Instant Story

Flash fiction fresh from my fingers to your mind!

Challenge #01055-B323: Eventual Amity

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/133857707605/jcatgrl-copperbadge-persinetteinthetower

Domestic life after the baby dilemma -- Gallifreya

Gloria was crying. She'd been crying for hours.

Disastra moaned. She hadn't slept enough to focus her magic. Therefore she used her wand to prod Calamity. "It's your turn."

"N'h did it las' time..."

"No you didn't, I did it last time. GO!"

"...five mo' minutes..."

"NO! YOU HAD THE STUPID IDEA TO STEAL A STUPID BRAT!"

"You had th' same one," Calamity grumbled. She, too, had had a rough night. Neither of them had expected to gain custody of the child. There had always been a way for the heroes to keep the infant, somehow. Before today, anyway.

Disastra sank back into sleep for all of a second, it felt like, before Calamity was digging at her with an elbow. "Your. Turn."

"I jus' got t' sleep..."

"And now you can wake up. The child you stole needs you."

Disastra moaned all the way to the crying child. Gloria. Cleaned her mess and made certain she was fed and burped. What was she thinking? Demanding a child? It was tradition, she knew it, but...

She never expected to get it.

She never expected the exhausting, infuriating, thankless work of actually looking after the child. Much less sharing a home with it and the other witch who had a legal claim to her.

Gloria knew nothing of it. With luck, she was immune to the arguing that went on outside her hearing. Immune to the hostility between herself and Calamity.

Inside this room. In front of Gloria, they both played at being civil. At being friendly. Any barbs they flung at each other were in a singsong voice so as not to frighten the babe. Neither of them wanted to scar her mind with their bickering.

Gloria clung to Disastra. Actively attempting to hug her back. Her babbling turned into the word, "Mama". And Disastra's heart nearly broke. "That's right," Disastra cooed. "I'm your Mommy... For now until you're grown."

Calamity was looking in. "You're going soft," she singsonged. "Next thing you know, you'll start being kind to strangers."

"We're under a legal obligation to be kind to her," Disastra singsonged in return. "But you'd know that if you actually paid attention to things. Like the mountain of washing up in the sink."

"I'll take care of it when you take care of those soiled diapers in the laundry room."

"Cow."

"Tart."

*

It was easy to love Gloria. She was a loveable child. It was harder to get along with Disastra, but for Gloria, she had to try.

Now that the girl was walking and talking, things were a little easier. She still took up a majority of their time, but now they had sleep enough to concentrate, they had their magic.

Maybe a little necromancy on the goldfish was cheating, but admitting it was dead would make Gloria cry. And maybe a vile curse on vermin was cheating, too, but it kept the food fresher for longer, which was a boon while they were in a cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Calamity paused in setting up the table to watch Disastra teaching Gloria. Simple spells.

"Now. Look at Dolly... point the wand... and think... 'up'."

That one was going to bite them, later on. But Gloria managed to make the doll stand and walk in a clumsy way, all the way up to her eager arms.

"Now you remember. It's you making it happen. It's not Dolly. It's all you."

Gloria fell to giggles. "Mama's watching you."

Calamity quickly turned away, allegedly looking for the cutlery.

"Now who's going soft?" teased Disastra.

"Oh hush, you emotional cow."

"Soft-hearted old fool."

Gloria laughed to hear them hurling insults at each other. But they were hardly insults, any more. They no longer stung, but fell on each other's ears like gentle caresses.

No. They couldn't love each other. It wasn't right for a wicked witch to be in love. They were heard-hearted, wicked things made out of malice and spite. They loved Gloria because of a fairy's blessing. Nothing more.

Loving each other...

...might be nice.

*

Disastra came up for air after the kiss. Well. There was no turning back, now. She let the love flow out of her and reshape everything in the cottage. It was like breathing again for the first time after a subjective aeon underwater.

Calamity looked similarly oxygenated. "You're crying, you sentimental old fool."

"You too, you daft old bat."

Gloria was clapping. "Again, again, again, again!"

And somehow, Gloria always got what she wanted.

(Muse food remaining: 24. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01054-B322: Joint Custody

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/133857707605/jcatgrl-copperbadge-persinetteinthetower

Two separate magical entities turn up for the same baby. -- Gallifreya

They both appeared at the christening. Calamity in a plume of green fire and Disastra in a cloud of roiling purple smoke. Both with identical words.

"Give me the child!"

The proud parents recognised one of them and boggled at the other. Then at their spouse.

"I can explain," they both said.

He had paid for an invulnerable armour with the life of

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Challenge #01053-B321: Subtle(n)...

We're going to be subtle with high explosives

My favourite kind of subtle! -- RecklessPrudence

There are certain things that worry Galactic Citizens about humans. The thing that worried them most was when they got very quiet. Despite the fact that a sleeping human is a safe human, a quiet human is usually involved in working something out.

Ax'and'l had learned that only slightly more dangerous was a human who was muttering to themselves. Only more dangerous was when they stopped muttering

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Challenge #01052-B320: The Way to Win is Not to Play

"If I can't win, I don't want to play!" -- Anon Guest

Emperor Gregor "Elf-hand" of Vardia always displayed his shortened hand at the negotiations table. It put the wind up the other side. They knew the story, without a doubt. Mainly because he had someone as part of his staff whose job it was to tell it.

