Instant Story

Challenge #02726-G169: Only Two? Since When?

A: are you a guy or a girl?

B: yes

A: no, what’s in your pants

B: 1.50 and some lint

A: ok, what’s in between your legs?

B: DETERMINATION

A: alright then guess my race

B: human

A: why yes but actually no -- Anon Guest

[AN: I don't think any decent person would actually utter the words "what's between your legs" because that's way too intimate a question for casual conversation. Person A in the above interchange is unbelievably rude]

Not every meeting between Humans and members of the Alliance is easy. There are a rare few when some participants seem to refuse to get along without passing ridiculous levels of intimacy. Some Humans, the Alliance was learning, were just too curious about certain aspects of other life forms. Once a common language is established, certain aspects must be categorized in order for civilised behaviour to progress.

This involved a large number of uncivilised questions.

The Terran Colony was initially mis-translated as Prominent Grass, owing to a miscommunication based on phonetic translation. The Humans there had a rather rigid view of their own bizarre biology, and a willful opposition of scientific evidence that opposed their opinions. In all other aspects, they appeared to be relatively progressive for Deathworlders, but appearances are often deceiving.

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Challenge #02731-G174: A Cautionary Tale

“If you want to hurt a man, do not target him. Target what he loves. Take that which he holds dear to his heart and twist it, corrupt it, or destroy it altogether. Then and only then will you hurt him in a way that he will feel in his soul. But take heed. When you hurt a man in this way, you twist him, corrupt him, drive him to heights of rage never before thought possible. You will have turned that

Challenge #02730-G173: Hunting for the Delicate

Some older humans bring their alien friends to a bingo parlor for a night of playing bingo and having snacks. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Though I am of bingo-playing age, I only have the vaguest idea how it is played]

"This is a perfect game for the frailer sort," said Human Jem. "Little strenuous activity, but it still tests observation, response time, and searching skills."

This was a Deathworld game, so Glex knew the right question to ask. "What are you hunting?

Challenge #02729-G172: Tis the Season

Human 1: so what about you?

Human 2: I learned how to make paper cranes so I'm going to make them in different colors and put them in everyone's bedroom with notes like "this little bird told me xyz"

Human 1: ...

Human 1: epic. -- Anon Guest

Aprilfools: A Human holiday/tradition involving trickery, deceit, pranks, and practical jokes. Owing to many Terran Colony calendars becoming out of sync with the planet of origin, the entire Terran month of April has become

Challenge #02728-G171: Inner Motivation

I am thou, thou are I, from the sea of thou soul I come forth. Pity a man who yearns for their own protection, and become the spearhead that pierce through the oppression! -- Anon Guest

[AN: Thee, thou, and thy are hard pronouns to use. My grammatical arse had to provide a correction to balm my soul: "I am thee, and thou art I, from the sea of thy soul I come forth." I have no idea why, but I can

Challenge #02727-G170: Doing What You Can

The human was not the ship's human. They were a passenger. They were also paralyzed from the waist down. When she ship crashed, when the human's movement assistive device was rendered inoperable, when the human found themself trapped in the wreckage with half a dozen fellow passengers, all either injured or too distressed to move... Well. A sufficiently determined human with two working limbs, several cases of dental floss, a non-operative movement assistive device, and six people to rescue...is still going

Challenge #02725-G168: A Matter of Technicality

Human1: Damn if Australia pushed our level 4 deathworld to a 4.5 I’m worried about you guys exploring the unexplored 70% of our ocean.

Human2: it’s not 70% it’s 95%

Crewmate: wait what? -- Anon Guest

"Ah... that's a mis-assumption," said Thorq. "The Deathworlder classification is based on how many environmental factors are hostile to the development of intelligent life. In the case of most of the Earth, it's the fauna, the weather, the flora, and the ocean.

Challenge #02724-G167: There Goes Mischief

Ze was confident in zer ability to handle this. Ze was a level three deathworlder who worked with dangerous animals for a living! Watching a human toddler for an afternoon and evening would be no problem.

