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Humans Are Weird

A 179-post collection

Challenge #03083-H175: Anything is Ammo

A: "What's that?"

H: "What's what?"

A: "That odd thing you're working on." Indicating the odd contraption attached to the human's suit that the human was carefully adding conditioning agent to the strong, stretching, straps

H: "Oh, this? That's just my wrist rocket"

A: "Wrist Rocket?"

H: "My slingshot"

A: ........................................... -- DaniAndShali

"Aw, don't look at me in that tone of voice," said Human Ess, still tinkering with the simple device. It was nothing more than a forked frame, some stretchy straps, and a sort of pocket in the middle of the aforementioned straps. "One day, you'll be glad it's there. Look, I even installed a strap wrangler in case of doorknobs." At the press of a button, something whirred and turned the loose arrangement into a neat bundle that then folded away. "Neat and clear and ready to rock and roll."

Companion Gorx continued to have his doubts. "Most enemies have defenses against simple projectiles. This is an effectively useless weapon." In retrospect, he really should not have said that. Mostly because there is nothing a Human likes better than a challenge.

To which Human Ess grinned, cackled, and said, "You'll see," in a true and certain portent of doom. At least Gorx had the presence of mind to post a ship-wide brief that the Humans would be up to some new nonsense[1]. The crew, knowing this, were appropriately on guard for the week it took for the Ship's Humans to brainstorm their shenanigans.

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Challenge #03064-H156: Shall We Play a Game?

Anyone who ran a table would understand. -- AmberFox

[AN: Yeah nah that's a bad sesh there. And maybe bad management]

The life of the game master holds many roles. Storyteller, co-ordinator, plot-weaver... and primary parental to a group of people with the collective intelligence of a tadpole. It wasn't their fault. Not entirely. Players in a game this complicated had other things to concern themselves with between sessions. They had lives, errands, work, trivialities, and assorted nonsense that obscured their memories.

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Challenge #03066-H143: Could is Not Should

Human: "Excuse me?"

Alliance Member: "Yes?"

Human: "I .. um.... kinda... messed up again."

Alliance Member: "Oh it's you.... OH! You didn't, please not again!?"

Human: "I really thought I could do it this time." The human held their broken arm and looked over at the trees that looked as though something large had just ripped through several of the small branches and leaves.

Alliance Member: "HOW many times do we have to tell you? Stop trying to get to the very top

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Challenge #03055-H132: Worked Stone

It was an old custom on Earth that was once popular. Humans would paint stones with pretty pictures, happy sayings, and then, when they had a fairly large collection done, would take all of these intricate stones and scatter them all over the place so other people could find them. Often with a URL on the back for people to log in with a picture of the stone to show it was found and where. A way to brighten a person's day.

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Challenge #03018-H095: Time and Effort

A: Can I borrow a knife?

B: What do you need it for?

A: What do you mean?

B: What you need it for will determine which one I give you.

A: How many knives do you have?!?

B: What do you need a knife for? -- FightingFit

"No, no, no," said Human Arin. "I gotta go down this rabbit hole. How many knives do you own?"

"One for every purpose and then some," dismissed Human Bob. "I have a collection."

"That's

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Challenge #03015-H092: Minor Disaster Averted

H: Ow.

A: What happened? Do you need medical?

H: Second, I'm on my way to medical already. First, I jarred the ankle on my good foot while trying not to mess up my bad foot further. Um...one A I guess?... I think I sprained something again.

A: Stay right there, I'll get a chair with wheels on it.

H: Oh yeah, I didn't think of that. That would be WAY faster than trying to limp there...

A: And it would

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Challenge #02931-H008: Okay We Know That Was Silly

Two humans go to the infirmary with hands covered in blisters. At first, the medic thinks they got heat-burned. But the tests show the blisters are from frostbite. When asked, the humans shrug and went "We wanted to see who could hold ice in our hands the longest, and to make it more fun, we added salt to our hands, first. We were just goofing off." -- Anon Guest

The leading cause of dangerous injury to Humans was Humans "just goofing off"

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Challenge #02923-G366: Bad at Risk Assessment

"And what brings you to medical, human?"

"I took my particle mask off when I should have left it on. That was, uh, five days ago? I'm pretty sure I've coughed up all the stuff I inhaled, since the phlegm isn't pointy any more, but I'm still coughing, and my lungs itch. I would have waited longer to bother you about it, but I've been kinda short of breath today, so I thought I'd come in before it got any worse." --

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Challenge #02920-G363: You Laugh, We Win

A: It’s ovew bwothew, i have the high gwound! OwO

B: Chu undewestimated mwy powew.

A: Don’t twy it -- Anon Guest

[AN: Honestly, nothing is better for a giggle than translating badass lines into Owo.]

The fake battle involved bippy hammers[1] and amusing melodrama, much to the amusement of everyone else in the room. There was so much amusement that some were concerned about their ability to breathe. Companion Grox, perching far above melee range, was making sure

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Challenge #02914-G357: Ia Ia Lobby F'thagn

Lobsters do not die of old age and don’t stop growing. They die when they become too big to moult properly. So we’re gonna take a lobster and help it moult over generations, and create a Leviathan god -- Anon Guest

Humans don't take theories at face value. They like to prove things in practice. They like to answer questions with, "We tried it and..." This could be either seen as a flaw or a benefit. It generally comes out

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Challenge #02912-G355: All in Good Fun

A: you’ll never catch me!

B: bold and words for some in BFG range

As the human pulls the trigger a stream of foam balls fly across the room

C: what does BFG stand for anyway?

B: Big Foam Gun, what else?

C: well I thought it was Big F** Gun, but that works too. -- Anon Guest

"Well, that's what it used to stand for, pre-Shattering or something. I think. I'm not that up on my entertainment history. Most of

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Challenge #02907-G350: You're Worth Fighting For

Human A: "If you try to kill yourself, I will fight you."

Human B: "...I would not win that fight."

(Note: This is part of a conversation that I actually had with my suicidally depressed partner. And yes, if I thought he was going for it, I would totally fight him.) -- Anon Guest

This, alarmingly, was a common conversation between the two Ship's Humans of the Fanciful Deal. Human Zae had issues that manifested as periodic bouts of severe depression. Their

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Challenge #02906-G349: Warmed in the Weave

The human was both engineer and bodyguard aboard a ship of havenworlders. In their down time, they enjoyed both knitting and crocheting. They had an old blanket that they'd kept from when they were a child and, when things went bad, it comforted them after the event had passed and the enemies were defeated. A way to calm themselves. Having an idea, they began to make small, soft, blankets, one for each of their havenworlder crewmates. After all, why should they be

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Challenge #02904-G347: Ancient Terran Humour

trust me -- Anon Guest

[AN: Link leads to a black page with a purple button that also reads TRUST ME. If you click it, you get a page full of the Pokemon Ditto dancing to The Conga. You will definitely get fired if you're caught viewing this in the office]

This was a vault made by Humans. The way to get through varying doors was to solve puzzles involving bits of Human culture that -according to the Humans who made it-

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Challenge #02882-G325: Forging ahead

The human was highly recommended by everyone the crew asked when it came to being a security officer. They were diligent, highly intelligent, made friends easily, in fact many of the crew still talked to them from time to time. The only caveat tended to be, they didn't want normal crew quarters to sleep in, they always asked for a storage bay. Why? Well, they collected blades. But not all blades, only unique ones. But that wasn't the only reason.

I decided

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