Anyone entering the negotiations room would stare, and then try to not stare. And fail. And they'd spend the rest of the talks being

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Challenge #01051-B319: One Entertaining Evening in the Local Theatre

This video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvJZVq5_cGs I've never seen something like that executed so well in real life. -- Gallifreya

[AN: for those of you who don't want to watch, the prank involves sets of twins doing a Scooby-Doo farcical door chase scene]

Seeing it done with editing was one thing. Seeing it done live was another. Watching what seemed to be the same person enter one door and immediately exit another, on stage... it boggled the mind.

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Challenge #01050-B318: Fidelity

You can break my soul.

Shatter my mind.

Take my life away.

Beat me, hurt me, kill me.

But for the love of God

And for the sake of your own lives

Don't you

DARE

Touch her. -- Anon Guest

The human was already half-mad, even by human standards, when Kri'ko met her. She called herself Dog. Mutt on the bad days. Whenever she was awake, Dog would chatter to herself. A constant diatribe of ideas and denials.

They threw Kri'ko in

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Challenge #01049-B317: Ashes to Ash...

http://outfromtheinkwell.tumblr.com/post/133600270753/latessitrice-absinthenoir

The woes of an Italian vampire -- Gallifreya

[AN: Trying to write this without sounding racist]

I didn't know what I'd become when I stumbled home to Mama. I could remember an attack. I remember that the early dawn light burned my skin. I remember... being ill. Not being able to take in Mama's cooking. Being so thirsty. And always tired during the day.

Mama did what she could. She kept the sun away from

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Challenge #01048-B316: Afoot in the Grove

Pick one or more items from this list - it just sounded so much like the sort of things you'd think up that I HAD to share... http://howlingguardian.tumblr.com/post/133493640614/
(post reproduced below in case of link failure)

Talk fantasy prosthetics to me.

An elf maiden dances on feet of living wood sung into shape, planted in soil and watered when she takes them off. Every year she plants the old ones and sings a new pair. (Incidentally, the

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Challenge #01047-B315: Economy Exorcism

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/133438233764/breelandwalker-witchbxi-spirit-haunts-a -- Gallifreya

They looked like the typical whitebread couple who scoffed at the warnings that their new home was haunted until things got beyond the line of wilful ignorance. Candace listened to their story, and it ran the entire gamut of that sad story.

They fell in love with the place. Didn't believe in the supernatural. Laughed at the thought of ghosts. Little incidents escalated. And they escalated quickly. And the next thing they knew,

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Challenge #01046-B314: "Surprise" Party

Nanny Ogg throws Granny Weatherwax a surprise 70th birthday party at the Lancre pub. -- Anon Guest

Birthdays are generally a special occasion. Witch's birthdays doubly so. Not many of them prefer to make their age known, lest the C-word inevitably slip from someone's mouth.

Gytha had done her best. She'd set up in a place where Esme Weatherwax never went if she could prevent it. The local pub. She'd laid on every treat she could, including the mandatory ham bun; because,

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Challenge #01045-B313: Inexplicable In-Jokes

Did we ever figure out why you can't stop laughing whenever I say the word "pineapple"? -- Gallifreya

Giggles filled the break room. Of course they did. The inherently funny word had been uttered. They managed to stop.

"I dunno, to be honest. It's just a ridiculous fruit. The entire rest of the world calls them Ananas. They're nothing like an apple. They never came from a pine tree[1]. I mean - English language, what the ever-loving flip?"

"Maybe it sounded

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Challenge #01044-B312: Self-Aware Adventurer

Because I am here...

...I can protect my friends.

but

Because I am here...

... my friends must fight. -- Anon Guest

There's usually two reasons why the prophecy only names the Chosen One. Neither of them are very good. Either they didn't make friends during their epic quest... or their friends fell by the wayside.

Claire refused to let her friends die for her.

She did everything she could to protect them. To help them survive the battles that the Scourge sent

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Challenge #01043-B311: One Very Bad Day

Lewis Pepper and Fluttershy (tiny ghost choir optional) -- Gallifreya

Lewis' form coalesced as his consciousness returned. Ow. That hurt. He let himself linger in invisibility while he took stock.

Okay. One of the unsolicited exorcists had banished him to another plane. That was -haha- plainly evident. Everything here was bright colours and cheerful curves. There was a small town, just beyond the forest. Also brightly coloured and almost offensively pretty.

So he was currently a floating, purple vapour. Good. People might

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Challenge #01042-B310: Unwelcome Help

Lewis and the Mystery Skulls having to continually shoo ghosthunters and exorcists away from their house -- Gallifreya

Of course, living and working in an internet-famous haunted house had its drawbacks. People who had only seen or paid attention to a fraction of their webcasts, or people who had only heard about their place, and then subsequently went to the time and effort to track them down.

And offer their services. To get rid of their ghost problem.

This one was a

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Challenge #01041-B309: This Old Haunted Mansion

Lewis and his small army of cute musical purple ghostlets messing with other paranormal investigators while the others film it and try not to pass out laughing. -- Gallifreya

[AN: Just in case you haven't heard about that music video: check it out. You're welcome.]

"Welcome to This Old Haunted Mansion, I'm Vivi, and this is our ghost, Lewis."

Scratchy noises carried over the audio.

"You can't hear him, but we can," said a voice behind the camera. "He just said hello

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