Of course, ze had made an elementary mistake...ze had failed to realize that just because the child still spoke Scribble and could only walk at a slow, bobbling shuffle on two legs didn't stop them from booking it on all fours, or climbing the furniture.

Challenge #02723-G166: Just Add Zombies

This prompt issues to an earlier story from two years ago. https://steemit.com/fiction/@internutter/challenge-01928-e104-tag-you-re-undead. One that gave me a wicked little grin, though I did have to search a bit to find it again.

Zombie tag. That was a game, and an experiment, that was both famous and infamous. Since its inception a few years ago, it had become a wildly popular thing that became a new sport. How long could teams last against the "zombies"? Rules were drawn

Challenge #02722-G165: A Rough Gem

Me playing support: get the f back here so I can heal you!

Some dumbbutt: but dps go bam... -- Anon Guest

"WHY, in the name of the Living Light, do you keep forgetting that you're squishy?"

"I'm used to being strong. I'm used to fighting the world. On the plus side, I have a pretty good grasp of tactics, so I'm not squishy for long..."

Gaarsh snorted an aborted growl. Being a Cleric of the Light wasn't always easy, but being

Challenge #02721-G164: Hail Poetry!

The sign said "Old Terran style poetry for sale! Custom sonnets, written for you about what you love, in GalStand! Please fill out form and provide one Hour; finished poem will be sent to you within the next ten days. 50% discount for JOATs." The human seated at the table the sign hung from had a large stack of blank forms, a couple of completed forms, several one Hour notes, a notebook, and what looked like several kinds of dictionary. They were

Challenge #02720-G163: A Short Sharp Lesson

Have you even seen humans stomping their feet while chanting the same thing all at once? It’s sometimes hard to believe they’re not a hive mind https://youtu.be/PmILOL55xP0 -- Anon Guest

[AN: Video linked contains swearwords and is a war scene]

They said the Human colonists were sessile. They were weak and vulnerable. Look at them, not a single weapon in their entire set of settlements. They were fat and lazy. Allegedly. I learned, just as many of

Challenge #02719-G162: Played For a Sap

Come on body, just hold it in. Suppress the emotion for a few more hours. We can die from embarrassment when we get home. -- Anon Guest

He might have said they called him Sap because he was a blunt instrument. There was a story he told about being found in the woods, covered in tree sap and using it to trap and eat small animals to survive. The truth was, he was a City Tief[1], raised in the gutter, educated

Challenge #02718-G161: One Cozy Afternoon in a Test Colony Complex

They'd been surveying the planet for several months now, the haven-worlders and their human friends. The planet was more than sufficient for colonization, that seemed to be sure, but they wanted to see how the changing of the seasons played out in full. Sitting within the large shelter base they'd set up, the humans feeding more wood into the fireplace they'd absolutely insisted on building into the design of the base, the captain had an odd feeling of peace as they relaxed

Challenge #02717-G160: A Plot From the Slush Pile

A human gets body-swapped with a short avian havenworlder just before a band of vorax attack, they find the 'human' cowering, and the chirpy bird missing... -- Anon Guest

[AN: Mind swaps are silly episode ideas so this is entirely non-canon to my pet universe]

"Aw, what the hell?" complained Human De, currently Thelid De, since hir mind was in Thelid Vaax's body. "This is like every badly-written filler episode in the history of everything!"

Human Vaax, once Thelid Vaax said, "I

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Challenge #02726-G169: Only Two? Since When?

Challenge #02731-G174: A Cautionary Tale

Challenge #02730-G173: Hunting for the Delicate

Challenge #02729-G172: Tis the Season

Challenge #02728-G171: Inner Motivation

Challenge #02727-G170: Doing What You Can

Challenge #02725-G168: A Matter of Technicality

Challenge #02724-G167: There Goes Mischief

Challenge #02723-G166: Just Add Zombies

Challenge #02722-G165: A Rough Gem

Challenge #02721-G164: Hail Poetry!

Challenge #02720-G163: A Short Sharp Lesson

Challenge #02719-G162: Played For a Sap

Challenge #02718-G161: One Cozy Afternoon in a Test Colony Complex

Challenge #02717-G160: A Plot From the Slush Pile