InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12154 posts

Challenge #01913-E089: They Do What Now?

The rise of the mammals, primates such as humans included, was something of an evolutionary fluke. The world was dominated by proto-avian, likely feathered behemoths before the rise of the mammals. What if humans were the only mammalian species to evolve "cogniscience", and mammalian species are otherwise quite rare? Reptilian, avian, cephalopodic, or insectoid life might be far more common. Aliens must find humans quite odd. -- Nani

It's almost natural for newly spacefaring species to be egocentric. They are, after all, the only intelligent life they know. It's natural to assume that all other lifeforms in the universe evolved on the same path. Insectoids assume that all other lifeforms will be insectoids, cephalopodii likewise, and so on.

The most populous species form is the saurian/avian kind. Dinosaurs in space, but not how you think. They are all intelligent, naturally. Far-flung from the ancient beasts that you might be thinking of. Those are Deathworlder dinosaurs. The multiple disasters that shaped life on Earth as we know it simply don't occur on other worlds. Evolution is kinder there, than here.

That said, the anthropic[1] life pattern is handy for any species living close to a one-Standard-Gravity environment. Translated, you find an awful lot of human-shaped dinosaurs and birds. All of which are easily confused by mammals in general and humans in particular. Especially in the early years of Galactic Acceptance.

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How was your Easter?

I ate a bunch of chocolate, had some of that garlic bread that was calling me, finished Bingeing I, Zombie and fucking passed out for the rest of the day.

Carb coma. Happened to both my Beloved and I. And no, my diabetic SO did not have a dangerous crash, thanks for not panicking. No, we just slept off all of that sugar and felt like shit for our conscious moments.

Not doing that again in a hurry.

That was a no-protein

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Challenge #01912-E088: Just a Wee Dram Ye Ken

It's St Patrick's Day, Irish Pub - Feegles. (AKA the Wee Free Men, of Sir Terry's Discworld.) -- Anon Guest

Up the airy mountain,
Down the rushy glen,
We daren’t go a-hunting
For fear of little men;
-- William Allingham, The Fairies

Britain has an Agency for everything. National Health, Child Welfare, Disability Assistance, you name it, they have it. They're also the home headquarters of UNIT and WHO, the United Nations International Taskforce and the Weird Happenings Organisation, respectively. And

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Gottalottachoklit?

Well... I don't really know. Not for sure. Beloved has been plying the house with all sorts of carb-loaded treats for the holiday, so my Monday will likely be spent on a fast. Or mopping up the sad remains of whatever carbs happen to be left over. I haven't made up my mind, yet.

But, given that I have that inflammation stiffness in my throat that usually means a saline dose on Max... I'm putting my money on 'fast'. Asthma is a

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Challenge #01911-E087: Uptick in Downsizing

Recently retired or otherwise unemployed mildly clueless accountant overhears diners at a nearby table discussing a business difficulty and offers advice.

They seek him out periodically for more. Eventually hiring him to handle their books and offer other periodic advice.

He doesn't realize that they are the mob. He also doesn't realize that he is moving quickly up the ranks because the irregularities he finds in the books lead to catching leaks, or people skimming off the top. Or that by pointing

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::William Tell at 15RPM::

I have zero plans beyond my Instant Fiction, today. And powering through as much I, Zombie as I can because if we spend too much time on it, it'll cost us money for the re-rental of the service.

Stan is only good for one thing: I, Zombie. The rest of it sucks and it isn't worth the fees and charges.

Other than that, I have no news. Health is fine, despite the heinous amounts of shop-bought carbohydrates over the last couple of

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Challenge #01910-E086: All Due Caution

“Lieutenant, stop petting the wildlife.”

“With all due respect, sir, the wildlife is damn fluffy.” -- TheDragonsFlame

Look with your eyes, not with your hands. -- Human parental expression.

Humans are tactile creatures, for all that they're evolved to understand the world primarily through vision. Their young will prioritise it thusly - see a thing, touch a thing, and if possible, stick it in their mouth. Ninety percent of parenting a human is making certain they don't do this. Especially the last

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::Opening notes of William Tell::

Today is pretty much going to be absorbed, amoeba-like, by a three-hour round trip to Captain S for fish on Friday.

Which means that I get as much of my work done now as I can, and nap on the ride there. Fun.

And today's exercise is: Not well-actually-ing Capt S when she inevitably trots out some junk science she got from "all these doctors" on some scam she's bought into, this week.

It's pointless arguing with her. She's going to stay

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Challenge #01909-E085: Some Bargain

"Oook!" Life was so much better. With a tip of the hat to Sir Terry. -- Anon Guest

When you got right down to it, being transformed into one of the great apes wasn't that bad. Living expenses became super-cheap when all one needed was a hanging tyre and a blanket or three in a corner. The diet was bland, but affordable. Especially if one knew a guy who knew a guy who worked in gardening and could supply an ape with

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Sigh

Everything is slowed the heck down, and I can't use my phone as a hotspot forever. Data payments.

So now I have to put up with this horseshit and deal.

But the good news is that I'm taking a me-day. After I'm done with today's instant, I am parking myself in front of the TV, bingeing on all the stuff I've wanted to catch up on, and devoting my time to whatever the fuck I wanna do.

Because the school holidays have

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Challenge #01908-E084: Pearls and Male Chauvinist...

Reading Sir Terry Prachett's works and having it just passed of as 'light reading' at University. -- Anon Guest

She opened the book to read it and relax while she had her lunch and a coffee. Unfortunately, it was also dudebro o'clock, and a man-child had to come and comment on her material.

"You're reading that? I thought you were intelligent..."

Sue put the book by Sir Pterry down and glared at him. She had never met this man before, didn't know

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I'm thinking of cheating

I've got 1K to go on re-finishing Rael. Now, I could be a sensible little Nutter and space that last one thousand over two days.

OR...

I could write it all today and have two days "off".

You know what I'm going to do today, don't you. Yep. I'm going to spree the heck out of my novel writing so I can have a four-day weekend of nothing but the stuff I enjoy. Whee!

I might pay for it later, but... there's

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Challenge #01907-E083: Pitcher Plant

Why do children rush toward bright colours and loud noises? Because it looks like fun. -- Anon Guest

"I turned around for just a second, and she was gone. Off like a shot. I couldn't catch her. I didn't see which way she went. She just... she just went."

It was the same complaint all over Lower Tadfield Young teens and children above toddler age were going missing. Even the people running the funfair were complaining. But there was something... odd... about

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Glacial is an insult

To the tune of The Internet is for Porn from Avenue Q:

The internet is so slow
The internet is so slow
Why can't I just make it go?
It's slow.
Slow.
Slow.

Things suck at the moment. They suck so bad that I'm actively thinking about hanging out at a mall with wifi and doing a portion of my work there.

It's that awful.

But I'm being patient for now. I'm almost positive that it's the kids' internet usage that spikes

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Challenge #01906-E082: What Trickles Down

Medieval Jesters and modern clowns can do what others can't. Mock the mighty, poke fun at sacred cows, and give people a hug without facing an assault charge. it's called Clown's Privilege and should be treated as a gift. We allow the bizarre to touch us in so many ways -- Anon Guest

Three things to do. (1) Get up there, (2) Tell the unvarnished truth, and (3) Make it so funny that the Grand Dictator doesn't decide to execute you.

No

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