Amalgam Universe

A 2288-post collection

Challenge #02468-F278: Tougher Than Tough

"What's wrong I heard screaming!?"

"Oh, hey can you help me get my hand out of here?"

"I was practicing with Australian Bull-oak and made a hole."

"What were yo- by the stars you're bleeding!"

"I know that so help me!"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allocasuarina_luehmannii -- Anon Guest

[AN: Changed the spelling of Buloke so people could read the prompt a smidge easier]

Humans with a fascination for martial arts -especially fictional martial arts- are more insane than what passes for normal amongst Humans. Some part of them wants to believe that the things they see on the screen can be real, and that they can do what it took several actors, a team of scriptwriters, stunt-men, and special-effects people to make look real enough to be believable.

Things like stabbing one's hands into containers of sand, beads, or lentils makes a certain amount of sense. Doing so causes microfractures that, thanks to Deathworlder healing abilities, make the hand bones stronger through natural re-enforcement. Theoretically, tapping wood with the fingertips or other parts of the hands is the same principal, but with less danger to low-gravity environments. This was, as evidence decreed, the logic behind Human Pel's little board.

The little board that had a series of instructions written on it... and one unfortunate knothole that was not resistant to persistent, percussive pressure. Now, raw, dry buloke wood was splintered in Human Pel's flesh with no immediately foreseeable way of withdrawing flesh from wood without further damage. After the initial scream, Human Pel was remarkably calm about the entire predicament.

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Challenge #02467-F277: Human Jae's Video Log

Up next, the top 10 questions you'll get from your intergalactic crewmates. -- Anon Guest

Hey, out there, infonets! It's your friendly wandering Human Jae! Living large on the Edge of the Galactic Alliance, yeeeaaaahhhh... Have no fear, I am mostly harmless, I swear. That thing with the Vorax scout troop was a fluke I have yet to explain. Promise.

So I've been doing the round robin thing, escorting the. Absolute. Cutest. Havenworlders on their scientific excursions, and oh my God I

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Challenge #02464-F274: No Ordinary Fool

Master Chef in SPAAACCEE!!! -- Anon Guest

Chefs tend to treat certain groups of people differently. Professionals who mess up are far more likely to get the chewing out of a lifetime than a small child or a student who is just beginning to learn. The most famous of them who held this philosophy has managed to spread it memetically through most of Human space. Now, every Human chef follows the same philosophy.

Now, because of the Train Wreck Phenomenon, cogniscents all

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Challenge #02463-F273: Night of the Living PJ's

“I fucked up my internal clock and having insomnia always triggering midnight hunger.”

“Midnight hunger?”

“A zombie like state that make me crave food.”

“What's a zombie?”

“You’ll see tonight.” -- Anon Guest

Humans have weird terms for everything. Spacers, even more so. It's as if being locked inside a limited space with only audio channels available for communication triggers its own unique permutations on language. Either that, Grux speculated, or they were just Like That from the beginning.

"Just a

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Challenge #02462-F272: A Not-So-Little List

Rael's introduction to cream pie, please. -- Anon Guest

[AN: You can find something similar in my very first anthology under the title of Time Out From That Good Fight (It should be in the late one hundreds, but if not, here's the link to the version on Steemit.]

Was there any bigger portent of impending doom than Shayde singing a certain song from The Mikado? Rael had unfortunately found out that the answer was 'yes'. It was Shayde singing a certain

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Challenge #02461-F271: Works Every Time

So, based on your story about visiting aliens having to hover their hands over something to check if it was hot, imagine if one alien (or maybe even human) uses it as a pick-up line. Like, they hover a hand over someone's wrist or hand and they just say "hot." I think it would be cute! -- Anon Guest

Love is many things, but it was never logical, reasoned, or well thought. In literary terms, love is that idiot who dives into

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Challenge #02460-F270: Like Humans Do

"Don't worry I based this defence system off a deathworlder immune system"

As I ask in a shaken voice, "What kind?"

