Humans Are Space Orcs

Challenge #02324-F134: Quill Dip'd in Poison Vile

Humans write a Letter in the style of Titus to Joseph Stalin to an Alien-Aggressor.

Fun for the Humans. Nightmares for the other Race. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I have immense trouble getting that style, but I shall attempt the spirit of it]

From: Admiral Eddington, Commander in Chief, Vanerio Colonial Armed Forces. To: Lord Commander Warchief Xyrkyrkyz, Head of the Vorax Raiding Fleet.

Sir, we had left you alive in Panrinton, chiefly so you could warn your fellows in regards to our presence and determination to maintain said position. You have clearly not performed the duty allotted as price for our mercy. You have, instead, raised some significant forces just beyond the reach of our long-range weaponry. This is an unprecedented act of hubris and gall.

Hubris, because you assume the range of our longest-range weapon, and gall because we did warn you. Obviously, the reputation of Vanerio Space Marines has yet to reach your... whatever you use for ears. We are undefeated. We are well armed. We are now pissed off.

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Challenge #02312-F122: Made it Home Alive

Rules for Fighting Humans:

Rule Number 1: Don't fight Humans.

Rule Number 2: DON'T FIGHT HUMANS !!!!!

Rule Number 3: IF you fight Humans, aim for the Brain!

Rule Numb......: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage ....................... FUUUUUUUUUUUCK -- Anon Guest

Humans are Deathworlders. Some think they are unstoppable. Many think they are monsters. Rumours fly about their unkillable aspect. News like Phineas Gage gets around. They have all kinds of procedures surrounding what to do if one spots a Human.

Step one:

Challenge #02308-F118: Alternative Uses

Aliens discover energy drinks. The substances are highly corrosive and toxic. They first use it for maintenance of equipment.

Then they learn from the ships' human, that it is supposed to be DRUNK.

Fun for the human. Terror for the Crew.

Update for the Human-Manual. -- Anon Guest

Some products made by Humans for Humans simply perplex the other species within the Alliance. There have been a multitude of alternate uses for the things Humans made. Most of all, for their products

Challenge #02303-F113: From Twilight to Darkness

Someone from an Eyeball Planet experiencing a rotational planet. Or Vice versa...

Eyeball Planet; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NOW3AormJc -- AmberFox

It had taken a long time for the Stremath to reach the stars. They thought that the winds blew all through the Universe, before repeated proof showed that the winds would only ever blow them so high. On the plus side, they had what one might call a 'boost' into reaching the upper atmosphere before rocketry had to be

Challenge #02293-F103: Not Easily Broken

“Everyone has a point where they snap. Question is, human, where’s yours?” -- Anon Guest

"Depends on what you mean by 'snap'," said Human Liss. They were already three-quarters broken. A thousand small injuries adding up to more than a few big ones. They had been caught without their livesuit during this particular raid and over half of those minor injuries were accidentally self-inflicted. The rest were acquired in a way that had "the other guy" in a whimpering ball of

Challenge #02292-F102: Dem Deathworlder Bones

'What do you mean, "Earth was more dangerous before humans arrived"?'

'One word of you bro; "Dinosaurs".' -- AmberFox

Here's the thing about Deathworlds - numerous extinction events make the surviving branches of the evolutionary scrublands stronger and more terrifying than the ones that got wiped out. Sometimes, that isn't always that obvious.

So when Havenworlders see the reconstructed skeletons of saurian life from the increasingly aptly-named Terra, it's understandable that they freak out more than a little. There's nothing

Challenge #02290-F100: Celtic Legacy

There are some scientists that wants to make human look unbridled and untrustworthy. They make a bullet with weird mixture that makes humans aggressive and bloodthirsty.

Human [name] was spending some time with her co-workers when she feels a little pain in her neck, she blackout. When she wake up she was bonded by her friends and not her blood was on the floor, her and her co-worker. -- Anon Guest

Like all problems in the known universe, this one started with

Challenge #02279-F089: Simple Bonding Activities

Havenworlders loves play with Humans Hide and seek. They can use amazing skills to hide. But even this game starts to be boring. So next game was tag.

But they forget that Humans can chase down anyone. Humans are predators and Havenworlders starts to feel like a delicious prey. -- Anon Guest

Humans can pack-bond through games, amongst many other activities. If your ship has an active Human, physical activity games are recommended. Similarly, more phlegmatic Humans can bond through tabletop games.

