Humans Are Space Orcs

Challenge #03062-H139: Piracy - Just Say Nononono AAAUUUGH!

A tiger bite force is 1050 psi, a crocodile have a bite force of 5000 psi. A human, 126 psi. Not much but it’s a sign. If a human bite you, understand that they disregarded any self respect or proper thinking just to survive. Unless it’s a baby. -- Anon Guest

There's a reason why Humans consider biting to be "fighting dirty" and it's not just because their mouths are cesspools of bacteria and partial digestive juices. Pound for pound, the Human bite is one of the weakest amongst all Terran fauna. Therefore, when a Human has to employ their teeth, they have run out of all other options. A Human in that position will go out making certain that their attacker is going to meet with some of the most aggressive microbiota and enzymes known to intelligent life.

That said, it is still a rather impressive bite force when compared to other cogniscents. As Pirate Jibz is discovering as a Human's teeth are sinking past his natural biological armour and into his soft and sensitive underflesh. He had thought he had the Human helpless. If he survived, he would remember the axiom for all those who would try to oppose those weird maniac balding apes: The only safe Human is a dead Human, and even then, caution is advised[1].

The bite had its desired effect for the Human. Jibz let them go and used his remaining arm to aim a weapon. The Human, blessed with Deathworlder reflexes, ducked and sprang forward, into Jibz's reach and pushing past that point with all possible force. Another axiom came to mind: There is no such thing as an unarmed Human.

Support me on Patreon / Buy me a Ko-fi

Prompts remaining: 53 Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!

Challenge #03051-H128: The Little and Fierce

Actual quote from an actual three-year-old: "Children fight the bad guys! I sharp him with my little teeth!" -- Anon Guest

[AN: I did briefly play with the idea of this being a Pib line, thank you for wondering]

The universe is a big place. There's plenty of areas that haven't heard about the inherent dangers of Deathworlders in general and Humans in particular. Therefore, it's understandable that the same mistake can happen in several different places during several different time periods.

Challenge #03048-H125: They Don't Need Weapons

Anything can be a weapon if you’re reckless enough -- Anon Guest

[AN: For the unlimited version of this, check the collected works of Jackie Chan]

Humans. The aggressive warrior race who will go to any extreme to protect and enrich their pack. Any single one of them is capable of creating a phenomenal amount of destructive chaos on their enemy. When no weapons are available, they will create their own. Often in an instant. A fact not lost on anyone

Challenge #03024-H101: Mostly Harmless You Say

Pib's parents are on a station for a while as the ship they normally work on was in for repairs, and these repairs were going to take some time. The instructor at the primary school reads the transcripts of young Pib from aboard the ship and sees the injury / kill count of the child and their jaw drops. Some of the pirates wounded, or killed, by this larval human were not exactly amateurs, or small-fry. The parents just smile. -- Anon Guest

Challenge #03011-H088: The Soft Spot

Defiant Human: "You can't make me talk! You know damn well how tough we are, so do your damndest I won't break!"

Interrogator: "Are you sure about that?"

Defiant Human: "Try me."

Interrogator: "You asked for it." Calls to their associates who brings out a box of the cutest, most adorable, little fuzzballs on the planet. Several young kids giggle and begin to play with, and cuddle the fuzzballs that coo and burble sweetly.

Human: "What's that supposed to do??"

Human -

Challenge #03009-H086: You Think You're Tough

Be a hell of a blade for a space warrior to carry. I can see them now, them drawing it from their belt when another deathworlder, an enemy, tries to push their luck thinking the "squishy human" is weak and helpless. They clean their nails with the tip and go "You really want to do this?" -- DaniAndShali

Humans only seem to have no natural defenses. Many learn this lesson the hard way. Such as the Gendraaugi, Yauch, who had come to

Challenge #03002-H079: Friendship Offering

They were used to having humans aboard ships over the years. One group or another would work with them to protect them whenever they were heading out to map the Edge. As usual, they had four humans with them. Two scientists, two guards. But one of the guards was different. Unlike all the humans the havenworlders had worked with in the past, this individual politely declined all of the sweet desserts that were offered in friendship and preferred fresh fruits and sliced

Challenge #03001-H078: How to Befriend a Monster

An alien meets human's pet cat and has an existential crisis dealing with the fact that their seemingly sane friend keeps a tiny ferocious predator around and thinks it is cute. -- Anon Guest

"[GENDER PRONOUN] is just an old softie," should definitely be classified as words of impending horror. Brex had just been told not to mind Meep, and then spotted a low, fast shape zip through his peripheral vision. Human Pod had assured him, "He's just an old softie, really.

