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Challenge #01160-C065: Weird is Universal

A person is the only member of their species in a group, so a lot of their behaviour is passed off as "must be a (species) thing."

Then they meet up with the others and it turns out no, none of them do that, it's a Dave thing. -- Gallifreya

In the interests of diplomacy, crews from various species' crew have been shared out into other species' vessels. I think the Galactic Alliance is trying to engender familiarity with others as a means of cutting down on accidental misunderstandings that trip and fall into wars.

Yeah, it all sounds peachy and keen, the Galactic Alliance, but it's held together with spit and willpower, and they're running out of spit.

And, I think, in the interests of not driving my superiors completely gonzo, they shipped me off to a bunch of aliens called the Q'voth.

They're spiders. Well. Sort of spiders. Imagine for a second that actual spiders evolved lungs and more of a brain than you need to spin webs and eat flies and make more spiders. And with a few less legs. That's your Q'voth.

The conversation went something like this:

OCaptainMyCaptain: Hey Dave, you like bugs of all kinds, right?

Me: Uh, sure, I guess.

OCaptainMyCaptain: Greeeeaaat... I have one heck of an assignment for you!

And the next thing I knew, I was packing my essentials and learning a smattering of Q'voth. I can understand more than I can say. That's natural. I don't have the mouth parts for their complete language.

But you have to pick up the important stuff. Like what panic sounds and looks like. And the important words like, "evacuate", "run", "fire" and lots of other things used in an emergency.

People all over the Alliance panic in their home tongue. It's natural.

The Q'voth are nice enough folks, really. Arachnaphobes wouldn't like the look of them, but as I said, I'm okay with bugs. They're near-sighted, so everything is finely detailed and it took them a couple of Standard Weeks to get used to the idea that I could see much further than them.

It took me that long to get used to the webs.

Q'voth don't like big, empty spaces, so they spin guide-lines between point A and point B. I kept tripping over, breaking, or otherwise messing them up.

Let's just say that we had to work really hard on understanding each other.

As for me... I didn't really have to worry too hard about pretending to be normal, among the Q'voth. I could do my little rituals and nobody said anything. As long as the work got done, they were cool.

So cool that my need for them waned more than a little.

Let me tell you, it was such an immense relief to be accepted as I am. Usually, my little quirks kind of drive people to distraction. I hum under my breath. I make faces when I'm writing reports. And some days, I have to check things a set number of times before I can continue. Threes are pretty usual. Sevens on bad days, and on the really horrible days, I can get stuck in a check loop.

That hasn't happened with the Q'voth. They put it down to diligence or something. The faint praise my human superiors put on my report was that I always had perfectly functioning survival gear.

The Q'voth were really glad of my ability to always know about the emergency gear. And they relied on my visual acuity more than once.

I heard, once, that someone got shipped out to a bunch of bats and moles. That had to be fun.

Anyway. The crap hit the fan when my Q'voth shipmates met up with another human ship. They were so used to my way of being okay that it must have been a bit of a shock when they realised.

My way is not the default human way.

I... might... have freaked out and gone hiding in the service tunnels. I do remember a lot of crying.

But it's all good, now. The Q'voth are still amazingly cool with every weird little thing I do. The only difference now is that they ask...

"Is this a Dave thing or a Human thing?"

They're amazing bugs. You should get over your insectophobia and visit.

(Muse food remaining: 32. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01159-C064: Not-so-Vital Information

Is there a species in the galactic community large enough to hold a human like a hamster? -- Gallifreya

Taken from the Wikipedia Galactica under the heading of Illogical Questions Asked About Humans...

A: Short form answer: usually not.

Long form answer:

Cogniscents in the Galactic Alliance vary in dimensions and mass. For organic cogniscents, the mass is usually between eight and five hundred Standard Weight Units. There are a few exceptions [see file: Hive Minds] but giants are solely in the

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Challenge #01158-C063: Saint Kurt of the Mutants

One Kurt Wagner, he of the lifelong fear of growing horns, eventually notices the gradually brightening heavenly glow around his head -- Gallifreya

He was half-asleep when the realisation came. Stumbling about in the pre-dawn gloom and not in a state of mind to question anything, Kurt took his shower and was brushing his teeth when he idly wondered what was wrong with the lights.

And then he realised that he hadn't turned them on.

He looked at his reflection in the

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Challenge #01157-C062: Saint Rillfin the Silver-scale

Ignoring all that lore about the rings of horn etc.

Imagine a sparkling, pristine halo perched gently above a pair of horns, and the owner's reaction to this new development. -- Gallifreya

[AN: I'm not certain about that lore, I guess I'll learn later]

Everyone knows about evil dragons. They eat maidens and spread blight, hoard treasure and are otherwise the bad apple that spoils the entire barrel. Most regular dragons try to eliminate them before the knight errant is required.

