Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #01953-E129: Lost in a Hellscape

A couple who have no recollection of how they got there find themselves in a lethally dangerous environment where every creature and several of the plants seem to be trying to kill them. Being religious, they realize they are lost souls and this must be hell.

Then the search party finds them. They were vacationing in Australia and had wandered off after someone gave them roofies.

But what happened in between that would make and amnesiac tourist decide that they were just in the eternal pit. -- Bard2DBone

Mary woke up pressed and oppressed between burning heat and sharp stones riddled with ants that were painfully pinching her flesh. It took her far too long to get away from the ants. There was no escaping the heat. It scorched her throat. The harsh light seared her eyes. The sharp ground tormented her feet. There were creatures that looked like they were made out of thorns. Everything plant-like here looked like it was dead. Everything alive here was seemingly made to hurt.

The sky was bare of clouds. The earth was bare of anything friendly to Mary's means of classification. Only a pair of windswept tyre tracks gave any indication of how she got here. And there were lizards the size of dogs[1] ambling through this tortuous landscape. Mary picked the direction least likely to intersect with the lizards and tried to logically conclude something from established facts.

Fact: It was burning hot. Fact: there was no water to be seen but the wavering illusions on the horizon. Fact: The plants appeared to be dead. Fact: The livestock was outright hostile or at least appeared to be so. Fact: Everything here was made to hurt her. Fact: The last thing she remembered before waking up here was a rather sinful hen's party. Conclusion: She must have died and gone to Hell.

Support me on Patreon / Buy me a Ko-fi

Continue Reading

Prompts remaining: 12 Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!

Post-indulgence Regret

Broke keto for Pripa's day. And there was cheesecake. And fudge. And ice cream...

So I woke in the morrow with Sausage Fingers. Because retaining water is one of the things my body does when it gets carbs. Other signs of carb overdose include lack of focus, memory problems, and general fluffiness of head.

So this is going to be brief.

So that I can get on with the whatnot of my shit.

I have discovered that a dearth of potassium can

Read more »

Challenge #01952-E128: Transformative Love

Fan fiction, some of it heartbreakingly brilliant, some of it so badly written you wonder if they ever even saw the original series. But glued to their devices they tap out their allegiance to people or beings who are imaginary. -- Anon Guest

The Archive of Transformative Works is a subset of the Archivaas Conglomerate. Those who strive to preserve everything humanity or intelligent life has created. Even the worst that a barely creative mind has to offer. It is oppressively huge.

Read more »

Merry Pripa's Day

To all those Primary Parentals who stay up late, wake up early, sit through sickness, and fret about the health of your little darlings... Grats.

You made it another year without throttling the little shits. Through angst, anguish, frustration, and fear. You made it. And some of them might actually be grateful for the effort.

I'm awake at Awful in the morning because of the so unfabulous combo of Sneezin' and Wheezin' Season plus low pressure system plus what feels like an

Read more »

Challenge #01951-E127: Posthumous Communication

Sandwiched between cardboard, or up-market leather they colour our lives, change the way we see the world, and of course they never age. Sherlock Holmes, Robin Hood, James Bond, Mr Darcy, Alice, Tom Sawyer. -- Anon Guest

"And then there's the curious incident of the dog in the night-time," Alpex read out loud. Like all new readers, the reading was painful and slow and almost monotonous. Ze stopped. "You do know this method of information sharing is the one least likely to

Read more »

Sneezin', Wheezin' and CYCLONE Season

If there's anything worse than Sneezin' and Wheezin' Season, it's that plus fucking Low Pressure Systems making my face firkin hurt.

Today's episode of Fuck My Life began at half-past one in the morning and only abated because I finally got to the Ibuprofen plus Acetaminophen at 8ish. For Australians: Neurofen and Panadol. For the Americans: Nurofen and Tylenol.

I don't know any other nation's brands. Fill me in. I love to learn things.

