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Fucking Depression

A 33-post collection

The Wheezing Continueth

My experimentation yesterday has revealed results. In that I can keep this compy functioning if I stick to the BARE MINIMUM of programs going at once. Mail, Markdown editor, and browser with only the necessary pages loaded. Nothing else.

Even then, it's slow as balls to get anything done, so... Yeah. I need to save up AU$1.5K so I can afford to get a new one and do all the things I dearly want to do. I already have the other AU$1.5K in my dreams account [it was going to go towards the audiobook for Amity Incident but I can't get that going with no compy...] so I'm technically halfway there.

Of firkin course this happens in the middle of a plague crisis that has shut off my income flow from Patreon because my brain can't focus on more than two disasters and my creative shiznit.

The plus side is I'm producing at minimum 100 words per day, so my book is getting written, just in slow firkin motion.

Everything is happening in slow firkin motion.

Speaking of slow off the mark...

The Muppet finally admits that mask-wearing and social distancing might actually be useful against a plague that spreads through breathing and close contact. Cue the conspiracy theorists claiming that "big mask" or whatever "got to him" blah blah blah...
NSW minister urgently telling their populace to wear masks and keep away from people
People in NSW jack sick of this shit don't want to do that
I want to fucking smack them
People in Victoria advised to keep themselves in isolation even if they get a negative result on their test
People in Victoria not wanting to do that and are outraged at the order
I want to fucking smack them too
Bloke caught crossing the border for butter chicken receives AU$1.6K fine plus a year's worth of free butter chicken. I shit you not
Sunny Queensland is back to Day Zero as another case crops up and if it's a Karen flaunting the rules, I am honestly contemplating murder. I know fifteen ways they'd never find the body [kidding, it's probably about four]
Syphilis is making a comeback...
The Karen Squad in the US have invested more time and effort into creating a fake "medical condition" card to get them out of wearing a mask than it would have taken to make a firkin mask. Geez, Karen. Grow the fuck up

In positive news, I may have something of a commission. A friend of mine wants me to make some masks for the greater good, and I do have the fabric, I just need to get the cord. Which was enough trouble in the height of the plague, imagine how it could be now that the supply chains are rooted and everyone who could panic buy has cleaned out the shelves.

I also made more of my soon-to-be-famous butt bread, one loaf of which is sliced for consumption at Chaos' school. Because she won't make sandwiches at home for some firkin reason. I don't even know any more. I'm just going with whatever works at this point. If she wants to make sarnies at school instead of packing them at home... whatever, kid. As long as you eat. Part of today's mission(s) will be going shopping for sammich stuffins to take to school so she can use them there. And getting some cord for the aforementioned masks.

I shall need every luck TBH.

Some Good News PLS?

My favourite band in the whole wide world fired two members for bad behaviour. I'll drop the phrase "sexual misconduct" and leave the entire issue there. Ironically, the former member most vilified for such is also the most apologetic. The other one continues with the denial.

Sigh.

The band will continue, hopefully with better people in charge of certain areas.

Queensland is accepting somewhere in the region of 4K people (with permits) and anyone with Victoria number-plates is going to get some

Counting up to fourteen. Again.

No new cases in Queensland again. Day one of fourteen.

I think I'm going to stay away from a majority of the Plague News because its effect is debilitating on my psyche. On the other hand, I am getting loads of sleep. It's just not good sleep because depression naps are not refreshing.

Going through the day exhausted is not good for mind, body, or soul.

Things that have reached past my filters so far:

Bloke in Victoria attempted to get into

I gotta but I don't wanna

I remember going through this during the 2012 floods. Frozen with fear and watching the news circle around. Just sitting and watching the devastation while I was holed up and listening to the ceaseless sound of rain. I couldn't move and I couldn't do anything else but stay informed.

I'm reaching a point where I don't want to leave the bed. I went to bed in the afternoon when I was done with my Instant and I spent the rest of the

Tuesday. I can't.

I didn't want to get out of bed, today. The world is falling apart. According to the vilest lies, Statistics, 87% of the USA are in favour of sensible quarantine procedures, including masks, social distancing, and staying home as much as humanly possible. Alas, the remaining 11% are the ones fucking things up for everyone else.

