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Fucking Anxiety

A 56-post collection

Back to Firkin Zero

What an amazing co-incidence. Queensland's borders open up and Covid-19 comes a-marching in. Who could have possibly predicted--

Everyone with an atom of sense, that's who!

...geez...

In the news:

Children once thought to be immune to Covid-19 consequences are now dying from Covid-19 in yet another example of wishful thinking combined with the people in charge not giving a fig about basic science principals so long as the all-hallowed economy flourishes
It has now been revealed that the Muppet attempted to sell Puerto Rico when he was also attempting to buy Greenland
A casino has been fined $5K for allowing people to spread the disease around in a move that will enforce nothing
American popular racist-named football team actually taking action to no longer be racist
Opening casinos, pubs, and other places has lead to enormous spikes as people inside flaunt social distancing rules meant to protect them
Victoria now thinking about lockdown rules that they should have enacted to protect everyone like last firkin month
Authorities telling the Karens and Koreys to follow the firkin rules for a change unless they want the aforementioned severe lockdown
Florida opened way too soon and that's why there's a spike - this surprises nobody who actually acknowledges the value of science
Pub customer limits have been halved and the very same people who were crying out for the re-opening of same are now crying about how merely halving pub occupancy is firkin daft. Make up your mind, dangit
Quarantine hotels are being slammed for (a) gross conditions (b) inconsistent handling of all issues, and (c) lack of policing of said quarantine
A billionaire is now howling for a complete lockdown in NSW - this is a dude in favour of greening Australia's energy sources and building special facilities for longer quarantines instead of relying on neglected hotels with shitty security
China and Australia still playing "everything-proof shield" with each other. Australia's prepared to issue Hong Kong expats extended visas and China is threatening its citizens and Australia about not doing that
A completely different billionaire and model Korey made the news for attempting to flaunt the quarantine in order to get himself tyres and a tattoo. He did it for the notes

You're the problem Korey.

It's almost bus o'clock and last time I read rather than wrote. Fingers crossed, I get a little something more done today.

Who knows? I might actually add to my GD novel.

I gotta but I don't wanna

I remember going through this during the 2012 floods. Frozen with fear and watching the news circle around. Just sitting and watching the devastation while I was holed up and listening to the ceaseless sound of rain. I couldn't move and I couldn't do anything else but stay informed.

I'm reaching a point where I don't want to leave the bed. I went to bed in the afternoon when I was done with my Instant and I spent the rest of the

Hooray, it's the anxiety alarm clock

I've got one of those "It's do-able, but..." schedules today, and thank GROP the shrink visit is virtual because there's a high likelihood that I am going to be rat-faced tired before 5PM so I can start the cycle again. Whee.

It's 1AM so I'm officially too late to take a HTML-sleep [aka HTP-5, the nice concoction that metabolises into melatonin. If I took it now, I would be rat-faced exhausted all firkin day.

So. I'm up at one in the morning

It's an INTERESTING day!

Woke up at a quarter to midnight and realised - hey, Toasty's having a stream and if I go back to sleep, the alarm is just going to wake me up grumpy and useless.

So I got up and pootled around [finished a chapter of Lust of the Demon Lord, to be posted on Patreon this week. Yay] and enjoyed some GOOD GOOD THIRST ART which is tickling the shipping receptors in my brain. This is a good thing.

Also today -

Beautiful to Look At...

I finally made a beautiful-looking loaf:

[Shown here: A sourdough loaf still in the Dutch oven. It has risen like an angel]

The downside is that it feels worryingly dense and I fear we will be making some very pretty bruchetta with it. Ah well. I did everything "wrong" but at least it looks like it turned out lovely.

I used up the last of the White Wings wholemeal flour making this, and this is a list of the things I did:

I have the fraids...

Got myself some fresh hot anxiety, directly from the oven of my gremlin brain. I don't even know why it's spiking NOW, but it's where I am and flakk this to heck and gone.

