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Challenge #02123-E294: I Can't See My House From Here

A combined research team of a number of species of the galaxy invents a device that is capable of accelerating any object to significant portions of C, the human member of the team proceeds to be a human. -- Anon Guest

The breakthrough came, as breakthroughs often do, by accident. One person noticed that the interference on their experimental quantum computer was too regular to be just interference. The paired electrons weren't merely paired. They were grouped. They were grouped with other electrons somewhere far, far away, and someone was using them as a communications method.

With that realisation, the herculean effort to understand what they were saying and how they encoded it began. Decoding an unknown language is never easy, just ask the people attempting to decipher Mayan hieroglyphs. With no rosetta stone, with no common ground, with only basic mathematical concepts, they did it inside of fifty years. Crowd-sourcing really cut down on the problem solving.

Communication began, soon after that. The other side simply assumed that these distant people with a rudimentary understanding of GalStand Simple were new members in the Alliance. Assumption has wrecked more than one life. It would wreck many more after this one. Understanding grew. Concepts were exchanged. Invention... followed.

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Challenge #02116-E293: Lest Ye Be Judged...

we poisoned our air and water to weed out the weak.

we set off fission weapons in our own biosphere.

we nailed our GOD to a stick.

humans are the monsters that monsters fear.

the demons lurking in the void. -- Anon Guest

Offensensitivity warning: Deathworlder studies, Human content.

Planet Terra, aka Earth. Origin point of the species who call themselves Human. Though a class 4.5 Death World, the intelligent life from there rates a 5. Here, we will examine the

Challenge #02115-E292: A Roadmap to Neverthere

"Look, the directions are simple; go down that way, and turn left on Thursday." -- Anon Guest

Navigation is difficult in realms where time is nonlinear. In the fractured temporal core of Lymnaal, directions are almost meaningless as well. One can walk away from a point, steps never wavering, and meet oneself coming the other way. There are places bordered by red paint. It is wise never to set a foot there.

Yet people still operate in this broken place. People are

Challenge #02114-E291: Unlikely Friendship on Courier Fifty-eight

Ship's human and the Anti Gravity Drive keep company. -- Anon Guest

[AN: It's the Gravity Drive, but I get it]

This drive was one of the loners. It did not need constant Nae'hyn attention to do its work. It knew the route better than the Captain. It got family visits, of course, but Human Gar kind'a felt in kindred with it. Human Gar had took this particular mail route because it met her needs for social contact - otherwise known as

Challenge #02113-E290: Simple Communication

"I said no!"

"You said yeah!"

"Are you insane? I said yeah, nah! That means NO!!" -- Anon Guest

"Are you insane?" asked Gork. "That is not a clear means of communicating a positive or a negative."

Human Baz glared down at the little alien in her care. "It's perfectly understandable to everybody," she said.

Gork flinched at yet another explosion. "Not to this somebody," he said. "We look for affirmation or negation first. We do not wait for further elucidation."

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Challenge #02112-E289: Spiritual Progress Goes Huff-Huff-Huff

Baths were once optional, water had to be carried in jugs to fill a bath, and people (a) stank and (b) got diseases. Then came the 'chip heater', hot water for all. guess what it sounds like. -- Anon Guest

Ne'er cast a clout[1] 'till May be out -- pre-industrial era saying.

It was the paradox of the northern realms: bathe regularly, and you would catch your death from the icy winds that crept in through the chinks in the mortar,

Challenge #02111-E288: Rusty Heroism

You used to be the leader of a legendary squad of heroes who banished a great darkness from the world, your reward the blessing of agelessness should you be needed to vanquish future foes that may arise... and now the time has come where you’re needed again, as the once-banished darkness has risen from his arcane slumber a dozen centuries later.

The catch is that now all of you work in normal, 9 to 5 jobs at retail and such, well

Challenge #02110-E287: Dealing in All Directions

"Ooh, look! Shiny!" -- OohLookShiny

Priff reached out to restrain the Human before ze even turned to look, saying, "Human Will. No." The main problem with Human Will was that they so very often lived up to their name. Whatever a Human should not do, that Human will.

"But it's so shiny," protested Human Will.

