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Challenge #01909-E085: Some Bargain

"Oook!" Life was so much better. With a tip of the hat to Sir Terry. -- Anon Guest

When you got right down to it, being transformed into one of the great apes wasn't that bad. Living expenses became super-cheap when all one needed was a hanging tyre and a blanket or three in a corner. The diet was bland, but affordable. Especially if one knew a guy who knew a guy who worked in gardening and could supply an ape with the right kind of prunings.

And, more to the point, nobody argued about late fees. Nobody with an ounce of sense or sensibility would argue with over five hundred pounds of deceptively flaccid muscle.

And yet, despite all that foreknowledge, someone was.

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Challenge #01908-E084: Pearls and Male Chauvinist...

Reading Sir Terry Prachett's works and having it just passed of as 'light reading' at University. -- Anon Guest

She opened the book to read it and relax while she had her lunch and a coffee. Unfortunately, it was also dudebro o'clock, and a man-child had to come and comment on her material.

"You're reading that? I thought you were intelligent..."

Sue put the book by Sir Pterry down and glared at him. She had never met this man before, didn't know

Challenge #01907-E083: Pitcher Plant

Why do children rush toward bright colours and loud noises? Because it looks like fun. -- Anon Guest

"I turned around for just a second, and she was gone. Off like a shot. I couldn't catch her. I didn't see which way she went. She just... she just went."

It was the same complaint all over Lower Tadfield Young teens and children above toddler age were going missing. Even the people running the funfair were complaining. But there was something... odd... about

Challenge #01906-E082: What Trickles Down

Medieval Jesters and modern clowns can do what others can't. Mock the mighty, poke fun at sacred cows, and give people a hug without facing an assault charge. it's called Clown's Privilege and should be treated as a gift. We allow the bizarre to touch us in so many ways -- Anon Guest

Three things to do. (1) Get up there, (2) Tell the unvarnished truth, and (3) Make it so funny that the Grand Dictator doesn't decide to execute you.

No

Challenge #01905-E081: Who, Me?

Excuses both lame and creative. -- Knitnan

Of all the forces of creativity, imagination, and progenitation available, nothing in the known universe is more powerful and simultaneously more inept than a small child who has been caught out, and is desperately digging to get themselves out of the hole they are already in.

"Uhm," said Kae. Elbow-deep in the cookie jar. There was no denying that her hand was in there, and there could be some debate that she was, indeed, taking

Challenge #01904-E080: That'll Buff Out

We all do it, either repair something broken with improvised stuff (paperclips are highly favoured), or hit it or kick it. -- Anon Guest

Rael opened up the exterior panel. And nearly had the urge to purge his internal organs. This was a temporary patch job that was actually a flock of temporary patch jobs. A mountain of kludges. Paperclips, ductape, and random bits of fabric, string, and parts that never should have come into conjunction were all there. He recognised desperate

Challenge #01903-E079: Forced Adaptation

If you don’t want someone to push a button, do NOT label it *‘Do Not Push’ * and whatever you do, do NOT make it big or red. -- TheDragonsFlame

It is rare, indeed, that the introduction of a species causes a revolution in the way that the Galactic Alliance runs its standards and practices. Humans were one of the few who did that in large strides. For centuries or longer, many other species adapted to the standards, rather than forcing change

Challenge #01902-E078: They Who Laugh Last

"I'm hungry !" / "Hi Hungry, I'm dad !"

"A man walks into a bar and says 'Ouch'."

"Why is a raven like a writing desk ? Because there is a 'b' in both and an 'n' in neither."

Those 3 English examples show perfectly why a "universal translator" is something impossible. You CAN translate it, but it will be incomprehensible.

Not convinced ? Here's a French example with a literal translation :

Que dit une maman baleine a son enfant qui fait trop de bruit ?

