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Anxiety

A 31-post collection

Kitten plus Disco Ball == me

So many Gottas. So many Dunwannas.

I gotta:

  • do this blog
  • instant story
  • 500 words
  • house cleaning
  • send off a copy of Adapting to Baen Books

I Dunwanna do any of those. I'd much rather wind up that one fic that's been possessing my soul for months now. And then start posting it so I can revel in the suffering of others.

I'd much rather nap all day because wet and miserable weather. And have hot soup and fanfic in-between bingeing my fave podcasts and just... napping some more.

The fun has to wait until the weekend, though.

Sigh.

On the other hand, my permanently fucked-up internal alarm clock proved useful in letting me do work on that one fic... Yay?

If only I could convince my creative juices to have fun with the profitable stuff. Even if you count a fraction of a cent per day and roughly $20 a month as profitable, I should be focussing on the stuff that at least earns me a little scratch.

And it literally took me seconds to export a file as an RTF. No big deal. I just gotta draft a cover letter for these lovely people.

Yeeks.

Welp. That's Me Fucked Up

It's already Wedensday and the odds of me working on SESP at all are... low.

And I really need to look after myself rather than fret about what I'm not doing.

BUT....

Because anxiety, I gotta fret anyway. Which drains the personal batteries. Which leaves me less energy for doing the thing. Which lowers the odds of thing-doing even further. Which increases the guilt for not doing the thing.

::Windmills of Your Mind plays in the background::

I need permission to just

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Time Flu

I don't know what's going on with me, but it might be interesting to look into it. My batteries are regularly drained by the end of the day. Protein doesn't help. Sugar certainly won't. Having a meal doesn't quite get me back up there, but the willingness to cook it is missing.

Yay.

I probably have the morbs plus anxiety because trying to sell Adapting is getting to me. That and the fact that I'm only halfway towards the Lappy of my

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Finishing Season

Seems to be the time of year for finishing stuff up. I'm 1500 words away from the end of Clockwork Souls and I've just-last-night reached an ending for my fanfic, Crime and Punishment.

I'm going to ponder which fanfic I'm doing next because I can't not write. There's a few juicy ideas I have excerpts for. I just need to pick the shiniest one.

Announcements when that happens, of course.

Today's another cleaning day, and having our new toy means that all

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Challenge #01720-D259: High Alert Level

I may be a coward, but I will not let that define me. -- RecklessPrudence

My name is Val, and I'm afraid. Every day, every minute, all I can think of is the worst possible consequences that result from my actions. You might call it anxiety. I don't think it's anything as mild as that. I have a mechanical clock as an alarm, because what if the power fails in the night and all the electronic stuff doesn't work? I sterilise my

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OMG it's too late

I tried asking. I tried explaining. I tried flat-out telling my Beloved to do the thing.

Beloved.

Just WON'T.

Help.

Unfuck the garage.

I told them, because the cleaning company told me, that any extra time on the unfuckening in there would end up costing us more than the usual. I did not tell Beloved that I'd already taken money out of the other bank account to cover the cost of tomorrow.

Maybe I should have. I still have today. So does

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Smooth mornings!

Hooray, I have life figured out enough that the mornings move like a well-oiled machine. Now, if only I could do the same thing for myself.

Alone, I clog up with fascinating things until a half-hour task takes most of the firkin day. And then I complain about having zero time to fart around and play games.

Sometimes, I am a complete dummins.

But I have learned a few things from some of it. Including a new word that I plan to

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Swing and a miss

Just when I get into the swing of things, the pendulum shifts and everything goes agley all over again.

Beloved is taking off in the early-early morning, before I can even badger the kids into getting their lunchboxes together. Which means no morning exercises. Which means finding a time in the afternoon to go do it.

Which hasn't happened, so far.

Tomorrow evening, we should be walking around the blocks, again. Starting with the long block and, if we can, going around

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Deep sigh...

I'm having a hump day. Very much aware of all the things I really should get done but also depend on the actions of others.

I need to get Adapting out to my beta readers. Or that writing group who could allegedly help if they didn't hate science fiction. BUT - I need Beloved to get it reader-ready because nobody but your own, strange and humble martian actually uses Pages for the Mac. [And even then, not for much longer. I'm now

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Getting committed

No, the men in the nice white shirts with the interesting coat for me to wear have not turned up to take me away. I made myself sit down and actually line up the things I am going to get for my blossoming jewellery shop.

Yes, dear readers, Every Girl Deserves Beautiful is going to become a thing!

My primary focus will be pride earrings1, but I can also do steampunky charm earrings or just intricate shiny things that are not

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Procrastination!

I should be getting a nice shopping cart full of findings from AliExpress, but I'm dawdling. I'm thinking too hard about the simplest things I could make versus the things I should be selling. I need to think bare minimum whilst a majority of my culch is missing without a trace. Which I find personally very annoying.

Very annoying things stick with me too well. I remember a large assortment of betrayals and unintentional cruelty towards me... and I remember things like

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Juggling Life

I had a bit of a row with Beloved about money again. Domestic arguments always seem to start with income and inlaws. But this time, it included outgoing moneys as well.

I'm a frugal little bean and I try not to have extravagant expenditure. I try to get as much as I can out of as little as possible, and going over that allotment makes me sad, angry, and bitter. Especially when I've done my best scrimping, only to find that Beloved

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Ugh

Dentist appointment, today. Gonna get that plaque scraped off my teeth et cetera. And told that I might lose my front teeth if I'm not careful.

I'm being careful as much as I can, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to get artificial incisors. Sooner or later, it's going to happen. It's pretty much inevitable.

Fortunately, my dentist is just as invested in me keeping my teeth as I am.

What I am going to do is drag my little

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LUGGAGE!

Ok so I'm only allowed one small suitcase and one carry-on.

The small suitcase is BARELY big enough to hold the hatbox.

If I'm careful about how I pack, I can fit a lot of my cosplay extras in with the hat.

BUT - the makeup containers I have are too messy to go in with the hat [maybe if I ziplocked them into baggies?] and too big to go down the sides with other, more compactable things.

There's no real room

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It's 4AM and my life sucks a little

Got woken up by another asthma attack at two in the morning and didn't take a nebuliser dose until 3. I'm going to need another dose long about 6AM. This is indeed a Bad Air Day.

I'm now worried that I may cause alarm and despondency if I need to use my machine in public at Tucson. And to that end, I've warned Miss Bennett about me and put an FAQ on my phone.

I still have no idea if Bunny sees

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