The focus on powering the economy in literally every nation is going to lead to more deaths and I'm just waiting for the hammer to fall. Scotty from Marketing is planning to cut Jobkeeper as soon as all the schools re-open because of course he is. This is

The Clusterfuck Continueth

Just as they're easing restrictions, we have a cluster of new cases and who would have predicted this? Oh, wait. Literally everyone who knows how viruses work. Good job.

The conspiracy theorists have more fuel for their fire because a lab in Wuhan allegedly shut down due to some mishap. This could be: (a) a direct result of funding loss because The Muppet doesn't believe in science, (b) actual protocol related to a suit puncture or spillage or something of the ilk

Some Fun Now

Miss Chaos is the only one staying home to prevent the spread of the plague. I might send her back to school as of next week, but this really requires a consult with Beloved and an honest discussion of the risks. Chaos can't take her phone with her and therefore can't use the alleged protection of the extant Covid tracking apps.

YAY.

Our most vulnerable to infection and spread [with bonus points for being inclined to be asymptomatic] can't use the one

Friday!

I don't have enough flour to be confident about making bread, but Mayhem is taking up the slack by using all my bread mix to make bread according to the instructions. He's loving it.

I like the fact that none of this bread mix is going to waste. Mayhem is making bread to be proud of, even though I can't eat it.

I've blended my harvests together this morning and made some ENORMOUS sourdough frisbees. When Chaos gets back to school, I'll

Hello, anxiety

I'm pretty sure I know exactly what's behind the intense anxiety I get whenever someone drops a hateful review of my writing. So hello, childhood fear of people bad-mouthing me because that would soon be followed by physical violence. It hasn't been long enough.

I keep telling myself that this person somewhere in the wilderness of the interwebs can't actually track me down and beat me up for being weird. All they have is their words.

I also have to note that

Sigh...

I have just published episode 5 of Inter-Mission, which is now out on Anchor, linked over on the "PODCAST!" link up in the menu, there. It should also be out on the current affiliates with Anchor, which are:

Apple Podcasts
Breaker
Google Podcasts
Overcast
Pocket Casts
Radio Republic, and...
Spotify

Find me on your favourite audio streaming option from the above. Share and enjoy.

I've reached an embuggerance with the dang Kitty Kondo (tm) because we know a 10mm hole is too

I need five cubic meters of cotton wool...

...and a big burly bloke named Bruce to take care of me while I'm down.

Today's embuggerance is sponsored by the Internet, a finished novel, asthma, heavy anxiety, and my general disability to cope with multiple crises at once.

I have finished writing B'Nar
Which may be a contributing factor in today's anxiety spike
I'm having a Clayton's Asthma Attack
Which may also contribute to said anxiety spike
The internet connection to the outside world is fucking DEAD
Which definitely contributes to

So I fucked up. Again

I'm busy trying to be rational towards my anxiety, and it's not exactly working. I've made mistakes with my narrative choices before. It should be no big deal.

Except...

Except I've done this twice in the space of one month and I'm normally more careful about this kind of thing and, like the impending speeding ticket in the red tape stage of landing on me, I'm afraid this will somehow wreck my life plans.

Screwing up stories by saying things sideways or

Getting My Shit Together

I'm headed off up to Tullagawoopwoop to visit my friendo soon. So far, I've gathered most of my clothing into a bag in case I couldn't get the suitcases, and then got the suitcases down -_-

There's a phenominal amount of gecko crap on them and I should brush them off before I get packing, and the list of things I really should buy is starting to grow...

But of course I also have to arrange for Mayhem's book list to

Fargnax!

I have a lot of stress. Most of it is self-inflicted. And worse, I can't do shit about it.

The expert recommended more tests.
Mayhem doesn't want to do them.
I finally triple-checked Sweet Child of Mine and started posting it on AO3. It is a rough beast of a whump fic. Be warned.
I'm still watching Adapting in slush pile limbo. So far, it's in a state of not being looked at.

I should go with the most likely scenario, but.