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Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Challenge #02456-F266: The Tough Nut

"I would like to acquaint your facial features, with the fundamentals of a brick wall, at high velocity, REPEATEDLY." -- Anon Guest

"Thrown or wielded?" challenged the Human.

This was not the expected reaction to a threat. K'rux startled for a second or two. "You are meant to be intimidated by my bulk and violence," they protested. "That will make you go away."

The Human raised one of their furry eyebrows. "You're new, aren't you? Haven't had the entire introduction to the Galactic scene, yet. Right? You can call me Daz. I'm a Human."

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Challenge #02454-F264: You're in Trouble Now

Newscast Breaking news!

Successful but peaceful Human colony world "Nirvana" a category 2.5 Deathworld, gifted to the humans for their contributions during the Acridith Incursion, has been attacked via Orbital Bombardment. Casualties are expected to be to be in the in the 10's of thousands, with the Injured numbering in the Millions.

The Vorax Empire has immediately distanced themselves from the atrocity and ,in a once unfathomable move, has offered aid, condemning the unknown aggressors for attempting to destabilise the most

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Challenge #02453-F263: A General Warning

"Do you wanna go with me, [fellow Havenworlder]? Human Frank invited me to a showing of one of his favourite - what's the word? Ah, "movies"! No, stop screaming! This one is just some made-up story about wooden mush or something. Sounds pretty safe, probably not much violence there."

[ten minutes into Pulp Fiction]

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" -- Anon Guest

Never trust Human entertainments. They are made by Deathworlders, for Deathworlders and, for many years after they met and learned about Havenworlders, about Deathworlders.

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Challenge #02451-F261: Which War Game

"So you're telling me... that you have an actual WAR GAME!!" -- Anon Guest

The Humans had been playing Symbolically Kill Your Friends with something called Water Guns. Traxx, watching the mayhem, was rather puzzled, and asked the obvious question: "This is a game of hunting, or a game of war?"

Human Deb answered, "Oh we have loads of games of war." Then they casually shot their ally across the hall.

Which lead to the next question: "How much number is 'loads'?

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Challenge #02450-F260: Proof Positive

Don't mind me, I’m just listening to “back in black” with Tesla coils -- Anon Guest

For those who need proof that Humans, a class four point five Deathworld species, are the indomitable space orcs everyone says they are, look no further than the Zeusaphone.

Humanity harnessed the electron. Harnessed electromagnetic radiation. They used both to make music. They used it to create artificial lightning. Then they noticed that the lightning could make music-like sounds. The faraday cage, always boon to

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Challenge #02449-F259: Weapons of Mass Amusement

it was all fun and games until humans found medieval style energy weapons -- Anon Guest

"So this is like an electric ballista?" had never before been words of impending doom, but these were Humans who were doing the talking. "The spearpoint is a trigger for a giant capacitor, right? Delivering a blast of excess electrons to the target."

"Er. Yes," said Museum Director Gorx, who was starting to believe this tour had been a mistake[1]. "The use of this weapons

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Challenge #02447-F257: Solid, Documented, Scientific Evidence

There has been a new thesis being passed around about this development about a new transverse electromagnetic wave that move a supersonic speed, nothing can surpass it without a warp drive, and can pass through nearly everything. A human picked up the thesis and said “isn’t this just light?” Apparently the human was in part of the galaxy where many forms of life didn’t need sight. -- Anon Guest

Welcome to the Edge Territories. Things get weird. Havenworlders mingle with

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Challenge #02446-F256: Do No Harm

In her late teens, early 20's, she went into space to learn to be a medic. From the time she was a small child, she had wanted to be someone who saved lives. She was a Lucker with a twist. For though she never won at cards, dice, or at any game she played, when it came to the struggle between life and death, death would always lose. And she had vowed, no matter her patient be a friend or an enemy,

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Challenge #02445-F255: Our New Friend

We have a lot of "dragons" in our history, whether they be a legend, fairytale, myth or cultural history. Humans find that there is a dragon-like species that matches many of there historical depictions of their dragons, but are treated like outcasts. The Alliance, not knowing this, get a little worried when they threatened about the dragons. While humans try to make the dragons feel less like outcasts. -- Anon Guest

At first, the Humans thought it was a joke. Galactic Alliance

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Challenge #02444-F254: Wilful Air Adulteration

They were out on a scientific survey of a new planet and pirates were on their tail. They knew they had at least two hours before they were caught and their ship had little by way of weaponry. They made their ship's human his favorite, but usually forbidden unless they were planet-side where there was lots of fresh air, meal. Hot dogs and BEANS! As he smiled, thanked them, and dug in to his meal, the gas masks were being handed out.

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Challenge #02441-F251: The Mikado's Song

Puns: a beautiful amalgamation of the language it derives from, and that situation that comes forth. -- Anon Guest

Of all the atrocities committed by the English, I give you one that has passed into the levels of international crime, yet has also passed almost unnoticed by the law. I give you - the pun.

Words are plastic. Meaning is malleable. One word can sound enough like another to make the actual joke hit like a missile. It is a form of

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Challenge #02437-F247: Looking For the Light

The human had seen his entire ship destroyed. It had been a sneak attack, an ambush. He fought for hours, it felt like months to him, but in the end, the pirates had overwhelmed them by sheer numbers. The only reason he survived was because one of his crewmates had done a "hail mary" maneuver and jettisoned an engine that had gone critical. The pirates were so badly damaged from that explosion that they were no longer able to go after what

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Challenge #02436-F246: A Concerning Countdown

I am a big fan of your "Humans are Space Orcs" Series, I read them every chance I can get. I would love to see this one for one of your stories. A deathworlder, a human, has been living with a Havenworlder as his bodyguard for quite some time. He is a scientist and was working with ways to extend a Human's lifespan and she has always been willing to volunteer for his work. Even when she was warned it might hurt.

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Challenge #02435-F245: The It Factor

As a Havenworlder the stuff in space is pretty scary, but I like trying new things. Asking a human to play "tag" was the worst decision of my life. -- Anon Guest

Humans are a walking paradox. They are level four point five Deathworlders, and are the most warlike species known in Galactic space, yet they are also the most caring and considerate cogniscents the Alliance has ever known. They're social creatures, requiring a modicum of positive physical contact for proper mental

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Challenge #02432-F242: Unfortunate History

"No way. A society advanced enough to even think of getting into space must live in harmony with itself. Everybody has following the rules encoded in their genes. The consequences of disrupting the system of government are equivalent to those of an asteroid impact. Of course you'd say that I'm a Havenworlder, things work differently on Terra, yada-yada-yada, but that's an universal rule... right?" -- Anon Guest

"Er. Not really. Humanity's first steps into space travel were the direct result of an

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