Cétacé ! (C'est

Challenge #01901-E077: Ordering the New World

The bookkeeper of a new evil organisation to their superior:

I'm sorry but no, a "giant robot of doom with lasers that go pew pew" is not feasible. Because not only it sounds silly, but we lack the funding. And no, I won't allow any medium or high destruction plan as long as you didn't find a way to increase our income. If you want to blow things up, I'll only allow dynamite. And we can't pay more than 5 minions at

Challenge #01900-E076: Enter the Whupass!

[Person 1]: “How did I survive that?! Do I have some kind of plot armour?”

[Person 2]: “Nah, that’s ridiculous.” (Glances towards hidden camera) -- TheDragonsFlame

Sorrin Tael, master of Ohnono-jitsu, smirked at the camera that only he could see.

Falin tried to see what he was looking at, but the invisible camera moved. "What? Who are doing that to?"

"It's part of the secrets of my mystical art," said Sorrin. "Something you must learn from the mystical monks of Mojave.

Challenge #01899-E075: Foreign (First) Aid

What if Coffee was invented during beginning of Middle Ages (5th -6th century) and gave rise to a whole industry of potion makers? After all who says that it can't have much different effects based on how it is brewed? -- Anon Guest

Sometime in the mid-to-late 5th Century...

"This one is a powerful emetic. This one will purge the bowels," the potion-maker showed their apprentice differing vials that were near-identical shades of brown. "This one will strengthen the heartbeat, and this

Challenge #01898-E074: But We Made It Home Alive

“I hate the word ‘should’.” -- TheDragonsFlame

"And after we make it through the wormhole, we should be aces," said the Ship's Human, Lyn.

Their Captain bristled, literally. Defensive spikes raised along her carapace. "Should is a word that should not exist," she said.

"Uh... you just used it."

"Yes, the corruption spreads far," said Captain G'orp. "A future tense qualifier adverb is an uncertainty we do not need in the middle of space. We need rock-hard certainty. Not your human 'luck'.

Challenge #01897-E073: Revolution by the Millilitre

They were trying to cause havoc. They found something relatively harmless that caused people to sing. The results were not what they expected. -- Anon Guest

"I got it."

"Don't give it to me."

Sasha ignored her sister. "We use this thing on the town water supply. There's gonna be chaos. And since we have the antidote..."

"We can hold policy for ransom. I like. First up, re force 'em to reinvigorate the public transit system with accomodations for the disabled."

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Challenge #01896-E072: The Big Challenge

Former nightclub bouncer, former riot control expert - Why do I want to teach? Wanted a Real challenge. -- Knitnan

Stopping violence with more violence is easy. It involves very little thought, and a mindset that makes the punishment more brutal than the crime. Stopping violence before it starts is more of a challenge. Especially when you want to avoid looking like a hypocrite.

The kids called him Mr Tough. He could physically lift any kid at Elementary but only if they

Challenge #01895-E071: Senile Delinquents

How hard could it be? Bus trip for a bunch of old age pensioners, take them round the bargain outlets. Lunch at a Hotel. Then he realised. "OhMyGod!!! they all look like Nanny Ogg." -- KnitNan

[AN: Sir Pterry (GNU) always said that multiple exclamation points were a sign of a decaying mind]

Everyone epitomises little old ladies as the most fragile and in need of protection. Everyone, of course, is sorely mistaken. Think on this: there is a reason why they

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Flash fiction fresh from my fingers to your mind!

Challenge #01909-E085: Some Bargain

Challenge #01908-E084: Pearls and Male Chauvinist...

Challenge #01907-E083: Pitcher Plant

Challenge #01906-E082: What Trickles Down

Challenge #01905-E081: Who, Me?

Challenge #01904-E080: That'll Buff Out

Challenge #01903-E079: Forced Adaptation

Challenge #01902-E078: They Who Laugh Last

Challenge #01901-E077: Ordering the New World

Challenge #01900-E076: Enter the Whupass!

Challenge #01899-E075: Foreign (First) Aid

Challenge #01898-E074: But We Made It Home Alive

Challenge #01896-E072: The Big Challenge

Challenge #01895-E071: Senile Delinquents