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Let Sleeping Beauties Lie...

The cursed princess in the castle tower was asleep for a very good reason.  The people of her kingdom were only safe during the day… and even then just barely.

(#00947-B216)

Prince Philip wasn’t exactly inclined to listen to good advice. As a child he ate sweets before dinnertime, and crept off to play with the faeries in the wood.

The fae didn’t want him, which possibly tells you all you never needed to know about Prince Philip.

Now that he is grown, though, he pays specific attention to the don’ts that people tell him. Just so he can do them and seem brave for surviving. Things like, Don’t go into the swamp, or, Don’t seek out the menacing beast, had increased his reputation as a mighty warrior.

Don’t go to the Empty Kingdom…

He had to find it, first. One hundred years of neglect had practically erased it from the map. Yet there were still neglected roads to a place nobody went.

Don’t seek out the castle…

The houses were remarkably preserved, despite the fact that thorny briars choked out every other form of life. Philip had long since swapped his sword for a sturdy, robust axe. Long since turned his horse loose. A mighty war steed did him no good in a kingdom of weeds.

He had plenty of fuel for his fires, and meals of mushrooms and rabbit after he devoured the contents of his saddle bags. And lots of exercise. And mocking-birds for company.

The old stories told of a magnificent treasure inside the castle. Of a miraculously-preserved maiden. And Philip had to see if it was true.

Don’t step inside…

The weeds were not inside. Everything was perfectly preserved. Well. Almost everything. Banquets on the tables had long since rotted. Rats made their nests in the skeletons of dogs. Everything that the vermin could reach… they had. There was a definite tide-line of decay around the ground floor.

Don’t climb the towers…

The castle was magnificent, in its heyday. Stained glass decorated the windows. The walls were faced in marble, inlaid with gold and ivory. Were he more avaricious, he would have spent many happy hours levering wealth out of the very walls.

But Philip had his mind on another prize.

Don’t seek the Princess…

Philip stepped over human bones as he approached her bed. Her room, apart from the skeletal carpet, was fabulous. Lined with jewels. Hung with tapestries. Every window full of stained glass pictures. And old, old story.

A maiden with hair of gold and red, rosy lips. A witch. A curse. And waiting… waiting for a kiss.

All these other bones had to be others who had failed before.

Do not kiss her…

Her hair was, indeed, gold. Her lips, rosy red. Her skin like alabaster. Her eyes were closed and her chest gently rose and fell in the rhythm of solid slumber.

Philip did not notice that his axe fell into a rusting pile of axes and swords by her bed. He had eyes only on her face.

So lovely. So beautiful.

She had to be his.

Philip sat by her and leaned into her lips. Felt her cold flesh quicken and move beneath him. Felt her hands against his arms. Welcoming.

Her eyes were not sea-blue. They were red. Their slit pupils widened as she opened them.

And sharp fangs bit into his lips and tongue.

Sharp fingers sank into his arms.

Too late, he tried to wriggle free. Tried to get loose to reach his axe. Tried to grope for the blades he had foolishly left outside her door.

She would never be his. He was hers.

Her serpentine tongue choked off his air as she drank up his blood. He was dimly aware of her chewing his flesh from his bones as his mind fled from pain and his life fled his body.

Sharp talons tore away his armor and raiment. Scattered it to the corners with the armor and sad scraps of others who had not listened to the story. And in hours… less than hours… his bones would join the carpet of men who felt that they could possess her.

There was a reason why the Empty Kingdom was so empty. Why the briars and thorns grew so thickly. Why nothing alive went upstairs and why, if it did, it never came down again.

She is roaming, now. Wandering her empty kingdom and looking for more flesh. Do not look for her. Do not sleep with your windows open. Do not leave your door unbarred.

She is hungry.

[Muse food remaining: 10. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Challenge #00946-B215: The Houyhnhnms' Arrival

A new species  arrives on the station, and the humans Will Not Stop Staring.

New species is worried. Did it offend them somehow? Is it edible?

Meanwhile all the humans are thinking is “Holy ***,. a unicorn.”

G’pux soothed her new companion by petting her neck. “There, now. It’s all right. It’s natural to be a little tense when meeting the Galactic Alliance.”

Thrass tossed her head and stamped uncertainly, Though she fit the pattern for Horse, she was undoubtedly

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Challenge #00945-B214: After the Revolution

You might like this.

The Pyro Plague had finally run its course. The only plants left to make the air marginally breathable were the ones that were too toxic for the Plague to attack. Which was nice for those plants, but not so great for the humans who needed them to live.

Of course, the people revolted against the companies who had made the plague possible. And who insisted on monocultures of food crops, genetically engineered to be delicious. When the plague

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Challenge #00944-B213: One Bad Day at Station Customs

http://brutusfeels.tumblr.com/post/125690756909/haberdashing-ofshxeld-my-favourite-trope-is

Have fun!

The haughty Meyahndan in gold-coloured hunting leathers sneered down her nose at Pol. “We are Felids,” she said, showing her claws by tapping her fist against the opposite shoulder. “We are never unarmed.”

Why did her first day have to happen during an Ambassadorial Meet? “One moment,” she said, consulting the manual. Ah. Meyahndese. Yes. “Uhm. It says you have to have a permit? Otherwise you have to clip them short.”

