InterNutter

Challenge #02711-G154: Helping Companions

An instructor greets his new students in the class known as "Know Your Human" A class meant to prepare various individuals for the maddeningly wonderful work known as being a human's companion.

It is well known that humans are insane, dangerous, and violent. And yet, they are also the most gentle, kind, thoughtful, and soothing species in the galaxy. You will find they are wild, yet tame, they are beyond stupid, yet terrifyingly brilliant, they brought their furry headaches known as cats, yet those animals turned out to be so valuable there's not a single station without one. They're as terrifying as a very large, very hungry, Oshit, as destructive as an exploding star, and yet they are the least terrifying and most creative species yet discovered.

For those studying humans, all of these facts are 100% true. There is not a single lie anywhere to be found. But, my students, don't be fooled. This species, and this course, will test the limits of your endurance both physically and psychologically. However, in the end, after your training here, you will be able to better work with, and handle, the humans you are assigned as your companions. And, you will find, it will be the most rewarding, and the most heartbreaking, career you've ever had. -- DaniAndShali

Humans are a contradiction. They can be, as they have said themselves, the smartest dumbasses in the universe. They can be the kindest, most protective aggressors known to intelligent life. They can also be the biggest, meanest bunch of softies to ever walk and talk at the same time. They can be both needlessly cruel and illogically compassionate depending entirely on the circumstances around them. They could be both the strongest and the weakest of all known cogniscents at the same time.

It was hard to remember any of that when meeting an actual Human for the first time. They were not much taller than Companion Thele, certainly not very much bulkier, even with their livesuit on. They looked... weird... but then all different lifeforms looked weird until one got used to them.

"You're new at this, aren't you?" said the Human. They had a remarkable grasp of GalStand for a barbarian just introduced to Galactic society. The instructor had said they were remarkable mimics, but this... This was another of their contradictions.

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I've done all the dumb things...

Well. Technically, I've only done some of the grand total of silly mistakes and bad choices that Humanity is capable of. I'm not completing the set because I refuse to treat people like things and I won't endorse violence against minorities. Hell, I won't even try to defend it. Those peeps are bad. End of.

Ahem.

Dumb things I have done:

Ordered flour to my Auspost Locker, not knowing whether or not their delivery company delivered there [spoilers: they don't]
Gave myself

Challenge #02710-G153: Paradox Wreck

As a warning for any future scientist: Do not hook up a warp-drive engine to a gravity-generator. you will create a gravity cannon that will obliterate 1/3 of a class zegalbond warship, but also lose 1/3 of you blood without any wounds. -- Anon Guest

They called it 'warp drive' in flagrant violation of copyright at the time of the wreck's discovery. What it did was create a temporary 'soft spot' between real space and the parallel dimensional brane known

Nothing is Over Yet

The American news is all about the riots, and even then, they're trying the usual flock of D's¹ to either keep the people scared or keep the people shopping. They would like to believe that Covid-19 is over because the news isn't as loud about the statistics, but it's still raging over there. Plus it's looking like that second wave is revving up close to the source.

Fun times.

Police violence is all over my news feeds and nobody is talking

Challenge #02709-G152: Fixes Any Problem

A: "Just how many things do you humans make out of that stuff?"

H: Pulling yet another roll of the silvery duct tape from his bag. "Oh, quite a fair few. Wallets, flowers, clothing, water bags, plates, bowls, shoes, weapons, you name it. Oop, hold the bow still, if we're going to get back to the space port, I need to finish this boat and then make the thing's sail."

A: "You can't be serious, we're really going to be going all

Wednesday Again

Instead of writing Or You're a Terrorist, I think I'll do a thing about the Muppet's latest stance against what he calls "Antifa Terrorists". This overripe citrus clearly does not understand that "antifa" is short for "anti-fascism".

