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Challenge #01449-C354: Sorry, I'm Redacted

[Person #1, in an actual, audible conversation]: [Person #2], I know you're frustrated, and I feel very ████ about that, but █████ ███████████ to ██████████ ██████ with ████████████ ██████████ ████ █████████

[Person #2]: STOP DOING THAT!!! -- RecklessPrudence

"I really can't, El. Ever since I signed a ND contract with ███████████, they installed an auto-redactor in my █████████████ so that no industry secrets can accidentally escape."

"Well, at least try to keep away from industry secrets, Vi."

"I would, but they've even copyrighted words like ████, and that's one of my favourites. I wish I'd never ██████ ██ ████ ██████ ███ ███ ███ in the first place."

"Do you have any idea how painful that is to hear? How unnerving it is to look at?"

"I know. I know. I can change sound and sight modes if I get promoted. And the less it gets used, the more likely I am to get a promotion, but if you're going to bring up ███████ ██████████ then it's gonna come out. I'm sorry. It's a █████ ████. What? I can't even say that?"

"Your NDA should not be covering your personal opinions... maybe you should go to a medic-lawyer and get it checked out."

Vi sighed. "I would, but the auto-redactor is proprietary and only ███████████ licenced staff can service it. And they tell me that everything's ██████."

"Just how many everyday words has this company copyrighted?"

"Oh, somewhere around █████."

"I don't know how much that is, but that just sounds scary."

"I know. So much for ███████ ██ ██████."

(Muse food remaining: 7. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01448-C353: Long-term Effects of Stupid Decisions

"In a fit of rage, he got extremely scientific."

Tour guide at the Oregon Vortex, possibly describing Stanford Pines. -- RecklessPrudence

"He employed every sensing device available, in the place where horses refused to go," said the guide. "And more than a few that he invented himself. Results were confounding, to say the least. Keep in mind that this occurred in the early twenty-first century, well before post-Shattering complete scanners. He had to collate and calculate his data on his own."

The

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Challenge #01447-C352: The Gratitude of Some People

Two people in danger

[Person #1] has a plan and gets them out of it

[Person #2]: THAT WAS CRAZY AND STUPID AND WE NEARLY DIED!!

[Person #1]: But it worked! -- RecklessPrudence

"We still nearly died!" ranted Mr'kish.

"I made sure we didn't. And, more importantly, I made sure you didn't. The proper words at this point are 'thank you'."

"You used your livesuit as an escape pod. You shot us out a torpedo tube..."

"In my defence, I was aiming

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Challenge #01446-C351: Bad Head Day

:Merrily Doing A Thing:

:Pause:

(To myself) "Wait, no. Logic."

:Stops Doing The Thing: -- RecklessPrudence

Brain fog gets to everyone. Even those who do not, strictly speaking, have brains as we know them.

Rael caught himself in early morning lo-cal fog, holding a bread knife over a large cantaloupe. What he had been about to do was unclear but cutting had to be involved.

"This is not right," he told himself. He put the knife down, put the cantaloupe into the

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Challenge #01445-C350: Instruments of Entertainment

Dedicated to the Steam Calliope. -- Anon Guest

Rael was glad that the Archivaas who were going through the Vault of the 20th Century had finally decided to ship confusing items to Amalgam for analysis, rather than making Shayde, and himself, go all the way to it.

This one... seemed to be an unholy mess of pipes on wheels. There was an unseemly grin buttons and platforms that, on a smaller device, might have been piano keys. It had ornate works of

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Challenge #01444-C349: Instruments of War

Bagpipe players. -- Anon Guest

They say that nobody ever sleeps well in hotel rooms. This is true even when one is forced to bring one's own bed. Rael, as a niche species still battling for independence from his creators, did not expect any hotel to have what he called a bed in stock.

Therefore, on the rare occasions that he travelled, he brought along his heated tank with life-monitoring equipment. It was a routine a part of his luggage as toiletries

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Challenge #01443-C348: Mrs Widgery's Guests

Morris Dancers! To the tune of "Mrs Widgery's Lodger". -- Anon Guest

[AN: For anyone wondering what the flying heck - here you go. I apologise in advance for the mental trauma.]