So yeah. Spotty sleep. Painful face. An air

Read more »

Challenge #01950-E126: What is Life and What is Real

They are quite real to us these lines coloured in sometimes, they've been with us since we first met them, and they seem 'real'. Comics, graphic novels, the funny pages. -- Knitnan

They were just shapes on a page. They should very clearly not be so impactful. They were the written word. They were pictorial representations of impossible things. They were imagination. They weren't real. And yet...

There he was. Hiding away from the world because these particular shapes on a page

Read more »

Aah, Friday

A busier Friday than normal, but still... a relative day of rest for this nerd.

But it's also a cleaning day, so that means I'm working a lot more than normal. Usually, on a Friday, it's all relaxed despite having a thousand words to generate and a son to fetch from Banyo.

Today? I'm not so sure.

I have to make a phone call to talk to some people about getting Mayhem's phone fixed so that it's not a brick any more.

Read more »

Challenge #01949-E125: Naked Without it

Pointy hats! There are the black, with a brim witch's model, the sparkly and starred wizard or wizzard's, the upside down ice cream cone with a floaty veil princess model and the plain paper cone with a big "D" for dunce. -- Knitnan

[AN: I don't think the D-cap existed outside of the Victorian Era]

You couldn't deny he was a wizard. The hat was a huge give-away. It made his full, wizarding height two feet taller and he changed it in

Read more »

BBC SOP - FEFO

For those amongst the acronym challenged - BBC stands for the British Broadcasting Company. The public television since whenever.

SOP is Standard Operating Procedure. For instance, the standard operating procedure for politics is lie, cheat, and rack off with a golden parachute.

FEFO is new. It's something Beloved and I coined after absorbing a couple of episodes of a new thing from the BBC. It stands for this:

Four Episodes, Fuck Off

We've seen a lot of this with high-quality BBC products.

Read more »

Challenge #01948-E124: Who's a Good Dog?

In the land of magic, Death frequently has problems with pets that absolutely refuse to stay dead. -- Anon Guest

In all of creation, there is nothing more loyal than a good dog. Though it was widely agreed that Kerby was one of the truly daft ones. He was a rescue dog, and had some kind of skin infection that made him look dead. Dan, who had picked him up with a shovel as part of his job, got the fright of

Read more »

Well, Fuck

Okay. Here's the situation.

  • Cocoa contains carbs and I need to figure out the content of one button to keep my hot chocolates ketogenic
  • Mayhem has a conference with his guidance counsellor and I discuss his grades
  • I need new windshield wipers
  • Time is growing ever closer to the release of a better Apple Lappy for my first actual Earned Laptop
  • All my funds are tied up in other shit
  • Including Mayhem's traineeship [$2K]
  • And paying for my car rego [$600+]
  • My
Read more »

Challenge #01947-E123: Loose End Tied

"Never, ever empty this person's pockets again!" referencing Harpo Marx, Sergeant Constantine Bothari, and any JOAT! -- Anon Guest

Okay, now I've fucked up, thought Taako, transmutation wizard extraordinaire. Crew-member of the Starblaster. Multi-dimensional traveller. One of the Seven Birds of Prophecy. Member of the B.O.B. Best chef in all of Faerûn. Oh, and main squeeze of the Grim fucking Reaper. This thought came, of course, at half-consciousness as the not-so-stupid guards dragged him to the throne room of the

Read more »

My Face Hurts

There is a low pressure system somewhere. I can feel it in my left eye orbit. Starting at the bridge of the nose and graduating into the lower half of my eye socket. At least, thanks to some Panadol, the pain has ebbed from reaching my left temple and threatening to graduate into my teeth.

I paid $3K to have my nose fixed and therefore suffer this for potentially the rest of my life. Huzzah? The bonus, that I snore less harshly

Read more »

Challenge #01946-E122: Change for the Better

Paper clips, rubber bands, and the ever reliable wire coat-hanger. -- Anon Guest

In accordance with Galactic Standards and Practices verses the JOAT Conglomerate, all Standard Screws will now feature a slot to accommodate the use of a 5 Sec Coin in lieu of any screwdriver.

Truly. This was a day of victory. Of course, the fine print under the announcement reassured business owners that secure spaces were still allowed to use non-standard fastenings, so long as they provided the relevant tools

Read more »