She hissed

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Challenge #00943-B212: 'Straya Mate

Someone runs across this book. And then are told about the fact in the last comment.

“This,” said T’reka a’Nyerrik, “is a book for N’Ozzie children?”

“Yes,” said the helpful Archivaas with a bundle of similar tomes. “N’Oz colonists insisted on bringing their -ah- scientifically interesting native flora and fauna with them from Australia.”

Ah yes. Australia. The only land mass on Earth that almost rated a Level Six on the Deathworlder scale. In fact, N’Oz itself

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Challenge #00942-B211: Skewed Threat Assessment

Someone aware of how beneficial, on the whole, spiders are to humanity asks why there is such a disconnect between the threat posed by and reaction to spiders as opposed to the threat posed by and reaction to mosquitoes.

(Let’s ignore the Sydney Funnel Web, for the purposes of this discussion)

“Statistically speaking,” allowed Nik, “your species has more to fear from the Mosquito than it does any arachnid. Or pseudo-arachnid, for that matter.”

“Logically,” countered Shayde, “ye got a point.

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Challenge #00941-B210: Idiosyncrasies

The person who asked about the human Oshit reaction witnesses a human watching the YMCA spider video for the first time (and the human is not like one of my best friends, whose reaction is still “Kill it with fire!”)

K’leb’th happened to find a space to sit near an unfamiliar human. Ze was messing around with a palm-sized device and occasionally playing things for hirself.

Ah. This human, much like Cambry, had subscribed to The Daily Meme, a co-operative

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Challenge #00940-B209: Arachnophilia

An alien aware of the general human reaction to spiders runs across someone whose first response to an Oshit is “how cute!”

“Being cautious, please, Engineer Murray,” K’teth warned as she unlocked her vessel. “Security measures on vessel mine being non-standard.“

The brown-skinned human grinned. “No worries. You can call me Baz. Everyone does. Now… I know you were knocking around Pirate Turf for a year or so?”

“Yes. Learning fast, am I, there are few tech solutions to hackers.

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Challenge #00939-B208: Universal Reactions

Someone finally asks a human why there is such a nigh-universal-among-the-species visceral reaction to an Oshit when seeing one up close for the first time.

Many scientific establishments hired Humans to conduct the more risky aspects of their experiments. Firstly, because the humans were tough enough to withstand the results. Secondly, because they were insane enough to want to repeat the experience.

They also used vermin as experimental animals.

“What ho, loony lizards,” said Cambry. She aimed a lazy salute at the

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Challenge #00938-B207: Human Phenomena

An alien witnessing a human do the “Just walked through a spiderweb” dance for the first time

OR

A scholar writing a research paper on the one dance universal to all human tribal cultures, the “Spiderweb” dance.

In augmented scope sight, the web was clearly visible. And the spider itself stood out like a miniature sun.

“This spider,” whispered a lizard off to one side of the screen, “has been weaving and re-weaving its web all night. In a few hours, it

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Challenge #00937-B206: Living Proof

Another Humans Are Crazy point: most bright colours in the animal kingdom are for either a mating display or are a poison warning. The brighter the colours, the more likely it’s poison - see snakes and frogs, even compared to peacocks they are brighter (if less visually spectacular overall).

Most other animals, on seeing the fluorescent poison warning colours, are rightly horrified. 

Meanwhile, humans think they are pretty.

Of all the ambassadorial mistakes Harry could have made, this one pretty much

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Challenge #00936-B205: An Ace Up Her Sleeve

(Since we can do this, let’s try a different post)

Pick a prompt from one of these:

http://thepreciousthing.tumblr.com/post/121702150607/finding-flight-okay-but-imagine-a-medieval

“You fool,” crowed Master Magistar. “You thought that underwater level was a simple defensive measure!” He cackled in his usual, evil manner. “I filled that labyrinth with pure Love Potion! You cannot hope to defeat your one, true love.”

“Watch me,” said Aiana the Mighty unsheathed her rapier point. “Have you nothing else to defend yourself with,

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Challenge #00935-B204: Human Terminology

(Came up with this and thought of a certain sawn-off lunatic, but it doesn’t have to be Vorkosigan fic if you don’t want it to be)

“When you say ‘secure on three flanks, with an opportunity to the north’, what you really mean is ‘cut off on three sides, with enemies front’, isn’t it?

“I mean both!”

[AN: SO very tempted to write one of the Vorkosigan brats…]

Hwell returned covered in soot and a light

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Challenge #00934-B203: Loverly Spam...

You don’t reference Monty Python to be helpful, you reference Monty Python because you can.

On the upside, they now had an interstellar ‘ride‘. On the downside, it was an abandoned freighter. Its hold was still full. Which meant that the parental company had pulled the plug and evacuated the pilot when the cargo proved to be valueless.

And, of course, Shayde had to look.

“No,” she grinned. The tone of her voice made it sound like a good thing.

Which

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Challenge #00933-B202: It's Just Physics

“Oh, so attempting to mind control the entire planet is fine, but steam engines, now THEY’RE too much…”

“Steam powered machines just wouldn’t work in space,” argued Ken. “It’s just physics. You wouldn’t need a fire, the water would just boil from lack of pressure. And don’t get me started on how the cabin pressure works.”

Kyle sighed. “It’s not supposed to be taken seriously.”

“Yes, but science that bad manages to filter into the heads

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