Either that or he does understand it and has telegraphed the knockout punch to justice in the United States. Those hapless sheeple who still worship him will still remain willfully ignorant of such until it actually lands on them... and by then it will be

Challenge #02708-G151: Bug of Contention

The two humans in this ship are really close. They will do nearly anything to save the other. On the other claw, they destroyed the training room arguing about whether a certain earth insect is a lighting bug or firefly. -- Anon Guest

The two Ships' Humans were out of breath, bruising, and one of them had a dark reddish-brown ichor leaking from their nose. They were also kept well out of each other's grip by the presence of Companion Jorx directly

Here's teh PLN

I am going to write this blog and then go to Foodways with my tail between my legs and red all over my face because I've forgot about the cream since THURSDAY.

Then I shall return with whatever cream they still have and get on with today's output.

I have a new chapter of KOSBOB for all my dear readers and I might even have some more of Lust of the Demon Lord - I dunno. I also have been bitten in

Challenge #02707-G150: Rescue From Vulnerability

Some level four, and level five, havenworlders know their species is quite fragile. They also know that, in order to survive, to thrive, in this harsh universe, they need to grow stronger. With that in mind, and speaking to other havenworlders that were of higher levels, they all agreed training was in order. They hire a team of humans to help them learn to grow stronger. So, when they have their children, their children will be born stronger. The plan was for

Monday, at 1AM

Instead of waking early to join the stream, I was woken at half-past eleven by Chaos doing a silly run. I figured that, since I was due to actually wake at half-past midnight, I might as well get out there and prepare for the nonsense.

Today's nonsense, whether or not it includes an art stream, will definitely include house unfuckening, a daily tale, and a goal of 200 words.

I didn't easily over-write, last week, so that's my cue to stay at

Challenge #02706-G149: Terrifying Titans

Crabs are a universal constant. So much so that they are used in first contact. Earth is strange for the amount of crab types that we have. Keep them away from the Japanese spider crab though. The first alien to see one said it was the equivalent of an eldritch monstrosity. -- CyberStrikeBeast

[AN: go to your favourite search engine and look up "Christmas Island crab migration," and then "Coconut crab". Sweet dreams :D ]

Welcome to Earth. We have weird crustaceans. Honestly,

I am legendary

Yesterday, acknowledging that my family was HEAVILY into the bread I baked [because butt, possibly], I set out to make more bread so we'd actually have some for the week.

I actually baked it on the same day I mixed it. Let me tell you. Sourdough is S-L-O-W. I perfected a mixing method much like a cat making itself comfortable, and it turned out amazingly.

I should have given it four folds, but it still turned out well. I also should have

Challenge #02705-G148: Apparently This is Normal

Humans are insane. Definitely. Undeniably. Humans are insane by the standards of the greater galactic community. That did not prepare anyone for the sight of one of the passengers, at most five from the look of them, possibly younger from the sound of them, seizing a mug meant to hold hot liquids, approaching their nearest parent, and saying:

"Hey! Where my coffee?"

That the desired liquid turned out to be hot cocoa that the child was only pretending was coffee did little

I made some yummy ass bread

There is a reason for the lack of a hyphen there. Mostly because both of my loaves yesterday had a definite butt-crack to them. At least in one end of the loaf. Alas, there are no photographs because someone¹ wanted to eat both loaf butts.

Given that one loaf is down to a hub and predation has already begun on the other, I am now warming up my other sourdough starter so I can make a couple more loafs so we

Challenge #02704-G147: The Dying of the Might

They were wealthy. Beyond wealthy. They owned two space stations and an entire solar system, and ran these places harshly. Those that displeased them lost their jobs and were often left in ruin, even for the smallest infractions. Entire families sent into desperate poverty and isolation just because a single member made a mistake on the job.

And for them? Life was excellent. They had everything they could ever need or want. They lived in utter luxury. They had more Time than

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Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Challenge #02711-G154: Helping Companions

I've done all the dumb things...

Challenge #02710-G153: Paradox Wreck

Nothing is Over Yet

Challenge #02709-G152: Fixes Any Problem

Wednesday Again

Challenge #02708-G151: Bug of Contention

Here's teh PLN

Challenge #02707-G150: Rescue From Vulnerability

Monday, at 1AM

Challenge #02706-G149: Terrifying Titans

I am legendary

Challenge #02705-G148: Apparently This is Normal

I made some yummy ass bread

Challenge #02704-G147: The Dying of the Might