Challenge #02999-H076: Full on Pinkies Up

There were cupcakes, which immediately drew attention to the activity. There were also the ship's humans, both of them, sitting quietly and sipping from fancifully patterned drinking vessels, despite usually becoming a shrieking maelstrom of highly active competition when interacting with one another. There was a small container with a spoon in it that, upon inspection, contained sugar. ...there were more cupcakes than two humans could reasonably eat on their own. There were extra cups. There was, it turned out, an open

Challenge #02979-H056: What a Waking View

Muscle memory, we do things so often our body remembers how - even though we don't think about it. Most common is dance moves, and the slap that turns off the morning alarm. Then there are the reach in the dark for tablets or weapons. Go with it and see where the Idea takes yo. -- Knitnan

Human Sar could arrive at a trouble site in their full livesuit before ze completely woke up. His successive companions would learn that Sar's livesuit

Challenge #02930-H007: A Gift in Kind

They were supposed to be a massive, mindless, killing machines, huge and terrifying to behold, they were thin, nearly hairless, and soft-bodied under their suits. I'd heard so much of these beings, we all have, that the idea of one of their ships docking at this newly built station scared many of us to nearly soiling ourselves. Galactic Law required us to let them dock, they were in need of aid, their ship damaged almost beyond recognition.

They were supposed to be

Challenge #02903-G346: Don't Do It

Five Times Human Pib got Stuck and Needed to be Rescued, and One Time Human Pib did the Rescuing. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Mandatory callback link Which is but one tale among many.]

Fact: The Humans aboard the Jaunty Merchant had reproduced. This was not a great impact on the functioning of the ship as a whole until their spawn, a Human named Pib, learned to move around independently. Human Pib, in short succession, learned problem-solving skills and fast became a problem

Challenge #02894-G337: Humane Accommodations

They were a killer. From the time they were young, they got into fights. It was almost daily. The first kill came when they were only 12, they couldn't stand bullies and the first one they killed was one of their parents. Why? The parent was cruel and often struck them and their younger siblings. From there, as they grew older, it was always the same. Someone would be a bully, someone would become cruel. They'd be warned, only once. Then out

Challenge #02892-G335: An Encounter to Remember

Hey, InterNutter? Do you think we could get the enemy's view of this? I mean, seeing a human tripping big time on stims rushing their camp like that? I mean, some of the enemy survived to report the counter, right? That might be fun to see. Please?

https://peakd.com/fiction/@internutter/challenge-02745-g188-use-only-as-directed -- Anon Guest

They'd missed one. They'd missed more than one, and they knew it. But it was one that was dangerous. They were barely glimpsed, but all footage

Challenge #02869-G312: Tolerance Levels

Human A: "Try this!"

Human B: "Is it hot?"

Human A: "No."

Human B: "Your not hot, or my not hot?"

Human A: "...it's not hot."

Human B: "..." takes a bite

Nonhuman Cremember: "Why is Human B crying while guzzling milk?"

Human A: "It's not hot!"

Human B: (takes a moment to stop guzzling milk)(snot and tears running down face) "I'm sensitive to capsaicin, and you eat raw ghost peppers for fun! Your 'not hot' is not my 'not hot'!" (goes

Menu

A 312-post collection

Challenge #03062-H139: Piracy - Just Say Nononono AAAUUUGH!

Challenge #03051-H128: The Little and Fierce

Challenge #03048-H125: They Don't Need Weapons

Challenge #03024-H101: Mostly Harmless You Say

Challenge #03011-H088: The Soft Spot

Challenge #03009-H086: You Think You're Tough

Challenge #03002-H079: Friendship Offering

Challenge #03001-H078: How to Befriend a Monster

Challenge #02999-H076: Full on Pinkies Up

Challenge #02979-H056: What a Waking View

Challenge #02930-H007: A Gift in Kind

Challenge #02903-G346: Don't Do It

Challenge #02894-G337: Humane Accommodations

Challenge #02892-G335: An Encounter to Remember

Challenge #02869-G312: Tolerance Levels