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Dear Diary

A 3769-post collection

Thursday

Not only do I have a crook Mayhem to fret about, but there's also a cleaning day. Mayhem's earliest appointment to see the Doc is right about exactly in the afternoon when I need to be watching for Chaos, so there's going to be some juggling there.

Fun times.

I dunno what the everloving eff is up with my bod. I'm under macros but over calories and it's either proof that calories are made up bullshit or something else be going on. I shall be keeping a close eye on any warning signs beyond general lethargy.

I could be in the process of catching the Dreaded Local Tummy Bug(tm), but it could be something (anything) else. I'm not panicking until I get a chain of symptoms to put together.

For all I know, it could be the wrong ashwagandha doing its tricks.

Whatever it is, I kind'a hope it's sorted, because I do not want to be the housespouse that dieticians hate. I mean, I had an entire vanilla slice, last night, with firkin icing, and I still managed to drop half a kilo.

What. The. Actual. Flip?

I don't even know any more.

But I'm still tracking my food so whatever. At least I'll have a record of what up.

It's about almost time to watch for Chaos' bus, so I'd better call in Mayhem just in case the office decides they need a memo.

Bloody tummy bugs.

Addle Daddle

I woke up convinced it was Tuesday, a fact not helped by Chaos' early morning tautology:

A Tuesday is still a Tuesday if it happens last week or if it happens today.

Well said, Miss Chaos. Well said.

But I still had a moment of existential dread about what yesterday was since I went and did my Patreon stuff yesterday. But no, it is Wednesday and the first thing I did with Chaos [after checking that it was Wednesday] was to help

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New Tactics

Usually, when waiting for Chaos' bus in the mornings, I devote a patch of my time to fanficcery. I've taken to using that time for progress on my novel. A few sentences or paragraphs here and there can make all the difference.

As in, all the difference between me having a patch of spare time and me not having any at all.

I've started downloading the Hero Kids kits I paid for. I may yet have time to read up and practice

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Murgledy

I.

Hate.

Cyclones.

Between one and two AM, this morning, I couldn't sleep for the pain in my face. And of course I couldn't be arsed getting up for painkillers because one firkin AM.

Ugh.

So yeah. I'm not on all cylinders this morning.

Mayhem is under the weather because local tummy bug, and my money run is going to include dropping off a piece of paper because doctor's notes have to happen.

He should be fine tomorrow. I, however, am not

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Every single Cyclone Season

A long-ish time ago, when both my little darlings were in Public School, I paid $3K to get my nose broken. Deviated septum correction so I wouldn't keep Beloved awake with my stentorian snoring.

Fast forward to today, and I can pick up on the presence of every single low pressure system anywhere between Townsville and myself makes my face hurt until there's either a big-arse rainstorm and I reset, or the whole dang system goes away.

The only thing that really

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New Toys, Teething Trouble, etc

Game night kind'a knocks me around a bit. Not that I'd swap it for anything, though. It's the staying up past midnight combined with irrevocably waking after four hours' or less sleep.

I need a nippynap. Or twelve.

BUT... I did get to see the new toy in action - the new system for viewing our chosen entertainments, a combo of new drives and clever internet that should give us access to the things we love to see.

Which means I was

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Game day!

It's the Friday I've been looking forward to for what feels like forever. I get to go in and do D&D with Mayhem and even though tonight is likely going to be all plot&plan, I am STOKED.

One way or another, I'm going to learn about Homebrewing and I might enlist KIABIL to help out there since he's done that sort of thing before and actually knows the ropes instead of talking out of his arse.

Long rant

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Busiest Day

Mayhem has a ceremony thing going on today. I must provide parental support by being in the audience.

This also means that my usual schedule is shot to hell and may not happen until later this afternoon. Much later this afternoon.

All this not helped at all by the household wifi deciding to temporarily kark it and me having to reboot the little bugger.

Honestly. Some days, it's a wonder I get anything done at all.

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Wednesday!

Halfway through the week. Huzzah, I guess.

Because of assorted shenanigans, Chaos gets her tuck shop on Wednesdays now. It's complicated and involves:

  • Tuck shop only being open on Tuesdays and Wednesdays
  • An order-ahead system that completely obliterates the entire 'mercantile practice' thing
  • And also uses my credit card
  • "Healthy" choices that include sugary, flavoured milk 9_9 and processed, sugary juice
  • Also bread. Lots and lots of white, bad-for-you bread.

I might have to make the energy to come and talk

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::Confused Zombie Noises::

I need something. I dunno what it is, but I need it. I need it like air, because I'm sinking into the horrific realisation that maybe my bod is stress adapted and will actively seek being petrified of nothing because it thinks that's the state of normal.

What. The. Fuck.

I suspect that the Ashwagandha I'm taking isn't working as well as the Original Brand(tm) because it's the herbal supplement version and not the "clinical" version that reset my brain chemicals

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Mondays...

Another five days of grind are looming ahead. Another five days of slog and hoping for a decent time window to put my dreams even one baby step ahead.

I tried to have time off on the weekend and failed at that. I'm always putting aside my plns for other nonse. Other people's plans are way more important than my need to faff off.

Except...

Except I feel really worn out in the soul because it feels like I'm not getting enough

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Falling off the wagon

I love too many things with sugar in them.

Which is why my weight is up into the 77 kilo zone. Further from my ultimate goal of a scientifically-mandated 70 that I'm supposed to be at. I really need to stay away from the sweet things, but... They're firkin delicious, dangit.

I gotta stay solid on the wagon for at least two weeks. Or eat minimum as is my usual wont until such time as I reach something approaching a happy equilibrium.

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Ar En Ar

Having cleared 81K of B'Nar, I got in some good naps and some lovely steak at Hoggies. No surprise, I feel a lot better about my place in this world.

Sometimes, it helps to just... take a nap.

Of course, it's all because anxiety sucks. You get so stressed out that something snaps and the body's like, "F this S" and turns off all the adrenaline so all one is left with is the depression chemicals.

So now instead of being scared

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Once more...

  • Onto my bullshit
  • Unto the breach
  • With my lack of focus
  • Kitten brain

Pick any three. I'm blaming the carb feast my Beloved brought home for Valentimes. We're belaying the actual good food for tonight because like literally everywhere was booked out before we even thought of it. So Beloved brought home cheesecake, chocolate, ice cream, and macarons and we binged MacGuyver and ate a lot of crap.

Perfect couple's night IMHO.

Tonight, we're headed off to Hoggies for a belated Valentimes

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Valentimes!

Yes, I spelled that intentionally.

It's that time of year when the marketing push turns to love. Buy chocolates for the one you love. Buy flowers for the one you love. Buy this, buy that, show them you love them with...

Diamonds, flowers, gold, silver, wine, five-star dining, cars... they will attempt to equate money with love. That's because money can be reduced to numbers and that fits well with being able to quantify stuff.

Thing is...

I don't got the money

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