That

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Challenge #01156-C061: Eternal Knight

I like the idea of an undead paladin. They didn't rise because of some dark god or ritual or necromantic power but by four little words. I. Am. Not. Done. -- RecklessPrudence

The Serf-Page called Scun had watched the Mighty Torpen die. Nobody could possibly survive that many arrows and spears. And yet, Scun watched him fight on. The battle raged on and on as Orc after Orc fell to his blade. Long past the time that Torpen should have collapsed from

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Challenge #01155-C060: One Tiny Flaw

http://this-book-has-been-loved.tumblr.com/post/139007622507/things-ive-actually-heard-college-students-say

And another one -- Gallifreya

"Look," said the proud architect. "It's the perfect sealed environment. Everything anyone could need, including weather systems to strengthen the trees[1]. I thought of everything. Water purification and recycling, food manufacture. I even created a system that eliminates pathogens in the waste recycling system and removes all risks of infections. There's more than adequate space for everyone, lounges and personal space, shared space. Look. There's even a cinema!"

Director

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Challenge #01154-C057: One Ambitious Training Session on Amalgam Station

http://this-book-has-been-loved.tumblr.com/post/139007622507/things-ive-actually-heard-college-students-say

pick one -- Gallifreya

[AN: Only one? They're all gold!]

It was a minor Ambassadorial meet and greet session, allegedly concerning negotiations to stop the Greater Deregulations from being such massive collections of feces towards their fellow human being.

Not acting like massive collections of feces towards non-human cogniscents was going to take significantly more time and effort.

Laws and regulations were not really working. The most the Deregulations would do was show lip service

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Challenge #01152-C055: Different Hats

1) http://scienceisadesiretoknow.tumblr.com/post/139009801040/swingsetindecember-where-a-grad-student-becomes

Grad student is a villain for extra credit and/or money

2) Wander over Yonder - adventures of The Hat when Wander first gets it

(haven't seen it? episodes The Hat and Bad Hatter are the relevant ones, or do a story about Sans and a little orange cat) -- Anon Guest

[AN: Ya know, I could do three... my workload has eased up just recently. But not today, I think. BTW, the overlap

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Challenge #01151-C054: One Blizzard-riddled Afternoon in the Antarctic Circle

Have you seen 'The Thing'? The 1982 one, based on 'Who Goes There?', not the 2011 prequel. Well...

Prometheus: I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of eternity TIED TO THIS FUCKING ROCK! -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: I've seen the 1950's version of The Thing (aka: The Secret Origin of the Flaming Carrot) and I have to wonder about scientist's need to give random shit from space some

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Challenge #01150-C053: Always Question

In a fantasy universe, what about an Agnostic Cleric? Doesn't really believe in any deity, just posts "help wanted" notices on the divine noticeboard. On the upside, has access to all the spell domains. On the downside, you'd be amazed on just what can count as "healing". -- RecklessPrudence

The Rogue watched the Cleric set up for the night. Usually, there was some kind of impromptu altar or extended prayer session, but this Cleric lit a candle and appeared to meditate for

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Challenge #01149-C052: Gods on Their Side

"HOW IS SUMMONING THE GOD-BIRD Of LIGHTNING STEALTHY!?" -- RecklessPrudence

The Cleric stopped in mid-chant. "Excuse you, but The Mighty Thunderbird is a master or mistress of the sneak attack. They glide silently, like a cloud, until they strike."

"But--"

"Their attacks are swift and, by the time the enemy looks, they are no longer there. Trust me. If you want an army annihilated, the all-powerful and Mighty Thunderbird is going to smite them thoroughly. All Glory."

There was a stunned silence

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Challenge #01148-C051: Filling in Time

Channeling Bugs Bunny (maybe Shayde?): "I know this breaks the laws of physics, but you see I never studied law." -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Yes, Shayde did study the laws of physics, but she also found some loopholes]

They were waiting for the dust to settle and Security had already confiscated Shayde's guitar. Possibly out of self-defence. Which meant a series of increasingly unlikely self-entertainments that she pulled out of her trans-dimensional 'pockets'.

One day, Rael supposed, they would learn that Shayde was

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Challenge #01147-C050: One for the Books

Admiral [Name] was arrested for extreme tactical and strategic stupidity.

(maybe something on one of Miles' reports? Either as an ImpSec agent to Simon, or as an Auditor to Gregor?) -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Well it certainly wouldn't happen in my pet universe... the Peter Principle has been rendered null and void]

Ensign Swinton chafed under the command of Admiral Voreckles. He would not promote without combat experience and he refused to allow female officers and staff into combat at all. He assigned

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Challenge #01146-C049: Adventuring on Another Plane

:Text recieved on a phone:

hlep! i was trikc-or-treatign with my borther adn our douchebag cousni, adn they gave me smoe of thire haul, luahging abotu how they egged thsi wiccan ladeis houes aftre they got teh cnady, adn now i'm ni a fantays wrold as a griffin! youv'e got to fnid uot where she lievs, adn get hre to brnig me back! there's this ohter griffin taht's bene hagnign aruodn, i dno't know waht they watn!

:another text, some weeks later:

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Challenge #01144-C047: Oh, Francoeur...

Francoeur & company, 2 open ended prompts for double story day

  1. Blood

  2. Trombone -- Gallifreya

[AN: This puts the overlap down to 23.]

1.

Everyone knew that fleas drank blood. The ex-chief Maynott certainly screamed it so often and so loudly that he had been moved to a quiet asylum in the country, and wasn't allowed to go near sharp things any more.

The first time someone cut themselves in Franceour's presence, there was an unearthly hush throughout the room that spread

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