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InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12155 posts

Challenge #01906-E082: What Trickles Down

Medieval Jesters and modern clowns can do what others can't. Mock the mighty, poke fun at sacred cows, and give people a hug without facing an assault charge. it's called Clown's Privilege and should be treated as a gift. We allow the bizarre to touch us in so many ways -- Anon Guest

Three things to do. (1) Get up there, (2) Tell the unvarnished truth, and (3) Make it so funny that the Grand Dictator doesn't decide to execute you.

No pressure.

Haren ran through the usual guaranteed laughs. The Grand Dictator had an... earthy... sense of humour, so the ones that skated near the gutter and let the audience assume the filth had him in fits of teary-eyed mirth. Good. Haren diverted into the kind of rambling monologue that wavered from topic to topic, but still had the audience giggling.

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Slowed Right Down

The internet is especially shit, this morning, and for a change, neither I nor my beloved little darlings are at all responsible. No, dear readers, it is none other than my Beloved and their laptop.

If this continues for more than a couple of days, I get to taunt them.

[cue evil chuckle]

The end of the month and Erastide are coming up. Which means that real soon now, we could have us some NATIONAL BROADBAND! Just in time for the US

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Challenge #01905-E081: Who, Me?

Excuses both lame and creative. -- Knitnan

Of all the forces of creativity, imagination, and progenitation available, nothing in the known universe is more powerful and simultaneously more inept than a small child who has been caught out, and is desperately digging to get themselves out of the hole they are already in.

"Uhm," said Kae. Elbow-deep in the cookie jar. There was no denying that her hand was in there, and there could be some debate that she was, indeed, taking

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Fun 'n' PLNs

We're going to go see A Wrinkle in Time, today. This afternoon, to be precise.

Unlike yesterday, when I was surprised by a trip to go see Pacific Rim and the results left my story unposted until the afternoon. Sorry about that. I was only planning to binge some stuff I'd left unwatched for a good while.

So today, I have a time window to get everything decent done. And of course I'm procrastinating. Yay.

But I'll get on with it now.

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Challenge #01904-E080: That'll Buff Out

We all do it, either repair something broken with improvised stuff (paperclips are highly favoured), or hit it or kick it. -- Anon Guest

Rael opened up the exterior panel. And nearly had the urge to purge his internal organs. This was a temporary patch job that was actually a flock of temporary patch jobs. A mountain of kludges. Paperclips, ductape, and random bits of fabric, string, and parts that never should have come into conjunction were all there. He recognised desperate

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Screw That for a Gag

I have had duck tape on my feet for two frelling weeks because warts, and I just took it off to discover that it's either:

a) Pure Hokum
b) Only for warts on other areas

I looked up guaranteed wart cures and the duck tape was the only one to turn up in multiple areas. And the science seemed sound. Suffocate the skin in a specific area like -say- a bandaid left on too long, and the skin blisters and sloughs off

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Challenge #01903-E079: Forced Adaptation

If you don’t want someone to push a button, do NOT label it *‘Do Not Push’ * and whatever you do, do NOT make it big or red. -- TheDragonsFlame

It is rare, indeed, that the introduction of a species causes a revolution in the way that the Galactic Alliance runs its standards and practices. Humans were one of the few who did that in large strides. For centuries or longer, many other species adapted to the standards, rather than forcing change

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Cyclone Season... in Autumn?

Here's how it should work: Summer heats up the air and the sea acts like a big coolant on that noise. Which generates cyclones. Which turn into Summer Floods.

Here's how it is happening: The oceans are warming up (el Niño) and the cooler air of autumn is breeding cyclones. Which cause floods. In autumn.

The last time this happened, I was just a baby.

1974 - forty-four years ago. Criminally close to half a gorram century.

That's a long-arse time between

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Challenge #01902-E078: They Who Laugh Last

"I'm hungry !" / "Hi Hungry, I'm dad !"

"A man walks into a bar and says 'Ouch'."

"Why is a raven like a writing desk ? Because there is a 'b' in both and an 'n' in neither."

Those 3 English examples show perfectly why a "universal translator" is something impossible. You CAN translate it, but it will be incomprehensible.

Not convinced ? Here's a French example with a literal translation :

Que dit une maman baleine a son enfant qui fait trop de bruit ?

Cétacé ! (C'est

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Now What?

Mayhem's home sick, all my meal plans went... "okay". As in, the food got et, so that was good.

I let Chaos fly the deep fryer, under supervision of course. And when I was certain she could handle it... my dear sweet darling child undercooked everything. Sigh.

Trotted out the tired old, "You didn't have time to do it properly, but you have time to do it again?" routine and finished the cooking in regulated bursts. Which seemed to work for Miss

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Challenge #01901-E077: Ordering the New World

The bookkeeper of a new evil organisation to their superior:

I'm sorry but no, a "giant robot of doom with lasers that go pew pew" is not feasible. Because not only it sounds silly, but we lack the funding. And no, I won't allow any medium or high destruction plan as long as you didn't find a way to increase our income. If you want to blow things up, I'll only allow dynamite. And we can't pay more than 5 minions at

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Ooof

So I woke up at one in the morning again. Aka: fuckoff AM. What followed was a rough morning and maybe a couple of disturbed naps.

So I'm anticipating one hell of a day, today.

On the plus side, my wrists are already improving, now that I'm no longer pushing myself to write more than I should. Yay there. And I'm having some pig fat tonight.

We got some nice pork belly thawing today, and we'll be figuring out how to deep

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Challenge #01900-E076: Enter the Whupass!

[Person 1]: “How did I survive that?! Do I have some kind of plot armour?”

[Person 2]: “Nah, that’s ridiculous.” (Glances towards hidden camera) -- TheDragonsFlame

Sorrin Tael, master of Ohnono-jitsu, smirked at the camera that only he could see.

Falin tried to see what he was looking at, but the invisible camera moved. "What? Who are doing that to?"

"It's part of the secrets of my mystical art," said Sorrin. "Something you must learn from the mystical monks of Mojave.

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I got this

Okay. So we're agreed that I need more fats. We also know that fat from a dead pig is something I can actually eat and digest without any kind of trouble.

You know, aside from absolute fucktons of cheese, cream, and mascarpone. Which I can't eat a lot of anyway.

So I have to keep an eye out for fatty hunks of dead pig. Despite my ethical quandary about consuming dead pig. And my Beloved is also doing the same.

But I

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Challenge #01899-E075: Foreign (First) Aid

What if Coffee was invented during beginning of Middle Ages (5th -6th century) and gave rise to a whole industry of potion makers? After all who says that it can't have much different effects based on how it is brewed? -- Anon Guest

Sometime in the mid-to-late 5th Century...

"This one is a powerful emetic. This one will purge the bowels," the potion-maker showed their apprentice differing vials that were near-identical shades of brown. "This one will strengthen the heartbeat, and this

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