"Yes, it is shiny," agreed Priff, urging Human Will further away from the glittering display. "It is also expensive and very likely to be fragile. Do you

Challenge #02109-E286: Meat-ing Place

The Galactic community knows that the human race is omnivorous and that they sometimes prefer meat when stranded or when supplies are low, willingly giving up one dietary options to any remaining crew in order to save them. It was a smart evolutionary path that many alien scholars believed was essential for surviving such a deadly world like Terra.

But no one could have foreseen how much the human race could love meat. Covet it. And fight for it so strongly that

Challenge #02108-E285: Failed Medicine Check

"What happened?"

"The kobold was thirsty and drank some brandy by accident." -- Anon Guest

On the plus side, the enemy was getting a routing it never suspected from a foe they couldn't even focus on. On the minus side, this had to be doing something awful for Chrysanthemum's bodily systems. Dragonkin had different biology to mammalian lifeforms. A drop of alcohol might dull a human's senses, but to one of reptillian descent... It was like a plus three Potion of Haste.

Challenge #02107-E284: Picking Sides

“You’re fired from the War. In fact, you’re entire adrenaline-crazy species is fired from the War!”

“Umm... I don’t think that’s how that works.” -- Anon Guest

"Breach of contract," howled Admiral Nagisok. "I've been criminally mislead. You were supposed to excel at war."

"Yeah, we do," said Human Sam.

"LIES!" Nagisok pointed out to the battle map, where thousands of points of light were blinking on and off. "You've made this war far worse than it ever

Challenge #02106-E283: Tech Support for the Undead

There is some things that I needed to adapt to when I first worked with Madam.

She's a 500-years old vampire

She is totally clueless about recent technologies (it's a miracle that she know how to use a floppy disk)

She mixes nearly all slang from the last 5 centuries. -- Anon Guest

Lifelong employment, the advertisement read. Administrative assistant to long-lived nobility. Room and board included. Living wages, transport provided. I didn't believe it, of course. Something this good had to

Challenge #02105-E282: Iconography

Scholars of the Galactic Alliance study ancient human gods; the likes of Apollo, Coyote, Mr. Rogers, Bob Ross, and Ronald McDonald. -- shkspr1048

"The changing roles of icons in culture is a fascinating process. Take this fellow," a picture of Apollo. "A figure from ancient Terran culture. He has been, at various times, the God of music, truth, prophecy, the sun, light, plague, and poetry. The Greeks and the Romans alike got things confused for a while, of course. After he faded

Challenge #02104-E281: Miscommunication Malfunction

Human: "Now you're thinking like a human!"

Alien: Internally screaming -- Anon Guest

"No. I didn't-- I'm not-- I don't-- That was sarcasm, Human Jae..."

Human Jae looked briefly alarmed, "And that was a joke, Joyse. I was kidding."

Joyse breathed again. "Good. The last thing I want is to discover that Human Insanity is contagious. Please keep your joking to a minimum in this endeavour, thank you."

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Challenge #02104-E280: Personal Augmentation Options

Humans introduce aliens to cosmetics, not all would go in their original place. -- Knitnan

Humans are well known to be attracted to shiny things. This eventually resulted in Humans making themselves shiny in order to attract mates. Jewellery is an almost universal concept, though not always universal in execution. Makeup, on the other hand, is not as universal as one might expect.

"So... you apply paint to your exterior to look more attractive?"

"Getting closer," said Human Jaz. "We call it

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A 4756-post collection

Challenge #02123-E294: I Can't See My House From Here

Challenge #02116-E293: Lest Ye Be Judged...

Challenge #02115-E292: A Roadmap to Neverthere

Challenge #02114-E291: Unlikely Friendship on Courier Fifty-eight

Challenge #02113-E290: Simple Communication

Challenge #02112-E289: Spiritual Progress Goes Huff-Huff-Huff

Challenge #02111-E288: Rusty Heroism

Challenge #02110-E287: Dealing in All Directions

Challenge #02109-E286: Meat-ing Place

Challenge #02108-E285: Failed Medicine Check

Challenge #02107-E284: Picking Sides

Challenge #02106-E283: Tech Support for the Undead

Challenge #02105-E282: Iconography

Challenge #02104-E281: Miscommunication Malfunction

Challenge #02104-E280: Personal Augmentation Options