Speaking of the 11%... there's a bunch of them in dense public housing who are locked in for quarantine. They don't want tests for reasons that

PLNs coming to close

I have two more meals to complete and pack, and one GIGANTIC stew to make with the rest of the veggies and to pack that... then I'm firkin DONE with meal prep.

Next step - documenting all this noise.

That promises to be some degree of "fun". How much all depends on how much I can be arsed by the end of it all. Details in my foodie blog when and if I can get motivated to do that. Recipe by recipe.

Wednesday, Depression looms

I have left: One more sugarloaf than I have Wombok to match, and my version of coodles involves an even numbering of both for a fair flavour profile. I also have some untouched Bok/Pak Choy [I am too white to tell the difference, forgive me], a brace of spring onions, a plethora of broccoli, and a whole honkton of teeny zucchini and UNBELIEVABLY HUGE carrots.

I am seriously pondering making Coodles2: Electric Boogaloo - aka Carrot Noodles and seeing if that

I Need a Day

I'm taking a break from my flash fanfiction today. I've been getting real dark of late and that's a sign of... something. I need a ray of hope. I need to stop looking at the news. I need...

I need a day of rest.

So, today, I'm focussing on the Instant, this blog, and that's it.

I'm calling it mental health. It might be a depression slump. I can't tell from here.

The news is dismal, my friends. My country's leaders are

Sideways!

Disorganised today, dat-organised tomorrow.

And today was super-duper disorganised.

Because:

I didn't wanna get out of bed
Beloved needed me to track my food again
Which involved faffing about with a new app
Which made us late getting Mayhem to school
Chaos decided that she was "too tired" to be ready on time

And everything else has been a royal kerfluffle ever since.

I am tracking my macros, now, so that's a thing. And we'll likely find out that I'm nowhere near

Deeeeeeep breaths...

I have an old slanguage term from my childhood days of shaking off disease. It's 'dishraggy'. As in, feeling like a limp, slightly greasy, overdue for a wash, dishrag.

It's a very floppy feeling. The effort to raise an arm is barely worth it. The greasiness resides in the soul, and can't be washed out with all the hot bubblebaths in the world.

So, in short, I am feeling 'better'. For limited definitions of 'better. I'm more mentally prepared to be functional,

I hate this firkin spiral

Depression sucks. Spoonlessness sucks. I have no energy because I have the sads. I have the sads because I feel like I let everyone down. I let everyone down because I lack the energy to do things for everyone. I lack the energy to do things for myself.

Down and down I go
Round and round I go
In a spin...

Well it ain't that old black magic called love, that's for sure. I know where I'm headed and it isn't a

Lo Batt Light

I have just enough energy. Which is a sad place to be, when you think of it.

I have just enough to do everything that needs must be done. But not quite enough to do the things I want to do or the things that are good for me. This is the third day that I've skipped my morning walk because I've lacked the time and the energy combined to do the thing.

Mayhem is still sick. I have just enough energy

Work, work, work...

I swept four rooms out of twelve. And there is enough debris from that to fill a dumpster. Unsorted, of course. In the midst of that mountain of scrattle, there is laundry, dishwashing, and the occasional useful thing. The rest of it is going out of the house because it was left on the floor. The family obviously doesn't care what happens to it.

My back hurts. Mayhem is sick at home, today. Some lurgi has him fast in its grip. He

It's the little things

Today started as a 5% battery day. You know the ones. Your entire body feels too heavy to move. It's a task and a half just to breathe in. Building a pillow fort to hide in is just too much effort.

A very much dunwanna day.

I dunwanna get up. I dunwanna get clean. I dunwanna get dressed. I dunwanna bark the kids into getting ready. I dunwanna get dinner started. I dunwanna do anything.

What I want is some major-league me

Wish me luck

The rains of last night have buggered off and it's looking like it's going to be a lovely, sunny day. And today, Beloved is home, so I finally have a chance to edit KFZ and start trawling for agents.

New York is the place to look, apparently. Those are the agents with the global scope and reach.

Beloved's focus will be on making a thing to hold a pen so we can print out those earring cards at firkin last. But I