It bares its teeth, that I later I learned it was a sign of affection. "Humans"

(A quick lesson to the immune system https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQGOcOUBi6s) -- Anon Guest

The thing about Deathworlder immune systems, is that they evolved to deal with Deathworlder problems. As such, they could be viewed as needlessly complicated. They could also be

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Challenge #02459-F269: Endless Fascination

While assisting the Archivaas, Shayde discovers Dr. Pimple Popper. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Trigger warning for gore and surgery for that entire channel. Go in prepared for disfiguring nastiness on all counts]

It was fairly common to find Shayde entranced in the viewing lounges of the Archivaas video archives. It was not that common to find her there without food or beverages within spill-safe containers. This viewing had her sitting almost immobile and staring intently at the screen.

Rael knew better than

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Challenge #02456-F266: The Tough Nut

"I would like to acquaint your facial features, with the fundamentals of a brick wall, at high velocity, REPEATEDLY." -- Anon Guest

"Thrown or wielded?" challenged the Human.

This was not the expected reaction to a threat. K'rux startled for a second or two. "You are meant to be intimidated by my bulk and violence," they protested. "That will make you go away."

The Human raised one of their furry eyebrows. "You're new, aren't you? Haven't had the entire introduction to the

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Challenge #02454-F264: You're in Trouble Now

Newscast Breaking news!

Successful but peaceful Human colony world "Nirvana" a category 2.5 Deathworld, gifted to the humans for their contributions during the Acridith Incursion, has been attacked via Orbital Bombardment. Casualties are expected to be to be in the in the 10's of thousands, with the Injured numbering in the Millions.

The Vorax Empire has immediately distanced themselves from the atrocity and ,in a once unfathomable move, has offered aid, condemning the unknown aggressors for attempting to destabilise the most

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Challenge #02453-F263: A General Warning

"Do you wanna go with me, [fellow Havenworlder]? Human Frank invited me to a showing of one of his favourite - what's the word? Ah, "movies"! No, stop screaming! This one is just some made-up story about wooden mush or something. Sounds pretty safe, probably not much violence there."

[ten minutes into Pulp Fiction]

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" -- Anon Guest

Never trust Human entertainments. They are made by Deathworlders, for Deathworlders and, for many years after they met and learned about Havenworlders, about Deathworlders.

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Challenge #02451-F261: Which War Game

"So you're telling me... that you have an actual WAR GAME!!" -- Anon Guest

The Humans had been playing Symbolically Kill Your Friends with something called Water Guns. Traxx, watching the mayhem, was rather puzzled, and asked the obvious question: "This is a game of hunting, or a game of war?"

Human Deb answered, "Oh we have loads of games of war." Then they casually shot their ally across the hall.

Which lead to the next question: "How much number is 'loads'?

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Challenge #02450-F260: Proof Positive

Don't mind me, I’m just listening to “back in black” with Tesla coils -- Anon Guest

For those who need proof that Humans, a class four point five Deathworld species, are the indomitable space orcs everyone says they are, look no further than the Zeusaphone.

Humanity harnessed the electron. Harnessed electromagnetic radiation. They used both to make music. They used it to create artificial lightning. Then they noticed that the lightning could make music-like sounds. The faraday cage, always boon to

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Challenge #02449-F259: Weapons of Mass Amusement

it was all fun and games until humans found medieval style energy weapons -- Anon Guest

"So this is like an electric ballista?" had never before been words of impending doom, but these were Humans who were doing the talking. "The spearpoint is a trigger for a giant capacitor, right? Delivering a blast of excess electrons to the target."

"Er. Yes," said Museum Director Gorx, who was starting to believe this tour had been a mistake[1]. "The use of this weapons

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Challenge #02447-F257: Solid, Documented, Scientific Evidence

There has been a new thesis being passed around about this development about a new transverse electromagnetic wave that move a supersonic speed, nothing can surpass it without a warp drive, and can pass through nearly everything. A human picked up the thesis and said “isn’t this just light?” Apparently the human was in part of the galaxy where many forms of life didn’t need sight. -- Anon Guest

Welcome to the Edge Territories. Things get weird. Havenworlders mingle with

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