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The Adventure Zone

A 10-post collection

Challenge #02063-E239: Barry Critiques Them Afterwards

(Person 1): "So this is how I die... With thunderous applause..."

(Person 2): "Stop being so dramatic." -- TheDragonsFlame

Taako had been through many adventures. He had travelled across a hundred realities. He had bargained away his beauty, his health, and a skill to save the world. But this? This had to be the toughest fight of his life. For example, strictly off the top of his head, the fifteen-point landing he'd just endured because this particular band of necromantic chucklefucks had decided to sew together the corpses of several Large species to be their boss monster.

The only plus side was that it had killed several of them before Tres Horny Boys even got started. The minus side, naturally, was that he was down to zero hit points for the third time in this quote-unquote adventure.

Nearly dying just fucking hurt. At least unconsciousness swept it all away for a while. Not much of a while, because his family had learned to carry some health potions at long last for the benefit of the glass canon of the team. The rest of his team was clapping in the most sarcastic manner possible.

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Challenge #02028-E204: One Contentious Afternoon in a Laboratory in Neverwinter

why is it that in world travel or fantasy stories where a scientific world and a magic world meet that no one ever tries to mix magic with technology? -- Anon Guest

[AN: Usually because the Author has decided to Not Go There or it will end up like the Flintstones]

Someone had thought this through. Enchanting a central spindle with Endless Turning, and making it activated by the use of a button and a dial, and then making attachments to reduce

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Challenge #02000-E176: Biorhythm and Blues

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man a damn nuisance to live with. -- Anon Guest

If there is one thing more annoying than a morning person, it is a morning person who is at peak sunniness in the pre-dawn hours. Four in the morning becomes four in the fucking morning with extra singing.

To his credit, Barry knew that his fellow shipmates liked to lie in, especially the most wonderful woman in the multiverse - Lup. His main squeeze.

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Challenge #01949-E125: Naked Without it

Pointy hats! There are the black, with a brim witch's model, the sparkly and starred wizard or wizzard's, the upside down ice cream cone with a floaty veil princess model and the plain paper cone with a big "D" for dunce. -- Knitnan

[AN: I don't think the D-cap existed outside of the Victorian Era]

You couldn't deny he was a wizard. The hat was a huge give-away. It made his full, wizarding height two feet taller and he changed it in

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Challenge #01947-E123: Loose End Tied

"Never, ever empty this person's pockets again!" referencing Harpo Marx, Sergeant Constantine Bothari, and any JOAT! -- Anon Guest

Okay, now I've fucked up, thought Taako, transmutation wizard extraordinaire. Crew-member of the Starblaster. Multi-dimensional traveller. One of the Seven Birds of Prophecy. Member of the B.O.B. Best chef in all of Faerûn. Oh, and main squeeze of the Grim fucking Reaper. This thought came, of course, at half-consciousness as the not-so-stupid guards dragged him to the throne room of the

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Challenge #01883-E059: Blustering Bafflegab

If you can’t blind them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bull####. -- TheDragonsFlame

If there was one thing that Ned "Fucking" Chicane could do, it was think on his feet and talk so quickly that people were nodding along before they realised that he was selling them dung by the bag.

"This one looks so fake," complained a customer/rube.

"This? This is simply a curio. A tip of the hat to the late, great showman, P. T. Barnum.

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Challenge #01818-D357: Gifts For the Mages

Seasonal gift giving. Christmas, New Year, Solstice, whatever. -- Anon Guest

It wasn't the first time that they'd been rounded up for their own good. But it was the first time that this was done with compassion. The food was tolerable, the accomodations fair enough considering the volume. They were allowed to keep their wands and their stuff. And, more to the point, this was one of the few times that the twins received Candlenights gifts.

The labels were impersonal. For a

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Challenge #01754-D293: Caught!

"I can explain! I swear!"

"Let's hear it."

"Aw hell. Just skip to the beating." -- Anon Guest

It was one of those situations. Stealth mission. Retrieve the Macguffin of Wherever, and do so in such a way that there are minimum fireworks, thank you, Taako. Taako automatically gave Madam Director his usual forged picture of innocence and Who Sweet Little Me routine.

She wasn't fooled for an instant. Neither was the boy. Angus McDonald, world's greatest boy detective.

And now, several

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Challenge #01746-D285: Why Not Have Both?

Don't be eye candy, be soul food. -- Anon Guest

After the Hunger War, things were relatively quiet. Never too quiet, because despite the differences that were buried to literally fight for life, people liked to remember a grudge or three. The Bureaux of Balance went public and attempted to help keep a lid on things.

And despite semi-retirement, it wasn't that much of a shock to see living legends turn up in situations loaded with strife. Well. Technically three living legends,

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Challenge #01726-D265: One Natural Twenty

"I'm gonna need you to punch me in the face."

"Sure thing!"

"I'm a little worried that you didn't ask for a reason..." -- OohLookShiny

"There has to be a reason?" said Magnus. "I mean, I like punching and fighting and stuff..."

"Yes," said Taako. "That is true. But listen. We're friends. You should at least pretend that it's some kind of moral quandary for you."

Magnus clearly did not understand. "How's that?"

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Prompts remaining: 17

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