Challenge #02266-F076: Toughest in the Room

"This thing all things devours:

Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;

Gnaws iron, bites steel;

Grinds hard stones to meal;

Slays kings, ruins town,

And beats high mountain down." - Gollum

Humans are the oldest, wisest but also the most curious and reckless species in the galaxy. -- Anon Guest

Humanity, thanks to various deep dives down one-way wormholes, is officially the oldest species in the known Universe. That said, they are still a dangerously deadly egotistical child race who also happen to be

Challenge #02262-F072: Cold Revenge by Proxy (Number 238)

Simply a story over a bloodthirsty psychopath, who listens to classical music, while ripping the faces of his enemies off and bathing in their blood.

Simply put, a normal Monday morning for him at work. -- Anon Guest

There is something to be said about Chamber Music. It inspires the mind. It lifts the spirits. It's an excellent counterpoint to the screams of your enemies. As an aficionado, I know it was originally created to provide a pleasant background to high society

Challenge #02259-F069: Got an Axe to Grind

The most destructive and deadly weapon of all is not an antimatter bomb. That place goes to a Human with ductape, a Multitool, a Target and no reason to not do it.

Or to care for his safety. -- Anon Guest

Humans have a lot of sayings concerning revenge. This should be enough warning for most species, but there are always an unfortunate few who are slow learners. Suffice to say that if your commanding officer decides to blast an isolated Human

Challenge #02258-F068: MacGuyvering the Excrement...

A human uses a fire extinguisher, some glue, self-made rocket fuel, some ductape, bolts and other stuff to render an enemy vessel useless.

Be creative :-) -- Anon Guest

[AN: I always am, Nonny. You don't have to tell me]

"Okay," panted Human Ange. "Good news, bad news. Good news... we're alive so far. Yay." It was statements of alleged optimism like that that helped earn Humanity's reputation in the Alliance.

"Bad news," stated Gaurx, "We are sheltering in a supplies hold.

Challenge #02256-F066: First to Aid

A book written by an alien Medic over humans and their needs (physical/emotional/etc) medical "normal" procedures/operations for them, limits of humans (go wild and have fun with this one^^) and what to do with your human if sh*t hits the fan and emergency medical procedures (Bringing him back to life by smashing repeatedly his ribcage and forcing air in, stopping leaks, treating rocket fuel burn( how did he even get this?!?) , etc.)

Have fun and do your thing

Challenge #02254-F064: The Universal Poison

Adrenaline and Caffeine. The worst substances in existence.

Highly deadly and poisonous to literally every life form in existence. No wonder, that hostile forces use it as tipping for their weapons, ammo, knives, etc.

They are feared. They are Powerful.

Until they fight their first human on a spaceship by a raid.

The attackers didn't know that it makes them stronger and near invincible.

The human didn't know, that they mean Add/Caffeine with "deadly poison".

The crew is afraid and doesn't

Challenge #02253-F063: A Little Support

Havenworlders learn about same-gender-Relationships.

Yeah go from there wherever you are comfortable. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I'm glad you said that, OP]

Evolution is a funny old thing. It is driven - if one can call a system based around random mutations, chance, happenstance, and incidental accidents 'driven' - by the concept of preserving the next generation so that more generations will happen. On Deathworlds, this means that there has to be a portion of the population ready to nurture young that

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A 307-post collection

Challenge #02324-F134: Quill Dip'd in Poison Vile

Challenge #02312-F122: Made it Home Alive

Challenge #02308-F118: Alternative Uses

Challenge #02303-F113: From Twilight to Darkness

Challenge #02293-F103: Not Easily Broken

Challenge #02292-F102: Dem Deathworlder Bones

Challenge #02290-F100: Celtic Legacy

Challenge #02279-F089: Simple Bonding Activities

Challenge #02266-F076: Toughest in the Room

Challenge #02262-F072: Cold Revenge by Proxy (Number 238)

Challenge #02259-F069: Got an Axe to Grind

Challenge #02258-F068: MacGuyvering the Excrement...

Challenge #02256-F066: First to Aid

Challenge #02254-F064: The Universal Poison

Challenge #02253-F063: A Little Support