-G324: Ten Siwu's of Trouble

"Of course I understand why you don't want more than one human on the ship. Back home we kept a guardian goose with the chickens." -- Anon Guest

Humans and their metaphors, am I right? Half of them are domestic animal excrement, but which half? The really scary part about these balding Deathworlder apes is that the half with a grounding in reality has the high potential to be truly terrifying.

Look this stuff up at your own risk, is what I'm saying. I made that mistake when I heard about guardian geese. You think waterfowl are harmless and safely edible. They're not. Geese are super Deathworlders. Comparatively fragile[1], yet also willing to put up more than a sufficient fight. How much? Enough to frighten the Humans that keep them. This is a bird that has serrated teeth on its tongue, and have been advertised as "better than guard dogs" by many.

Having seen just the teeth, I'm prone to believing anything those apes have to say about their geese. How they can connect that bird to a figure benevolent to their infants is beyond me. Deathworlders are confusing.

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Challenge #02880-G323: Like Sands Through the Hourglass

"Our soap operas are weird. Yours are incomprehensible." -- Anon Guest

[AN: All soap operas are wont to escalate into incomprehensibility when given enough time]

"Beshenia, I love you, but I can't be with you," said the figure in the holo display. "I tried to keep it hidden, but... I'm your descendant from the future, and it would be incest."

"WHAT?" said half the watchers in the room. The other half made gestures of victory and cheered, "CALLED IT!" Which sparked so

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Challenge #02879-G322: A Bad Influence

She grew up in the slums of a DeRegger colony. But her family wasn't like most of those here. What little funds they got, they used for books - though carefully hidden. She was forced to dress, and act, like a boy to fool the rulers. The small family, two sons, their father, and her, were all very well educated and well-read. And they believed it was time for a true change to this brutal regime. But to do that, more people

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Challenge #02876-G319: Horror of the Baby-Sat

Parent: Thank you so much for agreeing to watch the baby for me. Also, I'm sorry.

Babysitter: Sorry for what?

Parent: The baby has worked out how to do vocal distortion.

Baby: G̷͕̯̻̎̓̉͛̑̀̂̇̀̐͋͘͘͝a̶̢̰͇͇̱͂̉͋́̓͐̂̃͂́́ ̷̧̖̝̱̽̈́͠ǵ̸̢à̴̳̲͍́̀͛̓̃͘̚͝ͅͅ -- Anon Guest

Parrots and very small children seem to share two common interests. The first is an apparent desire to destroy the universe around them via unexpected means. The second is the Dissonance Joke.

The otherwise cute and adorable Human toddler in Companion Lua's

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Challenge #02874-G317: Best Danger Noodle

Humans have interesting pets. Sometimes small, even almost harmless even by havenworld standards, sometimes terrifying. This human had one that was at the terrifying end. As they came aboard a ship of saurians, across their shoulders was a snake that was as nearly long as their body and very heavy. It seemed, however, content to remain curled there while the person introduced them to "little slinky." A snake they'd raised from an egg. -- DaniAndShalii

[AN: Submission included a picture of an

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Challenge #02873-G316: A Puzzling Sample

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6ZjMWLqJvM -- Anon Guest

The Archivaas are primarily Human. One of the few sects of Human obsession that made hoarding work for them. They will, like most Humans, adopt anyone who shares their compulsion. Compulsions are not always healthy, but the Archivaas work hard to make theirs as healthy as possible.

Always be wary of an order capable of re-ordering entire solar systems so they can store their collections. They're very capable of being dangerous if

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Challenge #02872-G315: Small Thrills, Big Day

A human's friend has been begging them for months to take them to Earth to a local event. Something that all humans could enjoy in one form or another. Something that was fun for all humans but didn't involve large explosions or things being destroyed. The human thought for a long moment and smiled, they had the most perfect idea. And that is how this level one havenworlder ended up sitting and trying deep fried cheese curds and onion rings for the

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Challenge #02871-G314: Cause and Effect

Haiku can be strange

Five, seven, and five again

Refrigerator -- Anon guest

There were magnets with words on them. Yet another Human invention that could be used for long-term communication and yet was still used for random art. For instance, the poetic form on the communal chilled food store. A thing that described itself and was still a joke. Typically Human.

Companion Zue considered the words scattered around the magnetic surface, and thought about the message she might leave for the

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Challenge #02869-G312: Tolerance Levels

Human A: "Try this!"

Human B: "Is it hot?"

Human A: "No."

Human B: "Your not hot, or my not hot?"

Human A: "...it's not hot."

Human B: "..." takes a bite

Nonhuman Cremember: "Why is Human B crying while guzzling milk?"

Human A: "It's not hot!"

Human B: (takes a moment to stop guzzling milk)(snot and tears running down face) "I'm sensitive to capsaicin, and you eat raw ghost peppers for fun! Your 'not hot' is not my 'not hot'!" (goes

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Challenge #02867-G310: Unexpected Bargain

A human, intent on preparing a treat for havenworlder shipmates, orders a large amount of sugar. Due to a mix-up somewhere along the line, this human receives a large delivery of sugarcane instead and, well, "waste not, want not" -- Anon Guest

"Wait. Why is this shipment in bales? I said 'boxes'..." Human Thal checked their invoice archives. "That's a 'B' in the receipt, but it doesn't say what that stands for... Oh shit, that's a big number..."

Something had yet again

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Challenge #02865-G308: Actively Seeking Trouble

a continuation of this

“Yes a child would be perfect for unforeseen flaws.” Threp chuckled. Glorz glad seeing that their friend is chucking. Another person slides themselves in to the conversation “so, how many laws and regulations would this violate?” Threp replied “I remember humans have something called CPS by their standards, many.” -- Anon Guest

Threp and Glorz stared at Faera, who added, "Considering child labor laws, it may be more expensive to hire Human neophytes. Though they are a one-size-fits-most

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Challenge #02864-G307: Aaw But They Look So Cute

My name? Not important. I'm a Xenobiologist. But some people know about my family. Sure our name's changed over the years, thankfully, but you can see old movies about them sometimes. I was born with an unusual gift. I can talk to animals. No, I'm not crazy, yes this has been very thoroughly been tested even with telepaths. I can talk to animals and they can understand me, and I can understand them. How is this possible? Good question, we never did

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Challenge #02863-G306: Nothing That's Worth a Lot

A human had a poetry book that they took everywhere with them and enjoyed sitting and reading when they had time. Admittedly, time could be few and far between with their job. One poem she recited softly to herself from time to time had her liaison curious and he asked what it was she was muttering to herself. Her reply confused him because she stated it was a poem about nothing. But how could it be about nothing? All such works are

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Challenge #02862-G305: Song of Triumph

For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself then he has naught, To say the things he truly feels, And not the words of one who kneels, The record shows I took the blows, And did it my way. -- Anon Guest

It was a Human song of triumph, so of course it contained references to violence and, because of the culture of origin, going it all alone. Which is ridiculous. Society doesn't exist on an individual basis.

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Challenge #02861-G304: Well That Was Dumb

"Fuck!"

"Ow."

"...I'm bleeding." -- Anon Guest

Accidents happen quickly. Reactions to them differ. Humans have a shock response that insulates them from immediately feeling an injury. As a survival tactic, it's great for getting the people away from the threat, but in a more technologically advanced setting... it's disturbing to unprepared onlookers.

Human Dree had been working on something involving sharp tools and applied pressure. One of their multiple hobbies. The tool slipped, and the reaction was instant and automatic. "FLAKK!

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