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Challenge #01465-D004: The Wrong Question

English is... well... it's a Germanic language where sixty percent of it is based on Latin. That should tell you everything you need to know about how awful a language English is. -- RecklessPrudence

The current meeting of the Society for the Preservation of Original English wound to a cold halt. "Who let the linguist in?" demanded someone in the assembly hall.

"Uh," said the unexpected linguist. "This isn't a language study group?"

The Chair-being took a deep breath. "This is the society for the preservation of original english. Not the study of its roots. Not the examination of where it came from. We preserve it. In its pristine form."

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Challenge #01464-D003: Dammit Dwayne!

Always remember, no matter where you are, no matter when you are, someone out there is intent on being the reason we can't have nice things. -- RecklessPrudence

Through all of time and all of space, there's always one of Them. You know Them. They're always cheerfully helpful and a beat behind everyone else's drum. They mean well, which is the most damnable of faint praise. Their heart's in the right place, people say. It's the elbows, knees and ankles you have

Challenge #01463-D002: Visit Zoq'in University!

Motto of a Uni in a world where Humans are Doc Brown (doesn't necessarily have to be a human-run uni): Training the Terrifying Terran Technologists of Tomorrow. -- RecklessPrudence

All things considered, it is a great boon to the universe that Terrans have never been able to read Golq'ethin. Otherwise, when bright-eyed and enthusiastic future engineers of all flavours entered the decorative gates, they'd have read, Zoq'in University, Training the Terrifying Terran Technologists of Tomorrow. But they could not begin to unriddle

Challenge #01462-D001: The Curse of Vows

Rest in Peace. Now get up. And go to war. -- RecklessPrudence

Falstaff the Paladin breathed in with great difficulty. "Would it kill you," he croaked, "to at least let me rest for a day or two before the resurrection spell?"

The appropriately-named Faith concentrated on her healing mantras for a moment. "The longer you're dead, the worse things get for you. Do you remember the Brain Damage Incident? I remember the Brain Damage Incident. And let's not talk about the intestine

Challenge #01461-C366: Abominations Are Relative

[Conversation Participant #1]: [Name mankind was not meant to know]! Where did you come from!? [Conversation Participant #2]: From the blighted womb of your worst nightmare, quivering on legs innumerable, soaked in the black ooze of your greatest fears. I rear back my heavy head, and howl: DETEEENTION ...for AAAALLL three of you! I swear, I'm the only one around here that doesn't find threats and violence to be charming. -- RecklessPrudence

"Aw come on Mx Elth... this is the AV club,

Challenge #01460-C365: The Slippery Slope

Trying to sell a specifically weapons design team as a pro-peaceful exploration move is sort of the zen apex of the art of budgetary committees, no matter how necessary self-defence is out on the frontier for Federation starships. -- RecklessPrudence

"Point of Order," said Admiral Joubert. The rest of the budgetary committee moaned in anticipation. "These so-called science vessels you're proposing look more like warships. The Federation has never stood for this sort of thing."

"It's called being prepared, Joubert," growled Admiral

Challenge #01459-C364: Dangerous Encounters

A [Human science ship] is basically a prickly little echidna going through space wearing a mortarboard. It just wants to science. If you stop it sciencing, it can survive you kicking it, hurt the foot that you were foolish enough to use to kick it, and call for help from the other, decidedly LESS peaceful ships Humanity has to offer. -- RecklessPrudence

Humans are dangerous. Everyone knows this. The preferred method of interacting with humans, for the longest time, was simply two

Challenge #01458-C363: Protective Instinct

Left to my own devices, I am not very aggressive. But if you give me a small helpless person to defend I will conquer small European nations in their name. -- RecklessPrudence

There are certain things one should never, ever do in Galactic Society. You do not comment negatively about any other cogniscent's appearance. You do not engage a gravity drive in hyperspace. And you do not, under any circumstances, threaten a human's charge if that guarded body is a small, fragile

Challenge #01457-C362: One Exasperating Late Evening in a Recovery Room

"Do you want to explain why you caused mass hysteria and almost created a national incident?"

