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Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Challenge #01929-E105: Wrong Hostages!

You’d be surprised at how much stuff you can screw up with 24 hours, the proper motivation, and a screwdriver. -- TheDragonsFlame

Rael glared at the human in his company. "Do you mean literally, as in fasten, or figuratively, as in ruin?"

A devilish grin. "Ruin," said Shayde, already digging into her extradimensional pockets. Not even dragging their contents out into what passed for the light. Finding what she wanted by feel. One tool emerged. A relatively small swiss army knife. "Brilliant."

In the entire Galactic Alliance, there are few sights more fearful than a grinning human bearing a swiss army knife. Especially when they said what he knew Shayde was going to say. "Let's fook shit up."

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Challenge #01928-E104: Tag, You're Undead!

The homo genus utilized the persistence hunt as one of its primitive hunting strategies. The homo genus, including homo sapiens, is remarkably well suited for this. We are relatively hairless for mammals (it's actually just much thinner than most mammals' hair), bipedal, sweat over-actively, and our legs (from the soles of the feet to the connection at the hip joint) are very well suited to distance running.

With that said ... I just learned that a few Kenyan villagers ran down a cheetah

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Challenge #01926-E102: Science Fiction, Double Feature

Let's hear it for all those cheesy Z grade movie monsters. -- Anon Guest

Shayde had started another side business. The facade declared it to be Armpit Theatre Entertainment. And a placard on one of the windows proudly proclaimed, We show the worst that humanity has to offer! Closer inspection revealed a subtitle to that which read, Yelling at the screen is encouraged if you are funny.

Was this one of her jokes on the rest of civilisation? Or was she making

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Challenge #01925-E101: Tragedy Tomorrow

Today's program consists of the Men's choirs, Poetry reading, original, Poetry reading from one of the set poems, and children's dance. (See The Goodies, "Eisteddfod from the Welsh. Eistedd, bored. Fod, stiff.") -- Anon Guest

Colony worlds, once cut off from their progenitor planet, have to deal with what they've got. B'Nar took everything nerd-related with them owing to the fact that it was settled by genetic engineering companies and their nerdy, nerdy staff. And their equally nerdy families. The assembled Greater

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Challenge #01924-E100: A Tisket, A Tasket...

Coracle. Ancient form of water transport made out of sticks, cow hide* and waterproofing. *any firm waterproof material will do. -- Anon Guest

The human was messing around with the local vegetation again. They had already taken some fallen wood and whittled two paddles, and now they were making a positively enormous basket out of the long, bendy reeds that had once been growing by this lake.

"Is this a temporary shelter?" asked Thok.

"Nope," said Human Grif. Still lashing things together

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Challenge #01923-E099: They Call Her Queen Badass

"How in the world could a single bottle of alcohol render nearly a dozen of Her Ancient Majesty's finest - oh, and the Millennial Queen Herself! - to nothing but a scattered roomful of unconscious drunks?!"

The taller woman examined the elaborately-decorated crystalline decanter, and then the glasses around each snoring soldier. "Hmm... yeah... I'd say fourteen-thousand-year-old firewine would probably do the trick better than anything..." She paused, re-counting one pile of glasses and then looked back at her partner with a

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Challenge #01921-E097: One Tension-rich Moment During an Ambassadorial Introduction Party

Your annual festival of re-birth is celebrated by eggs laid by a rabbit! -- Anon Guest

"With," corrected Shayde. "It's celebrated with eggs that're hidden by a rabbit. Yer pretty close though. Gold star fer tryin'."

Behind her, just out of restraining reach, Rael breathed out. The confused statement of brand-new Ambassador G'thox were not, in fact, fighting words. If they had come out of someone trying to start a fight, it might have been a different story.

Shayde had over-the-horizon radar

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Challenge #01920-E096: Cometh the Postman

Humans are social creatures. Even the solitary ones. - MolluscsAndMonsters

Humans like me have a saying: No man is an island. Or words to that effect. And... they're right. Even antisocial assholes like me need to brush shoulders with other cogniscents now and again.

But that's why I have the mail run to the cul-de-sac strings. You get wormhole chains like those. Places where it's ten or more jumps to any nexus, anywhere, and the places along the trip are the places

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Challenge #01917-E093: Deploy E.C.O.

"Welcome to the first cross-species special forces. You were selected because you are the best of the best in your domain. Now, you will all learn how to efficiently subdue or kill a foe, how to infiltrate a place heavily guarded and how to secure civilians that were hostages. But most importantly, you'll learn that your most important tool isn't your service weapon or a multi-tool knife. Your most important piece of equipment will be this plushy. Because there will always be

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Challenge #01914-E090: Primate See...

One person or animal discovers how to do something, think barb on a fish hook, monkey's using salt water to separate rice and baboons catching protein rich flamingos. One creature, but the whole clan picks it up. -- Anon Guest

Civilisation rises on the phrase, watch and learn. There are stories centering around clever and wily people who tricked, crept, or sneaked their way into learning important secrets from Gods, Spirits, or other Magical beings.

Sometimes, those beings come from the stars.

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Challenge #01913-E089: They Do What Now?

The rise of the mammals, primates such as humans included, was something of an evolutionary fluke. The world was dominated by proto-avian, likely feathered behemoths before the rise of the mammals. What if humans were the only mammalian species to evolve "cogniscience", and mammalian species are otherwise quite rare? Reptilian, avian, cephalopodic, or insectoid life might be far more common. Aliens must find humans quite odd. -- Nani

It's almost natural for newly spacefaring species to be egocentric. They are, after all,

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Challenge #01904-E080: That'll Buff Out

We all do it, either repair something broken with improvised stuff (paperclips are highly favoured), or hit it or kick it. -- Anon Guest

Rael opened up the exterior panel. And nearly had the urge to purge his internal organs. This was a temporary patch job that was actually a flock of temporary patch jobs. A mountain of kludges. Paperclips, ductape, and random bits of fabric, string, and parts that never should have come into conjunction were all there. He recognised desperate

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Challenge #01903-E079: Forced Adaptation

If you don’t want someone to push a button, do NOT label it *‘Do Not Push’ * and whatever you do, do NOT make it big or red. -- TheDragonsFlame

It is rare, indeed, that the introduction of a species causes a revolution in the way that the Galactic Alliance runs its standards and practices. Humans were one of the few who did that in large strides. For centuries or longer, many other species adapted to the standards, rather than forcing change

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Challenge #01902-E078: They Who Laugh Last

"I'm hungry !" / "Hi Hungry, I'm dad !"

"A man walks into a bar and says 'Ouch'."

"Why is a raven like a writing desk ? Because there is a 'b' in both and an 'n' in neither."

Those 3 English examples show perfectly why a "universal translator" is something impossible. You CAN translate it, but it will be incomprehensible.

Not convinced ? Here's a French example with a literal translation :

Que dit une maman baleine a son enfant qui fait trop de bruit ?

Cétacé ! (C'est

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Challenge #01898-E074: But We Made It Home Alive

“I hate the word ‘should’.” -- TheDragonsFlame

"And after we make it through the wormhole, we should be aces," said the Ship's Human, Lyn.

Their Captain bristled, literally. Defensive spikes raised along her carapace. "Should is a word that should not exist," she said.

"Uh... you just used it."

"Yes, the corruption spreads far," said Captain G'orp. "A future tense qualifier adverb is an uncertainty we do not need in the middle of space. We need rock-hard certainty. Not your human 'luck'.

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