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Humans Are Weird

A 174-post collection

Challenge #02852-G295: Her Name is Sweetums

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TDYDNTK_oo -- Anon Guest

It had to be a service animal, because it was wearing Medik red and Therapy black. Typical to Human delineation of 'pet', it had a small hat attached to its head via a loop of elastic. That, in combination for the vest/leash arrangement was a clear sign that the Human on the other end of the leash would rather sever a limb than part with the animal.

It was also a literally cold-blooded predator. A fact that could also not be avoided. It was in the teeth, the reptilian stare, the hide to match, and the low, sinuous stride as the creature padded along beside their Human. They were dead giveaways.

"That is a predator," said Customs Agent Phorx. "An ambush predator with a prestigious appetite, if I recall the facts correctly."

"Well, yeah. So are dogs. You all like dogs, right? They're actually fast-burn carnivores who eat their own weight every other day." The Human bent down to press their knuckles into a space near the rakishly-angled hat.

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Challenge #02837-G280: A Listening Problem

The human was dragged into medical by their friends. Well, "dragged" is a bit of a strong word, considering that if the human really didn't want to go, they wouldn't have, but they weren't willing to risk injuring their friends by struggling too hard.

The problem? Hives. Bumpy, red, itchy hives, all over the human's body.

When questioned, they said "I'm allergic to stress." -- Anon Guest

"Look, I'm going to be fine," protested Human Hen, who was obviously not fine. "I

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Challenge #02835-G278: No Added Chemistry

And what, exactly, do you know of addiction? -- Anon Guest

"Just because I don't indulge in the standard recreational chemicals for my species doesn't mean I don't know what addiction is," argued Human Kae. "I seek my serotonin in other things. You might think they're safe, but they're harmful if I'm not on guard. You just haven't caught me in a spiral, yet."

Companion Riik puzzled at this. Sure, ze had recreational chemical issues and therapy for that was always a

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Challenge #02831-G274: Observer Effect

An extraterrestrial puts together a video showcase of human do-it-yourself and educational videos, open to the general public who wants to learn more about humans. They have even been smart enough to include offensensitivity warnings so havenworlders can avoid the appropriate films. Included in the film line up is:

Mythbusters

Nailed it

Naked and Afraid

The Darwin Awards -- Anon Guest

[AN: Of the four listed here, only one is in any way instructional other than "learn from my mistakes lol". Real

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Challenge #02828-G271: War Makes...

They had been sent in to rescue a high ranking official's daughter and had, erroneously, assumed she would be some weak, helpless, demanding, little flower that not only would be difficult to rescue, but would be a major headache, and pain in their rears, all the way through the escape and on the way back to the woman's home world. What they found, instead, was a strong, fierce, self-reliant individual who was as ready with a weapon as any of their team.

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Challenge #02823-G266: Please Don't

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdoTdG_VNV4 -- Anon Guest

[An: Watch this. This is two people playing a piece written for an ENTIRE ORCHESTRA on glasses of water. There is an actual instrument called a glass harp and it looks really as weird as you might expect. It works on the same principal as the glasses but I think it's only a recent invention]

Humans will make music out of anything do not tell them they can't. They will remix

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Challenge #02803-G246: TFW Memed in Combat

here, have a rick roll -- Anon Guest

[AN: Link does not lead to a Rickroll but rather a six-second anime clip featuring someone's mondo BFG power attack]

Human Memetic attacks are something to watch. Preferably from a safe distance. Everyone knows the one about the attacking fleet that was brought to a standstill by the power of a Rickroll virus[1]. Thusly, they have learned to feat the threat of bringing Humans into any war.

Those gung-ho balding apes will try

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Challenge #02795-G238: The Ultimate Plasmotron 6000

While I’m playing some team based game

Some dumba22:

Ooo what’s over here~

Death chat:

[the entire enemy team] absolutely destroyed [dumba22] -- Anon Guest

The Humans were very still. There were twenty of them, each concentrating on a screen. It was utterly silent. One of them might mumble now and again, but otherwise, they were transfixed. The only noise was the movement of mice and the click of W A S D keys.

Companion Vresk was only sure of

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Challenge #02792-G235: Welcome to the League of Superlative Artifice

I liked the story about the Asian chef, who quickly made dinner from the would-be invaders.

I wonder what other adventures she and her crew would have?

Maybe their own version of a "beach episode"? Or perhaps the crew learn about a hobby she has, that she kept secret because she was embarrassed? Or maybe a new crew member arrives (he's a human too) and a love story arises?

P.S.

I really enjoy every story you wrote :D -- Tom

[AN:

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Challenge #02783-G226: Untranslatable

I wanted to sing, but it didn’t work translated to gal-simple. So I tried a mental translators, but then I learn that it most only scan the left side of the brain for the sentence structures. Singing comes from the right side. -- Anon Guest

[AN: There's growing evidence that the left-brain/right-brain stuff isn't as real as we once thought. However, there are other things that say it's real in very specific directions.]

Sometimes, you just got to sing. Sometimes,

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Challenge #02773-G216: Vent Words

(Unabashedly based on my grandmother and her go to "curse word")

H - "Crab apples, pineapples, and sauerkraut!"

A - "... I think my translator is broken. I got an offensensitivity warning on what you just said, but I think you just listed foods?"

H - "You shouldn't curse... It is rude." -- SilverRey

Humans are bizarre. This is acknowledged. Some Humans just happen to be more bizarre than others. For example: Most cogniscent species acknowledge the need for stresser/expressive words to

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Challenge #02757-G200: Say it With... ????

A xenobiologist decided to study the mating behaviors of many other races from the the weakest havenworlders to the strongest deathworlders. However, when it came to ... ah... HUMAN mating behaviors, well, things just got weird! -- DaniAndShali

It was the study of centuries, greatly aided by just hanging out in various public zones of crossroads stations and people-watching. Of course, the more invasive aspects of the study were a matter for each species individual fictions and documentaries. This study was about the

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Challenge #02753-G196: To Win By Technicality

In arguments it’s okay to swear. Usually many times your words must be quick witted and sharp like a rapier, other times, you just need bash your enemies skulls in with the metaphorical folding chair to get you point across. -- Anon Guest

Arguments are peculiar things. Some people believe that the winner is the one who remains calm and logical and debates all relevant points with scientific sources, and the loser is the first one to drop a sample of

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Challenge #02751-G194: You and Your Hobbies

The human got a job at a rather busy space station as an IT person and as a structural engineer. They did a lot of work with computers and with keeping up maintenance on this place. But when they signed the contract, they had an unusual clause, one that, it was discovered, they always asked for no matter what place they worked. Their quarters must be at least twice to three times the size of normal crew quarters. This was not too

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Challenge #02741-G184: A Helping Hand

"What are you watching?"

"Children's programming about the importance of doing chores to help out around the house."

"Do you enjoy this? You're an adult."

"Yeah, but I have the emotional maturity of a child, because my emotional development was stunted by repeated trauma while I was growing up. So, if I watch stuff like this, it helps me feel like doing stuff around the house, because I'm really, really impressionable. Also, I have to clean my living space, it's disgusting."

"So

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