"You know these things happen when I'm left alone." -- OohLookShiny

"Hwell," sighed Ax'and'l. It was an old sigh. The kind of sigh that had put up with enough crap to make a rocky giant planetoid out of it. "I told you to mind the cargo..."

"And I did. I was. Honest," said Hwell. "I only stepped away t' help this wee lass--"

Ax'and'l moaned automatically.

Challenge #01456-C361: One Muddled Mid-morning in a Mystery Vessel

"Do you want to know how I can tell this is a terrible idea?"

"...how?"

"I'm being the voice of reason!" -- OohLookShiny

(Image source) (Artist)

The assembled cogniscents spared a moment to regard Ambassador Shayde. Widely regarded as the specific embodiment of human insanity. They then looked to each other as if daring someone to say, How did we get so far astray?

"As th' great Montgomery Scott said, Ye cannae change the laws o' physics," insisted Shayde. "Well. Unless ye

Challenge #01455-C360: Monster?

http://modmad.tumblr.com/post/154298352575/thelittlemonsterlover-x

Large scary demonic creature and the tiny child that keeps putting flower crowns on it. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I wish I knew what the writing in the comic said, but I shall do my best]

I am the thing that bumps in the night. I am fear incarnate. I am terror. I am the fate that waits for bad children. I am a monster in the dark. I am... Nightmare.

For untold centuries, I

Challenge #01454-C359: Wild Terra

The Irwin character and their adventures on Earth -- Anon Guest

[AN: once again, pre-yule shopping took me away from doing this]

"Now in most areas of human habitation, the goal is to cover as much of the body as possible. But here--" images of Surfer's Paradise, "--the rules are turned upside-down. Unless you're one of these blokes," images of surfers in their full-body surf suits. "Their vibrant colours tell the sharks that live in the water that they're not good to

Challenge #01453-C358: The Urban Human

An alien naturalist, performing a David Attenborough-style documentary on Earth.

Potential sequel: As above, but replace "David Attenborough" with "Steve Irwin". -- Shkspr1048

[AN: Sorry I'm so late, dear readers. Yulemas shopping spree]

"And this... is the average human population density of the planet Terra." The image showed the interior of a shopping mall on a slow hour. Humans populous enough to get in each others' way if they were determined to do so, but not enough to be in each others'

Challenge #01452-C357: Cute and Bombproof

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/154304792219/jumperjohn-you-know-that-one-post-about-humans

"You know that one post about humans being really durable compared to aliens and that one about humans being really cute to aliens?

What if they were both true at the same time. Like the aliens decide to take their human on a landing mission because they get so excited and it’s so cute but then a storm hits and they crash. And the aliens are all freaking out because they can’t be

Challenge #01451-C356: Nice Doggy

"Aww! Whose a cute little puppy- poo!"

"I have seen dogs. That is definitely no where near a dog,"

"Oh, leave the little cutie alone,"

"I'm serious, are you blind?" -- OohLookShiny

Gorqax sighed. "Look. I can tell you're going to be pedantic about this. A dog is a non-cogniscent deathworlder mammal of Terran origin that is quadrupedal, fur-bearing, and carnivorous."

"Yes, that is the definition." Plegg rolled hir eyes.

"This creature that I am currently grooming is also a non-cogniscent deathworlder

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Flash fiction fresh from my fingers to your mind!

Challenge #01465-D004: The Wrong Question

Challenge #01464-D003: Dammit Dwayne!

Challenge #01463-D002: Visit Zoq'in University!

Challenge #01462-D001: The Curse of Vows

Challenge #01461-C366: Abominations Are Relative

Challenge #01460-C365: The Slippery Slope

Challenge #01459-C364: Dangerous Encounters

Challenge #01458-C363: Protective Instinct

Challenge #01457-C362: One Exasperating Late Evening in a Recovery Room

Challenge #01456-C361: One Muddled Mid-morning in a Mystery Vessel

Challenge #01455-C360: Monster?

Challenge #01454-C359: Wild Terra

Challenge #01453-C358: The Urban Human

Challenge #01452-C357: Cute and Bombproof

Challenge #01451-C356: Nice Doggy