There were white-clad humans wearing bells on their shins. Each one carried a large, white kerchief in each hand. Except for the one of them that was wrestling an accordion into submission.

The ones with the kerchiefs were skipping about, legs ringing, to the slow and grinding tune.

"What are

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Challenge #01441-C346: Stranger Friends

Wander and Sylvia

1) With Stanford Pines

2) With Dipper and Mabel -- Anon Guest

[AN: This will put me one ahead for Yule. Huzzah]

The Stan o' War II, somewhere in the Bermuda triangle...

"Engines on full, Stanley! It's got us in its vortex!"

"They're already on full, poindexter. You want more power, grab an oar and paddle."

"Say, you folks look like you're in a spot of trouble," said a new voice.

The speaker was a hairy, orange... thing... seemingly

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Challenge #01440-C345: Trade Agreements

"Are you trying to seduce me!"

"That depends... is it working?" -- OohLookShiny

Zamree sighed. "Mx Frreep... I can see that your plumage is very pretty, but that's not the best way to found a long-term relationship."

"Is trade, is trade," sang Frreep. "Settle business, mate, raise eggs. For good of all."

Oh dear. "Mx Freep... we're incompatible species. The plumbing will not match. Secondly, my kind do not lay eggs. And third, I am life-bonded with another."

Frreep seemed greatly confused,

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Challenge #01439-C344: I Said No

A scientist when captured by the bad guys instead of working for them and having their work used for evil, refuses to work for them. They won't be the cause of innumerable deaths even if it means they suffer. SeaDragon1012

Dr Sally Hopkins woke in comfort, which was a big difference from attempting to fight off three attackers in the rain. She kept her eyes closed and her breathing even. Taking stock.

Good news - they had her in comfort. If they

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Challenge #01438-C343: Paradise is Relative

http://deathcomes4u.tumblr.com/post/153665498898/humans-are-weird

The post: A continuation on the "other planets don't have temperature fluctuations and stuff like earth does" theme including things like humans living on/swimming in volcanic areas, sending humans to the antarctic because drones don't work in the cold, and whenever earthquakes knock everything down building on the same are a again but with better earthquake proofing. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Distracting GIF warning for that link]

Vri'thol was having difficulty with the concept.

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Challenge #01437-C342: Bringing Home Strays

It is common knowledge that humans crave companionship from cats and dogs. But one day the human rescues a pest animal, insisting the creature is their new companion. -- Anon Guest

The human pack-bonding instinct is a strong one. Always be certain that your human isn't bringing unwanted creatures back to your vessel with it. - From Every Cogniscent's Guide to Human Care and Maintenance.

Something in the human's vacation clothes was moving.

"Dee?" warned Kla'kish. "Have you found a pet?" Pet,

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Challenge #01436-C341: Bizarre Reactions

Dinosaurs in zero g -- OohLookShiny

Of all the things evolution in space has wrought, of all the new species discovered in long-abandoned space stations... This one definitely took the cake.

They started as small pterosaurs, and their prey were some kind of bipedal herbivore. Like all saurians, they also had feathers. There was also an ample supply of cockroaches, as well as the plants that had once been in the agri section and had since gone wild.

Everything had gone wild.

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Challenge #01435-C340: Slow Progress

Don't put my ai into something and expect me to be nice to you. -- SeaDragon1012

"Got'cha body," said Gunther, aka call-me-mister-damnit. "Fac'shree sec'nd."

Grammar was still a sticking point. From what she'd seen of the news channels on this planet, a slurring grammar had become normal. Mary let it slide.

"You checked that it was working, right?"

"Yeh, it pass'd full Diag. And it's gotta r'mote thing so y'ull still do the imp'rtant stuff."

Which meant printing him food. Mary had

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Challenge #01434-C339: Pack Bonding is Strange

Someone who doesn't understand all the hoopla over puppies and kittens gets a more unconventional pet and loves it to pieces -- OohLookShiny

I'm not everyone. They say everyone feeds the Skitties on the sly. I don't. They say everyone will say 'hello' to a dog or coo over a kitten or a puppy. I don't.

I mean, sure, they're cute and all, but... I'm just not into them. I've heard all the arguments, by the way.

"Humans are pack animals..." Yeah

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