Lewis and his small army of cute musical purple ghostlets messing with other paranormal investigators while the others film it and try not to pass out laughing. -- Gallifreya
[AN: Just in case you haven't heard about that music video: check it out. You're welcome.]
"Welcome to This Old Haunted Mansion, I'm Vivi, and this is our ghost, Lewis."
Scratchy noises carried over the audio.
"You can't hear him, but we can," said a voice behind the camera. "He just said hello and welcome to the show. And me, behind the mobile cam, I'm Arthur."
"And we expose TV psychics!"
Lewis faded out of view and the camera moved away from the two humans. "We know this house is haunted," said Arthur. He clearly had an artificial arm.
"Lewis is with us," said Vivi. "We know how he died and why he stays."
"The TV psychics don't. They come to us to do a reading of the house. And sometimes, they come with their own teams."
"We have hidden cameras everywhere," said Vivi. And either Arthur or myself always has the mobile cam to catch the fun."
"Lewis? Show our lovely audience one of your Deadbeats."
A pinkish purple shape emerged. More like a finger puppet than the previous phantom. It sang a few notes.
"They're... sort of like Lewis' back-up chorus. They're not real ghosts, but they can do stuff to help weird people out."
"It's hilarious."
The footage switched into stationary cameras with a map in one corner.
"This week's ghost chasing team asked us to leave the house so that there wouldn't be any interference. Lewis and his Deadbeats stayed, of course."
Arthur said, "I found a way to make them visible to our cameras, even when they're invisible to the naked eye. Remember. The psychic and their crew can not see Lewis or the Deadbeats, but our cameras can. Vivi and I stayed in the detached Summer House, where we hide our secret headquarters."
Vivi said, "We started by testing them to see if they could sense Lewis or a Deadbeat without seeing them. Psychics claim they can feel a cold spot when they are standing in or near a ghost. As you can see, Lewis is chilling by the fireplace, while a Deadbeat is sitting by the chess board."
"They're not really doing anything or feeling anything," added Arthur.
"This... is a well-loved home," said the alleged psychic. "I sense a lot of love in this room. An echo of sadness. Perhaps... a love lost?"
Cut to another room. One of the bedrooms.
Vivi said, "They futzed around for like an hour. The raw footage is on our website. So far, nobody on the team has picked up the presence of the Deadbeat assigned to follow them around."
"Lewis is about to do the moving painting trick. Let's see if anyone notices," said Arthur.
The psychic crew were more interested in specks of dust floating around and calling them Orbs, than they were in noticing that the portrait on the wall was trying to get their attention.
Finally, an entire torso lurched out of the frame and screamed, "HELP ME!"
"They only found the portrait by reviewing their footage and noticing the movement," said Arthur.
"The psychic didn't sense a thing," added Vivi.
Cut to a play room where one of the Deadbeats was rocking a rocking horse gently and making sobbing noises.
"They shouldn't be able to miss this one," said Arthur. "The Deadbeat is partially realised, so the crew should see an indistinct blob."
The crew on the scene went nuts over the rocking horse, and completely missed the blob. They were obsessed over finding wires or motors. They even stilled the rocking horse by force and hollered when the rocking started up again.
"It took them ten minutes to notice that the rocker's rails were flat on the bottom," said Vivi.
The psychic entered and the entire crew tried to gather EVP recordings. "I am here. Why are you here?"
The Deadbeat started reciting Mareseydoats.
"Unfortunately," said Arthur, "Deadbeats can only sing."
The crew found a 'cold spot' over the cradle, where there were obviously no ghosts. The map showed that this was where an AC outlet was overhead.
It escalated from there. Deadbeats, for the most part, scurried back and forth in front of the psychic crews cameras. Lewis made increasingly obvious appearances. Including a full manifestation and repeatedly asking the psychic if they could hear him.
Not one of them noticed.
Finally, Arthur, Vivi and a fully realised Lewis greeted the exiting psychics on the front porch.
"Seriously?" demanded Vivi. "You missed a seven-foot-tall, burly skeleton man in formal wear?"
"You guys suck," said Arthur.
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